So When Does the Crying Get Better?

Updated on March 24, 2011
K.B. asks from Saint Louis, MO
39 answers

I'm 4.5 weeks post partum and like another recent post am VERY stressed out. Unless he is sleeping or eating, my son is ALWAYS crying. I feed him, he cries, I rock him, he cries, I change him, he cries. It's like he's never happy. I even tried all the stuff that was in the Dr. Karp's book and it doesn't work. I tried the stuff in the Baby Whisperer's book, but he cries so much you can't even differentiate between them. If I do all of those things, he still cries. It takes an hour to get him to go to sleep and usually it's because he cries so hard in my arms, he gives up and falls asleep. Then he's up an hour later crying. I've tried wearing him and he still cries. He'll somewhat quiet down if I'm walking around the apartment with him, but seriously, I have to have a chance to sit every once in a while. When does he stop crying and actually start smiling. He seems so miserable. It's affecting everything I do with him. I'm not attached to him anymore, I hate breastfeeding him now. I don't care if they say it's supposed to release oxytocin or whatever, I would rather just not do it. I've reached a point I don't even want to hold him anymore. I'm lucky if I get a chance to even eat, which is also bad for breastfeeding cause as soon as I sit down with a meal, he's screaming again. I have no help outside of his dad, who is currently working until I go back to work and he works weird hours. My family and friends all live in another state. His family does not want to help or really have much to do with the baby due to issues with his ex and his daughter (which is a whole other complicated situations). So I can't ask for help from anyone or ask for someone to come watch him so I can simply eat a meal let alone take a nap. I'm starting to bleed again after it was getting better, I think because I'm doing so much. I'm honestly tempted to drop him off at his grandparents house and running away and letting his dad and them decide what to do with him. I feel like a terrible mother, like I did something wrong to make him this way, or that I'm doing some wrong cause I can't calm him down. I cry every time he's sleeping . People keep asking me "Isn't it wonderful being a mom" and I honestly want to tell them no and that I hate it. I'm not neglecting him, but I feel like I've reached a point where I'm just simply doing the motions so that he'll survive and that I'm not bonding with him at all. I just want to be able to enjoy him, but honestly, I feel like right now I'd be perfectly happy giving him to someone else to raise. When does that whole enjoyment/attachement thing happen? and when does the constant crying stop?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?


First, I want to thank everyone for their supportive and encouraging words. I definitely needed to hear that I was not the only one and it was so reassuring. You mamas are all amazing women, especially when someone really needs it :)

Secondly, you all were not the only ones to suggest post-partum. My mom and godmom both said it when they heard how I was talking about him. They said that it seemed to be more then just stress. I went to the OB and she agreed and placed me on medications and provided me with information for a support group.

My godmom came in town for the weekend, as she was on spring break from work, to help me. She had an incredibly fussy baby for her first child and was entirely sympathetic. She has been like the amazing baby whisperer. She instantly took him when she got to St. Louis, and sent me out with the orders to do anything and everything for myself and to not worry about the baby. I went out with one of my girlfriends, went on a date with my boyfriend, etc. It was so restful. When I got home last night, he slept for 5 straight hours and then 4 straight hours, providing me with lots of sleep. I even woke up before him this morning. When he woke up this morning, he was cooing and smiling. He is able to put himself to sleep in his swing now when he's sleepy and has barely cried. He started cutting back on the crying yesterday. She said that she thinks that he really probably felt a lot of my stress and anxiety that it was hard for him to relax. She also is helping me to read him a little better and his needs, cause she just seems to be the amazing baby whisperer. She also has made me feel better, as well as the rest of you did, that if he is crying and I am overwhelmed, that it is okay to let him cry for a little as long as all of his needs are met at the time. She said sometimes you just need a break. Then she said I can go get him once I'm relaxed enough so that he'll feel relaxed when I'm caring for him.

So mom and baby are doing much better and hopefully it will keep continuing. I was to bond with him, but it is really hard. Hopefully, I'll start to get it more though. But, I found myself actually enjoying him for the first time this morning so that it is a positive.

Thank you all again! You are simply amazing women and I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't gotten all the encouraging words of support from you all. I am hoping to join a mom's group in the St. Louis area to help provide me with similar support and interaction, so if any of you know of any, let me know! Thank you so much again.


I have told his doctor. His doctor claims that it's just cause he can't sleep cause he's not eating enough and to supplement with formula. I started doing that and all he does it throw back up his food after every feeding. Then he starts crying cause he's hungry cause he's throwing up his food. I also told the doctor about this and he said it could be reflux but didn't tell me what to do about it.

I've gone through "THe Happiest baby on the Block" still no changes even doing everything he suggests. He refuses a pacifier so that doesn't help. He'll be swaddled which helps him sleep longer and yet he's still only sleeping an hour at a time. I have also tried the gas drops with no change. He'll sleep in the car until the car stops moving. As soon as I bring him inside the apartment, he is screaming again. I can't drive around all day with the ridiculous gas prices to get him to sleep every time he needs too.

I want to get a helper of some kind, but since I lost my shift differential pay due to being on FMLA, we can't afford one till I go back to work. The dad has asked his family to come help me even for an hour, but they simply respond that I was the one who wanted the baby so I need to "get over it"
And yes, I really don't enjoy the whole motherhood thing. Yes, it's probably post partum. It could also be post partum caused by the fact that since he was a week old, I have not had one enjoyable moment with him cause he doesn't stop SCREAMING! I haven't even seen him grin cause he won't stop crying.

