Sleep Schedule Advice

Updated on October 29, 2009
K.P. asks from Pacific Palisades, CA
17 answers

Hello Mamas, I need advice:

My husband needs about 1 1/2 hours less sleep than I do, gets about 6 - 6 1/2 hours a night, and gets up at 5:30 am. Most days, when the alarm clock goes off, I am wide awake too. I've always been a light sleeper, and even when I am really tired, I find it very difficult to get back to sleep after his alarm goes off, but by the time the day is halfway over, I am wrecked. The tiredness makes me nauseous and gives me a headache. That said, it's really hard to get to bed an hour and a half earlier than he does at night -- and when he comes in, he usually crashes around anyway, even when trying to be quiet (same goes for the am), and finding a time for a nap is equally difficult. Prior to our being married, I was quite the night owl; I am trying to fit into his sleep schedule but am having a lot of trouble, although I am now usually up and starting my day by 6:30 every morning -- but I find that, by the end of the week, I am hitting the snooze button for an hour or resetting the alarm for 7:30 and then scrambling to get out the door by eight so I can get to work and school on time.

We don't have any kids yet, but I am pregnant and due in January -- at which point I know we are both going to be sleep deprived, and I know that's going to be crazy. I've tried earplugs and can't start downing coffee since I'm pregnant. Has anyone else had this problem - and have you found any good solutions?

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?

Thank you, Mamas, for alll your great advice.

Just for the record, he really does try to be quiet and even gets dressed in another room; I just think guys are louder in general and I am light sleeper. We do have an air filter on in the room that works well for white noise, and the alarm is actually set pretty quitely; I think part of the problem is that the alarm is the same one that I use an hour and a half later, so it's confusing conditioning. I love the vibrating watch idea and will try that, as well as maybe the sleep mask too.

On the bright side, he's already volunteered to help out as much as possible with the baby at night, so there's definitely an upside to him not needing as much sleep as I do!!

Featured Answers

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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

Maybe sleep in another room? I know it doesn't seem exactly great for a marriage, but the alternative, being overly tired, is worse for a marriage.

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C.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi- perhaps your husband can use a different type of alarm clock that won't wake you up as easily? My husband uses his cell phone on vibrate. It actually does wake him up since his wake time is so consistent. Alternatively, there are those lamp alarm clocks that are just a light that gradually gets brighter and brighter- you could wear a sleep mask. Maybe it won't hurt to give it a try? He could try it out while you sleep in a different room for a few nights.

BTW, I hope he's willing to take advantage of his lesser need for sleep when baby comes- perhaps pull the night shift for you? =)

1 mom found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My hubby also wakes early (around 4:45 a.m.)He sets his clothes outside our door and dresses and gets ready in the other bathroom. He glides out quietly, but always whispers, "I love you, Beautiful" every morning. Luckily, he mostly wakes before his alarm.

Google "vibrating watch alarm" and see if he'll agree to use one. He may not want something around his wrist all night, but really, your sleep is VERY important and it seems a small price to pay for your health and emotional well-being. I like that lamp idea, too, the one that gets progressively brighter and then you could wear eye shades. You would have to see which one actually works better for him, which one actually wakes him up (tactile vibration or visual brightness). I hope one of them does because the audio obviously wakes you, too!

Good luck in your pregnancy. Congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Since you are pregnant, you NEED your rest. However you can get it.
If at all feasible, try sleeping in another room.
I know, its not ideal, but at least you may get better sleep that way. For now.

When I was on my last trimester of pregnancy, I did that. Because I was SO uncomfortable with my huge belly and pains... it was the only way I could sleep. AND I didn't want any blankets on me, because I was MEGA hot at night and I needed ALL the windows open and I tossed and turned & woke a lot to pee. So I was waking my light sleeping husband. So, that was "my" solution. And I was more rested.

Once baby came... well, BOTH parents have to help and wake at all hours as needed. That is just the way it is, and you will be sleep deprived. A newborn needs to feed at all times as needed, and they have to adjust to this world/our smells/noises/needs to bond etc., and you will need to change diapers. You and Hubby.

Beforehand, before baby comes home, you and Hubby need to talk about it and any solutions or who will do what once baby comes. Your RESTING and sleeping needs will be paramount as well. So, Hubby will have to help. (Lack of Sleep) and stress rest also can affect the amount of milk a Mom produces for example. And, as a safety thing... if you are tired and groggy, well a baby does not go according to that... and you will need to be alert. Lots of Moms fall asleep during nursings for example... because of fatigue. But if baby is in your lap nursing, you need to be awake, for example.

Every Mom is different... but you need to rest/sleep. Instead of trying to fit into your Husband's sleep schedule.... do what you need as a pregnant woman and upcoming new Mom. That to me, is an important priority, for now at least.

All the best,
Susan

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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

You might try a cup of camomile tea right before you turn in. Just one cup knocks me out for a solid eight hours. Or tell your hubby that you both need to go to bed earlier and blame the pregnancy hormones... =)

Good luck
R.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes yes yes I have this problem too. My hubby is a sound sleeper, he snores a bit if he's laying in the wrong position, and he gets up around 5:30am as well. The only difference is that I also have been up and down all night with our son who doesn't sleep well. SO I am beat down tired. The only thing I can suggest is to sleep in another room. I know it sucks but if you are going to be having a baby you have got to get sleep now. There really is no way to avoid him using an alarm clock and it takes time to adjust your sleep patterns, although getting to bed by 10 is much better for your health. Good luck!

