Sleeping Issues - East Amherst, NY

L., I have went through exactly what you are going through and still going throught it sort of. My daughter is now two and this sleeping issue started around the same time. She woke up crying and then I would rock to sleep and she would be out for the night. Then it was rocking at least 5 times a night. That got very tiring so what I started to do what co-sleep with my daughter. I have to admit the crying stopped and we were all happy. I don't mind co-sleeping so that may not work for you. I had to do what made myself and my daughter comfortable. Then she went into her own twin bed and sleeping now jan 2008 throughout the whole night with occasional wakeups. I have to tell you I have been through those crying nights for about 1 1/2 years. They are not easy. I have been there to comfort in the middle of a cry attack and nothing soothes. My daughter still wakes up crying and yelling for me and I will be right there and that will not calm her down. I even asked about it to the pediatrician whether it was night terrors or if she just does this. If I have a day where my daughter gets disciplined more on one day she is waking up that night I swear. I sometimes even feel like not yelling so she can sleep comfortably. good luck I am still going through this.

L.,

Let her cry it out - if she's crying, she's breathing. If it makes for long nights, then start the 'crying it out' routine for her naps....... she needs to learn to soothe herself. I found with my kids that the Ferber method didn't work. When I went in the room and then left, they cried more....It doesn't take long for kids to learn to soothe themselves.

Good Luck!

There could be different factors going on. 10 months is around the age where they cognitively understand that they are a separate person from mommy, hence separation anxiety. In the beginning of this stage, when you leave the room they think you have disapeared. I remember months 9-11 being hard in this respect. We co-sleep with our now 14 month old and she during that time she would wake up every hour crying until we went in to her. I do not think that 10 months are cabable of manipulation as some responders have suggested. Your baby sounds scared and at that age, a baby's needs are the same as a baby's wants. As for CIO, I think you need to trust your knowledge of your baby. For me and my baby, it just felt wrong. I know people who let their kids cry and they seem to be just fine. I know others whose children have sleep and anxiety issues. I think it depends on the baby's temperment. How does your daughter behave during the day? Is she clingy and anxious during the day too? Also, rather than chiding yourself for "enabling" her by rocking her, why not think that you've been helping her learn to go to sleep by using a developmentally approriate method that she will outgrow? My daughter needed to carried or nursed to sleep until she was about 12 months. One day I sensed that she was ready for the next step and I just laid down next to her and rubbed her and sang gently until she fell asleep. I am glad I never let her cry because she has a good relationship with sleep and nightime, she looks forward to it. You know your baby better than anybody and if you keep trusting that you will know when she is ready for gentle help in falling asleep by herself. I also recommend reading the No-Cry-Sleep Solution and The Baby Sleep Book, they have good and realistic info.

Good luck

Hi L., I am sorry to hear that you are having problems, I think we all go through it at one time or another (I know, that doesn't help). I would go with my gut, if you think something is wrong, check with your MD. At 10 months, you daughter could very well be teething, so you might want to try something like Oragel night time for babies or Ambesol (not sure of the spelling of either). If it doesn't seem to be teething, but more night terrors or nightmares (there is a distinct difference) you will need to handle the problem differently. For my son, with nightmares, I can go in and soothe him, if it is night terrors, he doesn't even know that I am in the room. What has been helping for the last several months is (and I may sound crazy, but it's worth a try) every night when I put him down for the night, I tell him to "tell anyone that is not of God to leave and to ask God and his angels to watch over him and protect him from anything that might scare or harm him and to keep him safe". I know that they seem too young to understand, but it has really helped my son. I also have a Herkimer Diamond (a Herkimer Diamond is a naturally faceted quartz crystal, a regular quartz crystal will work too if you choose to use the two in conjunction) in his room that I clear when the "prayer" doesn't seem to be working so well and it has really helped my son. My son used to wake up nightly until I started doing this, now if he does and I clear the crystal, he doesn't seem to have any problems sleeping through the night. Anyway, it can't hurt to try, I am not a proponent of letting a child cry it out, there is usually a reason behind the crying; I don't believe it's attention getting most of the time. It can't help a child to feel comfortable going to bed and believing that they are safe if they are left to cry until they fall asleep from exhaustion, they are just too afraid to let anyone know that they are scared. I hope this helps.

