Sleep Issues - Quincy,IL

First make a plan that you can stick to and be consistent with. Start by telling her she is a big girl and will get to start sleeping in her own bed. Make it a big deal and then make a nice bedtime routine, for example: bath, bed time story, play quiet music, lay with her, and then leave and let her fall asleep on her own. When she gets out of bed, and she will many times, be consistent. Put her back every time and tell her it's bed time. It will be really hard at first, but if you stick to it, it will be so much better in the long run.

You could get a bigger bed. :) I know that most people don't believe the family bed is healthy. But these years go by so darn fast. Eventually, they are ok with being moved to their own bed after they fall asleep. Just keep moving her and eventually she'll get it. Of course, you could put your foot down and just put her back every time she comes out. It's tiring but she'll tire of the fight eventually.

Suzi

when I wanted to move my daughter out of my bed I was advised to have a bed right next to mine, then start moving it away in increments, then down the hall, then into her room. The first night it was crazy and she stood in a corner and screamed. She did stay in the bed and I continued to move it down the hall. This was when she was four. I was a single mother at the time and felt safest when she was near me. It was hard. Most important for me was that I believed in what I was doing and was able to convey that to her.

My son started out in bed with us because every time he woke up in tears it woke up my husband. He works full time and I'm a SAHM, so I felt bad for my husband and put our son in bed with us. When we figured out this was going to be a long term problem if we didn't fix it now I had to let him cry some. It was very h*** o* me at first because of the interupted sleep. It probably took about a month before he realized I wasn't going to come and bring him to bed with us.
It broke my heart everytime I had to let him cry, I even cried some. But, you know, when I made his crib into his toddler bed he slept through the night the very 1st time with out coming into our room. My son turns three in March and he has been in his toddler bed almost one year now.

oh, one thing I learned during this process (toddler bed)was to put them in bed, read a story , tell them good-night, I love you.... and after you leave the room if they come back into your room put them back in bed with out saying a word. This could happen multiple times before they stay. It worked for me when my son did try to come into our room after the toddler bed went up.

Good luck, it can be a very hard process.

A. -
I HIGHLY recommend getting the book "Sleeping Through the Night." We used it on both of our sons when they were nine months through 3-years-old. Turns out we were doing everything wrong and the book really, really helped us with the sleep struggle. The most important thing I remember is the fact that a child must go to sleep in the same environment that she will awaken to over and over during the night. That way she can put herself back to sleep. For example, don't play music (i.e. a hanging mobile)if the music isn't going to be there all night. Don't lay down with her to go to sleep if you won't be there when she awakens. The environment needs to stay consistent from the moment she lays her head down to the waking hours. I hope that makes sense...this book was a Godsend. Best wishes! - T.

We had the same problem (our fault) and this is what worked for us, it takes a while, but you will be happy you did this. Establish a bedtime routine,- bath, then storys, and maybe a song. Then sit in the room with her until she falls asleep, each night move furhter and further until you are outside the room. During day time hours set up a "bed" folded blankets on your floor with a pillow next to your side of the bed. Tell her if she gets scared at night she can sleep in her special "bed" in your room, but only in her special bed. If she gets in your bed you will put her back in her bed in HER ROOM. Your bed is for mommy & daddy only, just like her bed in her room is for her only. DO NOT let her sleep in your bed for naps or anything else. We had a "bed" on the floor for about six months she did not go to it every night, but just knowing it was there comforted her. She sometimes would get in her special "bed" then go back to her own room because it was more comfortable. Good Luck Hope this helps.

Hi A., my youngest son, now four had sleep issues too. The best place to get help is a woman named K. West. She is also known as "The Sleep Lady". She has a website which is sleeplady.com. My son was nearly a year old before he would sleep more than about two hours by himself in his crib. K. West had a program that fixed the problem in about 9 nights. I know she deals with older children's sleep problems too. Give the website a look!

