Son Does Not Know How to Interact with Other Kids

Hi H.,
It sounds like we have a lot in common. I could have wrote this myself, lol! I also have a 4 year old son who will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I am not good at meeting people, and there are not any kids his age in the neighborhood. I really want him to learn to interact with other kids so he will not grow up to be like me, with very little social skills. I grew up in a VERY small town and also had no kids around my age, and would hate to have my son go thru life the way I have-very lonely. Last summer my son even expressed to me he felt lonely, and wished he had friends to play with. I felt so bad for him. We did put him in a few activities but they only lasted a few weeks each.
We live in Oakdale, and if you would ever like to get together with the kids, I think they would both enjoy it, and help each other out socially. If you don't live around here, we can drive closer to where you are, or even a stroll around one of the malls. Once the weather gets warmer, the parks will be nice again too.
You can email me, ____@____.com or ____@____.com
Hope to hear from you soon!
Cheri

I've been told that when children are evaluated for early school starts, (and I know you're not going early,) but what the teachers are looking for are signs that the child is socially ready. Does he/she socialize with other children, will he/she initiate conversation with other children on their own, initiate play with other children, share, and be friends with other kids. They look at the childs interatcion with other children and social skills to move forward because the school ciriculum is so intense, even in kindergarden, that there isn't much play time to develop those much needed social skills. If they don't have them before school starts, they say that they fall behind in school because they lack the friends for support. Just something to consider when you're deciding.

Hi H., I know you got alot of advice, but I wanted to tell you about my "story". My son (now 6 and almost through Kindergarten) didn't go to preschool and didn't have much interaction with kids his age. I was too depressed to do my part getting him school ready (letters, numbers, etc). He was very behind when he started so the school had him go to a tutor for the 1st part of the year, that one on one teaching caught him up by the time we had winter conferences and he didn't need it anymore. There were several kids in his class that also needed it(some still do). My point is that, your school and teachers will work with your little boy. But to start, you should definitely get him to parks, sports if you can, work on his attention span at home any way you can, get him writing his letters and numbers, etc. Anything you do will help! Good luck!

Have you checked at the school for ECFE classes? We are starting our Spring ECFE class tomorrow. Maybe once it gets nicer out you could bring him to the park to meet local kids or sign him up for Summer rec. My daughter did t-ball and soccer last year.
I wouldn'd hold him back. If he does terribly you can always keep him in K another year but don't hold him back because he "might" not do well. You never know, he might surprise you.
Good luck,
J.

H.,

I would see if your local school has any ECFE classes. They usually meet once or twice a week. Some are parents and kids and others you all meet together and then the parents go in a seperate room to talk about issues. It would give him a chance to interact with other kids and learn social skills before school starts. If you have a YMCA in town you could check with them too. They usually have classes in the evenings where the kids just play, but it would get your son comfortable with socializing.

Either way I think you need to get him interactive with other kids before he starts school. If you don't I think you will have issues at school and it will be harder for him to socialize.

Good Luck!
L.

I too have a four year old. We kinda ran into the same problem seeing as we are always at home because we run a dairy farm. I have two younger ones so she does interact with other kids. But I enrolled her in a day care for only two days a week so that she could meet other kids her age. It helped a lot! If you live anywhere nearby me I would be happy to get together with you some time!

Hi H. -
I'd check to see if there is a local MOM's Club or MOPS club in your area - they are a great way to interact with other mom's and children. Also, your local school district may have some ECFE classes that you can attend with you son!

T.

I think that a great idea, he might just fine but if your uneasy then he might be the same. Nothing wrong in waiting one year. We did and it did wounders for our daughter. She was in headstart for two years. The regular time and we decided she was not ready for kindergarten. Another thing is maybe try a daycare for a couple days a week just for a few hours, will give you a small break and maybe see how he is around other kids is own age. That way you might be able to tell better if he is ready for kindergarden. Best of luck.

Have you looked into any classes they have at ymca;s near you like a swimming class or tumbling, a fun way for him to interact with other kids his age,or maybe a preschool where you can have him go maybe 2 or 3 half days a week maybe over the summer. This will help him adjust to kids and get him ready for kindergarden as far as school structure goes.and it is only like 3 or 4 hrs, just enough time to adjust to being away from you,and get use to being around other children. Depending on how that works out, then you can decide what you think is the best for him, school or not. It all depends on the child. Some are ready and some are not. Hope these help. I have been there myself,

do you have any parks in you area? that's a great way for you to meet other mothers or for you son to meet and play with other kids. or is there a camp near you that offers day camp? and last maybe trying to put him in daycare for one day a week for a few hours. it would give you a break and for him to make friends!!! i wish you the best of luck.

I have a three year old son who I brought to preschool screening this year, just to see where he was at, and the screener recommended, due to social reasons, that I enter him in preschool at LEAST for one year. She said that many kids who don't know how to act socially when they start kindergarten will end up hating school, because they are the ones always being disciplined. They need to know how to share, wait and walk in a line, raise their hands before speaking, and they also need to know that conversation goes two ways, and sometimes they need to listen before they talk, talk, talk. My son is definitely having issues with these things. Academically, he is far beyond kindergarten (he is reading, and he turned 3 in October), so at first, I was reluctant to accept her advice...but the biggest thing he needs to have for kindergarten I cannot teach him here with just our family. He needs to go to preschool so he can learn how to act in that school type of setting. I really don't feel that taking him to playgrounds would be beneficial ENOUGH on its own, because in a playground, there is no set schedule to follow, no time you must raise your hand, etc. I am definitely putting my child in preschool, and if you think yours may be having social issues now, I would definitely wait a year. Good luck!

