Sleep Trouble 16 Mo. Old

S., at this age, she should not have any food at night! Her body has adjusted to eat as much as she needs during the day, especially if she was sleeping through the night for a while. If you feel like she needs something, offer her a sippy cup with water. I have 3 kids and when they all would start waking up at night like it's happening to you, they would suddenly reach a new milestone or do something new or stop something (maybe she is getting ready to stop nursing?). It was like they were getting anxious or excited about what was coming soon. I would advise to keep doing what you do, rock her, put her on bed and if she wakes up while during this, just push her mattress with your hand so she can feel the rocking motion but without you holding her...then make the movement softer and softer until you're gone. I'm so sure this will go away soon. It's always stressful to have the first child, but it gets so much easier with each more. You feel confident about what you're doing, you aren't as stressed and you enjoy them even more. The bonus is that siblings entertain and teach things to each other. And older siblings are very helpful getting you emergency wipes and diapers or anything you need handed right away!

PS Don't feel bad if she is crying if you have done everything she needs: if she is not hungry, she has a clean diaper and she's gotten enough sleep and attention. You aren't ignoring her, sometimes kids want some extra attention or go through some insecurities so just talk to her from the doorway so she knows that she is not alone. Always wait a few minutes before rushing in. Most times they go back to sleep after 5 minutes of crying. And what's key...you won't start a new habit (rocking at midnight, sleeping with you, eating at night, etc) and that's reaaaaally hard to break (a whole new story).

Buy and read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth to learn more about how you should be doing this. You're right - it SHOULD get easier every night, but with each return trip you make her crying is becoming more intense because she knows you'll come back.

It does get easier, but instead of rushing in and rocking her then putting her down, you might want to try letting her cry for five minutes when she wakes before going to her. Pat her on the back and say "it's time for night night" then leave. Wait 10 minutes til the next trip, then 15, then 20, etc. Do not pick her up and rock her, otherwise that is what she'll be expecting. This method is known as gradual extinction and takes longer than extinction CIO. We chose extinction CIO - night 1 was 45 mins, night 2 was 12 mins, night 3 was 2.

Even if you decide this method is not suitable, pick ONE method and be consistent with it. Changing up everything only leads to more confusion and frustration for the child. You know your family and your situation best, so good luck with whatever you decide.

I feel your pain. I am having the same problem with my 12 1/2 month old. I was nursing him in the middle of the night once a night just about the same times you were and decided we needed to do something about it as well, since we are all so tired.

We are working on it now. We started 4 nights ago and it has been getting better. The first night was the worst my husband went in and tried rocking him for about an hour and he cried every time he laid him back down. So after an hour of rocking him he laid him down and he of course started crying and my husband left the room and only he came back every 15 minutes after that and didn't pick him up. After the first hour it took about 3-4 times of going in every 15 minutes for him to go back to sleep. The 2nd night my husband and I alternated going in every 15 minutes and not picking him up, just comforting him for about a minute or so, that only lasted 45 minutes. The third night was about 40 minutes of crying and last night I heard him wake up and cry a few times but while I was waiting for the first 15 minutes to go by to go in, he feel back to sleep. I think this happened twice but I never actually went in b/c he always cried for less than 15 minutes and went back to sleep. So we will see what happens tonight but it has been a difficult past few nights. And when we would go in for that minute to comfort him as soon as we left he seemed to cry harder which was the worst and so hard to listen to but I know that in the long run it is going to help everyone get a better night sleep. Good Luck and let us know how it goes!!

my doctor told me that the best thing to do is to just let them cry it out. i tried to go in every few minutes, but she would just cry longer because she knew that i would come in eventually. so the doctor said to just let her cry until she went to bed on her own, and that only took a few nights to get her sleeping through the night. just turn down the monitor a bit so it doesn't break your heart. it took like 45 min the first night and then less time from then on. hope it helps, because you need your sleep too

I also want to recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. My son had sleep prbls from the very beginning. I wish I had read this book earlier b/c it helped us sooooo much. One of the most important things I have found to help us is my consistency which then enabled my son to form better sleep habits. I know what you go through when you hear your daughter cry... This book has other solutions too so you don't have to listen to her cry it out.

Hey S.,

I too read Dr. Weissbluth's book. It has some very valid points, he states your child wants your attention and crying is how he/she gets it. IT WORKS!! I also agree that we are doing our child a service by allowing them space to relax and sleep, even if it is not on their agenda.They need that space, and completely agree. However, I felt it was too painful a method for both of us to get through. I made it through endless crying for 3 nights before my husband finally told me to knock it off for my own sanity! HE WAS RIGHT!