A., I have the same problem with my one year old.....I'm interested in any suggestions that are shared with you. My son is turning one this month and he simply will not sleep on his own!

Have you tried a reward chart? Create your own on poster board and reward your daugther each day with a sticker for sleeping in her own bed. Then at the end of each week or month REWARD her with something big!! Like a dinner date with Mommy or a movie at the Theatre. Something really cool! I have learned with Daughters, its best to discuss this with them. Like men, you often need to make them think this is their own idea (even at a young age). If your daughter can suggest something cool to do for a reward, then this is "HER" idea.

You might also want to try a baby monitor or intercom system. My daughter and I had this problem and I found a cheap set of intercoms worked wonders. My daughter's fears were being alone and the dark. She still struggles with the dark and she is now 9. But she knows she is never alone and if she needed anything all she had to do was beep.

The only thing my daughter sleeps with now, is a nightlight and favorite animal.

A.,

Well, it sounds like you have tried it all. I can empathize with you because we also tried it all. We never allowed our daughter to sleep in our bed, but just as soon as she figured out how to crawl out of the crib we had to put her in a toddler bed. It was all down hill from there. She would not stay in there to save our lives. We tried all the things that you tried as well. She just kept coming out! Bed time was terrible and we hated every minute of it. Every time we'd go to the pediatrician, they'd tell us what to do and the parents as teachers would tell us what to do as well. I even watched the Nanny to see what she does - it seems like all those kids have the staying in bed issue. Ultimately, we had to choose the method that worked best for our sanity. It may sound cruel, but after a week of camping out in her room like the nanny only to find her staring at us in wonderment, another week camped out outside of her bedroom for her to come peek to see if we were there and who knows what else (this dragged on for months) we finally put her baby gate on her door way and shut her in. I couldn't take it. I would tell her night night and explain that she needed to stay in her bed and then lock her in there. I felt bad in the beginning, but it was the fastest method we tried and it saved me from gritting my teeth and about letting her have it. i was SOOOO tired of putting her back in there! Since then, I have heard another mom tell me that her pediatrician actually recommended changing the door knob around and locking her in. It worked for her. I hope that helps. Just remember that whatever method you choose has to communicate to your daughter that it is not alright to get out of bed at night and that you still love her, but she needs to do as she's asked. My daughter pitched many fits before this worked, but it finally succeeded. After my daughter learned to stay in b/c of the gate, we removed the gate. Then, she would stand in her door way and yell for us in the mornings (which woke her infant brother up) - take the good with the bad, I suppose :) Good luck. Know that she loves you and wants to be with you, but you need your time too and her daddy definitely needs to sleep in his own bed!

B.

Hi A.,

Whatever you do, it will be a gradual process if you want it to work out. We've had major sleep problems with my daughter since she was born. She ended up sleeping with us out of necessity - no one was sleeping at all - in the same bed we at least got some sleep. However, as she got older, she took up more space and tosses constantly. It was never the best solution for us.

An excellent resource in StL is the St. Luke's sleep clinic, which we were referred to by our pediatrician. If it is not sleep issues, but just bed transitioning, you could call them and see what a consult would cost. They have EXCELLENT resources, literature and support.

Another great resource is Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, and I believe she has a book out for toddlers.

Many resources recommend starting with her own bed, or sleeping bag, or mattress on the floor of your room. If her toddler bed will fit, I would start with that. As she gets used to that, you would move it/her out of your room. The other key is absolute consistency. Talk to her about your new game plan - she is going to sleep in her own bed from now on because Mommy and Daddy need their sleep to be happy parents. Then do not let her in your bed for any reason. Just calmly direct her back to her own bed. If possible, start the new plan on a weekend or time when you can afford to lose some sleep, and preferably, your husband can be there to help you stay consistent. The first few nights will be the worst. As it gets better, be wary of the night she gets in in the middle of the night. If you wake up and find her there, just gently put her back in her own bed.