Featured Answers



answers from Springfield on

A lot of moms gave you some really good advice. My first daughter had a hernia and it caused her a lot of pain, I found it at about 6 weeks - push gently around his belly button throughout his groin area and feel for any bulges. My son had colic for 4 months and GERD until he was 8 months old. I quit breast feeding with him at 8 weeks because of it - it helped us both b/c I could hand him off to someone for a break. I also started putting cereal in bottles at around 5 weeks...!! Hang in there - it does get better.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

You might have to change Pediatricians if he doesn't even suggest something for acid reflux or allergies.
My daughter did the same thing for about 4 months. The only thing that helped was the bathroom fan, running it while she slept in a bouncer so that she wasn't lying flat or driving around in the car with a specific CD.
I tried formula to supplement at 2 months and she kept throwing it up, (all different kinds). I stuck with BF'ing but it was hard. At 8 months she had an allergic reaction to table food and we had her tested for all kinds of allergies. She was allergic to milk, wheat, soy, eggs and peanuts. After that, things became better, we knew what to manage. I ended up BF'ing until she was two because of the allergies. Eventually she grew out of them and now eats all of those things with no problems at all.
It was a tough 4 months with her at first, and actually the first 3 years, because of her allergies were hard too. We made it though. She is 14 years old and excels in school as a Freshman and is a beautiful young lady.
I look back and really appreciate my pediatrician for not giving up and me, for asking all kinds of questions. I agree with the other mom, my daughter was so vocal and "angry" that she is still that way to this day when something doesn't go her way. I would say the earlier you get him calm the better chance you have to help him with that into childhood.
Best of everything

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Both of my children needed acid reflux medicine. With my first, her doctor told me to get used to a fussy baby. I knew something was not right, so I wanted to get a second opinion. We had to switch her to soy, feed her more and she eventually went on acid reflux medicine. She was a completely different baby after this and so was I!!!! With my second, I knew the signs and his doctor immediately took action.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Los Angeles on

First off, take a deep breath!!! You didn't do anything wrong, but you need to get help. Call your pedi and your Dr. Tell them what is going on. When my son was born he cried ALL THE TIME! Our pedi said he was colic and we had to make a decision how we would handle it. Either let him CIO after feeding, diaper changing, burping when we knew he was fine OR continue to rock him and find something that soothed him (music, massage, car ride, etc.). We chose the latter. He said whatever worked for our family was what we should do.

I’ll tell you the car rides did nothing but make him cry harder and the music didn’t help. The only thing that helped was massage. You can Google infant massage.

Eventually through his pedi, we realized he had acid reflux which was causing him pain after breastfeeding. I had acid reflux REALLY bad while I was pregnant so I KNOW how much it hurts. It explained why it took SO long for him to burp.

Sorry you are going through this. Having an infant at home with no support is tough. Consider paying someone to come help you and talk to your pedi ASAP.

I’m sending you strength!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Oh sweetie, I know exactly how you are feeling. I have had two of these kids are there are times I just wanted to run away from being a mom.

Start by seeing a dr if there is anything wrong with him that cannot be fixed...however....

My first bit of advice is that some kids play off the emotions of the ones around them. I figured this out at 18 do it now. You need to fake it till you make it, find some happiness and hopefully he will follow. To this day on my bad days, my two kids that play of the emotions of others will be absolute terrors. Which compounds the whole problem and starts a very, very vicious cycle. Start now by accepting that this is not what you bargained for, that you never thought it would be like this, and he is NOT doing it to be mean....and this is just who he is. If you can do that, it may just turn things around.

I also highly recommend the book the fussy baby book by dr sears. It is a life saver and I bet you will be in tears the first few pages knowing that you are not alone and you are NOT doing anything wrong.

Feel free to message if you need anything else. You are a great mom and you are doing everything right, and it is hard, and it will get better. You will get through it!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

This is definitely hard, no question about it. My suggestions to you would be the following:
1) Don't feel guilty about this being hard. It is hard.
2) Talk to your pediatrician. Maybe she/he can help. My ped definitely wanted to know when my daughter went through a period of being inconsolable.
3) Put your baby in the car and go for a ride -- that helped stop my daughter from crying and gave me some much needed peace and quiet.
4) Talk to your OB-GYN truthfully about how you are feeling. You may benefit from some meds to help you through this tough time.
5) Can you possibly afford to hire a mother's helper or an experienced babysitter to watch the baby for a few hours so you can get some rest?
6) I don't mean to offend you, but if you're not enjoying breastfeeding, then consider stopping or supplementing with formula. Breastfeeding is hard, and does get easier with time, but you need to focus on getting things under control and feeling better yourself. If breastfeeding is too much for you, then consider stopping. Many, many babies do just fine on formula.

You sound so desperate and I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please make sure you call your OB tomorrow and have a very candid conversation about how you are feeling. Help is available, you just have to ask for it.

As far as bonding. There is no "normal" time that it takes. It is different for each person. I bonded with my daughter immediately. It took my best friend over a month to begin bonding with her children. Everyone is different.

