So Sad About Quitting Breastfeeding.

Updated on August 03, 2006
T.T. asks from Denton, TX
24 answers

My little angle boy is 13 months old and I still breast feed at night, At one I quit pumping and was okay with that but it's getting to be time to quit even the night time one and I don't know how to do it emotionally or physically.
I have thought about taking Claritin to just dry up my milk. I thought if he didn't like it he'd just quit on his own. Is that horrible?
Emotionally I am a wreck, first he is a daddy's boy in and out, they are the best of buds and do everything together, and after having two daddy's girls I thought maybe I'd have a momma's boy. Don't get me wrong I love that my husband loves loves being a daddy and adores his children, but when it comes to the boy he's it, he's the baby, the last one and when I feed him, he needs me and that is our time. I know I have to make other our time activities but it hurts my heart everytime I think about how I am going to stop.
Any one else go through this?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.B.

answers from Dallas on

Don't quit!

I breasfed my first child until she was 1 yr and a half; I breastfed my second child until she was 3 1/2!

I always felt guilty that I sort of "made" my first child stop breastfeeding, so with my second child, we just continued until she was ready to stop. I feel that my second child is so better adjusted emotionally than the first, and I tell you, I feel that part of that is because I didn't force her to quit breastfeeding before she was ready.

You are only doing it at night, can't you continue?

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from Dallas on

Well, I guess I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I also agree with the other two responses...keep on breastfeeding. I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 years old.

If you don't have another major conflict, then I'd keep breastfeeding him. Every month that he continues to receive not only the unmatched nutrition of the breastmilk but also the unmatched nurturing of the breastfeeding time, he will develop in ways that are priceless. As you probably know, breastmilk has over 100 unique ingredients that cannot be duplicated in formula. And, being fed at the breast cannot be duplicated by anybody. The love, security and comfort that a baby feels at their mother's breast will make for a strong, secure and independent child and adult in the future. So, my advice is to breastfeed him as long as possible. You won't ever regret it and you'll be giving your son the greatest gift of all.

Now, I do have to tell you as background, that before I had kids, I had NOT planned on ever breastfeeding. Then, after being told by a good friend about the incredible & unique experience, and after I read more info on the unmatched nutrition and prevention of diseases for a lifetime...I decided that I HAD to breastfeed. I was determined to make it work, even though my mother and mother-in-law had not, nor most my friends. I had a tough time the first few months. However, just around the 4 month or so, is when it becomes like second nature for you and your child. And, in fact, the most wonderful comfort for you both really is experienced in the months just ahead. I set the goal of getting to 6-months and then when I got there I set the goal to 1 year. I ended up breastfeeding much longer. The World Health Organization recommends two years the American Pediatric Assoc. recommends a minimum of 1 year and in other countries they breastfeed even longer. There is even significant scientific data to show that as long as you breastfeed, there continues to be add-on benefits for you and your child long-term. If you feed even as long as 6 months, then you as the mother will reduce your future chances of breast cancer. Of course, the list of benefits goes on and on.

I'm sorry for being so long-winded and I don't mean to put any pressure on you. I don't know your circumstances but only wanted to share my passion for the unbelievable gift of the breastfeeding relationship between mom & child and the nutrition/prevention benefits. I was converted from a mindset of NEVER going to breastfeed to now being a major advocate. Breastfeeding is a sacrifice, but also an unbelievable privelege that God gives ONLY to Moms. Treasure every moment, because once its gone, you can't go back and give the priceless gift again.

In regard to the relationship with their Daddy, I totally understand. My daughter is a "Daddy's Girl" too. But, make your breastfeeding decision based on just the basics that it is the BEST thing you can do for your child. All of the nurturing you give to your child along with LOVE, quality time and attention will build your relationship with your kids long-term too.

Something that you may not be able to control right now, is to be a "stay-at-home" Mom. If you were able to, this decision would provide you with the quantity and quality of time to spend with your children and fostering an unmatched short-term and long-term relationship too. I was a corporate executive before becoming a Mommy at a late age (we had tried for years). Even though it was hard in many ways to walk away from the success I had had, what I knew how to do best and of course the financial contribution to the household, we made the sacrifice and have been doing so for 3 years. I will never regret the time I have to spend with my daughter, even though being an Executive was MUCH EASIER (I never thought I'd say that, prior to having my own children). And, now that my husband is out of work, it makes it even more difficult to not consider going back to work. However, I believe God's will for me it to be home with my children. Each person/couple/family has to decide what is best for them within God's will.

