So Very Depressed....

Updated on October 03, 2011
A.W. asks from Aurora, CO
28 answers

I type this with a heavy heart and feel pathetic writing this. However, I have lost myself. The last month I am not normal, but I can't figure out why. I am completely disconnected from my beautiful children ages five months and four years of age, my job, my long time boyfriend, my life. I am in a complete state of panic 24/7 and am now convinced I am loosing my vision and my mind is stuck on it. I have always had issues with depression and anxiety but nothing like this. I am on Celexa 20mg but only for about a week. I can't function and sob constantly. I was so excited for the month of October and decorating with the kids, trick or treat, etc. but not anymore. Can't even find the energy to do anything around the house but cry and cry, I can't even look at my kids I feel so damn guilty. My surroundings don't feel normal. I can't live like this. I know its selfish but I can't turn it off. Please pray for me. I am so sad. Not sure what to do, I'm missing out on so much. Just want to snap out of this!!!! I was also recently diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism but don't know what type it is until October 12th which is scaring me to death. Wow, I'm an absolute mess. Just had to blog to see if it helped, I'm desperate. Thanks for listening.

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H.D.

answers from Dallas on

Do you eat healthy? I have a SIL who suffers from horrible deep depression, she has been hospitalized several times in the past because it gets so bad. I won't go into details but her two children suffered way too much because of her depression. A doctor over seeing her care decided to try something with her and that was to take her off all medications and only introduce her to a whole foods plant based diet. Within 7 days she was out of the hospital and within another two weeks she was able to go back to her children. She has continued on this diet and has seen her energy skyrocket (she ran a half marathon two months ago) and found that her overall mood is stable. It may be something to consider. Take care!

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Call the doctor tomorrow and tell them this is an emergency.

With the hyperthyroidism, your whole body is making you anxious.. Yes, your eye sight can be affected by it.. And yes, your meds for depression /anxiety probably need to be adjusted.. Your heat is racing.. part of the thyroid situation.. Do you feel like the top of your head is about to blow up? High blood pressure is part of it.

So you are not crazy. You are not imagining any of this instead, just be aware. Take things slowly and try to not freak yourself out.

I know, I have been there.. I could not sleep, think straight and I was on edge.. But it will all be solved as soon as the results happen.

Do not be scared.. it is very treatable.

Did you know that more than 90% of ALL women will at some point have a thyroid problem? See you are just normal..

5 moms found this helpful
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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Laurie, It shouldn't take until the 12th to start treatment as far as thyroid hormone replacement. Some doctors dont' even think the "type" matters. It does BUT treatment shouldn't be delayed! As far as the type, they are all manageable. This condition can cause so much physically and emotionally. The challenging thing will be managing your medication and getting it right so you start feeling better (physically, emotionally and mentally) If you go to about.com Mary Shomon runs a pretty extensive website about Thyroid issues she is an awesome advocate and there is much knowledge there.
http://thyroid.about.com/bio/Mary-Shomon-350.htm
You deserve better than this! Your family does too! Call the doctor tomorrow and tell him everything. If he's dismissive start looking for another one.

4 moms found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

I was recently diagnosed with PPD and prescribed Paxil. 3 weeks later I feel llike a different person, a happy and content person. I don't cry for no reason...I don't panic about nothing....I have so much more patience and enthusiasm for my family. My kids and husband have never been happier, my house has never been cleaner and I've never been so appreciative of all I have. I marvel at life again.

Go back to your doctor. Tell them everything. Most antidepressants take about a month to really kick in and sometimes you have to try a couple before you find what works for you.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Celexa has many side effects, including hallucinations, severe anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.

I would CALL YOUR DOCTOR, immediately.

Here are links per Celexa side effects:
http://www.drugs.com/sfx/celexa-side-effects.html

4 moms found this helpful

T.C.

answers from Dallas on

You are not selfish. You are dealing with something real - maybe an imbalance of some sort (post pardum and/or thyroid issues?). I'd go see a doctor and see if they can help you get it balanced out. Just hang in there while they help you figure it out. Be sure to get some breaks when you need it. If you feel overwhelmed with your children at all, be sure to have someone come watch them or something, so you can get a break until you get this all figured out.

I'm so sorry you're struggling so bad right now!

4 moms found this helpful
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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

Talk to your doctor ASAP. If you get nothing useful, talk to another doctor. If you feel like you are at risk of harming yourself or your children, go to the emergency room. If you're not sure if you are at risk of harming yourself or your children, go to the emergency room.

This is a medical condition, like a broken ankle or a herniated disk in your back. Like a physical injury, it will hurt like hell until you get a useful diagnosis and treatment. But once you get appropriate treatment IT WILL GET BETTER.

Good luck. You have my prayers.

3 moms found this helpful

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

Head back to the doctor. It's okay...depression happens. But get it treated now!