The other thing I found helpful was to start out napping in her own room. Eventually my daughter got comfortable in there, and we were then able to get her to start the night going to sleep in her bed. And finally after 3 years, we have just put our feet down and insisted she stay in her bed until the sun comes up (or you could set an alarm). Your daughter is 2, so I would take it a bit easier on her. She hasn't known any other way. She loves sleeping next to you as much as you and your husband love snuggling with each other. Take your time and she WILL get there eventually.

Good luck!

M.

Hi A., the best thing would be to buy a bigger bed. I know we did lol. My son slept with us till he was 8 years old. At that time he said he wanted his own bed, we made it happen and it was the last night he spent in our bed.

I know of no other species that bans their offspring from their nest while they are young.

My son is a very nice, secure young man now and it was well worth it while it lasted.

I had those same problems with my 5 year old son. But he now sleeps in his own bed in his own room. I had to keep taking him back to his own bed for almost a year. But then we fell on some hard times and ended up at a homeless shelter and there he would sleep in his own bed with no problems. When we did get our own apartment again, it took him about 6 months and he was back in his bed and hasn't been in ours since. A lot of the time you have to let them do it on their own. Sooner or later she will not want to sleep in your bed and want to stay in her own. But until the only thing I can say is that you have to be prepared for some nights where you don't get much sleep and keep taking her back to her room.

This is such a tough issue--breaking that habit is sooo hard. When she wakes up after 2 hours, do what you did when she was an infant--soothe her, give her a little water and put her back in her bed. One other idea I have used is starting "small" with a favorite, "special" blanket or nap pad next to your bed, and slowly moving it away from the bed (over the course of days or weeks etc.). At some point, you may just have to deal with tears etc. My kids are teens now (twin 16 yo daughters and a 15 yo son) and my experience--born of sheer exhaustion and just not having enough arms/time/patience during their toddler years--was that a couple of rough nights/weeks always paid off in the long run. I had to survive through what I was sure would be the emotional destruction of my little angels when I wouldn't let them sleep in my bed/have a cookie at bedtime/watch tv/drink koolaid from a bottle, but it always worked out in the end. Incidentally, my husband is in the military and we would go weeks sometimes without him home and I had the same issue--sometimes they were all in the bed, and sometimes they rotated through. When my husband got home he had no problem booting them out...(and none of them ever challenged him--they KNEW it wouldn't work!) I really feel for you on this one! Hang in there! You're doing great. :)

Hi A.,
I had the same issue with my only daughter (who slept in my bed when my husband worked mids). See how this works...
First, go out and buy a little calendar with cute stickers, and maybe some earplugs. Next, pick a night when you are ready to be up all hours to do battle with her. Finally, tell her she has 2 choices. Sleep in her own bed in her room...or....sleep in her own bed right next to yours in your room. Be firm that these are her ONLY two choices!!! Sing her to sleep (even while she's crying)and maybe hold her hand while she's in her bed and you're in yours. The next hard part--when she climbs into bed with you later, you must be 100% consistent to put her back into her bed next to yours, and IGNORE the whining and crying. You may do this over 50 times, but you'll eventually wear her out and she will accept that Mommy means business; your hubby may want to sleep on the couch until the hard core training is over, but it's worth the pain in the long run. Every night she stays in her bed ALL night, she gets a sticker on her calendar. When she gets 7 in a row, she gets to go to the store with you and pick out wonderful big girl jammies. Future rewards, of course, should be non-monetary, like playtime at the park, or hide-n-seek in the dark with flashlights...fun stuff for her. Good luck!

Angie P.

Oh, i have been in your shoes. My oldest was like that. We finally put a full size mattress on the floor in her room and the toddler bed/mattress by your bed. She would do ok but alwasy wanted in our bed. Then when we moved she would sleep in the recliner because our room was now on the mane floor. She was 5 before we finally got her in her own room in a real bed. We had to make a bedtime routine. Put on nightgown, brush teeth, read book. It took about a month to get her out 100%. Every child is different and it takes time. But if you want to ever get your bed back start working with her now. Let her decorate her room or pick out new sheets. Feel free to ask me more information if you need it. There is no correct way to fix. But with the next on we didn't let her in our bed but now that she is five she sneaks down to our room. So good luck. If you need more let me know.