I pray for the very best for you in making these short-term and long-term decisions. You're doing a smart thing by soliciting counsel from others. Take care. Many Blessings - L.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hi T....I agree with the others, if both of you are not ready to quit than you shouldn't. My son is 15 1/2 months and still nursing and VERY attached to it. He drinks out of a sippy cup but will not drink milk from it if I am at home. If I'm not there and it's just my husband or inlaws, he will. I'm probably around 50% ready to stop and the other 50% not so much. Now that he's running all over the place it's our cuddle time. I wish I could say he only nursed at night, but I still nurse him on demand (within reason). If it's just for comfort, I tend to stop him but if he's really drinking then I allow him until he's done. The only downside is that he gets really whiney when I'm home as if it was his choice, he'd graze all day long (the little brat!!). :) Anyhow, my plan is to wean him at 18 months (but it was also my plan to wean him at 12!!) but I'd really like for it to be his choice. I guess we'll just see! I hope you come to terms with either choice and that you find happiness in your decision. :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.

answers from Dallas on

I would encourage you to breastfeed as long as you want to! I know it's contrary to popular customs, but the longer you breastfeed the more benefits you give to you and your baby (lowered risk for cancer to you, better nutrition and a closer relationship with you for your baby). I breastfed my daughter until she was two and I gradually weaned. I decided that if it was stressful for either of us, I would postpone weaning. I dropped one feeding at a time, then switched to once every other day, then once every 2-3 days. Are you concerned about the opinions of others if you continue? What are your reasons for weaning now? If you breastfeed for another 6 - 12 months, you'll be happier in the short term, and 2 years from now, most likely no one else will really care. This is one area of baby care that is really only your decision. And once you wean, you can't change your mind!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Do not feel bad about taking the baby off of breastmilk. Do you give your baby whole milk yet? My daughter was 15 months old before she quit breastfeeding. She was tough! I just kept introducing the whole milk a little watered down so as not to upset her stomach, but the baby will eventually just stop wanting it. Stay strong. I know that you feel bad about losing that time, but it also helps to have time in the evening when you sit with your baby and read or sing to them while you are rocking them to sleep. Just talking to them helps to build a bond. I have a momma's girl and a momma's boy, granted I am a single mom, but my children and I have a very strong bond. I read a children's Bible to both my 2-year old and my 6-month old almost every night. The three of us sit in the rocking chair and read or sing or just talk. Sometimes I turn on some soft music, or my favorite Frank Sinatra, with a dim light and just rock. We love our time together. Remember, it is never to early to read to them. Tell your baby a story where they are the main character. I always tell my children prince and princess stories where they are the main characters. They love it. I have tons of ideas. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

God Bless,
B. B.
###-###-####

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Dallas on

I understand totally how you feel, but am puzzled given that you feel that way, why you feel it's time to quit? I realize that breastfeeding beyond one is not the norm in the western world, but there are certainly benefits to both mom and baby to continue to do so. You will continue to pass on immunity to your child and you are still providing a very healthy food. I breastfed my first child until he was 2 and my milk went away when I was pregnant with my second child. He went to nurse one day and he said "no more milk" and he was fine with that. The second one nursed well beyond two, but as time goes by the feedings become more gradual. At around two, we got so we just read a nite and after that the nursings were much less frequent - usually when he had a trauma. It reached the point where he had gone 2 months without nursing and had an injury and nursed that one last time. Certainly, by then we were both ready, but I still absolutely cherish those days of nursing both my boys and have no regrets whatsover (my boys are now almost 11 and 13 1/2). I too am a working mother and knowing that I gave them such a great start in life really still helps compensate for time I might have lost while working and the emotional bond still remains quite strong.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hey Tonya, Don't be so hard on yourself! I hated it when I quit breastfeeding, it made me very sad too. My son definitely weaned himself, he wanted to run and play, not be pinned in my lap. I tested him to see if he was ready to quit by following our normal routine before bedtime, except this time without nursing, and he went out without a peep. He never lifted my shirt or pointed at me like he was interested again. I personally kinda had a baby blues depression when I quit and I think part of it was due to the hormone changes, breastfeeding releases so many "happy" hormones that when I stopped I could tell the emotional difference in myself. Plus, like you said, it makes it seem like they don't need you as much. It took awhile for me to feel "normal" again and to realize that what I was going through would pass and I should look on the bright side at all the good things my son was now able to do. Don't beat yourself up, I think what you are feeling is normal and will heal with time and other bonding experiences. If you decide it is the right time to quit then do it but don't be afraid to keep going either, take cues from your son - he'll know when he is ready. You are on the right track about the daddy thing, don't resent their close relationship, the kids will be able to tell if you act jealous. Be positive and find something that only you do with them that they love for that special connection. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.O.