I am a huge fan of Furber method. It allows the child time to work it out, with controlled intervals of checking on them. Works much better for MOMMY'S sanity! ;) Don't pick the child up, make eye contact or speak. Just shhhhh.... and rub their tummy. Once calmed, leave the room. Even if they start to cry, just walk out. Start with 10 minutes, then double to 20, 40, and so on. The way I got through it was to put a fan in our room and turn off the monitor. I know... I'm HORRIBLE!! ;) But, I set my alarm for the allotted time to recheck my sons, and then I used that time to sleep. BECAUSE I NEEDED IT! We still had a few rough nights, but it was a much easier transition for all of us. You need to use what works best for you, but I thought having a few options to choose from would be nice. Best wishes!

Hello I'm a child and family development specialist. Crying is not always a bad thing. Its one of the tools a baby has to work things out with. Going in and picking up your baby knowing nothing is wrong, supports her idea to continue getting up. The more you do this, the longer she will continue to protest going back to sleep. As sad as we feel about their crying, it is just another lesson in life for them to able to work things out. I hope this helps you !! V.

Hi S.,
I also recommend Dr. Weissbluth's book. I found that with my daughter, I could not go back in and check every so many minutes...it just made things worse. She would just cry waiting for my next check-in. Finally, I decided to just check her once - change her, cuddle her, make sure nothing was physically wrong with her - and then let her cry. It was hard to listen to her cry, but like you, I was so tired that I could not imagine ever having another child. But, things got better and now I have son. My son has been sleeping through the night for months and just started waking up at night again. I am dreading it, but I am going to have start letting him cry for a few nights. Be encouraged...it will get better soon!

So, you are giving her a bedtime snack something to drink and cereal or whatever and putting her down for the night. She is waking up between 2 and 4 and not settling right back down? My son woke up between 2 and 4 his entire childhood. He would get up, go to the bathroom, get a drink and go back to bed. He did this from the time he was 18 months old all the way through high school. I would just see if she has to go to the bathroom, give her a drink, turn on the nightlight and some soft music and go back to bed. Crying herself back to sleep will not cause her life to end unless she is sobbing so hard she makes herself ill.

What helped me was going in and being with her, not picking her up unless she was frantic. I would talk softly to her, softly shhhsh her and rub her back, gentley lay her back down if she tried getting up. Slowly I would back out, still talking softly letting her know I was there, then I would stand out side the door shhhshing her with the door closed until she was a sleep. Basically, you want to teach her that you'll always be there for her, but that it's bed time and bed time is for sleeping. Of course you want to go to her if she's frantic and scared, but if she's just awake and wanting you this might work. It got to a point where I could talk to my daughter through the door on the nights where she just woke up for some odd reason and she would calm and go back to sleep. Granted some nights were good and some were not so good, but she's a great sleeper now.

I hope this works for you.

First, I've never let my sons CIO and they are better sleepers than most of my friends who have done it. I think it's neglectful to know your child wants you and just pretend they don't. There are more positive and pro-active ways to sleep train.
Has your husband tried? My son wanted to nurse whenever he woke up and at about 18 months we finally decided that Daddy would have to be the one to go in and settle him. We didn't let him cry and it stopped after a few nights as long as I didn't go in. I still nurse him, just not when he wakes up at night.
It could be teeth, if this is a new thing. Late molars or the canines could be coming in. Try getting some teething tablets and give them to her when you go in, then rock with her and sing to her and let them kick in and try to put her down again.
Good Luck! :)

I totally understand your despair. I don't know if this will work for you but it worked for me because I couldn't bear to listen to my son cry it out. I responded each time he cried but I didn't pick him up, talk much to him, or feed him. I went into his room, stroked his hair, and said something like, "It's okay, go back to sleep. I love you." I kept it simple, subdued, and short. If he continued to cry I would go back in after 5 minutes or so and repeat the cycle. After about a week of this he stopped waking up (or at least he stopped crying when he woke up). I think he just wanted to know I would come if he needed me, however, once he realized he didn't get huge rewards for waking up, the behaviour extinguished. P.S. There is no metabolic reason your child needs to be nursed at this age/weight in the middle of the night so don't let that make you feel guilty.

try putting a night light in her room and a cd player with some soft soothing music.K.

My daughter is 19mo and still nurses at night. Your daugther still needs you and needs to nurse, even at night. If you can nurse her laying down you can rest (maybe even fall asleep) at the same time.