Sleep Deprived

Dear A., I am a grandmother now so it has been a while since I put babies to bed but I am sold on Gary Ezzo's book called Babywise. It will help any mother put any child on a schedule. I wish I had it when my kids were young. Hope it helps. You can visit his web site at garyezzo.org.
C. W.

My mom said that giving baby a little bit of rice cereal before bed helps them sleep longer (stays in the tummy). At 7 months, he should be old enough for it.

Dear A.,
Are you open to the Ferber method, often called the "cry it out" method? I am a person who has worked with children for over 25 years and as a mother found that I felt completely certain that crying it out was not harmful. Not harmful to the attachment of parent and child. I can speak from experience of being a tired, sleep deprived mother of twins, that now at 5, they are good sleepers and I am a well rested mom, who meets their needs and all seem to be well attached, from my biased opinion. So, if you are, I imagine you will get advice in both directions. If you want to know more about it, and how I did it,in a way that felt loving. I'd love to share more.
Mary

Hey A.- stop picking him up. With my first son, I was there at any little Peep! It is exhausting. I finally learned that it doesn't hurt my son to cry for a few minutes. I also breastfed my sons. Are you putting him on solids yet? Cereal, fruits, veggies? He is old enough to. At 7 months he should probably only wake up once in the night, so he could be hungry, but more likely than not he just wants to feel you close, and comfort with nursing. That's lovely, until you are so tired you can't see straight. I have been there, my 1st didn't sleep through the night until he was 2! And he breastfed ALL THE TIME! He wasn't even nursing, he was just suckling. Is your son in his own room? I also noticed that when I finally put my son in his own room HE slept so much better as well. Sometimes kids just make a little bit of noise when they sleep, they grunt or mew, and that doesn't mean we need to pick them up, it just means they are noisy sleepers. I understand the need/want to be in your own bed, I am such a better mama when I get good sleep.
Good luck! L.

of course he's going to cry! he's gotten used to 7 mos. (?) of bliss sleeping with mommy and now you want to take that away from him? :)

the best thing to do at this stage is try and establish a new routine. at 11 months, my girls were still getting up 2x a night and sleeping with my husband and me most of the time. so a new routine had to be established! every night i sing the same lullabyes while sitting in the rocker, do the same good night to everyone speech, turn on their ocean wonders aquariums that i bought just for their routine and put them down. i will not lie the first 3 nights were torture for them and me. they'd cry and i'd give them 5 minutes. then i'd check on them, tell them they were okay, hug them and tell them i'd check on them again. then i'd wait 10 minutes. and start the process over. then 15 and so on. the first night the process took 30 minutes. each night got easier. it is crying it out but letting them know i'll always be nearby to check on them didn't seem to hurt me as bad. (we've yet to see if it has left any irrepairable damage on them!) by night 3 they were going down with just a wimper and bedtime has been great ever since. when they would wake up to nurse i wouldn't bring them to bed with me, i'd nurse them in the rocker. after awhile they realized we wouldn't be going back to my bed and that stopped within a couple weeks. now when they cry in the night i know it's because something is wrong...nightmare, teething, earache, etc.

it was tough but mommy and babies are better sleepers because of it and that makes all of us happier people during the day. good luck to you.

Dear A.
I have a 3 1/2 yr old and an 11mo old. When my oldest daughter was a baby i always ran to her any time she made a peep..never letting her cry for any length of time..needless to say she is still getting up in the middle of the night. My baby co slept with me for about 8 months for breastfeeding reasons and would wake up about every 3 hrs also. so around 8 months old i took her to my bed and nursed her then made sure she was dry and put her in her crib. she cried for a little amount of time which was hard to hear wanting to go in there and comfort her. after about 7 miniutes she stopped and fell asleep. each night it got easier and from that very first night she didnt wake up not one time in the middle of the night. It had been my own moving in the bed that was keeping her awake at night. So in the end i still have a 3 yr old waking me up at night but not my 11 mo old. The best advice i can give you is to put her in her own bed it has made a dramatic difference in our lives and she is a great sleeper now. good luck
J.