Please call your doc for help. It will be better for you and the baby. Please keep us posted on how things are going.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Every baby is so different that I don't think you'll find a definitive answer on when the crying ends, but I can tell you it will get easier. Have you talked to your doctor about everything you have been feeling? If not, it might be a good idea to make an appointment as soon as possible and let him or her know what you are going through. It sounds like you may be suffering from some post partum depression which is VERY normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Your doctor should be able to help you though if you are. Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing an awesome job even if you don't feel like you are.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

Will he sleep if you tightly swaddle him? My second daughter hated any kind of stimulation when she was tired. She had to be in a pitch black, quiet room, tightly swaddled, with a pacifier, and would fall asleep right away. Just a thought!

My other thought is, does your pediatrician know that your baby is inconsolable? There may be a medical issue. For instance, a friend of mine had a baby who was actually allergic to her breastmilk. (Yes, really.) They ended up having to put the baby on a special formula, at which point she became super healthy, happy, fell right into a normal feeding schedule - it was like night and day.

Lastly, do you feel like you might have post-partum depression? (It would be hard not to given what you're going through...) Please mention your feelings to your doctor. S/he can give you medication to help.

Hang in there. I know newborns are SOOOOOO hard, especially when they are super fussy. It WILL get better, I promise!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Victoria on

OK you have just described my son. I will tell you this, I breastfed as long as I could, but something just told me something was wrong, but then everyone kept saying how it was the best thing and I was eating almost vegan sugar, no salt, no dairy, no taste, no meat blah blah blah and he never got better I couldn't get any help and I couldn't take it anymore. i switch him to formula and he got a smidge better, but constipated. Switched to a different one and slept longer than 45 minutes at a time. Switched to another and poof!! New child.....he slept soundly for more than 45 minutes and longer than 1.5 hours.....He actually slept at night for 4 hours straight at 4 months!!! That was worth its weight in gold to me. He wasn't scrunching his legs and fussy like his belly was hurting. No more spitting up or refluxing and he smiled!!!!! He started babbling instead of wailing. I continued with Nestle's Soy formula and my son became the sweetest funniest happiest little baby and i knew that i did the right thing even though it went against Dr.'s advice and everything else you read and when the Dr. saw the change, he agreed it was best. So I say, do what you need to do for your family and don't sweat it. My son is still happy and healthy and his development couldn't be better. Take a deep breath and know it can be different and better and have faith that you will find the way just have the will to try!! Best of luck!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

PLEASE don't supplement! I had this happen and although she didn't cry ALL the time, she did may be undiagnosed thrush! I had it and once I started taking acidiphulus tablets she was fine!
Please talk to LLL (le leche league) Doctors will ALWAYS tell you that they aren't getting enough and I would say 95% of the time it is NOT TRUE. Please don't put formula into him. It will change his flora, and once it does, you will have a hard time going back. Breast milk changes as he gets older and the benefits change with him. It is very likely that if you supplement, your supply will dry up completely. Please contact a Le Leche League leader...they helped me a BUNCH!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

My friend had a baby that cried all the time. She took her daughter to the Doctor. The Doctor looked over her baby REALLY carefully, every inch of her body. It was found, that a blond hair was wrapped around her toe. Barely visible. The hair was getting tighter around her toe. Causing pain. Even the Doctor had a hard time removing the hair because it was so tightly wound onto her baby's toe. Once the hair was removed, the baby was a different baby. All happy. No more crying.
Just sharing this, because, a baby crying like that... seems to be in pain. Or hungry.

Did your Pediatrician consider COLIC?
There is "Hyland's Colic tablets" You can read about it and the reviews on Amazon.
1) are you producing enough milk?
2) Is he latching on properly?
If not, then he is NOT getting enough intake. Thus always hungry and fussy/crying.
That happened to so many of my friends. Until their baby got enough intake, their baby was never happy.

3) Gas, can also cause crying/fussying. Because gas pains hurt. So use Mylicon Infant Gas Drops. It helps a ton.

4) Babies are just clingy. They need to 'bond' with Mommy. If not, they are not secure.

It is hard... my 1st born was hard.
But she was also very sensory sensitive... even a toilet flushing down the hall, would wake her into a BIG crying ordeal.

5) babies also get very over-stimulated and over-tired, VERY fast and very quickly. Then that causes crying. Because in a baby, 'crying' is also their way to "Shut-Out" stimuli, or when they are tired. It is the only way they can communicate.

Is your Husband helping?
If not, he HAS TO HELP.
It is his baby too and you are his Wife, and his ROLE is to help and be a help. Not a bump on a log.
So, if he is not helping.... tell him to.
It is not a choice. He is a parent now, too.

Even if it is tiring, you need to feed baby on-demand. 24/7, day and night. They need the intake.

And always feed/nurse, before sleep/naps. And when he wakes.
On-demand always.
A hungry baby, will not be happy.
My kids as babies, had GINORMOUS appetites... and I nursed. Sometimes every single hour. It was by their needs.

all the best,

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

If it was me I would either breast feed or bottle feed. Then be sure he is not overeating also. That may have caused the spitting up. Get another doctor. Then try to calm down yourself, yes easy to say and hard to do, but tell yourself when he cries that he is okay and don't let it upset you as crying will do if you let it. Then are you swaddling him? You need to feed him and wrap him then in a blanket tightly, not too tight, but so he feels secure and warm. Then sing to him while you walk quietly for a bit and then lay him down. He should get quieter with soft humming or singing. Hold him up over your shoulder and try that as you walk. In a short time he should learn to quiet himself so don't give up. I raised 8 children and some were so good and others so bad and I know the difference in how it makes you feel with constant crying although mine were very good babies, I did have some with colic the first few months. Tell yourself it will get better and this little guy needs you. Even if you don't 'feel' love or enjoyment realize you are his only care giver and he is part of you. It will get better. If he naps even for a short time sit down or lay down and relax as much as you can until the next waking. Sometimes too if you let a baby cry when they wake too soon they will go back to sleep so don't just rush in every time you hear him. Maybe you aren't dong that though. If I was close I would love to help you. I love babies that age. Is there a church near you that might be willing to send someone to rock and hold the baby while you get some rest? I would try calling around if you don't have a church.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

