Sleep, Son Needs Us with Him. Seperation Anxioity

I am probably not the person you want answering b/c we cosleep with our 9 month old and our 2 1/2 year old sleeps in his bed in our room and climbs into bed with us or we climb in with him quite often. It's not for everyone, but it works.

In my opinion, children up until a certain point don't have the tools they need to deal with what comes up for them and when there are lots of changes, we rely on our wisdom and experiences to accomodate those changes. Sometimes we even struggle through. Your son doesn't have any of that. He needs your support.

I guess what I am trying to say is do what you think your son needs. If he needs to sleep in your room for a while, then do it. It doesn't meant that he will be there forever or through high school. It just means that he needs to do it right now. In a week, he may be ready to go back to his room consistently.

My friend's 9 year old sleeps frequently on a mattress on their bedroom floor. She struggles with it, but told me once that she didn't want to be alone at night and feels secure knowing there is someone right there. Why shouldn't her son have that same sense of security.

You will hear from both sides....the "your child must sleep in their bed every minute of the night" camp and my "family bed/room" camp. Do what works for you. There is no right answer. If you think sleeping on the cot at the foot of your bed is what he and your family needs, then do it! You are ultimately the one who makes the decision, not those of us who don't live in your house.

If you want permission, then you have it from me. I honestly know more people who admit to a child sleeping part of the night in their room or bed than I know people who insist on their child remaining in their room.

Good luck mama!

There is a lot going on here.. First of all, if your child can climb out of his crib.. He is done with the crib, so the conversion will help.

Help him find a "Lovey" if he does not already have one.. Children have different things.. A plush toy, a soft blanket, whatever he finds comfort in. This can help him comfort himself.

You need to decide if he is allowed to come into your room at night and sleep on the cot/floor. Tell him not to wake you guys up if he comes in..

We did not allow this, instead we told our daughter she was a big girl with a big girl bed and if she woke up, she could look at books quietly, but not get out of her bed. If she did get out and come into our room, we walked her back EVERYTIME. Yes, it was hard to miss sleep for those 3 nights, but she got the idea that we were not backing down. Keep the lights off, do not speak with him, just walk him back and put him in bed.. If he says anything or cries, just say, "it is time for you to sleep in your bed".

Also with all of these changes and changes in the future, the way you respond will set the tone.. When his friend was moved to the new room, make sure to tell your son, "wow, johnny is a big boy now. Soon you will be a big boy too." Or do not concentrate on his friend not being there, instead divert his attention with the fun kids that are still in his room.

When making major changes in the house or in a schedule.. Give him a heads up starting a few days before.." We are going to get rid of the old carpet. We are excited to see how the room will look without it!"
"We are moving the furniture this weekend. Help me decide where we want to put your picture books."

I congratulate you for wanting to meet his needs instead of just fixing the "problem". The cot at the foot of your bed is a great idea. Show him where it is and practice creeping into your room "quiet as a mouse" and snuggling down into the cot. You want to make sure he can do it on his own without waking you or needing you to settle him. Make sure it is comfy and has a blanket, and pillow if he uses one, maybe a stuffed pal. He'll feel safe if he can be near you. He'll outgrow it eventually. There's just been a lot of change. And moving to a new room in daycare might add more stress, even though he'll be happy to see his friends again. The little guy just needs to know that he's safe and that you're there for him. You won't go away like his friend or the carpet or his pacifier.

This is a tough one. I kind of agree with Wendy that your son is very stressed and needs your help getting through this, because he doesn't have the emotional maturity to do it on his own. When my daughter was three, she became scared of storms and fireworks. She would literally panic and the more we tried to fight it by encouraging her that everything was ok, that she was a big girl, that mommy and daddy couldn't sleep in her bed, the more stressed she got. So during a storm, I would go lay with her until she fell asleep - and when we had our son and that wasn't always possible, I would tell her that I was going to check on her in five minutes. Then, when I would go back into her room, I would praise her for being in bed and for being so brave. I think the more patience and "sea of calm" you can exude, the better for your son. I don't think you will be fostering bad habits if you can get him through this stressful time. Good luck!!