As for help from your friends and loved ones. That's what friends and loved ones are for.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Boston on

I have nothing to offer that the poster below have not said, but just wanted to let you know there is always hope and in your case it seems that the medical issues and perhaps Post Partum Depression are making life seem impossible. Please call someone you know and explain - mom, friend, pastor, anyone. Even if you cannot come out and tell all, just say you are in really bad need of some help and can someone come to your house. Even spending a day in bed with some silly tv might help a little, if not then sleep a lot. And defenetly call the doctor back and say this is an emergency. If you call your local churches even if you do not belong and ask for a mother's helper recommendation, I am sure they know someone who could come to your home to help with the kids to give you a break. Hang in there, life will get better.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

You have a 5 month old. Your hormones are all out of whack. It sounds to me like you need to see if there is an imbalance!! What you are experiencing is VERY common in the months after a new baby. (so is, depression in general.) Please, do not view yourself so poorly. You are NOT pathetic!! In fact, you were brave enough to reach out to many woman, and ask for help!! You are doing something very positive, something to get yourself on track. I think that's often the hardest thing to do. Many woman are silent, but not you!! You decided to do something about it. That is was GREAT moms do. You sound like a great mom.

Call your Dr. first thing in the morning. They deal with this every single day. They know how to take care of you, and get your body and mind balanced again. Postpartum Depression, is very real. Very common, and very isolating. It is something that happens to a huge majority of mothers, the best mothers. Please, call your Dr. first thing. I hope that you feel better very soon, and return to being excited!!

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A.L.

answers from Dothan on

Wow, so many things could be making you feel this way, you MUST contact your Doc immediately!

I have a bad thyroid, it runs in my family, I take a medication each morning for the problem.

Call & get an appointment to get your eyes checked ASAP, Walmart takes walk-ins.

Post partum depression can take up to a year to rear it's ugly head so THAT may be what is happening right now.

No matter what is wrong you MUST get to the Doc!

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J.A.

answers from Erie on

I agree with S.H.--call your doctor immediately!
Not all antidepressants will affect you the same way-some will make you feel suicidal. I know this for a fact.
Until you do reach your doctor, every thought that goes thru your mind that is negative, such as everything you menthioned above, tell yourself that it is the medication. Hopefully this will help you to convince yourself that the feelings are not here to stay, and that there is still hope and help.
Please let us know that you are ok....I am anticipating an update of better days with sunshine again for you, soon. ((hugs)) to you, honey.

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H.W.

answers from Provo on

Don't ever feel guilty about needing help. You seem to have a lot of good advice - namely to go see a doctor immediately. Real depression isn't something you can just pull yourself out of, and postpartum depression can be a million times worse. Thank God for modern medicine that can help real problems, because it sounds like this is one. Get some real help - for yourself, of course, but also for your family. There is something that can be done.

2 moms found this helpful
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V.C.

answers from Dallas on

The only advice i can give you is dont lose hope u have alot to live for ur beautiful kids need u i know it hard i been through that and what help me is talking to my best friend witch is my boyfriend he helps me get by it can also be postparted depression it happens to al the moms when they have a young child but talking does help and if he is suppotive then there it is theres always hope and girl dont lose that i know how it feels to be depress i've been in those shoes before i still strugle some times with it but now i can handle it u can also talk to ur doctor about it i hope i was alot of help and if u need a friend to talk to u can email me at ____@____.com email any time u want to chat when u feel depress also by any chance that u might be bipolar cause u have some similiar symtops of by bipolar just ask ur doctor

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Please talk to your OB/GYN and family doctor. Your hormones are flying all over the place and post-partum depression is a REAL condition that you can get help with. You are not being selfish - your body is out of wack and you need help to get it back on track. Stop blaming yourself for this - it's a condition that you can get help for.

And on the hypothyroidism thing, I've had it for 20 years - diagnosed early. I take medication and it's like nothing is wrong. It's very manageable.

Please talk to your doctors ASAP so they can help you get your hormones, body and mind back on track.

Take care!

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G.L.

answers from Denver on

Dear A.,
I am so sorry you're having to go through feeling this way! I encourage you to call your doctor right away & tell them how you are feeling. From my experience I was very anxious, had panic attacks & felt very upset before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Once I was on medicine to support my thyroid & adrenal gland it was like a whole other world. I strongly, strongly encourage you to let them know so you can get the help needed to support your thyroid. You will feel so much better. Plus you lose about 80% progesterone the day after having a baby. Ask the to check your progesterone also. Get something bio-identical & Not progestin. Progesterone is a natural anti depressant. Thinking of you! Hugs, G

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J.E.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Please hang in there. I am glad in a way that you have found out that have had your Thyroid tested. A lot of people have symptoms of depression and anxiety that can be attributed to thyroid problems. I am also glad that you are taking a medication. Many people do not realize that depression and anxiety are true medical conditions caused by an imbalance in the receptors in your brain. Taking Celexa hopefully will help you but a lot of medications do not truly change the way you feel for 3 to 6 weeks. Stick with it and let your Dr. know if it is not helping, you may need to increase the dose. I also hope you can get more information on your Thyroid condition because getting that under control should make a BIG difference!
Good luck and many happy thoughts are being sent your way.