answers from Dallas on

T., it's so hard to watch the babies grow up! I miss it all, and loved every minute (almost) of the baby-hood. I had 3 babies in a row.... so I created 15 minutes each night for one-on-one time. My youngest and I would sit on the floor at 12 months and she'd put the little mail cards in that plastic mail box over and over and over again. Or we'd play with the Pooh Bear tree house. It was our time together and we did whatever she wanted for 15 minutes. The other two wanted stories. But we each had our 15 minutes all alone and that was what mattered. I know 15 minutes doesn't sound like a lot but I had to be able to do all three each night and I could guarantee that amount of time.

As far as working, I'm really lucky because I work from home. I do in-home spas and if you're interested let me know, I'm happy to share everything I do and have learned over the years.

Good luck and remember there are many more precious moments with your children to come!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.J.

answers from Dallas on

I loved to nurse my girls and it was had for me to quit. My older 2 girls quit on their own. My baby did not stop nursing until she was 14 mo of course she just nursed at night. It was hard on both of us and I would want to give in but we just started a new routine I would rock her and read her a story and than put her to bed. I did find this cute little bear at world market and it has become her favorite thing to take to bed. She no longer cries at night and she is a happy go luck little girl(17 mo). Now and again she points to my breast and tries to pull up my shirt but we find something else to do and she forgets all about it.
I don't know about Claritin to dry your milk up but I used cabbage leaves and it worked in a couple of days.
I know how you feel about all your kids being daddy's. All my girls are daddy's girls. I tried so hard with my last one to say mama first but her first word was dada same as the others. Just remember to love them and care for them they will always need their mothers.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.T.

answers from Dallas on

I breastfed all of my three kids...and yes I did feel sad when I stopped. I guess it forms a special bond and you know that your baby will never feel as close to you as during that time. Thirteen months is a good time to quit. Those teeth are soon to come in and that may cause problems. But mostly, you need the rest and there will be other ways to bond later on. Don't feel guilty, you did great...13 months is nothing to sneeze about.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.

answers from Dallas on

Hello T.. My name is R. and I have two little girls, Madeline (4) and Morgan (18mo). Reading your message was like reading a page out of my own book. A little history for you...I had to stop breastfeeding my oldest at 7 weeks (dried up) so I went full-force with my youngest. I was determined to go at least 6 months. Well the one year mark came and went and we were doing so well, I just kept with it. By 14 months, she was on all table food and we were just nursing at naptime and at night. It was just our time (like you mentioned). It was the only time of the day where it was just her and I. No big sister, no Daddy...just us. I was so sad about quitting soon. Everyone kept telling me that I shouldn't stop if I was really so sad about it, but it was time. I knew it was time. I'm not really one of those militant breastfeeding Moms. To be quite honest, breastfeeding past a year old was kind of creepy to me...until I was there. Then I understood why Moms just keep going. It's so easy, it's incredibly bonding, and it's just part of a routine that's hard to break.

Ok, so here's how I weaned her at 15months. I began with the naptime feeding. I replaced it with "story time." We would sit in her room in the rocker...just like nursing time...and we would read a book. I had to put her on my lap, facing outward, so she wouldn't get confused and think we were going to nurse. I did that for 3 weeks. She suprised me with how well she did. Then we worked on bedtime. It was a struggle for about 3 or 4 nights and then it was over....just like that. Nursing her is like a dream now, but our bond is still strong. We've continued the story time and it's wonderful. We still get to sit and snuggle and have our own special time, just without the nursing.

So that's my little story. I hope it's helped you in some way. Don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions!