I understand your pain. Its hard for you to think this but this will be done before you know it. I didn't really have help either. My mom came up for two days when I had my first child. My husband works long hrs and when he was there although he wss very gentle/ loving to the baby but not really helpful. Join a moms group so you some other people to talk to.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Syracuse on

Please take your son to another doctor, if he's not helping go get a second opinion. I went to three doctors before it simply came down to colic which lasted till 4 months. Please also call your doctor, obviously you need help. I've been where you are and its hell but it does bet better. Any mother that spouts the joys of motherhood haven't had a baby with colic, my son is my world but I won't pretend that the first four months of his life were easy.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Fort Wayne on

The baby is going to cry regardless of what you are doing (or that is how it seems). Lay him in his crib after you have fed and changed him and step outside. Sit outside for 10 mins or so, have a small lunch, and BREATHE. :) It will get easier. Praying for you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

My son wasn't as bad at all but as you know all babies cry.There were few things that worked with him that I would suggest you try.
1. Is your baby gassy? Mine was. We gave him Baby Bliss gripe water(available in walgreens) and that immediately settled his stomach. It's safe and ok to give couple times a day but I gave him only when he was gassy and fussy.If not, Mylicon gas drops are safe for babies. I never used it though as I wanted to use something with natural ingredients.
2.I watched the 'Happiest baby on the block' DVD. I couldn't beleive how bad those babies cried in the video.Your post reminded M. of that video. The 5 S's actually work. My son would cry a lot while we tried to get him to sleep everynight. It got much better once we started swaddling him ( you can use receiving cloth or buy the Swaddle M. swaddlers. loved those!) and hold him tight sideways and sushhhhh loudly. Worked like a charm everytime.

But if your son is crying even after feeding maybe he is just hungry. Can you try pumping and giving him in a bottle. That way you will know how much he is eating everytime - so you can rule out hunger.If they are hungry no matter what you do they will not stop crying.

Another thing I noticed with my baby was if I was stressed out it affected him. He was much better when I was calm and relaxed. Also stress can affect your milk supply. Take lots of rest and drink lot of water. Eat healthy.Pumping helps increase your milk supply.Try that too.

Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I don't see any suggestions for chiropractic care, and I highly recommend it. There are several excellent pediatric chiropractors in the Saint Louis area. will help you find a doctor near you.

I am a pediatric chiropractor in Kansas City, though I was trained in St. Louis. I see babies who cry constantly on a fairly regular basis, and while adjustments are not always the ONLY thing that helps, they can help to make things better so that you can get some sleep and think straight. Also, pediatric chiropractors are a great resource (they will have great contacts for you) for breastfeeding help, postpartum help and other ideas on how to help your baby.

Please PM me if you have any specific questions.

Dr. Alyssa

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I could write a long post (feel free to PM me) but my short answer thoughts are:
1) You: you need to have a chance to rest and you might need medicine for PPD, but it might just be a straightforward need for sleep.
2) your baby: sounds like a vicious cycle. Personally, I would supplement if not switch to formula to get some food into that baby and see if the pediatrician would do a trial of Zantac for baby (my son ended up on Prevacid which worked much better for him, but they usually start with the Zantac). You mention he spits up, but also know there is something called "silent reflux" where there's no spit up...only pain and more pain.
3) Make a bottle of formula or pumped breastmilk, give it to his dad or grandparent and take a bath or shower, go for a walk, and then take a nap...where you can't hear baby.
You see...your son can feel your anxiety and will reflect it back. And he's already probably miserable (just as sleep deprived, sensory overloaded, and hungry as you are!) You'd be amazed at what a hot meal, shower, and a nap and a night of sleep can do for your outlook.
Ok, forget it...this is getting long.
With my DD, I tried and tried to breastfeed...we had our own vicious cycle. I got more and more depressed for similar reasons you mentioned. I finally switched to formula, she gobbled it all up...and I still felt so guilty...and looking back, I am SO glad Inow that I switched because continuing to stress ourselves out with a feeding style that didn't work, resulting in no rest or sleep was tearing away precious weeks of bonding that could be glorious.
I promise it will get better...hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

K., I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and not getting any help. I haven't read all the responses yet but just wanted to add my two cents. First, get a different pediatrician. Sounds like your little guy might have reflux. If he does, he should be on some type of medication. Also, try putting him in a swing. He may scream at first, but often the motion will settle them down. It also sounds like you're suffering from postpartum depression. Getting on an anti-depressant can make all the difference in the world. I had bad postpartum depression after my first, and like you felt completely unattached to the baby. I also felt like i was just going through the motions, and boy, the shear repetition of each and every day was exhausting. Talk to your ob/gyn and find something that will work for you. I would also recommend finding a mom's group. I belong to MOMS Club: Moms offering Moms Support. It's not a religious organization but is great for finding other moms in your area who can help you, commiserate with you, and give you some much needed adult interaction.
I really hope you and your little guy can get to feeling better. Things will definitely improve, hang in there. PM me if you need to chat.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

No more breast feeding - that is enough. You need your hormones to regulate and you are under enough pressure. You are not perfect and he is not perfect - don't even bother trying to put on appearances by placing yourself under pressure to keep breastfeeding, enough is enough. Formula - if one doesn't work (if he throws it up) try another one. You will find a formula that will settle more easily and he will rest better. And you will rest better when he rests better. get an ipod or headphones - when you think his crying in going to drive you nuts or you start feeling that angry feeling - you get those headphones, turn it up as loud as you can and you get yourself centered - he will wait, but it is no good if you are completely tensed up when you are trying to calm him.

