Smaller Twin Feeling Good About Clothing "Leftovers"?

everyone needs new underwear and socks right? Remind him that when he needs new shoes or clothes he will get them either from his brother or the store. I have a bunch of kids and sometimes all the girls get new stuff or just my son I tell them that each child gets what they need when they need it. He has been sharing with his brother most of his life so if you don't make a big deal out of neither will he. Also he will get new school supplies like his brother too.Good Luck!
J.

I dont' know..I think I'd buy him new stuff too. I'd probably try to sell the stuff that is "old." I think he would feel awful and maybe a little neglected if everyone is getting new stuff but him. If he was a younger sibling, then I don't think it would be such a big deal, but since he's the same age as his brother, I think he'll feel left out. At 8 he's not going to understand. He's going to feel like something is wrong with him because he's smaller than his brother. That could spiral into low self-esteem and a whole host of other problems.

My second son gets everything hand-me down from his big brother. It really became a problem because he would get excited to have something 'new' and claim it only to have his brother deflate and say, "oh that was mine first." Not exactly the same situation. . . BUT despite the cost, I pepper in some new with the old. I also typically find nicer (read Quality) things for my second one that he really, really likes (shoes, character sweat shirts, coats, special socks, etc). If your son is old enough to understand a conversation might also be in order. He may have no problems at all with the hand me downs as long as he gets some attention and flurry of excitement in the back to school process.
I have found that a sit down is often the best first course of action to really understand if the child will feel left out:)
Have fun with back to school!

I grew up in "hand-me-downs" and it really wasn't a big deal, but everyone (even the oldest) got them. Everyone had a new "sunday outfit" and a couple of other well made "nice" outfits budgeted into their yearly clothing allowance, but other than that everything was patched & altered to fit and sometimes redesigned (boys shirts to dresses, altering out of date styles, dyeing white shirts to favorite colors) and passed on down the line.

If you can, involve your son in making the "hand-me-downs" into his own "new" clothes. Iron-on patches, fabric paint and cut-off styles are the easiest and least time consuming, but try out some dyeing and hemming (jeans to shorts; long sleeve to short sleeve) and other embellishments. If you can sew there are some great tutorials for turning boy's/men's shirts into adorable dresses for little girls too--so your daughter could get her portion of hand-me-downs as well.

If you make it a big deal then it will be a big deal. Make certain you do get him at least one outfit that is new and his own. With some kids, especially boys clothes just don't matter. If he wears the combination of clothes differently than his brother did, others won't notice he is wearing hand me downs.

It really isn't a big deal until some else makes a big deal of it.

One more thing, talk to him about it. See how he feels about it. Then guage what you are going to do. Encourage the open communication understanding that what works for an 8 year old may not work for a 16 year old. I really hope this helps.

When my children grow out of their clothes, I give the clothes to friends. My twin boys just turned 5 and we have friends with twin boys who are just turning 4, so we always give them clothes. I have other friends with older boys and they give us clothes. We can all afford to buy new clothes, but why waste the money. Some of the stuff is barely worn. So if your boys see that you are giving his clothes away to someone else when he's done with them, maybe you can explain that it's a nice thing to get hand me downs. My 7 year old daughter LOVES getting stuff from other people. But it can be hard, I suppose, when the boys are the same age. My friend has twins where one is in the 99th percentile in height and the other is in the 10th! The older gives hand me downs to the sister and she doesn't seem to mind. How does HE seem with it?

HI Mama-
As a child who received the leftovers, I can tell you that it totally sucked. My sister (older) got everything new. I understand the concept (and did then, too) that it was wasteful to buy me new stuff when her old stuff fit me perfectly fine, along with friends clothing that was passed on to me. And then my little sister, because by the time she got there the clothing was worn out, always received new clothes, too.
This is a hard one. My suggestion is to go 2nd hand store shopping for jeans, t-shirts, and whatever you need for the boys. THEN get each boy a couple of brand new outfits or pairs of shoes- whatever you can afford.
For the baby girl, you have to buy what you have to buy. Let the boys know that unfortunately, babies grow so fast that you have to replace their clothing all the time. And when she gets to be their age, she will be wearing hand me downs, too.
One last option is to buy each child a few new outfits and then costco shop or bulk buy things like jeans, t-shirts, uniforms, etc.
I also say that if one will have the most options, but they are not "his" and he has an attitude about it, then get rid of the clothes...take them to Goodwill or Salvation army prior to shopping and let the boys go nuts.