i understand what you are going through, my son now 3 years old, use to get up in the middle of the night, crying, for comfort, i always have rocked him to sleep for nap and bedtime and still do, but when i was breaking the middle of the night comforting, i opted for alittle of the crying it out, and comforting, i would let him cry for 15 min or so then go in and lean over the crib and rub his back and hum to him, to let him know i was there. when he fell asleep i would tip toe out of the room, as time went by i would let him cry it out longer and rubbing his back got to be less time, eventually he would just accept a quick back rub and then nothing at all. just to let you know i still rock my son to sleep it is our special cuddle time, this also helped when he started to get up after he was in a toddler bed and could come into my room, i just brought him back tucked him in and kissed him goodnight, these happen very few night but the cuddle time is the best part of our bedtime routine, dont give up the rocking to sleep,

a stay at home mom of a three year old boy and a 18 month old girl, with a husband that works at night.

You need to do what is best for your baby. Maybe she is just the type of personality that needs her mom more right now. Personally I don't believe in letting them cry it out. I believe the only reason they stop crying is because they give up knowing you won't come. Not because they really "learned" to self soothe. To me there is a big difference between the two.

Does she sleep if you put her in bed with you or put the crib right next to your bed? There are other options besides letting her cry it out.

I've just gone through the same thing. My son now 1yr has just started sleeping through the night. Although I hear him wimper or cry at night he falls back asleep and doesn't go through the fits of hysteria that used to last for over an hour when I let him "cry it out" (yeah we didn't do that more than twice. I'm not sure who it works for but not us). I used to pat his bottom to put him to sleep. Then I began to just hold him, no rocking, no patting. It took awhile for him to settle himself at first, but then he began to do it. Then I progressed to putting him down for his nap just as he got settled but before he fell asleep, again it took awhile for this to work. I've also had to keep him up later than I would like at night ( 9:30 -10pm) to give him a late dose of milk. I've worked on all that for the past two months, but it's finally working. Of course it could be that he's just growing up now. Hope that helps

Hi L., Could your little girl be teething? Something is waking her up! I have raised 5 and never let any of them cry it out! Hug her, rock her, do whatever you have to do to comfort her. Before long she will grow up, now she needs you. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

My suggestion would be not to rock her back to sleep. You're getting her back to sleep, instead of her learning how to do it. She's crying at nap and during the night because she's saying, Hey! I can't fall alseep! come help me!! That is how she is used to it. So, I'd say to work on helping her learn to do it herself. Rock her before bed and before nap for a while, but as soon as she gets sleepy, lay her in her crib, stay there and keep rubbing, shhhhing, patting, humming, whatever it is you do, until she falls asleep IN her crib. Across the days, leave before she falls asleep in her crib. At night, more of the same. Go into her room, hug her IN her crib and lay her back down. You may have to do it A TON at first. She has to learn differently. But, personally, I believe consistency is everything. Don't give in. 3 tough days, is worth months of frustration. Hang in there!

Hi L.,

What you need to do is to go in to her room to let her know you are there. Explain to her that everything's ok, but it's time to go back to sleep. You can rub her back, or her arms and legs, but don't pick her up. Stay there talking to her explaining that it's time to go back to sleep, that she is safe, etc. for about a minute. Then, leave her room. Stay out for about a minute, then go back in and comfort her for about a minute again. Then leave again. This time stay out for two minutes. Keep doing this until she finally falls asleep, each time staying out of her room for longer and longer periods of time. This is how I got my son to start sleeping through the night. It took about three or four nights, but boy was I happy when he finally slept the whole night!!!The first night it took about an hour, then he fell asleep. The second night it took 40 minutes, and on the third night when he woke up I had to go in once or twice, and the fourth night he didn't wake up at all! Believe me, I was exhausted. I would go into the living room and watch the clock on the cable box.
I learned this trick from a friend of mine who used it for her two daughters. Hope this helps! Good luck.