i have very similar situation at the same age. i have just stopped breastfeeding him in the middle of the night. i tapered it down a little first, cut out the first time he woke, then the first and second, then all. he really wasnt eating much, usually just a little 'comfort' nip and fell asleep, he wasn't really hungry for at least two of the feedings. now we've gone all night without any milk. he fussed a little the first two nights but i rocked him/held him and he would go back to sleep. overall it was pretty quick and easy and so far i think he isn't up as much now.

i personally can't take, and really dont want to do, the cry it out method- but i'd also like to get more sleep.
i've been putting him in the crib for the first stretch but he wakes quickly and cries often in the crib, he sleeps longer/better with me (so i sleep more in the short run). i'm still deciding on phasing out cosleeping, partly i'd like my bed back & to sleep more, but i also really enjoy it- i never thought i would say this and i didnt plan to cosleep, but it feels very natural. and now that im back at work, i don't see him for a lot of his waking hours, so it's nice to have extra cuddle time with him and i think it is good for him to have more time near me while he is little, even if he's sleeping for most of it. so, i'm only partially motivated to finish the transition.
i might try 'the no cry sleep solution' type thing but im still deciding.

anyway, whatever you decide to do, i think you could start with phasing out the nightime snacks and that will probably get you some more sleep quickly.
good luck!

8/7- SOOO... i have to fess up. my quick and easy transition from night breastfeeding ended up being not so quick and easy. (not that surprising but i thot i had gotten away with one this time...) anyway, we've had some relapse but are down to only one early morning feeding most nights and i'm still hoping to wean that one off so he jsut eats at 5 or 6 am. we'll see... good luck with yours!

Hi A.,

My suggestion is this...have him sleep in the crib in his room, with a monitor on. When you hear him cry, get up, go to the bathroom and if he is still crying after you have done that, go to him. I don't think you should just let him cry, but I also found from my daughter that she would cry in her sleep. If I waited 5 minutes, she would often quiet back down, so if I ran to her immediately, I was actually waking her up. I also found that when she slept with us in the same room (on vacation) our snoring was waking her up. When you do need to get up with him, I would also suggest leaving lights off, no talking or interacting, so that he doesn't fully wake up. This will ease him into sleeping longer. Good Luck!

Hi A.,
I have 3 little ones and would say I get pretty worn out, but I still get my sleep, even when my first son was 5 months old, and my husband was out on the road doing long haul truck driving, I let myself sleep by letting the little one at the time just cry himself to sleep. No child has slept in our bed, except for maybe a saturday morning when one got up before us and we weren't ready to get up, then they dozed off with us, but that's it, you don't want a child getting into that habit and expect so much from you, you both could sleep better if you slept in your own beds. I let all 3 of my kids cry until they fell asleep, sometimes I think they slept a bit heavier, and that made them realize that bed time is bed time, no exceptions. Don't feel bad for being a little tough on your little baby, it just makes him stronger.

Hi A.,

Have you tried putting him to bed a lot earlier than usual, like 7pm? He might be so tired by the time you and him go to bed that he can't get to sleep easily. Also, if you make sure he eats a lot during the day he might not wake up throughout the night to eat. Another thing that helps is to have him play in his room during the day so that he doesn't feel he has been left in a strange place. Taking naps in his crib should also help him understand that it is a nice place to rest.

Me: SAHM with 9 month old baby boy who sleeps through the night on most nights :)

Hi A.,
I was having the same problem with my last son who is now 2, but I found that putting him in a bassenet(if he still fits) beside my bed gave me back my bed and he was actually able to sleep better too. I guess he realized that mommy was right there still close to him if he needed anything. And as far as you jumping to his every sound, just tell yourself he's ok he's just dreaming if you know there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. And finally learn your baby's night time noises, those are the little sounds he makes in his sleep that really don't mean anything it's really just to let you know he's ok. Hope this helps. And one more thing try playing the baby classical music at bed time, and if it doesn't bother you play it through the night. These things worked for both of my boys and they are as different as night and day. TTYL