L.

We did the family bed with both my boys, my oldest moved out sooner than my youngest.
With my oldest we had to put his bed next to ours, and gradually move it towards the other side of the room. The time we actually put him into is own room, we were actually moving, so we did a special party and all to celebrate his "new" room.
My youngest, just decided he wanted to sleep like a big boy in his own room. He still crawls in with us, but usually when not feeling well, or after a bad dream. We put him in bed after a bit, or just let him stay.
Cherish this time. Befor you know it, she wont want to be snuggling with mom, and you will miss it.
A friend of mine, spent almost a yr trying to get her daughter into her own room. She let her daughter pick the decorations and all, and fought and fought her trying to sleep in her room. Finally, when she was ready, she did.
I think when your daughter is ready, she will want to.

Let me state first and formost...been there, done that twice...my husband has been on 2 deployments in 3 years so the kids think mommy needs "company" so it is a constant battle. My first recommendation, is to make it a VERY big deal that she has a "big girl bed" of her own...if she hasn't picked out her own sheets...take her to the store to do that. I would also recommend investing in a colored light bulb and switch out with a side lamp and leave that on as a night light. Tell her that it is important that she sleeps in her own bed and that your bed is for mommy and daddy (although she is welcome to come snuggle...when the sun comes up or whatever time you choose) but that it is important that she learns to sleep in her big girl room just like you sleep in yours. Find out if there is a fear and address it. I would recommend a routine bed procedure, play, pick up room, brush teeth, read 1-3 books and tuck her in. Remember, you are the adult and have more willpower than she does...every time she gets out of bed...put her back...yes, it is a pain in the butt...yes, it is time consuming...and yes, it may involve tears. But let her know that you are there for her if she really needs you but it is time to be a big girl...perhaps reinforce with small reward after a week like take her to McDonald's... Keep it up and stay with it...It WILL work, you just need to have more patience than she does...Right now, she is convinced that she rules the roost, not you and daddy which is evident by her kicking him out of bed...for your sake, your husband's sake and the sake of your marriage....stick to your guns! Good luck! L. B

When my kids wanted to sleep in our bed at that age, I told them no. If they wanted to be in our room they had to sleep in a sleeping bag next to our bed. They only did that a couple times, then they realized their beds were more comfortable. It also meant that my dh or i didn't have to move to the couch.

Be prepared for a few nights of no sleep. You have to kick her out of your bed if you ever want to sleep with your husband again. She needs to be told that she is going to her own bed and she will stay there and no matter how much she screams and fights, you must make her stay there. You need to tell her a couple of times that she's going to sleep in her very own big girl bed tonight a few times before going to bed to prepare her. She'll be in denial because to this point, she has made the rules. If you stay consistent with it and don't give in, it'll only take a few nights 2-3 and she'll be sleeping in her own bed. DON'T start something you aren't prepared to follow through with because you'll do more harm than good and DON'T try a compromise by moving her bed into your room. That's not going to do you any good either. It's going to be difficult but it needs to be done and putting it off is not going to make it any better.

I wondered "why" until I read your last sentence. You are
a busy mom....going to school and working and the only time
your beautiful daughter has to be "close" to you is during
the night. One thing that always helped me, and I raised five,
was when I understood the difference between a "need" and
a "habit". A need is there until there is no longer a need.
But it hangs on and isn't as easily dealt with. A habit on
the other hand can be dealt with and your child will move on
without much trauma. Children will grow out of needs as they
mature and take on new challanges...such as sleeping in her
own bed. Now, especially at her age, she needs to be close
to you and if your attitude can be "This too shall pass" and
I'll just meet her needs for today, then you can "enjoy" this
very special time with her. Take it from a grandma of 27,
they grow up too quickly! Daddy being gone a lot has an affect
on her too. Lie down with her in her bed until she goes to
sleep. She will eventually sleep there all night. Sunny G-ma

