Somewhat Ghosted by Mom Friend but Kids Still Play

things that make you go hhhmmm...

I'm sorry it's happening to you.

Is there a point where you can say "ah ha!!" ?? For me? I would address and confront and deal with it. IF and ONLY IF the relationship means that much to you. Tell her you have noticed a distance and would like to know what happened.

It's possible that a kid said something they heard and it was told incorrectly. Who knows. ASK!

It has happened to me. And in one situation (and I really regret this) I decided to ask why? I didn't get an answer and now I really felt like a fool. So I really won't recommend that. Unfortunately, sometimes there are jealous third parties who say something about us and the information can be slanted or a lie and we don't hear about it or know it until possibly years later. I'd keep doing what you are doing, smile yourself and keep going -and hard as it may be try to not let it bother you anymore. Give yourself a couple of seconds to feel this pain and then count some of your other blessings. You know-well who knows, it's possible that her husband said something to her that threatened her -such as you are cute or attractive or something and she might have gotten jealous or even had a fight with him over it. Try not to worry...so sorry you are going through this.

People connect through their kids a lot, and then when the kids are old enough to more or less manage their social relationships (only needing adults for transportation etc.), they may find they don't have that much in common.

Some people aren't skilled at social relationships. Some people are introverts or even have a mental illness (you can't tell by looking!). Some people are overwhelmed with the number of social contacts and presumed obligations they have, so they reduce their interactions. Doesn't mean you did anything.

People also make divisions based on political differences or even economic differences. Maybe you did something (offended them, developed bad breath, looked funny at one of their kids) but more than likely it's nothing. Ghosting is so much easier than saying, "You know, I just don't have anything in common with you!" It doesn't need to be a big dramatic parting of the ways in these cases. Waves drift into shore, but they flow back out too.

I guess I would accept it - there's no reason to pursue something when someone doesn't like your views on something (at least they haven't stopped the kids from seeing each other, so it's no big deal), or who just prefers another type of social contact (or none at all). I wouldn't work to pursue a friendship with someone who either doesn't like me or who acts oddly. I'd give it a rest, make it clear you aren't pursuing a close friendship or hurt by its absence. Down the road, if you need to talk about social arrangements, as long as they cooperate for a "businesslike" conversation, I say it's fine. If, however, your kids are nervous or upset about something untoward in the household, you should be open to listening to them and possibly restricting play in the home (but maybe not in a public park).

It could be that the parents are experiencing something possibly traumatic or sad or upsetting in their lives, and they're trying to keep things normal for their kids, but they're avoiding conversations with friends. For example, one has been diagnosed with something serious, or their marriage is in trouble, or they have lost their savings, or a family member has gotten bad news. They might feel that if they start having a conversation like always with their friends, they may burst into tears, or blurt out something personal that they're not ready to discuss publicly.

Just continue to be friendly. Obviously they still respect you and your family, since your kids are welcome at their home. Let them deal with whatever they're experiencing, and continue to smile and be polite.

Is she ten? (taking that from previous questions)

That's the age when a lot of parents just back off and let kiddos handle drops off, etc. So not that unusual. She/he may be ready to just hang back and may wish you would too. This may be the case especially if they're introverts, or shy, or socially awkward or socially anxious ...

They may think "Ok we're sending her signals ... she's not getting the hint..."

I have a good pal (we're friends) and our kids are friends ... and she stopped dropping by. It was always our thing - and I realized, oh ya .. they're tweens. This is supposed to happen.

In fact, my older kids (going to college age soon) never did this - I never saw the parents at drop offs - it was rare. They handled this stuff themselves.

This much involvement - is very much this generation of kids - I think. My mom used to chit chat sometimes - but wasn't my friends' mom's friends. Not like this.

So I doubt it's anything you did.

Just my thought :)

I would just focus on still being you, and not thinking about it - because if you feel hurt, etc. it will make it worse. Don't take offense.