Hi there. Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It sounds like he's probably just eating in the middle of the night because he can. I have a 9 month old son who has been sleeping through the night since he was a few weeks old because (we believe) we didn't go get him every time he cried. Babies cry in their sleep or sometimes wake up and cry for no real reason, but if you leave them for a minute or two, most often, they will just fall back asleep and are fine. (And they also learn to self-soothe if you give them the chance and then don't need mom or dad to do it for them.) If they really do need something, you will know, otherwise he's probably just crying because he knows you will respond even if he doesn't need you. Lately my 9 month old has taken to screaming when I lay him down when he's very tired. But it lasts for all of about 20-30 seconds at most (I've timed it) and then he's out! It took me a little while to figure that out because it's so hard to hear your little guy cry, but if you can stand it for a little bit, it will make things so much better in the long run. Nothing I was doing was helping him, so I would just leave him alone in his crib and after the initial 20-30 seconds the scream turned into a whimper which you could tell was pretty much in his sleep and then within about a minute there is no noise because he's already asleep. (We also have a 2.5 year old who slept through the night from a few weeks old too.) I hope this helps! Good luck with whatever you choose to try.

B. =)

p.s. My 9 month old is still nursing every 3.5-4 hours during the day (in addition to some solids) but goes about 10.5-11.5 hours at night without eating, so it can be done! Good luck!!

welcome to motherhood.. they are only baby once and enjoy every minute of it.. he won't be sleepin with you for a long time.. I breastfed all my four kids.. Thank God!! they are healthy and smart.. I think that breastfeeding got to do a lot of it.. All I can say is patience is the key word and lots of love.. The children that are breastfed are more loving and caring to their parents. God bless! I will be praying for you.. M.

Are you familiar with co-sleepers? They are cribs that have one side open, and that side fits up against your bed and attaches to it, sort of extending your bed. Then you can put baby in it, and he's "within arms reach", but you still have your bed, and you don't have to get up at night to get him... We used one for our two sons and loved it. When we "kicked" our older one out of our room at 11 months, it wasn't bad at all. By then he wanted to play when it was time to go to sleep. We had tried at 9 months and he didn't seem ready, so we tried again at 11 and didn't have problems. The second guy didn't like being in bed with me anyway, so it was easier giving him the boot.

Your son will never disturb you except the feed time if you use babies magic tea. As you are a breastfeeding mom, you can also drink this tea and pass it through your milk.

Hi A.! I will just share with you what worked well with my girls. I had them in a bassinet in my room for 3 months, then to the crib. They of course cried, and what I would do is go in the first time I heard her cry and I would not feed her, but I would rock her and soothe her then put her back in her crib, and let her cry, then if she was still crying after 15-20 min. I would go back in and rub her back to soothe her, and not pick her up, and then I would let her cry it out after that. This way you are weaning them off feeding during the night, and you are not completely abandoning them. I think it took about a week with my first and about 2 weeks with my 2nd, and they were sleeping through the night. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do!

At 7 months he should no longer be feeding at night. I never liked to let my boys just cry, but I found that if they started crying and I waited 5 minutes, they calmed them selves. Every once in a while 5 would go by, and they would still be crying, so I would then go in and calm them (with out feeding, or removing them from the crib if possible), and leave for another 5. Never had to go back twice.

Have you heard about the sleep lady shuffle. I can't remember the name of the book. but, I am sure you can google it. I highly recommend the method. It is a great balance between reassuring your child but also teaching them how to sleep on their own. It took us awhile to implement it. My daughter would eat about twice a night until about 8 months old. It took awhile, but since a year she has slept in her crib and slept the whole night. So, it is does get better.

A.,

I too co-sleep wiht my 8 month old, I was very hesitant like you at first, but then realized how natural and comforting it was for the both of us. My husband would sleep with us, but he works fulltime so he sleeps mostly in the spare room. As for the nursing, my daughter also nurses every 3 hours...its totally normal, and will probably continue until you wean her. I have just decided to embrace co-sleeping, and remember that everywhere else (mostly) around the world does it! I personally feel like it's the way it is suppost to be. Don't feel guilty or unsure because our culture tells us that our children must sleep through the night in their own crib, what you are doing is natural and right!! If you like to read, I reccomend the book "Nighttime Parenting" or "The baby Sleep Book" by Dr.Sears, it will answer all your questions and make you feel really good about what you are doing (as far as co-sleeping goes). Good Luck!