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A.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I agree with others - call your doctor today! I was miserable physically and mentally leading up to and for about 2 months after I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. My doc finally upped my synthroid and I felt a million times better. I wish I'd gone to him sooner, but I didn't know.

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A.H.

answers from Chicago on

Get help NOW - call your OB tomorrow to start with. And the Celexa could be making things worse - tell your OB everything you told us. Don't be embarrassed; tell them the whole truth so you can get better for yourself and your children.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Just having a baby AND having thyroid issues will definately cause these symptoms. They need to get your thyroid taken care of first. Talk to your doctor about that. Also, make sure you're getting plenty of rest and you're getting proper nutrition. Good luck to you!!

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S.A.

answers from Denver on

You have received some good advice from a lot of caring women!!
You are not alone and you are not weak for admitting how you're feeling physically/mentally/emotionally!

I agree with others, you definitely need to talk to your doctor - don't keep this info from them. I feel deeply about going the more holistic approach when it comes to illnesses and my family - I try to avoid pharmaceuticals at all costs, because they are often overprescribed and cause more harm than good. I know that a lot of people have felt as if they've benefitted from an anti-depressant though, and each person is different, so I don't want to discount that.

My suggestions would be:

Contact a therapist or women's support group (mom's group) or even a friend that you can talk to or call upon when you need some support!

Contact your doctor, but talk with them about holistic alternatives. My family and I take a whole food, liquid supplement on a daily basis (called Body Balance) - it provides many, many nutrients that we just aren't getting in the food that we eat (even though I try to feed my family healthy food). This supplement is highly absorbable (as opposed to capsule vitamin/mineral supplements that have been reported to only be about 10-20% absorbed by our bodies) and works on a cellular level to help our bodies work at an optimal level. I believe this helped me through my last pregnancy, delivery, post-partum and now with my almost 7 m.o.! I seem to have a higher energy level (I also have three other children and am 35), more mental clarity, and I think my emotions/hormones have stayed more stable. I also feel like it has helped me stay healthier - I don't always take care of myself like I should because I'm so busy taking care of my children and husband - and my family and I have avoided most colds and sicknesses the past year and a half we've been on it! I've heard stories from other people who take Body Balance that they no longer need their anti-depressant, blood pressure and even diabetes medicines! I've been so impressed with this product, and others from the company, that I'm an independent distributor now. If you want more info, look at my website at www.mylifeforce.net/sarahadams, or message me if you have any questions.

If you're not into supplements, try to eat as healthy as possible. Avoid high sugar, artificial flavors and highly processed foods. Drink lots of water. Try to get as much sleep as you can (I know, that's easier said than done when you have a preschooler and a 5 m.o. The key word there is "try".). Try to exercise, even if it's getting out and walking for 15-30 minutes a day. Hopefully your boyfriend helps out with the kids/household chores! If not, talk to him and let him know that you need his help! Research has shown that about 90% of illnesses are a result from stress, so if you can do some of the things above to help reduce your level of stress, it's going to help! We have to be able to help ourselves if we want to help other people (ie. our kids).

Hang in there!! You're in my prayers.

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M.R.

answers from Provo on

I would say you have post partum depression with a five month old. Go to your Doc or old OB to check. It can hit within a year after a birth!

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A.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Have you been to your doctor?? It might be post pardom depression and you should definitely get help. Be sure you are completely honest on how you are feeling and what thoughts you are having. You might need to see a specialist like a psychiatrist they will be better at the meds than just an OB or regular doctor.

This can be very serious so you should seek out support...close family and friends that can help you. Don't be embarrassed lots of people have this after giving birth and it does not need to start right after you had the baby. I know at least two ladies who had it start at least 6 months and another after a year. You can get through this but please look for help.

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B.L.

answers from Boston on

It sounds like you might be having some post partum depression along with everything else. You say you have a 5 month old -- did something happen this month that drastically changed your hormone levels? The highest risk times for developing PPD is 5 days after birth, when menstruation resumes, going back to work, and drastic changes in frequency of breastfeeding or weaning. I would definitely call your doctor's office and demand to speak with a nurse or doctor and tell them what you've written here -- perhaps even read it to them. They'll see you and help you get to the bottom of this.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

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A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It IS very common for new moms, but before you reach for a pill, PLEASE consider the following:

1. Having a baby rocks your world in every way. People really underestimate how much and in what ways. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, hormonally...oh, the hormones...they govern your levels of energy, stamina, and mental capacity more that you realize until they go bonkers. This is normal. Crazy, frustrating, and scary - but normal. I have never met a mom who didn't experience similar thoughts and feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed.

2. Are you getting out? At all? Even a little bit? Getting outside in the fresh air can make a big difference and even moderate exercise is proven to be just as effective in restoring hormone / endorphine balance as mild anti-depressants. I had my son in the fall and it was very difficult to not go stir crazy through the winter months. It definitely affected my coping skills.

3. Is there anyone you can hang out with? Do you have a support system of any kind nearby? I think this is a huge difference between American mothers and those in other countries / traditional communities where everyone is working together, helping and understanding, the normal aftermath of childbirth. Moms aren't as alone. Here, we are really h*** o* ourselves for feeling like we can't do it all. The simple fact is we can't because we're not meant to. I would suggest starting to network through some local church or moms groups if you have no family nearby.

4. How are you eating? This is HUGE. Yes, baby is depending on you and so you may feel like you don't have time or energy to take care of yourself, but as the saying goes, "you can't draw water from an empty well." You need to take EXTRA good care of yourself by eating regularly and making sure your food choices are rich in the following:

-B vitamins (esp effective in combating depression). Start with some Emergen-C 3/x day w/water. You're hydrating, getting B vitamins which help you feel more energized, and getting electrolytes. This is also great if you're nursing and needing to push fluids.

-iron

-folic acid

-fish oil / omega 3 fatty acids

*People who struggle w/depression typically have low levels of the nutrients above. I would suggest foods rather than supplements for maximum absorption and effectiveness. Please PM me if you need suggestions for foods that will supply them for you.

-calcium/vit D

Try to avoid caffiene, which can increase levels of anxiety and feeling "on the edge".

5. Don't do anything w/the anti-depressant until you find out what the issue is w/your thyroid. Your thyroid gland is your hormonal "command central" - so if things are off, it WILL result in you feeling very off, too. This is very common in my family and the symptoms are what you're describing. Medication will help to restore more normal function.

6. Give yourself permission to take care of you. When I had my son (after a previous stillbirth delivery) I was paralyzed with fear and thoughts that were so alarming I thought I was losing it. I cried everyday, felt scared, and was frustrated thinking I should have been "bouncing back" much sooner / better than I was. I really underestimated the recovery process - I had always thought of delivery as the 'destination' rather than the beginning! Be gentle and patient with yourself.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a dr or medical professional, only a mom who has vested a great deal of time and effort in learning about our bodies' natural function, needs, and preventive care (namely with regards to diet). I am very wary of AD meds and their side effects, especially for pregnant or nursing moms. I would do everything I could to address dietary/lifestyle issues before taking them. In your thyroid diagnosis (incomplete as it is now) I would take hope. You will have some more answers soon. I would never discourage you from talking to a dr or counselor - even the process of articulating your thoughts and feelings can be healing.

I will be praying for you.

*hugs*

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Depression is illness, just like the flu or arthritis, and can strike just about anyone at just about any time. All the feeling you describe point to severe depression, and it's not something you can just snap out of. But medication can (gradually) bring back your sunshine, and talk therapy can help it along and help you feel more supported and less alone, so if there's any way at all to work that into your budget/schedule, do that, too.

Call your doc tomorrow and describe how severe your symptoms are. They may ask you to just stick with the Celexa for another week or so, because it does take awhile for some of those antidepressants to change your chemistry enough so they know what the results will be. But it could be that they will want to try a different medication or a different dose. Your doctor can do nothing for you unless you communicate the results so far.

This is not to lay any guilt on you, because you already know this, but your children need a mommy who's able to cope and feel love and contentment. You won't ruin them with a month of emotional disability, but keep pushing toward a solution. Don't allow this to become a chronic situation.

My best to you. I've gone through a very dark period in my life, and it can be quite hellish. But the good news is, you can and will get better, and this period of your life will probably just become a puzzling memory.

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S.H.

answers from Washington DC on

Go tomorrow and speak to your doctor. Do not wait until Oct 12, if your doc wont see you then go see another one. You kids need you, and I don't want you to harm yourself or them. Good luck.

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J.B.

answers from Dayton on

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Definitely call your dr's office and explain to the receptionist that you need to speak to the nurse. There is no way you should have to wait until Oct. 12th for explanation when you are feeling so bad. I'm sure after you speak with the nurse and tell her all you've just told us, she will get you in on Monday or Tuesday at the latest. My experience has been that when you speak with the nurse, she gets with the dr., and is much more able to get an appt. moved up due to whatever is going on. Something is going on, please don't delay calling the dr. office. Please keep us updated.

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