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Here are a few things that work for me that you may want to try: Have him get ALL of his clothes and shoes and jacket and everything out of the room the night before, so he can leave the room quickly and quietly. Have him close the door completely and softly behind him, so that he can move around the rest of the house without you hearing every little thing. Have him turn down his alarm, so he can just barely hear it, it will still wake him up (it only works this way on Radio for my husbands clock) and to turn it off IMMEDIATELY (my husbands is on for like 2.3 seconds before he shuts it off, lol). Ask him to please not wake you, and to not slam anything, as you are having really bad headaches in the later part of the day due to lack of sleep. Practice staying in bed and resting, even if he wakes you, and your body will figure it out soon enough that it isn't time to get up yet. And lastly, don't put too much pressure on him or yourself about it, your not going to keep any routine much longer anyway, lol. Good luck :)

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N.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

One thing I can tell you is that after I got through my first trimester when I was psychotically tired, I became a much lighter sleeper. It is a symptom of pregnancy where once I was awake, which happened often due to the need to visit the loo or whatever sort of disturbance, I was AWAKE. My brain would kick on and it was over. I have heard this is a natural preparation that your body does to prepare you for the future when the baby is awake all the time.
Any chance you can sleep during your lunch break? I used to nap in my car. Good luck!

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H.V.

answers from Las Vegas on

My only advice, besides asking him to be quiet, is to sleep somewhere else. I'm pregnant too and have been sleeping in the guest room for the last few months. My husband comes home from work in the middle of the night and it's the only way I can get a good night's sleep. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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A.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

how aboutkaking a nap in the afternoon if you think you have troublenow whait till youyour child good luck A. no hills

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M.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

you say you have tried earplugs...have you been putting them in correctly? i use them because my husband snores like a bear and i don't hear a peep. it's very common to wear earplugs incorrectly and putting them in can take practice. let's start with the right ear:
1. put the earplug in your right hand and hold it with your index finger and thumb.
2. roll the tip between your fingers so it's pointy, and hold it tightly.
3. wrap your left arm around the back of your head and grab your right ear.
4. pull your right ear up and back.
5. stick the pointy end of the earplug deep into your ear and hold it there with your index finger.
6. release your left hand.
7. the earplug will start to expand in your ear. once it's expanded, remove your index finger.
repeat with the left side.

this probably sounds like a lot of effort but once you get it down it takes only a few seconds. it's really worth the effort so you can sleep in. good luck!!

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C.P.

answers from San Diego on

wow, i'm in the same situation. i'm so sorry. not the preggers part, but the husband who needs way less sleep, comes to bed after me and gets up before me. and each thing distrubs my sleep. i've asked him in every way possible to be quite, to brush his teeth in another room, etc. nothing has worked and i seem to just have to live with the lack of sleep. sucks. i like the suggestions of sleep in another room occassionally. i almost got to this point, then became a mom (adopted) and all ideas of "normal" sleep went away and pure survival kicked in. Now that I'm 2 years in and sleeping more, the same issue is there and I might start sleeping in another room occassionally. its the only option. you can't use earplugs after the baby is here cause you have to be able to hear the baby. the hubby says he'll "help" now, but you'll see. it'll be all about you in the middle of the night. he might try to help (god bless him if he does) but that'll probalby be short lived. get ready girl, you can do it!! btw, i'm a full time working mom and often had to go to work on 2-3 hours of broken up sleep. tough!

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes. Sleep in another room. Problem solved. You can't spend the rest of your life walking around like a zombie because you don't get enough sleep. (My husband works half a state away that solves a lot of our problems, but I'm assuming you don't want to banish yours to another part of the state.)

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P.M.

answers from San Diego on

Can he turn the alarm to a quieter setting? If sleeping in another room isn't an option, what about some white noise in the room? A fan, an air filter, a radio turned to a station playing static? Try using the ear plugs with the white noise.

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K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have to say I agree with the post suggesting your husband try to be quieter in the mornings and respect your need for sleep, especially since you're pregnant. my husband would set out all his stuff the night before and just get up and leave the room, get dressed in another rom and use a different bathroom so I could sleep extra (when my daughter was an infant the best time for us to sleep was between 3am-11am. sometimes I even got 4 hours at one time!)
sleeping in another room is another option of course, but I think your husband could meet you half way on this.
for sure you'll want to communicate very clearly and how the division of labor/sleep will be when the baby comes...
good luck and congrats!

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K.R.

answers from San Diego on

my hubby has your problem--he is the light sleeper and can't fall back asleep if woken at 5am (like when our 9mo old cried and woke us up this morning--I got up & took care of her and HE's the one who couldn't fall back asleep!)

On days that I have to get up first, I try to set out what I can the night before so I can be more quiet for him. Maybe your husband can try adjusting his morning routine... leaving the lights off, getting dressing in another room...?

I also get tired before him at night (probably b/c I'm the one doing house chores while he's on the couch watching TV--but that's another story!) ...but I like going to bed together. so this also sounds like your other dilema. but you're just going to have to go to bed earlier if you need more sleep. (and ask him to keep the house super quiet for you!) if you can't sleep, at least some quiet, eyes-closed-in-the-dark time can't hurt.

Caffine in the afternoon: one cup of coffee a day shouldn't be a problem even in pregnancy (but if you still have reservations, maybe drink a small cup only on days you REALLY need it!)

Now here's the twist--once baby comes, your sleep patterns will change. Initially, you'll just lay down whenever you can, but once s/he is sleeping 4-8 hours at a stretch at night, then you will probably try to sleep around the night/morning feedings. I felt delirious for a few months until I could get at least 5 hours in a stretch! You will find a way to get through it, but resting more now, isn't going to help in January anyway (don't we all WISH we could stock up on sleep though!!)

Congrats on the growing family... I'm rooting for the 9th--my daughter's bday ;-) keep your feet up,

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

How about you both go to bed 90 minutes earlier, you wear an eye mask, and he either reads or watches tv with earphones (if you have a tv in your bedroom)?

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