Oh, I promise you, you don't want to continue having him in your bed --- his bed is a safe, warm, happy place - it needs to be so - . He '''reads''' your behaviour like a book -- and if your behaviour says - ''oh -waking up in your own bed is scary and I must rescue you''' -- he will believe you. If, on the other hand what you DO -- your behaviour says ''' you bed is a lovely place - we made it JUST for you-- and i'll stand here ( tough, I know) just for a second - and then I'm going to MY safe bed and you are in YOURS - see you in the morning'''' ( children believe our BODY Language 100% - and they read it from birth- I promise) Your husband may be quite resentful if he findds that in his absense- the bed has become a 3-some - I KNOW how tempting- but I'd even put a rocking chair in his nursery so that when he needs to be fed - eachof you can go back to your nice warm safe OWN bed-

yes it is hard- but not nearly as hard as if you allow this bed-sharing to become a habit - breaking THAT is really hard--- unless you and your husband are 100% in favor of a family bed approach--- spare your baby and yourself the nightmare of a really hard time breaking the co-sleeping habit -

Blessings, dear heart-
Old Mom
aka
J.

Hi A.,

I usually try and read the advise already given before I respond but I feel strongly about this one...so I hope this is still helpful...
First, let me say, I too am a SAHM. I have 4 children (twin boys = 9 yrs, daughter = 5 1/2 yrs., & daughter = 1 yr.)My twins were difficult to get to sleep too, but now having been through two other children, I believe we made them even more that way then they were maybe predisposed to be. You will find people on both sides of the fence on this one: The "cuddlers/hold no matter what" & the "let them cry they'll live". I am a firm proponant of the latter (within reason). I can't tell you how many friends/acquaintences I have watched sleep deprive themselves (along with the whole family) into "I'm going to go crazy" oblivian. The sooner your little guy can learn to fall asleep on his own the better you ALL will sleep!! As I said, going through this dillema (sp?) with 4 kids has taught me that letting them sleep with you is a quick fix not a long term solution. A bedtime routine with consistant bedtime is your BEST FRIEND. I'm sure many have recommended the let them cry for 5 min, go in and rub their back and sooth them w/o picking him up, go out and gradually lengthen the time. That's what I eventually did with my twins and it evntually worked. (It took longer for them because they were over a year when we finally tried it and they would wake eachother up.) Each night you'll lengthen out the time you first go in. With my girls, I just let them cry. My 5 year old barely lasted 5 min. (at about 4 months) My now one year old did just over 10 at about 4 months too. They both shortened up each night and inside a week they went to bed on their own happy as can be! My inlaws subscribe to the rock, cuddle, hold, sleep with method and they have a 6 year old and 3 year old that refuse to go to bed at a reasonble time, and neither of them fall asleep in their room. The 3 year old often doesn't fall asleep until midnight!!! That's insane! PLEASE, PLEASE don't do that to yourself!! The whole family (especially your husband when he gets back) will be happier if everyone falls asleep when and where and whith (or without) whom they are supposed to! Hope this helped! Happy motherhood & good luck!

7 months and still nursing every 3 hours?? I'm thinking that this is for comfort on his part and not because he's hungry.
somehow, you need limit the feedings. Have you tried a binky?
It maybe diffeent and he may reject it at first. I feel so bad for you, this has to be rough. I'm sorry that I don't have more advise for you.

I had to get my husband involved for a few days when he was around. He's get up when the baby woke up at night and I just put up with his crying while my husband quietly attended to him. My rule was no feeding between 11 pm and 6 am... give or take a half hour. After about a week, my son stopped waking up for a feeding between those hours, and it's been a lot easier and I'm better rested.
Good luck! (If your husband isn't around, is there anyone else who could help you out for a few days?)
Also, READ "HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, HAPPY BABY!"