Your in-laws are clearly unkind people. Make it clear that if they continue behaving this way toward you and your son when you need their assistance - then they will not be welcome when things have settled and have improved. They do not get to pick and choose when to love him, and part of loving him is respecting you and acting like family - not just when it's convenient, but all the time. Sounds like you need to disassociate from them and give that energy to your son from here on out. You only have so much worry, and so much energy to go around - put it where it belongs.

If you feel overwhelmed, and if you ever feel stressed like you may strike your son, get away from him, period. Just get away from him. You do not want to lash out at him - do not set this precedent for handling your frustration with him. It does sound like he is colicky and it will pass with time, even if you make no changes, but for now - do what you can to ease his little tummy (it really does sound like this is what's going on). Look into anti-gas and acid reflux and get your booty to a new doctor for the help you are paying for!

Keep your chin up sweetheart - this will get better, it really will and when it does you will feel happier. It will take time, for now - its' on project status to get the right formula and to put your in-laws in their place. Bonding will take time anyway, no matter what, don't be too hard on yourself and always remember that he loves you, he is brand new to this world, and you are his guide and his protector. Be well and take a deep breath - today is a brand new day.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Joseph on

the first thing that you need to do is take a deep "breath" and relax. you are not going to make any rational decisions thinking the way that you think. then, you need to call your doctor and let them know what you are feeling. it sounds to me like you have post partum. your doctor will be able to prescribe you something. i know that this will not help a thing with his crying, but it will give you a more rational head to be able to deal with the baby. you need to stop 2nd guessing yourself, b/c obviously you are a good mom, or you wouldn't have reached out for help in the 1st place. i would take the baby to another dr to get a 2nd opinion. obviously something is bothering him, even collicky babies don't cry 24 hours a day. they usually have more of a "schedule" for crying. my guess is that it is tummy troubles. i would try and switch up his formulas to something for gassy babies, like Enfamil Gentlease, and go ahead and add a few drops of gas drops to the bottle before you feed him. Burp more often and see what that does. These are all little things that you can try. I do know from having one collicky throwing up baby, one VERY gassy baby, and another BIG TIME THROWING UP baby, that these tricks do seem to work. With my collicky daughter, she would cry every night from 8:00pm-12:00am, like clock work. Nothing would work, except swaddling and shushing, and white noises. Hang in there, things will get better. Personally i wouldn't want the dad's family to help. they seem like they would only hold it against you. Are you a member of a church congregation that could provide some support, or a local babysitters group that could watch your little guy for an hour or so, just to give yourself time to think. and if all else fails, take him to the park or someplace outdoors that you enjoy. even if he does cry, at least you are getting out of the house on a nice day. it is amazing how being out and about can make you feel "normal" again. good luck and prayers to you. :-)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Really? There was not a second that I did not enjoy/love being mom from the second I found out I was pregnant. I think if you feel as horrible as you do then you should speak with your doc about post partum depression.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Providence on

Oh I so remember the never ending crying I brought my son to the Dr time after time swareing soething had to be wrong! Dr always sent me home telling me it will get better! And I would roll my eyes thinking yeah right when! Sometimes when my sons father came home I would just be standing there holding him and crying myself. I promise you it does get better. Those first weeks are so hard its a big adjustment hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Could he have acid reflux? That happened w/ my daughter - she would cry - especially after she ate and nothing would quiet her down. We finally realized it was acid reflux and the dr prescribed something and it worked like magic! :) You might check w/ your dr to find out if that could be the problem.

Sounds like from your other post that you might need to find another dr. I wouldn't like one that isn't concerned and willing to help. There is stuff you can do for acid reflux - you can do over the counter Mylanta or the Dr can prescribe something. Don't give up and go see the dr.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I could have written this post with my 2nd son...he was SUCH a crabby patty!

Here is what helped me (some)...
*I had PPD, I started taking Zoloft.
*The baby got switched to soy formula.
*I learned that taking him in the bathroom and putting him in his bouncy seat while I showered kept him happy, well not happy but not crying!
*I also learned that if I chose my timing wisely around nap time and vacuuming the house, he would be out like a light in 5-10 mins tops!
*I spent most of my days wearing him and listening to music and bouncing around.

~My baby boy was a difficult child! Period. End of story. EVERYONE in my family knew it and tried to help with no avail...they would all just eventually hand him back to me and be like "sorry!"...even my sister who is like the baby loving baby whisperer!

Not to scare you but hubby and I have found that this same kid has had trouble processing his emotions as he gets older. He is the only child I ever had (out of 7) that threw honest to goodness temper tantrums (from birth till about 3-4 years old)and could not be consoled! Now at 5, he still gets overly upset when things don't go his way and is overly negative...poor baby!

