So I'm Scheduling a Meeting with 7Th Grader's Principal

We went through this with our son when he entered 7th grade and the school counselor told us it happens often. She said that, now that they have 7 classes, 7 teachers, anywhere from 4-7 different assignments of different lenghts due on different grades, it's really overwhelming and that a lot of the kids have difficulty coping. Added to that the fact that our child was younger than a lot of his peers, it was super tough.

One of the things that we did that helped a great deal was to introduce the "universal binder." It went to every class. It had a section for each class with dividers that had pockets. Each section had it's own paper. It had a zipper bag for pens, pencils, a calculator and such. It had one catch all folder. There was room in it for the agenda that the school handed out at the beginning of the year that he wrote his assignments in. It had a "passbook" in it that the teachers could write notes in and that we could write notes or questions in for the teacher.

He still had his binders for the other classes, but everything hit that binder first and it came home every night. Everything he did in class that day went in the binder and if he didn't have time to put it in the section for his class it went in to the catch all section. His teacher's signed his agenda each day to ensure that he had his homework written down. This meant he always had his notes, he always had his homework, no more leaving it at home or in his locker or on his desk. We would sort it all out at night and put it in the section it belonged in and all the return work went into it to go back to school. At the end of the week we brought home all the binders and put everything where it was supposed to go and we started each week fresh.

This made a HUGE difference in his grades because he had accountability, but he also had some organization. We didn't miss anymore notes from school, he didn't lose anymore stuff like notes or worksheets.

When you have your meeting I would recommend asking if you could have a binder that goes to every class, not to replace the ones they want her to have, but to keep her organized and help her stay on top of stuff.

I am sorry A. but good for you in reaching out and I am glad DH is on board with your daughter needing help. Please find a good family therapist where your daughter's emotions and behaviors can be addressed. I think you all need support right now and the principal may have some recommendations. Good luck!! S. A. K., MFT

Honestly, Middle school is a really tough transition...hormones, perr pressure, body image image really weigh in and add to that a child with other issues and it sometimes spells disaster. I know, I've been through this with my step daughter. My step daughter has abandonment issues, suffers depression and has a lot of mental health issues from her mom's side of the family. Her grades were horrid as well. I have to say I wanted her to repeat as well, but I'm not sure how much it would have helped. My advice talk to the administration just to make them aware of your concerns, and also talk with her teachers and see if they have them as well. Try sending her to a summer program. I think making her repeat in addition to all the other issues would be like adding oil to the fire.

This is a tough year for most kids. They are dealing with tons of new kids, some bullying, tons more stimulation from a variety of different teachers, overload in almost every area.

I think making her do it all over again would have no effect. If she had struggled, not been smart enough, to do the work all her previous years then perhaps letting her learn the same stuff over again would help her out.

But I think it is so much harder on them if they are held back. Their friends eventually find out and then they are thought of a dumb.

Spend some time with her and let her work with someone, they must have some sort of school counselor somewhere is the school district. They may not be directly at this school but could still work with her to find out what is happening.

My guesses would be, if it were MY child:

Drugs, either the pressure to try even after she says no repeatedly or the use and aftereffects of that. Whether it's regular drugs or misuse of prescription meds.

Sex. It's there. Kids are having sex parties even in elementary school nowadays. It is often pressure on the kids that aren't having it to do it or keep it quiet.

A bully. This is often something they just can't talk about. The bully demeans them and makes them feel small and useless. They stop functioning because they don't know what to do to stop the pain.
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There are all sorts of social pressures on these kids. Finding out what is going on with her will help you find out how to make it better for her.

I haven't gotten to kids in middle school, yet (next year), but I've read a number of NMPLB emails and thought it might help you and your daughter...certainly couldn't hurt. I find them to be enlightening as well as having many useful ideas.

Holding her back would probably make the situation much worse from articles and studies I've seen. Here's the website:

http://www.nomoreparentsleftbehind.com/

Good luck!!

When I seen a sudden behavior change in my daughter I pushed it off as teenage stuff. I didn't think there was any drug/alcohol problems either. I even got mad at a teacher that suggested it and really was upset with my husband who said he thought she was smoking pot. It was one of the biggest fights we ever had. Then we found pot in her laundry. I am not saying that is your daughter's problem but something happened for a straight A student to be struggling so much she is being concidered to holding back and it isn't age or she would have struggled through out the years. It could be bullying, it could be improper touching or pressure from other classmates or adults. If she won't talk with you, have her talk to a specialist because something is going on.

I recommend you check out Heartlight Ministries http://www.heartlightministries.org/
Mark Gregston, the founder works with troubled teens and their worried parents and offers great advice.

Such a sudden change makes me suspect that something happened--a bullying incident (or ongoing), a texting or sexting incident (have you looked at her phone when you took it away?) or something else. Is she on Facebook? A sports teammate of my son's suffered horrible bullying on Facebook. When I needed help with my 6th grader because he was being bullied I worked with the counselor. Since the counselor resigned at your daughter's school do they share a counselor with another school? I recently attended a 9th grade retreat in which sexting and Facebook issues were discussed and it is scary and incidents with those can be life changing. Either with the school professionals or a private therapist I think you need to get to the bottom of what is causing the change. Repeating 7th grade without knowing why this happened probably won't help and could even make things worse. Good luck.

I HIGHLY encourage you to find a Love and Logic class. These have made a WORLD of difference in the lives of our children! As parents we worry about the decisions our kids make, and in trying "everything", we only manage to make their problem ours, which does the opposite for our child. If it's our problem, why do they have to worry about it... Love and Logic has taught my husband and I how to hand the problem back to our kids in a loving manner. They resist some at first, but as you use your training to remain calm and consistent, you'll start to see her take charge and get behind the root of the problem. Ask the school where you might attend one, and enjoy the lower stress level that comes with it for you and your daughter!