Son Getting Bit at Day Care

Hey H....
It might be the fact that he is in a center, have you looked into Certified homes? they regulated by the state much like Centers but have smaller groups.

At our place I must admit my son is the biter, we know this so we are always there when we see him getting angry to stop him. He has gotten a few kids, but I guess I am trying to say is our group is small enough that we are able to stop him before it happens.

I don't think there is really anything you can do except look for alternative care. There are Rules at Centers and they often aren't allowed to use understanding in situations.. just have to follow the corporate rules.

I wouldn't personally remove him for clenching his fists. He was probably very upset,and had every right to be. Here at our place we tell the children Wow! you are very angry that he bit you! and the tell the child whom bit him. Look at "jim" he is angry that you bit him. How can we help him to feel better?".

My Business partner and I have gone through the Early Childhood Ed program at PCC. We have gained invaluable information on guidance and understanding when it comes to children and these kinds of situations.

Email me if you have any questions!

I agree with April. It is not your son's fault and by them removing him it will make it seem that way to him. I would find a new daycare. Third strike rule! Or maybe even contact the parents of the child/children that bit if they are repeat offenders. Good luck with this.

Hi H.,

I am a mother of a 3.5 yr old now and when she was that age she was bitten alot. It drove me nuts every time it happened because this was my baby and I couldn't protect her. The daycares she attended did all the appropriate actions and I had to make sure that by baby handled herself appropriatly. I didn't tell her to hit or bite back which might be the first impulse. I told her that she needed to watch how the other kids were acting and if she noticed they were going to bite then she was to push them away and tell them "NO don't bite me!" She has been able to prevent more than the teachers and it hasn't happened since. You can't stop bad things from happening but you can act appropriatly when they do. I hope this helped.

Hi H.. It is sad when this happens, but most daycares actually warn parents about this possibility when enrolling. It is a stage that kids go through very often and it is just impossible to protect all of them. It happens so quickly. However, I do not believe that your child should have been taken out of the class. It should've been the other child. What is that teaching your son? The teacher's do need to be accountable and discipline accordingly. It is age appropriate to get mad and make a fist when he has NO OTHER WAY to defend himself and the teacher's are not protecting him.

The only other thing you can do is to take him to a private daycare / home babysitter. That is what I am. I do not babysit more than 4 kids at one time...ever. I am devoted to the ones that I have and I am very protective of each of them and respect their rights. Now, I have had my own daughter bite one of them, but that was the only time and it never happened again. I felt awful!!! So, it does happen. But, I taught my daughter and I had the time to tenderly take care of the injured party. :)

I wish you the best of luck, but if you don't get it handled, this most definitely could turn out to be a character trait your son will hold onto for the rest of his life. Anger, resentment, feeling like he doesn't matter, etc. It leads to a lot and I do feel bad for him.

Take Care!

H.,

I am a daycare provider in Southern Oregon. I had one child that would bite all the time. I talked to the parents of the child, and I know that they were doing all that they could to help the situation. Talking to the pediatrician, time-outs, etc. Nothing was working. He eventually stopped, just so you know. It was a hard time, lasting about 3 months or so. The parents told me that they wanted to talk to all the parents that it involved. When I passed on the info, they talked and it made the situation more comfortable for everyone, just to know that they weren't just ignoring the situation, you know. I am not sure what causes it, but, even my pediatrician says that it is a normal thing for children to go through between 18 months and 36 months due to not understanding feelings. It might help you to talk to the parents of the children that were the biters to see if they are doing anything about the situation. I personally WOULD not have removed your child from the situation, I would have removed the biter and talked with your son about anger and explain it the best that I could, which I know is hard in a yound child situation. I wish you the best in this situation.

I think biting is normal at this age and you say that you think the center is handling it appropriately. I think even moving him to a different room for awhile after the incident could be a good idea especially if he knows kids in that room. It diverts his attention away from his anger. They are showing him a way to manage his anger.

When you say center I wonder what the ratio of staff to students is. And how many students are all together in the same room as him. The more kids the more chance that there will be more biting. If you had him in a smaller setting there probably wouldn't be 3 biters in the group.
If the same kid is not doing all the biting it sounds like they do put a stop to it. And that this is still an appropriate setting for your son.

Moving children is also difficult for them and may create different problems.

I would try to not make the biting a big deal to your son. Just tell him it was wrong for that kid to hurt him and that you understand that he does get angry. That's OK.

Kids do outgrow this stage.

my son is 2 1/2 and he has been in daycare since he was 4 months old. when he got to the 12-18 month old room, he went through the same thing. he was bitten by several kids on several occasions and i even witnessed it once when i went to pick him up. one teacher was changing a diaper and the other was playing with a few of the kids on the floor the others were wandering around just playing on there own. the child came up and bit my son on the wrist and he didn't even flinch, because of that, the teachers did not know what happened until i told them. it was not there fault and i was not mad. it happens, my son also went through the fase, and bit a few kids. its just part of growing up and its part of testing limits. i would not worry too much, it may not hurt your son as much as you think, kids are pretty tough.my advice would be to just wait it out. Your son is old enough to tell you if it really bothers him, if he has not complained, then i wouldn't worry. in the end, it will just make him tougher and more tolerant.

I dont agree with the fact they removed your son away from the other kids. They are making your son feel punished for being assulted by another child. Those biters should of gone somewhere else not your child. What they have done is gave the biters more power and think this it is ok by removing him out of the class.
I agree kids bite at a certain age. But you should Never punish the victim by removing him away from other kids. This can make him feel certain ways and start discipline/mental problems by doing so.