~I know this isn't gonna help a bunch...but he will get better...and it will get easier. Don't ever forget that it is OK to set him down somewhere where he is safe and give yourself a 5 minute break every once in awhile...he will be fine!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

When my baby was born, he did the same thing. It was a non stop scream fest constantly. Nothing I did ever pleased him. He was only quiet when he ate and when he slept. I, too, never got to eat, shower or sleep. My husband would come home from work, and I would always be in tears. I actually told my baby that I hated him (I didnt really hate him, but I was very miserable and spoke out of frustration). I know how it is. My best advice, is to just keep loving that baby. It will get better. It will! My son started sleeping through the night when he was 3 months old and it was like Heaven. I got to eat, sleep and do stuff for myself. If I were you, try putting him on formula exclusively. If he spits up or doesnt seem to like it, then switch to different kinds until you find one that works. Or, pump milk, if you can. I found the medela manual pump to be the most effective. Also, try buying a baby swing. I bought one, and my son loved it. It is very comforting and I would put him in it when I had to go to the bathroom or prepare a bottle. The swing I bought played lullaby music which was great too. My son had terrible colic, but he got over it. It didnt seem to last too long. If you have to, get a sitter and go out. If you dont know anyone, try The acid reflux thing can be very uncomfortable. I would drill the pediatrican for more information on that and see what he says. It does get better, it does, it does, it does. Once my son started sleeping through the night (at about 3 months old, he got alot better). I love my son. He is now 2 and hugs and kisses me everyday. Being a mother isnt easy AT ALL, but it is SO worth it! Hang in there, mama. Oh and by the way, my son has always been very loud. Now, he is still very vocal, very loud. But I heard one time that children like that grow up to be leaders, not followers :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Eugene on

I had one like that. He was my 4th. He cried so persistently that the nurse at the hospital panicked and asked me what was wrong with him. Gee, I was hoping she could tell me. Once home, he screamed night and day and nothing seemed to soothe him. He didn't eat well and was diagnosed with failure to thrive. I cried alot, too, didn't get enough sleep and had friends praying faithfully for me.

It did get better. Eventually. I think because he was my fourth, I didn't take the crying personally or wonder what I was doing wrong. It was just him, he was a fussy kid. Now he's great. He's 14, still intense, but very fun to be with.

I remember talking to him alot when he cried. I would think of the crying as his way of communicating so I'd talk back, tell him I wish I knew what he was saying, sympathize since he seemed so unhappy. It didn't help the crying but made me feel better. I held him alot and carried him in a sling where he would sometimes cry himself to sleep. I let him sleep with me, and would get a couple hours of sleep that way. My mom came down for an afternoon every couple of weeks so I could get out. He cried for her, too, but she had 6 kids and wasn't flustered by it at all. I think she said something about me being the same way and telling baby-me that she hoped I'd get one like me and, hey, her wish came true, thanks mom!

Dealing with a continuously crying infant is difficult enough under the best of circumstances. But it's harder because you are tired and alone most of the time. The one thing you absolutely need right now is sleep! Easier said than done but make this a priority. It's like they tell you on an airplane to put your mask on first and then you can help your child with his. If you can't breathe, then both you and you child aren't going to make it. You can worry about feeling warm and fuzzy about mothering later, just take care of yourself right now, let your husband know how exhausted you are so he can find you some help, and hang in there. Yes, it does get better.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I'm late in responding, but I hope you've rec'd some good advise. It sounds like you're overwhelmed right now and rightfully so. I know it's hard living away from family, too. Can you ask a friend to come and help you for a few hours, someone from church and/or talk to someone? Maybe his isn't feeling good and something is wrong. Also, babies pick up on distress, especially from a mom. Remember, babies and children need consistancy to help them learn. Have you tried a nice warm bath and feeding him?
Play some soft music when he sleeps. It takes time to learn a routine, but you can get there. I hope things are better and please talk to someone.
Good luck!


answers from Las Vegas on

Sounds like colic. Have you tried driving him around? It is a pain, but I know that is the only way my mom could get me to sleep. PLEASEEEEEEEE don't let it get to the point where he gets hurt. You sound like your getting very unattached to him (you say so yourself)... it is stressful but he is still a fragile baby.... that is just my paranoid tid bit..

Anyways, read up on colicky babies and see doctors until one will give you colic advice and will give you postpartum medicine. It will pass, hang in there. I felt the same way right after me and my ex split and I was all alone, not that he helped much when we were together, but it gets better. I look back now and wished that sometimes when I was tired and frustrated that I would've sucked it up and tried to enjoy her more and would've taken her for more walks (he may calm down with walks) and more things with her than I did.

When the baby is older I would keep him away from the dad's family, at least not without supervision because they sound like people who will treat the boy bad because they have resentment about his ex situation.