R. M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hi T.,

I breastfed for a year and it was hard to stop. My daughter only wanted me before her nap and before going to bed. I finally started giving her whole milk and she loved it. It was an easy transition for her to use a sipper cup, but I did miss the special time we shared. My milk dried up on its own in just a week’s time. Now my boobs sag!!! =(

I wanted to also share that I have an in home day care. I live in McKinney close to McKinney Ranch and Ridge Road. I have been watching kids in my home since March '05. I worked in a day care center when my daughter was 2 months old so she could be close to me. We were both sick all the time. She had ear infections for 3 months and took several different meds to get her over it. She just ended up getting diarrhea. We had enough! We came home, her ears got well, and I started watching kids in my home. It's been the best decision ever. We just recently moved to McKinney and now the kids have a big playroom. I have a spot available for full or part time care. I do allot of the same things as the centers do. We sing songs, play games, color and paint, act like animals and make their sounds, we do flash cards (for the abc’s, colors, numbers, objects) we have lots of fun playing together. I love children and want to provide them with a fun loving environment where they can learn and play. I am CPR and first aid certified and am listed with the state to provide in home care. If you are interested or know someone that is looking for a great day care, give me a call. I would love to have you over to meet with me and see our playroom.
###-###-#### ____@____.com

Thanks,
M.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.S.

answers from Dallas on

Wow! My heart aches for you! I applaud you for breastfeeding as long as you have.

I hope you find peace in whatever you decide. If I could have, I would have kept breastfeeding. Maybe that is what your heart is telling you to do. My baby self-weaned at 1 year, so I was WAY unprepared to give up that special time. I even continued to make milk for 6 MONTHS afterward. I am convinced it was because I was not emotionally prepared to stop. Of course, I didn't do the cabbage leaf thing, but that is probably the safest, surest way to dry up your milk if you decide to do it.

I guess my biggest advice would be to hold onto BFing your son until your heart is ready or until your circumstances demand it.

Bless you! And congratulations on being a wonderful Mom!

Sherri

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

Oh my gosh, I went through the same thing. I was so sad when my daughter stopped breastfeeding. There is such a strong intimate connection that you just can't explain. My daughter was about the same age and well she was eating so much real food that the breastfeading just wasn't doing anything for her. It became just a nightcap. then one night she just pulled away and that was it. I felt so awfull, and there are times now that I look at pictures of me breastfeeding and I still feel a little sad. My doctor says that it is a normal response.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.

answers from Dallas on

T.,

I have an 11 1/2 month old son and have just now started thinking about when to quit breast feeding. I am just not emotionally ready either. He is our last baby, and I am just not ready to give up that special time I have with him. I guess it sounds silly, I just didn't realize it would be like that. I am going to talk to my pediatrician on his 1 year doctor visit, but I think I am going to continue to breast feed for a little longer. He is a momma's boy right now, mainly because he only nurses. He stopped taking bottles when he was 3 months old. My husband doesn't understand, so he hasn't been a lot of help.

Don't feel like you are alone. Maybe you should think about breast feeding for a little longer, if you can, and see if in a month or two, you feel more at ease in quitting. It really is a tough decision. Good luck.

T.

I am a stay at home mom who goes to school at night. I have 2 beautiful children, a girl who is 5 years old and a boy who is 11 months old.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.F.

answers from Dallas on

I am so thrilled at everyone's responses! When I first read what you had to write I thought, keep on nursing! And then I was pleased to read what everyone else was writing, because I feel the same way. I breastfed my first son till he was 18 mths old, he pretty much weaned himself. And I am now nursing my almost 15mth old son. I can't imagine quitting right now, it seems so natural and I really feel that he still needs it emotionally and physically. I found an excellent resource that you should check out. There's an article about extended breastfeeding on the La Leche League website.

http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBextended.html

And check out all the little links they have throughout the page for more information. I'm sure it will help you feel better about the feelings that you're having and you will realize that maybe you don't have to stop breastfeeding now. There is also advice on there for weaning when you and your baby are ready to wean. I have two little momma's boys and even though my older son doesn't nurse anymore, he can't go to sleep unless his mommy tucks him in! We still have our special time together at bedtime, lots of hugs and kisses, a couple of stories and a prayer. And I'll do that with my younger one too when he stops nursing, but I know that when it stops I will miss it!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.

answers from Dallas on

T.,
why do you need to stop ? Because everybody says it is time ?
I am breastfeeding myself and I wouldn't do it until he is really old, but 13 months is just one month over the minimum recommended age. My baby is almost 10 months and he loves it. I am going to stop when he is ready to stop. Obviously your boy isn't ready yet and it seems like you really enjoy it too.
I heard if you stop breastfeeding it can cause depression etc, so you should build in some extra cuddle time instead. I know that my baby boy is not that big on cuddeling, so when he is breastfeeding that is our time together too. (-:
Friends of mine told me that their babies just naturally refused at one point and that was the end of it. I am sure it will not hurt him if you breastfeed him another 6 months or so.