Hi A.,
I am a mother of 4. It is hard to let the first one cry, but it is not going to hurt him. It is much harder for you than for him. Its amazing how fast little ones can train their parents with crying. I was told to let mine cry for no more than 30 min. at a time. You know by the tone of his cry weather you need to go sooner. You just need to hang in there. My husband has been deployed a numer of times so I understand what its like to be a single mom for a while. Not easy.

T.

Buy Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth.

Both my kids slept through the night (9 hours) by the time they were 10 weeks old.

Another book to consider is Babywise by Ezzo and Bucknam.

What about putting a pack-n-play next to your bed. That way you can have him there without having him in bed with you.

Start having him take naps in his room during the day so he can get used to it. Then start putting him down in there at night.

Good luck!

I had this with my first born the first night he came home. We put him in his bassinet in our room. It was terrible. He grunted and made noises all night long. So the second night we put him in his room down the hall. We heard him when he was really noisy for food, but not just making noises. Try putting him farther away from you in his bedroom. You won't hear him so much.

I would say that you have two choices: commit to co-sleeping until he's 1 to2 years old old or start working on getting him used to sleeping in his crib through the night which at the time of getting him to sleep seperately at any age will take time, patience, love and consistance. I nursed my boy until he was 16 months old with him sleeping with me in my bed until he was about year old. When I felt comfortable with him being in his crib all night. When he would wake up I'd nurse him and put him back in his crib. If he awoke shortly after again I would hold him and rock him with out nursing, then put him back. This went on and on for a while because of course he did not want to sleep in his crib. He wanted to sleep with me.

You might want to make sure also that he's getting enough milk when he nurses, maybe nurse him at bedtime until he falls alseep. I don't know if you have him eating baby foods now along with nursing but feeding him an avacodo might fill him up before bedtime along with nursing.

I hope this helps, you can always call your doctor's nurse too and talk with him/her. They might have some good advice as well.

You can try "weaning" him from your bed by putting a pack n play in your room and have him sleep in the room with you, but in his own space.

When he's used to that, you can start putting him to bed in his crib in his room and then when you're ready move him to your room when you're ready to go to bed.

Then when he's used to that, just keep him in his room all night.

Good luck!

A.

Ah, yes... I remember those days. What I ended up doing was taking the recommendation to set a timer. With my oldest daughter, I set it for increasing 5 min. increments, then I would go pick her up. (So, set the timer for 5 min., then go comfort her for a min., set the timer for 10 min., then comfort her, 15 min...) I will admit that the first night I didn't get too much sleep. It was hard for me to hear her cry for the longer amounts of time. The next night, though, she didn't cry for so long, and it continued to get better. With my next daughter, I just skipped to 10 min. increments, and it worked just the same. I realize there are a good many people who have a family bed and that they seem to have perfectly healthy children as well. I think this is a personal issue. I became a single Mom when my daughters were 2 years old and 4 months old, and I desperately needed my bedroom to be my place of refuge. I needed my OWN space. I needed not to have their precious faces be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning and the last thing I saw when I closed my eyes at night, after being "Mommy" all day long in between. It sounds like you need your own place, too. That is perfectly okay. The best way to be able to give to your son is to make sure you have not been sucked completely dry. I don't know how long your husband is away, but it also depends on how he feels about all of this. Some husbands want their children right there, while some feel like they are made a "second-class citizen" after the children come along. If both of you really want your bed to be your special, romantic place, then please don't feel bad by keeping your little one in his own bed. He knows you love him... you show him that all day long. He may need some cues from you as to how to get his dear little body on a schedule. God bless you all! :)

I think that so many people have this issue, but when it comes down to it, if you just let it go and let him cry for a night or two, things will be much more pleasant for you in the long run...if you don't want to hear him cry, then you may be stuck with the habit that you have started. It is never fun to hear a baby cry, but at 7 months, he should not need to eat every three hours through the night...it's a hard habit to break of course, but it is just a habit - the longer it goes on, the more difficult it will be to break!!!

Good Luck!