I did the exact same thing that you did. My husband was gone for 2 years in Iraq and our son slept with me from the time he was born up until just a few months ago and he just turned 3. I just let him fall asleep in my bed then carry him to his own bed. For a while he would get up and come back into my room. When he would fall asleep I would take him back into his bed. He sleeps through the night in his bed but still has to fall asleep in my bed. I just keep telling myself that in another 15 or 16 years I will be able to get some sleep. HA HA! Just enjoy that your little one wants to be with you because when puberty hits you will probably be the last person she goes to. Don't you remember growing up thinking that your parents were so lame? She's 2. Enjoy these moments.

K.

Maybe you could try putting her bed in your room until she will sleep in it and then move the bed to her room.

Hi A.,
Wow,does your situation bring back memories....My boys are now 17 and 19. We had the same ordeal with our oldest son. He also slept with us from infancy through about 3 years. I found a constant bedtime routine (bathtime,rocking, reading books in bed) helped. When he would get up at night (as long as he wasn't in distress) I would just hold his hand and lead him back to his room, tuck him in and say good night. If he got up again, I would just repeat the same routine. When we first started this, it was hard. He wanted to get up and play. I can remember sitting in the hallway (in tears)with the lights off, hoping that he would fall asleep, at the same time letting them know that I was there. If I could tell that it was not going to be an easy evening to bed, we had a little imaginary game that we played once he was tucked into bed, lights off....Either I or he would start a story (about anything) after a minute, it would be the other persons turn to add-on and continue the tail in their version. We did this back and forth, until he would fall asleep and stay there. Now, as a teenager, when my youngest son has trouble falling asleep, we still do the imaginary game. I know it sounds silly, but I think it just gets their mind off of whatever anxiety they might me experiencing. Just remember, it takes time to transition them into their own rooms and beds. Also, make a big deal out of it whenever she does sleep a few hours, or the whole night in her bedroom. Good Luck! You sound like a great Mom!

I went through this same thing with my son. He was extremely sick with Asthma for a very long time and I would often have him in bed with me so that I would know if his Asthma was acting up again. But as he got older and that got better it became uncomfortable to be in bed with him, he likes to kick and flop in his sleep. I made a game out of getting him to sleep in his own bed. Small rewards for him sleeping in his bed all night. And as hard as it was at all hours of the night, anytime he got in bed with me, I would immediately get up, take him back to his bed and quietly tell him he was a big boy and needed to sleep in his own bed. It took a long time, but now he sleeps in his own bed and I can finally sleep again. You just have to be consistent and persistent. It is a very difficult habit to break, but she will come around. Good luck.

I had the same issues with my husband working late into the night when our oldest was your daughter's age. We were buddies and I just brought her to bed with me, but then my husband's schedule changed and we finally had to put up a baby gate across her door and tell her she could not come out until we came to get her. It worked better than shutting her door or locking it b/c she could at least see outside of her room.
Was there crying and screaming? You bet there was, but you HAVE TO BE TOUGH and not respond. She will get the message. It will take about a week but you and your husband will get your bed back.
Jenny

I agree with letting them help decorate their rooms and making it their own special place. My husband worked nights and our daughter would sleep with me, but when his shift changed and she would wake up in the middle of the night - she would come stand at the side of the bed and I moved over and she would get in. Then there was the battle of wits - my husband would say no and she would wait until he was snoring and she would ease into the bed. Have you tried sleeping in her room with her? My daughter was scared of the shadows she would see from car lights or noises, so we put 2 twin beds in her room and would take turns sleeping in her room - but there were times when my husband would fall asleep and she would leave him in her room and come get in the bed with me. When my husband told her she needed to stay in her room because she was a big girl - she wanted to know why he did stay in his own room and said he was a big baby. Once we got a routine down for bedtime - she adjusted, we got an egg timer and she had to be in bed by the time it went off and if she did she was able to watch a movie of her choice and she was usually sleep before it was over. There are still times when she comes and gets in our bed to cuddle - we recently moved and this is the first time she stayed in her room the first night without getting up and coming in our room. She is 9 though also.Bottom line - she needs to feel safe in her room and like being in there and since you have finished school - you have a little more time to work out a schedule.

You are just going to have to take her back to her bed when she gets up. We went thru this when we moved them from the crib to a full size bed. We usually lay down with them until they fall asleep. If they get up though we take them right back to bed. It takes a few times but eventually they figure out that they need to sleep in their bed. You could reward her for sleeping all night in her bed too like letting her pick out a new night light or something like that. We sometimes have to do this again after they are sick and I let them sleep with us a couple of nights.

Good luck!

There are several great books out regarding your issue. My husband and I just finished one suggesting staying in with the kiddo the first night, second night moving a bit away from the bed, fourth night you move closer to the door, and so on and so on. It's a slow moving process, but the kids know they are safe and secure because she can see you. It's working great with our 10 month old. Good luck!

We've just been through this with our 2 year old! She's slept with us until she was 18 months, then went to a crib, then to a toddler bed. Just last week she started getting up in the middle of the night and coming to our bed. We wouldn't have much of a problem with this, except that she kicks us so much, none of us sleeps (plus, I'm 36 weeks pregnant!). Anyway, we just had to start disciplining her and explaining over and over again that we can't sleep when she sleeps with us. We tell her we love her and love to snuggle with her, but nighttime is time to be in her bed and for us to be in ours. We had several very difficult nights with lots of tears and screaming (mostly just from her--ha ha!), but now she sleeps on her own again. We use her old crib for time outs (with no mattress in it because she can climb out with the mattress in) and I think what finally worked was leaving her in it one night for about 20 minutes or so. I think she started to fall asleep in it (on the hard bottom part) and was not happy about it, so we haven't had much problem since then. We have increased snuggle time and this seems to help, too. Anyway, hope all that helps.

Where does she take her naps? Maybe start with naps in her room in the toddler bed first & then move to night time. Let her pick out bedding and a new blanket for her big girl bed. Maybe even a doll or toy to sleep with. Once she's used to that, she can start sleeping there at night. Tell her she's getting too big and there isn't room in your bed for 3 people. At bed time, you just have to be strong & don't give in. To help you be strong, get a video monitor so you can look at her at night without waking her. Make sure her room is baby proof & put a safety knob over her door knob so she can't get out & go to your room. It will be hard at first, so I would start the night time move on a long weekend. She will cry and get mad, but she will get tired & fall asleep. She'll be fine in her room. It will be worth it! Be strong and Good luck!

A......I encourage you to read, The Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg. She will explain how to work with your daughter when it's time for sleeping. Please be consistant....that is the key. It may take a week, and you may be tired out but it will work!! The Baby Whisperer also has a Toddler version too, I encourage you to read both!!

Well yes I have to be honest I told my SIL the same (it was her own fault) when she had this same issue w/ her daughter. You are starting better then her though, her daughter was 3. I would take it in steps, let her fall asleep in you bed for a week or so then put her in her own bed, if she wakes up just keeping putting her back in her own big girl bed. After she has that pretty well mastered then start putting her to bed in her own bed.
You could also start her out by not sleeping IN your bed but on the floor bedside your bed, that's what I always did w/ my boys from the beginning if they came to our room they were allowed to sleep 'with' us but they did it by getting their pillow and blankie and sleeping on the floor beside our bed.
The bad thing is w/ you working it will take several sleepless nights and be Prepared she will fight hard to stay in your bed so just Be Strong Mommy!!! No matter how much she cries or throws fits keep getting her back to her bed! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!! =)