Hey L.
Perhaps you should try looking up night terrors on google and read through the info that comes up and see if your daughter has the symptoms. Although night terrors commonly start at age 2 or 3, it is not uncommon for them to start earlier.
Check it out and good luck.

I don't agree that there is necessarily something wrong when CIO doesn't work. My 1 year old wakes up once or twice a night and just starts whining then screaming. I have let her cry it out, and sometimes she will go back to sleep in 10 minutes and sometimes not.

She is just extremely STUBBORN! Seriously, it's like she knows that if she cries for 3 hours, someone will eventually come in!

I have tried everything and there is no rhyme or reason to when she wakes up, except that she wants ME, and by the time I pick her up she is a total mess, and there is just no way she could have fallen asleep on her own by that point.

I am interested in any more suggestions you all might have!

C.

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/sleep.htm

I would say go with your gut feeling, you feel something is not quite right so you should check it out,

hope you find this link helpful

M

Hi L.,
Uh...I feel for you!! I would definitely check with your Dr. to rule out an ear infection. Not too long ago our 10 month old did the same thing...I called the Dr. in desperation and he told me to bring her in.....low and behold she had a double ear infection. She was completely fine when she was awake during the day and showed no other signs of infection. She also would go back to sleep by being rocked. The Dr. informed me that an ear infection affects them after they have been lying down b/c the fluid builds up in their ears. Then they are able to fall to sleep again in an upright position. Good luck....I hope it's something that simple!!

In my experience when crying it out does not work there is something wrong. Is she sick? Ear infection? Teething? Perhaps you should take her in to the dr. to rule ou anything medically.

I do not think that by rocking her back to sleep occasionally at 10 months is enabling her. All babies need that when they are that young. But at 10 months they should be learning to soothe themselves and that was about the time I tried CIO with my daughter. Perhaps you are going about the CIO methos wrong. Try using intervals. 1st night let her cry for 5 minutes before soothing her. Next time increase it to 10 minutes, etc.

I didn't give up rocking my kids to sleep during naps and at bedtime until they were around 18 months. But I stopped rocking them in the middle of the night when I knew that there wasn't something else wrong. It was rough in the begininng but they are all incredibly great sleepers now!

Good luck.

A.

L.,
I have noticed that my son, now 12 months, goes through phases when he is very difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep. My husband and I have concluded that it has to do with his teething. He got his first 2 at @ 9 and 10 months and then nothing. He slept in his crib the whole night for several weeks. And then a few weeks ago we could see about 5 making their way down. I know it must be not only painful but confusing to a baby. I soothe him to sleep and when he wakes up, I do whatever I can to get him to sleep, and often bring him into bed with us. I am not worried about developing a bad habit with him. I am confident that when he goes off to college he will be able to self soothe! I know that it is a phase that he will gradually move out of, like the month he would only drink milk and eat 'o' shaped cereal. It drove me crazy, but eventually he moved on. We all have to pick our battles and for me, trying to make him soothe himself to sleep when he obviously wants to be held and comforted just makes me feel bad. I got hung up on the self soothing thing because I kept reading about how babies should be able to do it. And then I was turned onto Dr. Sears and his philosophy about night time parenting. It really resonated with me. You may want to check out his website or book if you are interested in some ideas that may help you to feel less guilty about giving your baby the comfort it sounds like she needs. Have you also talked to your pediatrician about it? Is it possible she has an ear infection? Mine just had one and it was very bad for sleeping. I am so glad that we took him to the doctor, he wasn't grabbing at his ear, only the crying.
Hopes this helps.

Maybe she has a tummy ache. Could she be lactose intolerant? Or constipated?