Of course it is easier to have him in bed with you! and it is the natural way to parent and is also what is best for both of you. And it is perfectly normal that he wakes up several times during the night needing to nurse and cuddle. A few suggestions for ways of getting more sleep - nap when he does, go to bed when he does. As far as the bed goes, you could have separate blankets for him and you, so that you can feel more free to roll over as you need to during the night without fear of waking him up. Or you could get a bigger bed, or you could have two mattresses next to each other (or the crib right next to your bed), so that you could roll over onto his bed when he wakes up and nurse him back to sleep, and then roll back into your own bed to go back to sleep yourself. Often this works especially well in the first part of the night, then later in the night he may want more cuddling. If you roll over and nurse him right away when he wakes up and makes little sounds, he won't escalate into a full-blown cry, and likely you won't even really "wake up" totally, so it will be easy for you to go back to sleep. We all wake up about every hour and a half all night long, it's the natural human sleep cycle, and when mothers sleep with their babies every night, their sleep cycles usually coincide, so that you will naturally awaken when he does and go back to sleep when he does. It's the natural way of sleeping, and it can really be quite simple.

Do you have a baby monitor that you can keep on at nite. I used to set the baby monitor reciver on my nite stand that way I could hear the baby cry.. Most monitors come with 2 cordless recivers that you can take through out the house. They sell the monitors at target and babyrus or places like sears. some are as low as 20 dollars. I used my monitors all the time even when the baby was naping so I could go downstairs and do laundry with peace of mind.
Lenc
mom of two girls 2.5 and 5.

I know everyone has very different parenting styles with regards to this type of thing, but I would suggest not going in and picking him up when he crys.

I would however go in and talk in a soothing voice to let him know that you are still there. You could even rub his back or hair while talking to him.

I don't like the "cry it out" method. . .I could never do this with my daughter. She started sleeping in her crib after two months and is still a great sleeper now at 4 yrs old.

I agree that sleep can be quite an issue with little ones, but the easiest thing to do is keep the baby in bed with you (not the wisest). I have had way too many friends fall into this trap. It may be easy now, but it creates a nightmare later. I strongly suggest you reading the book Baby Wise (forgot author). It is an easy read that explains how to correct this behavior at an early age. My cousin used it when her daughter was 7 months and within 3 weeks they were sleeping throughout the night and she created an independent sleeping habit. My friends that neglected to correct the behavior have 3 and 4 year olds still sleeping in their bed. I wish you well and hope you get some good sleep soon. A mom needs to be well rested to chase after little ones!

At this age he should be sleepig for atleast six consective hours , so try to feed him very well befor sleeping so he wont wake up hungry at night . If this doesn't work then there might be aproblem,he may have arunny nose or acouph that wakes him up, you can also try giving him some commomile or youghort which keeps him full for a longer time and the herbs relaxes him and keps away any gases.

Hi A.,

Let me say I think you're doing a fantastic job. While the need for you to sleep is important you are responding to the needs of your baby gently and with sensitivity.

There's many reasons a baby gets up/nurses in the night. He might be hungry, lonely, thirsty, uncomfortable, trying to process all the amazing milestones he's making right now (teething, grasping, crawling, babbling, you name it!). Lots of things disturb their sleep. Crying is the only way they can communicate right now, and to ignore it completely is to tell him he cannot rely on you to meet his needs. So you're doing the right thing by responding to his needs.

I have a 9.5 month old who slept through the night for the FIRST TIME last night in her crib, at 7 mo she was like your baby, up to nurse every 2 hrs or so, in bed with me. I've read ALL the books because I work full time and for several months there was only getting about 3 hrs sleep. The one I found most useful was The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. She has amazing recommendations for helping, in a loving and gentle way, your baby to learn to fall asleep on his own, settle himself back to sleep when he wakes up, and it works for crib or co-sleepers too.

Yes, babies do wake up and grunt and even can cry and still be asleep, but you know when your boy needs you. He will sleep in his crib/bed alone some day, some day soon he will not nurse. This is a short (but exhausting) time and you're doing a fantastic job. Good luck and here's wishing you and him better sleep.
A.