** If it were really awful (they wanted to avoid you at all costs) they wouldn't have your kid over.

If you know for a fact nothing happened and you didn’t do anything offensive (even a politically incorrect FB post or pro or anti trump post) then I would say there is something going on with her that has nothing at all to do with you. Perhaps she’s depressed or has marital issues and just can’t face anyone right now. 🤷‍♀️

I'd ask my kid what was going on when he/she was there. Do they ignore then too?

I would kinda phase the relationship out with the kids. If they don't get together that much anymore? So be it.

It sucks that it's happening. I wonder what triggered it. Is there a thing or a time where you can say "this is where things changed"?? If so, that might be your answer.

The thing that jumps out at me is that you indicate no effort to develop a *friendship* with her. (Remember "friends"? Those people who maybe seemed more important in your adult life before you had kids? They are still worth having!)

You say she made you feel like you had found your tribe - that's big stuff!! So - why no one-on-one coffee dates, why no inviting her over for a grownup glass of wine...with no kids involved?

If I were her, I think I would be wondering why you had not made more of an effort to develop our friendship, and I might then be figuring that *you* were the uninterested one. Especially if - and, think hard about this - maybe she suggested a get-together at some point...?

Sometimes a person who says something remembers it more clearly than the person on the listening end who might have tuned it out...maybe in one (or more) of your casual conversations she feels like she broached the topic of getting together and when it never actually happened she took that as an indication of your lack of interest.

If you enjoy her company, focus on developing an adult friendship connection. Try meeting her for coffee, just one on one. (But if you were just interested in quick chats around your kids and are wondering why those ended, I agree with some other posters that as children get older parents just don't hover around that much.)

That really stinks! It hurts when people act that way.

It's hard, but what you have to do is remind yourself that this might not even have anything to do with you. I'm not saying you're imagining this at all, but it is possible that they do this with other parents also.

Try to keep in mind that there could be many different things going on in their lives that would cause them to distance themselves from others. There could be health concerns (many she has really bad acne or something). She could have recently gone through something traumatic that is making things more challenging socially. Maybe they're going through a rough time in their marriage. She could be embarrassed about something. There are just so many things that they could be going through that could have nothing to do with you.

It could also have something to do with you. It could be that they are upset about something or that they have heard something or who knows. Unfortunately, if that's the case, you just kind of have to let it be and do your best to not care. It's not easy, but it's what you have to do. You have to come to a place where you are not going to care when other people don't like you. You are just going to choose to not care.

I've been through this a bit because one of my sons is on the Autism Spectrum and has some weird behavior issues. There's one person I'm thinking of at church who is always giving me dirty looks and is definitely judging me. It truly all started one day when my son would not stop coughing (it's a tic, and it is sometimes a very disgusting sounding cough). She gave me a disgusted look and has snubbed me ever sense. I don't go out of my way to talk to her, but I have been polite and said hello and good morning to her. She sometimes says hi and then sticks her nose up in the air. I do my best to just let it go.

My point is that it does get to me from time to time, but I try not to think about it. Some people are never going to like me, and that's just the way it goes.

Just keep being polite and live your life and do your best to not let her (or them) get into your head.

So you got along we but never actually did dinners or things together? With the parents of many of my daughters’ friends, we did get togethers with the kids and parents. Kids played while parents socialized and no need for babysitters. And now we do these things without the kids sometimes bc we really have developed good friendships. But if you never actually did stuff like that, I wonder if she just doesn’t want to put in effort any more. As my kids have gotten older, the chit chat at drop offs has decreased a lot and I sometimes avoid a mom. Not that I dislike them but often the conversations go on for a while and then I got nothing done I wanted to. We are very close friends with one couple and often the mom just drops the daughter with no word. At first I was a bit offended but they consistently ask us to socialize so I realize now it not personal. But there’s no need anymore for a formal handoff and sometimes people are just busy. And sometimes my hair is dirty or something so I’m hiding! Avoiding you at school is a bit odd though. But unless you used to go out to lunch, I’d just be nice and let it go. I’d rather try approaching her at school one more time and actually talk to her and see if she’s obviously trying to get away. Could be she was nice for years bc kids were young but she never felt like you guys click. I have to say there were many mothers I talked to a lot when kids were young but I never actually wanted to. I did bc it was just part of the young kid “scene” and play date stuff. But now that kids are older, I avoid them. Just never going to be good friends, little personality things I dislike etc. So unfortunately, maybe they were kind of faking it for the early years.

Having another parent seem to avoid me has happened to me. I suggest it"s not uncommon. I have a daughter and granddaughters. I spend time with parents until I feel comfortable that they are safe. I continue to be friendly at school. I've not had anything in common except our children.

How old are your kids. Once my girls were confident, the other parents and I did drop offs and pickups from the car. My teens and their friends wanted to be more independent. They also went into the stage in which they don't want to be seen with a parent. This is part of learning to be independent as they get closer to being an adult. I believe allowing a certain amount of independence is important to there growth.

Consider that she's less involved because kids are older and need less parental involvement.

Of course we like to spend time with friendly people but when we don't share same interests, after awhile we drift apart.

When I want more contact, I make a point to go to them in the hallway. I know that people drift apart, the friendship needs a boost. So, I reopen conversation. I did spend time in a parent"s home when kids were more dependent in the grade school years. Once kids become more independent i rarely spend any time with parents. I do keep in touch by phone.

Perhaps you can talk with her by phone. Without saying why have you become distant, get a feel for how she feels about her involvement with her. You could say you miss spending time with her and invite her for coffee.

I doubt you've offended her. I suggest what you're experiencing is how casual relationships based on children evolve.

It happens. You sound like a thoughtful person, so try not to beat yourself up about it. Try to connect if and when you feel like it, without any expectations. Otherwise, just be brief and polite when exchanging kids for playdates.

I'm sorry...that is very hurtful and weird behavior on their part. :( My first thought was to suggest asking the mom why her behavior has changed towards you and can you talk about it? But I'm pretty sure this will lead to nothing since she's practically hiding from you. Back when my son was in 2nd - 4th grades his one best friend's mom acted weird around me. I never knew why. I tried to be friendly and get to know her since our sons were so close but she always acted strange. Then she started always saying her son was busy when my son wanted to play with him. I just backed off. It was confusing and I never knew why. The two boys grew apart eventually. But I was never close to her like you once were with mom.

That’s weird.. they feel safe and find sending their child to you and vice versa yet they are not on “speaking “ terms almost!

I am from Brooklyn and miss it like crazy! Lol it’s also weird that you know them for 5 years and all of a sudden.. I honestly would ask what is up. Maybe she heard a roomers or maybe her daughter heard something.. who knows if you don’t ask?

But I will guess girls are older because no way would I and I am sure others would send a small child to a home that avoids any interaction with the other parent.

Just ask. Lots of luck!

It's good to have friends that are not based on our kids relationships.
When kids move on in their relationships the parents most often move on with their kids.
Sometimes parents will not want to make friends with other parents because of this.
Be polite when you see them and asking to do coffee sometime is fine but if it fizzles then let it go.

We spend so much time on our kids activities we forget to nurture our own interests.
It seems convenient to make friends with other parents but those sorts of relationships are short lived.
People we make friends with that aren't about our kids will still be there for us when we drop the kids off at college.

Late to the question, but I went through something similar when my youngest was in elementary school. I was very involved in the school PTA and became close with another mother. We ran fundraisers together and our kids enjoyed each other. Then one day she started avoiding me. At first, I kept telling myself that I was imagining things and that nobody thought about me as much as I think about myself to avoid getting my feelings hurt. Then one day, I simply asked. Come to find out, she had been told I said some nasty things that I definitely didn't say. We cleared the air and it was evident that there had been a huge misunderstanding. We never returned to how things were, but the hard feelings were erased and that meant a lot.

My point, sometimes you don't have the whole story unless you ask if there is more than you know going on. Just ask. It may be nothing, but it could clear up your doubts. Good luck!

Since you are dumping your kid off on these people and vice versa you should expect a higher level of communication.

If they won’t even acknowledge you, they are probably ignoring your child and possibly irresponsible and neglectful people.

This also sets a bad example for your child as they are looking at how you interact with these parents.

I would take the hint and stop the play dates.
Something weird is going on here.