So Called Friend

Updated on December 27, 2012
H.M. asks from Tinley Park, IL
14 answers

So what would you do when you thought that someone was your friend has seem to drop you like a wet rag. Let me give you a bit of back ground a "friend" of mine about a year ago went through a rough patch with her husband they were living in sepearate state etc.. I was there for her supported her and helped her when needed. She and her husband have since gotten back which I am super happy for them and their kids on this. About a month ago both families were to go on a trip to see a light parade and spend the night at a hotel and just hang by the pool. Unfotruantely their dog got very sick and they had to put her down and could not go which I understand. My "friend" was in a funk about it and canceled she FB me about a 2 weeks later and said I'm out of my funk I will text you. I told her my text was acting funky to give me a call. Well that was almost 4 weeks ago, I've tried to communicate both by phone, text and FB. I get the feeling that now that they are no longer obligated to anything in the state in which I live and they had a house she does not want to remain friends. I sent her a text on Christmas and wished her and hubby and kids a merry christmas and have heard nothing back.

Would you leave it as it is and see if she contacted you or would you continue to put in an effort and contact her? I will say I am a bit hurt because I thought we were good friends.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all of the responses mama's it has helpd. I'm going to leave it in her ball court and move on. If she contacts me great if not well then maybe at some point in our lives our paths will cross again.

Have a great New Year all!

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answers from Oklahoma City on

When people move the eventually grow apart. That's the way life is. I would let it go for a while and if she doesn't get back in touch with you then send her a greeting every now and then just so she'll know you're thinking about her. I would wait until maybe Easter though. Give her some time to think about stuff and make that decision.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Colorado Springs on

You're feeling neglected, I think. Actually, you don't know what's going on with your friend. You have no idea. Things in her life could have gone so well that she's enjoying her family and neglecting her friends (and you wouldn't mind if that were the reason). Or things may have gone down so badly that she's doing nothing but weeping alone.

But this is part of friendship. It's not tit for tat; your doing well by her doesn't always mean that she will do well by you - and vice versa. Try to think charitably of her. Think that no news is good news, and let it go. Maybe she will contact you. At the moment you're out of the loop, and that happens to friends frequently.

12 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

People come and go in our lives, good friends come and go in our lives, it's a part of life. We are constantly changing, our lives are constantly chaging, these aren't things we can do anything about it. We grow, and sometimes when that happens friends are lost. Not because anyone did anything or cause they don't care, we just get caught up in the here and now. Leave it alone, when or if she decides to get back to you she will, leave the ball in her court

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

i have had this happen is hard, and it hurts. but honestly, there's nothing you can do. forcing a confrontation will go badly. it sucks, and having nothing you can do makes it even worse - but i think it's time to just accept this is how things are now, and let it go.

it doesn't mean you have to welcome her back with open arms if/when she starts contacting you again, but for your own sake, i would move on. forgive, but don't necessarily forget.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

I've been in your situation. The best thing for you to do is send one final text or email or voicemail and say "Hey, haven't heard from you in a bit, would love to catch up. Call or message me when it's good for you. Hope the family is doing great." And then do nothing further. Leave the ball in her court and let it go. At the very least you will know you have done all you can do and can feel good about yourself. Some friends just get that way. It's about her, not you. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

I think you're over reacting. Christmas was just YESTERDAY and she's probably been busy with more important things.
At any rate, I would leave things alone now. You've tried to contact her, when she wants to and/or has time to, she will contact you back. And if not, oh well, there is nothing that you can do to make her and it just will make you come off as annoying. Focus on your family and the people that you are with instead of worrying about her.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

How long have you known her? That would help me determine how I would answer.
If you've know her less than a year she kind of falls into "neighbor" status. Someone you know or THINK you know, but really don't. They can be quite polite while in your life, but all of a sudden a moving van can show up and off they go...
Friendships take a few years to really build and even then we lose friends along the way as our lives and relationships, jobs, kids, circumstances change.
You are dying to know what's going on with her, but she doesnt want to share it with you.... she's got other things going on that are more important at this particular moment, things that she may know that you are not able to help her with so she's chosen not to share with you.
I'd let some "healing time" go by, and if you still miss her in 6 mos, try looking her up on FB again.
I'm an apaprtment manager, a lot of my tenants consider me their "friend" because I'm nice to them and listen to them. But I am NOT their friend, I would not invite them to my house, I would not ask them to meet me for dinner, however they invite me to stuff continuously.. THEY THINK I'm a friend, I am not. So, see what I mean? You are looking through a different filter than "your friend" did. She had different expectations of your relationship than you do.
Don't be hurt by it, it's just life and it happens.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

This all depends on the length and nature of your friendship. Are you best friends for a long time or did you happen to befriend her just as she needed a friend, a year ago? If she is now in a different state than you, and you are friends short term, then perhaps you should let things be. Chalk it up to a good deed you did for a human being in need. If she is a long term, best friend, you pursue it until she either responds or it is obvious she wants no part of you. Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I'm sorry to say, time to let it go. No matter how good you thought the friendship was, if she doesn't have the time or the inclination to get a hold of you, don't invest any more energy into it.

That said, also be aware that there may be some circumstances which are overwhelming her right now. Some people pull away when they are in a funk,and it may not have cleared for her right now. She just may not want to burden you with it. Everyone's different.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

give her time and i'm sure she will contact you back or just move on...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'd stop texting her at this point. You have gone above and beyond for her and it seems like you think more of her friendship than she does.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I am not sure. But do you think she could still be in a bad place about her dog passing away. She may thought she had recovered from the dog but maybe it hit her again. Like some others have said, I would just leave her an easy going message and tell her that you are there for her if she needs someone to talk to.



answers from Las Vegas on

I think if you leave it as is you will constantly wonder what happened.. IF you feel comfortable.. do this.. shoot her an email and or text (even a new year's card) and ask her if all is well .. Tell her that since you have not heard from her lately, it made you wonder what was up... All you can do is reach out once or twice or even three times.. Thereafter, it's probably best to let it go (at least for now) I mean.. you can't make her respond..

I have a former foster sister for whom I got in contact with. We spoke over the phone a few times and on the third time, a topic that SHE was not comfortable with came up.. I could tell by the change in her voice that I'd probably not be hearing from her again. (and I was right) However, I did reach out to her via email and sent a Christmas card << for which she did not reply to either... I know I did what I could but some relationships aren't meant to be .... in our case... we won't be in contact... I have had to let it go..

do what you can and what you have control over and let the rest go..

good luck


answers from Hartford on

This sounds like middle school, I'm sorry. She has a husband she's trying to reconnect with, children, and her dog recently passed away (a family member, let's face it). She just had to deal with traveling on a holiday like the rest of America, and probably had to do it in stormy weather. If she's stuck somewhere traveling or it's taking longer than anticipated to get home, her cell phone may not even be charged up. Or, since her children are on Christmas break, they're having family time and she's not on the computer or her phone.

My best friend lives 15 minutes away and sometimes we don't talk for weeks. It doesn't mean we're not friends any more. It means we both have busy lives and will catch up at some point, but if we took it personally all the time we'd have stopped being friends 28 years ago when we were 10.

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