Okay, so now that I have gotten over my childhood pettiness, the deal is this: everything is "new to you" and needs to be seen that way. If you cannot afford new all around, you can't afford it. Are you opposed to second hand? My hubby told me that when he was growing up his mom bought him a new pair of jeans, a new pair of slacks, a new t-shirt, a new dress casual shirt, and a decent pair of shoes or 2 at each school year. The rest was either hand me down of 2nd hand, but the few new items made him feel like a brand new man each year. The rest didn't matter.

I hope that somewhere between my chatter there is something helpful!
Good luck!
-E. M

If you have local children's consignment shops you could consign some of the clothes and get him some new things. Maybe ask him to pick out his favorites then the rest can go to consignment. He could also pick out things from these consignment stores (all your kids could actually!). That way it would be new and cool etc.. but it wouldn't ALL be his brother's hand-me-downs.

I am so worried about this happening with my twin boys. They're almost 2 and one is starting to outgrow his brother. While it would be wasteful to not use hand-me-downs, I want to make sure that my smaller son still gets some new clothes. I'd hate for him to feel like his brother is loved more or liked more or whatever else may creep into his head. Buying him a few new outfits won't break the bank but will save his self-esteem.

As in so many things with kids, it mostly comes down to you being okay with it, confident, and explaining things honestly, but in not a lot of words. Your body motion, your face, you voice - all this will communicate to him, too. Do you feel unsure, guilty, etc? That is what he will pick up on.

So be frank - we love you, we have enough money to buy everything we need (ie. you boys are not a burden on us, we aren't going to give you away - they must have had a really rough life before coming to you). And we don't buy everything new all the time. So, since you can wear these clothes and they still look good, we are buying you some new things.

Point out to him that he has x many more shirts than his brother and isnt he lucky. But tell him in secret and also tell him not to let his brother know so brother wont feel bad. Kids are very easy to manipulate (this is how abusers get them to keep secrets). Tell him in the right way and without feeling badly and he will be happy. If you apologize and tell him not to feel bad, he WILL feel bad. If you tell him how lucky he is, he WILL feel lucky. Just make sure he doesnt try to rub it in to his twin or the twin might point out all the new stuff he is getting. Another thing to try is wash all the hand-me-downs and put them away for a few weeks. Then have small twin help you hang them up in his closet.

This is the time of year for Tag sales... I would keep an eye open for some sale with a table of kids clothes... and spend a few dollars on a few things just for the smaller twin..... you'd be surprised what is like new.. and would be a great surprise for your little guy... and CHEAP. just a few things that are not hand me downs in his eyes, will make all the difference.

I think if you were to buy him a few new things, then he would be fine. Don't think too far into it b/c they are kids and even "old" stuff is new to them! Good luck....

I honestly think it won't be that big of a deal as you think it may. My youngest daughter does get a lot of hand me downs from not only her sister who is 2 years older but a cousin in the middle of their ages. When shopping I do try to get an item or two for my youngest but I have to admit I buy way more clothing for my oldest. Its just the way life works...and honestly I was the youngest in my family and it didn't make or break me....its just the way it is. As long as your not making him wear ragged clothes (which I'm sure your not) I wouldn't worry about it. I especially think most boys would most likely care less than a girl would. Just make sure you try to get him a new pair of shoes and/or a couple new items.

I have 2 girls, 11 yrs old, and one is thinner than the other and not as leggy. She gets her sister's hand me downs. I just make sure to get her something new so she is not only wearing "leftovers". She likes to point out that she has so many more clothes than her sister. Like mentioned, if you don't make a big deal, he most likely won't either. One thing though is that at 8 yrs old and given the ability now, he will start to have his own tastes. There may be a shirt or pair of pants he just really does not like. I don't force my daughter to wear her sister's old clothes if she really just does not like it. It will sit in a drawer and never come out. Better to pass on to someone else.

Let him pick out a few new items he really likes so he has a few special things and don't worry too much. Also, freecycle.org often has baby and kids clothes getting passed around.

I don't think there is any way to not have him feel like he is getting leftovers- if thats what he's getting.
How tough to know that your brother AND sister get all the new stuff, and you only get used things....
If I were you I'd split the money up evenly still and get them all new stuff. Yes money can be tight and it's hard, but really? You don't want to get him to thinking he's less than or puny or unworthy of new things. Thats classic Cinderella complex!

You can buy each child some new clothes, but not buy more for some than others. Let your son pick any clothes that he particularly likes from his brother, but don't require him to keep all the hand-me-downs. How about selling the items that your smaller son doesn't want? As you buy on EBay, you can also sell. There are probably some nice consignment shops around and if the clothes are in good condition, they will sell. You can decide as a family what to do with the money you earn.