H., Where do you live?
I would definetly not hold him back for the sole purpose of social skills. Kids adjust so quickly and he may surprise you when he gets to school. Your school district must have early childhood screening for kindergarten. It is required for all kids before they enter K-garten. During that process they should have tons of references for you and you can ask them for a seperate evaluation pertaining to your conserns. It is at that screening where the children are evaluated for kindergarten readiness.
If you have already had him evaluated by the school district, what about signing him up for some summer programs this summer. If money is an issue, most communities have scholarships available. Just getting him to a park a couple of times of week would help.
What about your Church. Sunday School is free. You can also go to other churches bible camps during the summer. They are free also and anyone from any church or denomination can attend one anothers.

He will be fine. I have a son almost that age as well-extremely active. He is in preschool/daycare a couple days per week. That really helps. As for activity level, we are not going to send my son b/c he is 4 in June and can't sit during circle time. Kindergarten is now an academic grade and he will be required to sit and listen the entire day without a whole lot of movement. He is a capable learner, but I have had to manipulate him into learning everything such as sounds, rhyming etc. Your son maybe different than mine so take this with a grain of salt. ab

That's a huge thing with kindergarten being able to adjust to life at school. Being able to listen, follow rules, follow directions, and SOCIALIZATION is HUGE. Is he the quiet good type or the hyper naughty type? The quiet good kid might come out of his shell and learn how to make friends and interact. The hyper naughty kid is going to drive the teacher nuts and constantly be in trouble. I know this because my daughter is in kindergarten and all the problem children just happen to be boys. And I can't believe some of the behavior I suppose it's a lack of maturity and inadequate socialization or rules at home. I dunno but I hear everyday how this boy or that boy was in the principal's office. I never hear about it being a girl. I'm sure there are naughty girls out there too. I guess if his birthday is coming up or is late summer wait a year. I think SOME boys have a harder time adjusting to school than girls. I know it's not all boys but alot. I volunteer at my daughters school alot and help out at lunchtime and it's seriously always the boys. I think if your questioning it don't send him til he's 6.

Before you do send him preschool is a great option
Library story time
local playground
sign him up for any lessons or sports you can find, swimming, teeball, soccer, karate, music, whatever you can find where he'll be in a group setting that is a huge help

I have a only child and what I did is send her to preschool at age 3 and age 4. She was also in swim lessons, teeball, soccer, tumbling, we go outside and play with the neighbors ALOT. My daughter has a late summer birthday and because I did all the above she was ready to go, barely turning 5. Her birtday is 3 days before the cutoff. Now I swear up and down if I hadn't done those things she would have done poorly and it would have been a nightmare. I would have had to wait til she was 6 instead. And let me tell you I know almost regret sending her at 5. It's crazy in kindergarten these days. They are learning exactly everything I learned in 1st grade. My daughter is not behind but she has to work hard to keep up. They are expected to read, tell time, understand weight, count, add, subrtract, write, If I had sent her at age 6 she wouldn't have to work so hard to keep up. It would be a little easier for her. She goes through the lunch line in the cafeteria and get's her hot lunch then goes to the cashier all by herself and puts in a electronic 4 digit pin number all by herself. It's alot more advanced these days. They are expected to do almost everything by themselves with little to no help. Going to the bathroom, putting on snowpants and boots for recess, EVERYTHING. Kindergarteners learn to be very very independant and they start the name calling and laughing at eachother very early on. It's not a breeze or anything easy like it use to be when we went. So I'm not trying to scare you or anything that's just what I've noticed. My daughter also goes full day which I pay extra for so it's slighty different than a half day classroom.

Did your son go for his pre-kindergarten evaluation? They may be able to tell you if he is socially not ready to go onto kindergarten. We're waiting a year for our son, because he's a summer b-day and is not ready socially. His preschool teacher pointed it out to us.

One thing you might look into is area churches. Sometimes they have programs that kids can attend. This will help him with some interaction skills. Also, look into Mom's clubs in your area. There is MOPS or Momsclub.org that I know of. That is a great way for your child to get to know other children.

Where do you live? How does he do in stores? What about daycare or play groups in the area?

my 3.5 yr old does not interact with other children, put her in pre-school and she is quiet but still does not interact. after school I find her in the playground sitting on the bench or walking beside the teacher, just not playing with the children

H.-

I sympathize with your predicament. I wish you had mentioned which city you live in. If you live anywhere near the Twin Cities, there are so many moms clubs to choose from - MOMS Club, moms of preschoolers, homeschoolers groups, etc. The libraries also have classes, there is ECFE, and there are programs at the nature centers. Are you not near anything like that? Could you ask your pediatrician/doctor about possible resources you haven't considered? If your child is already 4, I don't think you can necessarily afford to wait another year to start to socialize him if you already perceive a problem. I don't see how holding him back would be an advantage at this point - that is academic, not social. Do you think he would be bored in preschool next year, or would he be overwhelmed academically in kindergarten? Are you just worried that he wouldn't be able to handle a full day away from home? He might do better than you think - maybe try it first, then adjust if there is a problem.

Good luck,
T.

I would reccomend putting him in a playgroup or childcare group a couple days a week this summer. There may be a preschool running this summer also. I would definately do that before sending him into a setting like kindergarten with no social skills and without mom all day. He needs to learn to be without you also.