If driving didn't calm my daughter down right away, I'd still drive b/c she'd calm down eventually and driving/listening to music was soothing to me for whatever reason. I thought you were working and your boyfriend was gonna be a sahd hun?



answers from Houston on

i have 3 possible causes your not producinig enough breastmilk, colic warm peppermint water works for that, and swaddling and malicon drops. or teething and possibly ear infection. honestly take him to grandma and say i dont know what is wrong. experience will step in and give you suggestions. you are not a bad mom i went through this with both of mine. one colic. one teethed very young like 5 weeks and also wasnt getting enough breastmilk i had to put him on formula and also on cereal by 8weeks. give him to grandma for 48 hours and get some sleep. she will show you how to tell if he is teething and colicky. there is nothing bad in asking experience for help if she cant figure it out call your doc something is going on medically ear infection or your not producing enough breastmilk or something it has nothing at all to do with your parenting skills and bieng a bad mother. we have all been there. something is wrong with him if he is crying that much please ask grandma for help. she probably wont volunteer info so she is not telling you how to raise your kid but if you ask i garantee she will start doing an eliminatioin process and explain it to you. hang in there it will get better

after reading your what happened next call cps they will have case workers come out and help you or they used to. change him to soy formula and start adding a tsp of cereal to his bottle. with my oldest he was allergic to regular formula. he would spit up everything and one of my friends figured out he was allergic to it we changed him to soy and he become an angel. even got to quit the malicon drops. his throat probably hurts from crying so much and peppermint water will sooth his throat. take him to the er when you get fustrated with him maybe they will find something your doc cant. do not give up. if you go to church get an elderly lady to help you they all love that type of stuff. get a swing. it may be the only break you get from driving around. swaddle that baby. buy a swaddle blanket. it will help with colic if that is what it is and will help soothe him. does he take a paci if not getone. if you ever feel like hurting him take him to the er and say i dont know what is wrong. i need help they will check him out. and probably tell you something to try. are his gums hot if so he is teething get teething tablets. hang in there mom you can do this



answers from St. Louis on

My first one was a blessing...stay with me here, but when his stomach acted up I was running around the house like a nut, doing the warm bath, running a vacuum, & who knows what else that people /books had said to do...all that did was give me more messes to clean up & the baby was still screaming! I can remember him screaming for 8 solid hours until he vomitted what little bottle he had taken & he was instantly happy afterwards. I did not breast feed as I do not eat very healthy. I know the benefits of breastfeeding but they don't always hold true, as I know of kids with SEVERE allergies, even though their mom breastfed or ones that had the flu at a few months old, so it's not this guarantee people try to sell. Sometimes the baby can react to spicy foods you are eating, or if you are taking in excess amounts of caffeine (I'm not saying you are), or other dietary things. Anyways, my son ended up on goat's milk w/ alot of rice cereal in it, zantac & Mylanta & he was totally different . We didn't make all of these changes at once but slowly changed & added & at 4 months old his Dr. figured it out. Even his Dr. had agreed to thick cereal bottles at 2 months old because he had to have something that would not come back into his throat and burn, whereas liquids did & his stomach needed INSTANT satisfication. I'm not saying to do this, I am jst stating what worked for us & you might talk to his ped. or another ped. about it. He hardly ever burped (my mom had done daycare all my life & even she couldn't get him to burp) & the not burping made it even worse.

If he likes movement, have you tried a swing or do you have one?

Chiropractors can be a huge help with fussy (screaming) babies. My oldest saw on at 4 days old & he was having muscle spasms in his shoulder because his shoulder had gotten "stuck" during birth.



answers from Los Angeles on

It will get better in time. Truly believe that. Every month you will think you have a new baby. :o) Patience and make some time for you.



answers from Nashville on

Mine was the same way and the doctor said it was reflux. I breastfed mine and at 3 months switched to the bottle because I finally figured out she wasnt getting enough from me and that she was probably hungry all the time not to mention the spitiing up didnt help her stay full. I mixed rice cereal with her formula and she started sleeping through the night at 3 months. I wouldn't go through those first 3 months again for nothing. Torture and hell is what that was and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Of course your stressed out and a zombie all the time. There is nothing wrong with you it's okay. Nobody even superman could handle that stress. I know! It's amazing what we will go through for our child. I survived 3 months of that and I'm very defensive when someone makes an comment about my parenting and for good reason. Another thing that helps tremendously is to get the baby on a schedule routine every night before bedtime and the 5-15 minute cry method that I got from my peditrician helped. Also a nightlite projector that plays music works good too.



answers from Milwaukee on

Aw I'm right there with you. I have a 6 week old and I was just telling a friend of mine yesterday that DH and I have realized that our newborn is only quiet and content when she's sleeping! This stage is really hard if you don't have one of those super content babies - and some babies are just fussier than others. It does get better though. My pediatrician told me that newborns have their fussiness/crying gradually get worse for the first 6 weeks, then it peaks at 6 weeks and then it gets better.

I remember with my first I didn't feel attached to her until 7 weeks pp. I thought there was something wrong with me and was ashamed and didn't tell anyone and then I was at this bookclub meeting one night that a friend of mine convinced me to go to and two of the moms talked about how they didn't feel attached to their babies for the first couple of months and I was so relieved that I wasn't alone. They told me it gets so much easier after that initial rough period and of course now they were totally in love with their kids and would do anything for their kids etc etc.

This is my 2nd baby and it's a lot easier. I'm less stressed in general because I've been through it, but the crying is very hard. There will be a lot of moms out there who don't understand because they simply had easier babies or don't remember what it was like, but I know what you're feeling. My husband works weird hours two - he's on the job for 24 hours and off for 48, but those 24 hours can be brutal.