K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.C.

answers from Dallas on

T.,
I agree with the other moms and don't think you should stop. Benefits of breastmilk have no comparison to the formula or cow milk. At last - it is only the night feeding that you doing. I quit breastfeeding my baby at 15 months... and it was only becasue she was waking up at night at least 3 times (since birth!)looking probably more for comfort than for food (which came out to be the truth within a week). But if it is only once a night and you both love it so much.... keep on loving it. Just like the others said... once you stop - it is gone.
Regarding finding other activities; here is what we did. Lots of giggles and hugs. Oh... got to tell you this, once I stoped breastfeeding my daughter, she was hugging me enourmous amount of time a day! She was never a snuglie girl before, and since that time - she looks for her comfort in mommy in other ways. I missed breastfeeding her for the next few months probably more than she missed it. But at last it was better for both of us. We could all get a good night sleep :) Waking up once - I could do that, 3 or 4 was just too much for both of us (me and her daddy I mean). But you keep up the good work!
Wishing you some more great breastfeeding months!
Keep us updated omn the decision
Lilla

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Dallas on

If it's hurting your heart to stop breastfeeding, then don't stop. That is a relationship you can never get back again once it's gone. Your baby will get sooooo many health benefits by continued nursing. You also get benefits from nursing. The longer you nurse, the lower your chances of getting cervical, uterine, or breast cancer. Only the Western world thinks you need to quit nursing by a certain age and that is ridiculous. The rest of the world nurses much longer; hopefully one day the US will catch up. Nursing is YOUR special time with your son that only the 2 of you can share. Hang on to it and try to prolong it as long as possible. When the relationship is truly over, it won't be hard for either one of you, it will just be a natural step. Also, think about what a GREAT role model you are for other mom's to continue long-term nursing.

Happy Nursing!!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

Hi T.,
I agree with Mary, why stop breastfeeding now? I also breastfed my son until he was 2, and I have wonderful memories about that time. If you can, keep breastfeeding your son, it is your special time with him. You don`t need to feel guilty about it.
I remember my mother in law saying my son was going to be spoiled by me breastfeeding for such a long time, but that`s an old saying.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.

answers from Dallas on

Hey T.,

I can't give you advice on breastfeeding as my son refused the breeast at 5 weeks. Beyond those 5 weeks I didn't get to experience the joys of breastfeeding. What I can give you is advice on bonding. My son is a Daddy's Boy 90% of the time. The other 10% he's all mine. We have snuggle time every night and on weekend mornings we have snuggle time when he wakes up. We watch cartoons or movies, read books or just talk. The funny thing is that he crawls into my lap in the exact same way I held him when I breastfed him. Why is this so extraordinary? My son is 9.

Your bond with your son is there and will remain there. You'll see it in unexpected ways at unexpected times. Follow your heart and your instincts about breastfeeding. The rest will take cre of itself.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.G.

answers from Dallas on

If you are sad about stopping, then don't stop. I plan to do child led weaning. The benefits of breastmilk don't stop just because the baby hits the magical age of one. They continue and grow the longer you do it. :) With child led weaning, you know that you are providing this gift for your child for as long as he needs and wants it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Dallas on

T., the fact that you nursed for 13 months is a wonderful thing in itself! Feeding your baby from a bottle is still a bonding experience. I have several girlfriends who could not nurse and they do not feel any less bonded with their children. It's your scent, voice, touch, love etc. that keeps you bonded. If you are ready to stop do not let yourself feel guilty. Instead pat yourself on the back for doing it as long as you did! :-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.G.

answers from Dallas on

I know exactly what you mean. I breastfed my daughter(my baby and last child) until she was almost 4. It was heartbreaking for both of us to stop, but I knew it was time. She is now 6 years old, and she still talks about missing her "babies" (breasts) and how good the milk tasted. She still wishes she was "just a baby" so that she can "nurse again". I knew that at almost 4 she could understand and I just explained to her that she was a big girl now and that it was time to stop nursing, that the milk is going away and that there would no longer be any more milk. She cried, she pleaded, she asked over the next few weeks, but I would remind her each time that there was no more milk. She eventually stopped mourning the loss. I would hold her, rock her and read to her, sometimes I had to redirect her attention, just to get through it one day at a time. Now, it is just a precious memory, and I allow her to talk about it, but just tell her how big she is, and how I cannot believe how the time is flown and she is such a pretty girl and grown up. But I remind her that even when she is grown and has a family of her own and babies she will nurse, she will always be my baby. These little ones of ours are so resilient and much more able to handle things than we give them credit for. I wish you the best.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches