So, This Introvert Walks into a Bar....

I am an introvert, but I am not shy. Many people confuse the two, although you can have introverted people that are shy.

I don't have a problem being social, but I find being around lots of people or being "on" all the time to be draining. Afterwards, I need time by myself to recharge. I have no problem spending time alone, where as extroverted people might find that taxing.

I have a few close friends and many acquaintances - I prefer it that way.

Having too many friends is overrated.

Somewhere in my thirties....I finally made MYSELF break the introvert mold. I'm so sad I didn't do it in my 20s when I was always sitting off in dark corners of parties with a very few close friends MORTIFIED to go meet people. Finally I realized, I LIKE people. I like knowing people. I'm nice. Many other people are nice. I simply MADE myself become outgoing, or at least approach and smile and talk to people. Now it's more natural after years of just doing it. In my 40's I can be that confident person who just goes up to people and meets them and walks away with a new acquaintance or friend if we hit it off. I still naturally prefer intimate small gatherings, but I have a LOT of friends and acquaintances.

The key is to ASK OTHER people about themselves. Stay engaged, show interest, check in, make invites, accept invites, be nice....you know the drill. But you're right, it doesn't happen on it's own, and sometimes I feel like I'm the ONLY ONE making an effort. But it does work. It's never as natural as for some (my good friend knows EVERYONE and can talk to ANYONE-I'll never be her).

When you see that new person and cringe (I know the feeling:) Just breath deep, change your stance, and approach. Good for you for noticing this! You can do it!

I am also an introvert. We like to have a few really good friends. We tend not to be too demanding of their time, and yes, we also tend to have lots more acquaintances than friends. I love this image/list that's shown up on facebook, it's very true for me.
http://livingongrace.blogspot.com/2012/04/caring-for-intr...

When you are busy with kids it's hard work to make time for bonding with a real friend. It's about prioritizing trying to find one. And really one good friend is all we introverts need! I have had friends that I exchange babysitting with and trust them completely but they don't share my interests or they don't prioritize being a friend. There is a need for vulnerability in a friendship and I am sorry to say that most women aren't prepared to be vulnerable.
Are you willing to let another person see your house right now? Are you willing to let them see the dried milk on your fridge shelf? Are you willing to let them know your kids aren't perfect, your feet stink or you have strong opinions on kooky things? That you have fought battles and lost some?
Can you paint a bathroom together? That last one is something my best friend and I have done several times. If she can see the webs behind my potty then we can be fast friends through her divorce and my most pain filled time with my inlaws.
Look on TED talks for a great talk on the benefits of being vulnerable.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince and you have to try to make quite a few aquantences to find your friends. Good Luck! It's worth it!

I am also an introvert.
I have a few close friends.
But I can chat with practically anybody.
I think extroverts NEED lots of feedback from lots of people - they are not often comfortable to be with themselves for any length of time.
The thought of being alone reading a book for a whole Saturday fills them with horror.
They have to be with a pack - sort of like dogs.
I think of introverts as cat people.
We're ok on our own, but we don't NEED to surrounded by people all the time - we can take it or leave it.
Take a class - art, craft, what ever interests you, join a church, volunteer - and meet people.
Do favors for people (but not too much if reciprocation does not happen after awhile - you don't want to be a door mat) run errands, help someone out with baby sitting or picking up/dropping off kids to activities, trade recipes, etc.

My understanding is that introverts need time away from people to recharge their batteries, and extroverts need to be with people to feed their souls. I'm an extrovert. I love being in a room full of people. Love it love it!!

Dawn

I have given up some friendships who seem more inclined to be a "friend collector" then be a real friend.

Hi, Mama:

What do you want from a friend?
Now-a-days, many people are self absorbed.
We don't need each other for survival until a disaster
hits.
Do you go to church?
Do you go to a support group?
Good luck.
D.

I could have wrote this myself. I also would like to change some of those acquaintences into real friendships, but also don't know how to get over the hump. The thought of asking another woman to lunch or coffee without another reason to be there (say meeting about girl scouts or something) is terrifying. It's like dating. Then if they are not interested in that all of a sudden it's awkward when you run into them. Horrors, all of it!

But I am realizing my daughter is an introvert too - she's very happy with her one BFF and I'm trying to get her to be friends with others too incase they don't remain life long friends, so she has others to play with too....

I'll be interested to read your other responses. Good post :)

ps - love Talks link