I was at my parents house last week when DH had a 48 hour shift (and I knew I couldn't survive it alone with a 5 week old and a 2.5 year old haha!). My mom just walked around with the newborn and rocked her as she walked, and she actually got her to take a pacifier!!!! A previously IMPOSSIBLE task for me. Now I can sometimes get her to take it if I'm walking around kind of bouncing her in my arms and playing with the pacifier by her mouth to the rhythm of bouncing. Sounds like a lot of work, but it's SO worth it if it will get her to calm down and stop crying for an hour.

I know it sucks to have to get up and walk around when you're so completely sleep-deprived already. The last thing you want to do is walk and bounce around the house after you've given your all to the baby and it hasn't worked. I didn't do it until after I saw how awesomely it worked at my parents, and now for me sometimes it's the only thing that works.

One thing about the formula - it doesn't sound like he has reflux, it sounds like he is getting enough from you and then the formula makes him throw up because it is too much for him. I would stop supplementing or switch completely to formula if he keeps throwing up - although switching completely to formula could cause new problems if it upsets his tummy and then you'll have to go through the trying process of finding a compatible formula which can take weeks.

Anyway, I think the thing that has kept me sane and less stressed this time around is knowing that this is completely normal (although some moms do get lucky and have easy babies....and some are in denial!). I think most babies are like ours though. And that this stage is supposed to peak at 6 weeks and then get better by 12 weeks.

Your Godmom and Mom sound awesome, so that's huge! The one other thing that could help is finding a mom group. It took me a long time to find one where I clicked with the moms, but I finally did at the little library close by and it's a lifesaver.


answers from Los Angeles on

it will stop.. watch "the happist baby on the block", I think they sell books & dvds too... this is a must have imo...


answers from Chicago on

although you've gotten all of the advise possible I just wanted to chime son is now 4.5 years old. He was the same way when he was a small baby. He cried in the hospital, at home, etc. all of the time. I, too, didn't have much help as my family was hours away, my husbands family wasn't any help and my husband wasn't home until nearly 10pm, wouldn't get up with him at night. I too felt trapped and unattached to him. I'd just sit with him and hold him while he cried - I'd sob as well. My dr. put me on Zoloft to help me and the pediatrician looked at him to ensure nothing was medically wrong.......When my son was nearly 6-8 weeks he got much better. I am so sorry you are having a rough time - I SO feel your pain. Glad to hear in "what happened" that you are doing better. Best of luck to you!



answers from Pittsfield on

I really feel for you. I suffered from post- partum depression too. It will get better, but it does take a while (several weeks) for the meds to help- don't lose hope. If it doesn't, you just need a different one.

It's really not normal for him to cry THAT much. I can understand that that much crying combined w/ PPD would interfere with bonding. But, it's nothing you're doing, I'm pretty sure he has reflux, which is really painful. My babies each had it, and I know how exhausting and stressful all the crying is. The good news is, he can get a prescription for an acid reducer which will help A LOT. If your pedi won't prescribe one, get a new pedi with a heart because your little guy is sufferering, and so are you.

Don't lay him flat to sleep (unless he actually is sleeping ok that way). Try letting him sleep in the swing, if you have one. One of the nurses once suggested putting the carseat in his crib. We had much better results with sleep when they weren't flat.
Get him medicated, it can take a couple of days for it to fully help. Hang in there Mama, things WILL get better, you actually CAN enjoy your baby!

Should the meds not work for either of (I think they will though), you need to find a doctor that will find out what's wrong- you need to be persistant!! Keep fighting for the life you wanted!

Hang in there, and don't be too hard on yourself :)



answers from St. Joseph on

I only read a few responses, so please forgive me if I'm being repetitious! I've been there. It's horrible. Please know that you are not alone!!!

Yes, it WILL get better. If it is colic, it will go away in a couple months.

DON'T STOP BREASTFEEDING!!! I can give you a million reasons why, but really the most important is that you are the only one who can help your son right now! Your connection is what will comfort him and give him the confidence to stop crying. Your milk is the perfect 'blend' for what he needs now. He will be less gassy and whiny. Do NOT supplement. This will only exacerbate the problem. Your body makes plenty of milk for your baby! The more you nurse, the more milk your body will make. Really, the breastfeeding is NOT the problem.

FIND A NEW PEDIATRICIAN STAT. Find one who will encourage you to continue breastfeeding. Find one who will support your stress right now and encourage you by offering options. Some pediatricians will write a prescription for an anti-depressant, which will keep you thriving during this challenge.

Try a new sleeping position for him. Have you tried co-sleeping? It was a saving grace for me! Does he sleep in his car seat - let him do it in your bedroom (without driving around - just put him in it). How about a swing that rocks sideways instead of front to back? Many babies with colic will want to sleep elevated. Try the stroller, too.

Perhaps try taking baths and showers with him. Play music around the house. Any kind. My son loved AC/DC but hated Mozart. Sing to him. Keep him close all the time. Get a bouncing seat. Put him in the kitchen with you - in the bathroom - everywhere. He will get used to being with YOU. YOU will provide him with comfort. The more comfortable he is, the less he will cry. It WILL take time. Be patient. I know it's frustrating now.

Get involved with a mom's group. The hospitals always have the breastfeeding support groups. You don't have to say anything! They will weigh your baby if you want and you can chitchat with the nurse and other moms. It's very casual. You don't have to nurse if you don't want to. It will give you support and encouragement, plus you will know that your baby is growing. Your child's pediatrician or your OB/GYN can give you a prescription for an anti-depressant. That will help, too, and, trust me, they won't think you're crazy.

Good luck, honey!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions