Sleep - 18 Month Old

K.:

I feel your pain! Our son, now 26 months-old, has been a horrible sleeper since birth. He was in and out of his crib for the first year after several failed bouts with crying it out. Around his first birthday we finally succumbed and brought him into bed with us, which worked out great until I got pregnant again. We then took his toddler bed out of storage and placed it on the floor next to our bed (this was a few months before his 2nd birthday). It took him a few days to warm up to the idea of sleeping in his own "big boy bed", but once he did, my husband and I would take turns laying with him in the bed until he fell asleep. The next step from there was laying in our bed next to his bed until he fell asleep, which took two nights of him screaming to either come into our bed or for us to go into his bed. But it was only two nights of torture and now he sleeps the full night in his own bed, right next to us. Our next step will be to start a slow transition into his own room, but we have learned that baby steps work best with our little one. I'm not sure if our story helps you, but just know that you are not alone in this and I hope you find the best solution for your family. :)

Hi K.,

In addition to good advice, you might try putting him to bed but not putting him to bed. My toddler is a good sleeper, but when I put him to bed, he frequently hangs out looking at books. When I check on him later he is sleeping in a pile of them on his bed. He has some toys in his room as well. Maybe it would help your child if you have him have a quiet rest time right around a reasonable bed time and he can feel like he is in control of when he goes to sleep. You could still check on him but he would also be safe.

My husband has insomnia and according to his parents, even at two years old he would be wide awake in his room most of the night. He usually crashed early in the morning which made school schedules rough (no matter when he got up or how active he was he couldn't fall asleep), so unfortunately some just have a hard time sleeping. The other option as some mentioned is just letting the co-sleeping go on a little longer. You could make little "rules," like starting in his bed and then letting him join you if he wakes up. Good luck...:(

Hi K.
I will be interested to see the suggestions, I never heard of a sleep hygienist....I need one too!
my son is 20months and he has been sleeping well on and off since he was 3 months. He has begun to wake up twice a night for the last two weeks. He used to like music....no he searches for background noise to function....without it he gets sleepy.
Have you tried those human like hand that you can put on the babies bottom? or rubbing your body against his pillow and bedsheet?

I would suggest you get the book No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. THere is also one for Toddlers that might be a better idea for you, but I haven't read that one. While she does stress good nightime routines and things you seem to be doing, she just has really good tips laid out step by step to help get your child self-soothing and sleeping better (without all the stress of crying). I will warn you, it's gonna take a while for him to unlearn his old habits and you'll be tired for a while, but the sooner you can get him on the right track, the better. I did it with my daughter around 15-16 months as she was up 4-5 times a night. It took about a month or so to get where we needed, but she's slept peacefully through the night every night since.

Good luck!!!

Hey K.,

You sound like you are at your wits end. I know how you feel my daughter was the same way her first year. I know you have tried cry it out but you have to give it at least three nights to see if it will work for you. I think you could be trying to many things at once which could really be confusing to your son as well. You didn't mention how he naps, does he nap well or is it just night time he doesn't sleep? I would try crying it out again (get some ear plugs)but one thing I would add is to do it at nap time as well to create some type of sleep consistency. What I did was try to have the same routine each night. Give a bath, read a story and then night night time. He is bright so try to use the same words and routine so he knows what to expect. Put him into his crib, put music on and say night night. Of course he is going to cry but go in every 10 minutes or so, say night night lay him back down and leave the room. He is going to cry harder but what you are showing him is you are not going to pick him up and he has to go to sleep. Continue doing this until he eventually gives in. The reason I chose to go in every ten minutes even though it makes them angrier was because I did not want my kids to feel abandoned by me. Just remember if you give in the only message you are sending is the longer I cry eventually she will give in so you have to really try to stay firm. That is the worst part. Many people do not agree with crying it out but I was so tired and desperate I had to do something for all of us to get some rest. I know it is hard but look at it this way you are not sleeping anyway so three days more nights loss might be worth it. When I did it the first night was the worst, the second night the crying was cut in half, by the third night maybe five minutes, and the fourth night right to sleep. I did it on a Friday at naptime this way we had the entire weekend to work on it and my hubby could help out. One more thing do you give him a little snack before bed to make sure he isn't hungry. Or does he still take a bottle. I used to give my kids a little cup of milk and maybe a graham cracker, or just a little something especially if they didn't eat a good dinner. Good luck keep us posted!!!

My now 11 year old son woke many times in the first 2 and a half years. There was rocking and walking and music and nursing; I felt stressed and exhausted all the time. So now, with my 19 month old, patting her back and murmuring a few comforting words to soothe her back to sleep seems like heaven to me. Could you resign yourself to going a few more months of patting and snuggling closer, or longer? Or is it too hard for you yourself to get back to sleep after he wakes you(that s the part that tortured me)?
There is hope for the future---I was convinced that my son would always be a terrible sleeper, but now he goes to sleep on his own and has to be woken for school, and has done so for many years. As for now, though, i know how hard it can be to not have enough sleep.

Dear K.,

My son (now 3 1/2 years old) too was not a great sleeper at all w/ my experiencing the long stretches w/o his sleeping when he was born. I too thought it was colic especially after he had formula (when I was working and unable to pump); that made it worse. He had a few respiratory problems which I believe stemmed from sensitivity & slight allergies to milk/dairy products. He has had a sleep study which showed that he has sleep apnea. It is worse in the fall and winter months when he is up on average about 5 times a night - every time he enters the REM stage of sleep his breathing stops for a bit because it is obstructed by his adenoids & tonsils. I learned from the specialist that the muscles in the throat relax as you enter the REM stage (the active dream stage) and the enlarged tonsils & adenoids create a block in the airway passage.
I don't know where you live but it is worth it if you could go to the specialist I went to in Ridgewood, NJ out of Valley View Hospital. She is a pediatric sleep specialist-Dr. Tracy Carbone. An earlier study was not so succssful out of Westchester Medical. It seems not to be so widely recognized in young children unfortunately.
Anyway this explained everything in terms of his sleep behavior. (And wake behavior). He is going to have his tonsils & adenoids removed in August by an ENT. It is believed that this will address the problem. There is a 95% cure rate for apnea in children the specialist said.
Until he has the operation I continue to have him sleep on his side - he sleeps more soundly than on his back which seems to worsen it. Otherwise he wakes shortly after being on his back and I witness his pauses in breathing. And I try to keep the dairy low to nil from his diet by giving the RiceDream milk and rice milk food items to keep downhis congestion which seems to show after eating dairy (he loves it so I keep it away from the home altogether as much as I can). This only exacerbates his condition. I hear gluten so prevalant in so many processed foods also is a problem for some kids. Anyway dietary/nutrition may be underneath such a problem- if this is it.
Kids w/ sleep apnea do wake often crying and terrified; so the comfort & reassurrance of the parent nearby is important.
My son does still sleep w/ us and I believe it helps him to sleep more soundly - however it works best for your child.
Fiinally- the stress I or my spouse experience, my son is sensitive too so we try to not have it present in the home.
Giving my son a little warm bath w/ a couple drops of lavender-camomile oils or jasmine essential oil helps him to relax and have a more restful sleep.
Best of Luck!
C.

Hi K.
Just lost my whole note to you.
Bummer!!
Anyway, you are not alone. Others live through kids not sleeping. I know because I am one who lived through it. I was diagnosed with sleep deprivation, never my kids.
Check with MD, make sure nothing is wrong.
I have 4 children, 2 sleepers, 2 non sleepers. The non-sleepers slept 2 hours and 4 hours in 24. The older, slept from 8-10 PM the younger whenever she pleased.
Want to talk I love to tell my story.
God bless you
K. -- SAHM married 38 years --- adult children 37, sleeper, coach; 33, non-sleeper, lawyer, married with year old son, still 2/24; twins 19, students at different colleges, fine arts GPA 3.89,non-sleeper living on campus, journalism GPA 3.7, commuting.

I went through it, too. Please send me a message and I'll tell you what happened.

My daughter slept 4 hrs at night w/ two "15" minute naps during the day.

She was colicky and had reflux...

Hi K., you probably won't like my answer, but here goes: I would allow him to continue to sleep with me. There so many articles and good books regardng the benefits of co-sleeping. I know that your husband and you might miss your intimacy, but you can find it in another room in your home and just use your bed as a family bed for now. Here are so alternative views on co-sleeping. Most naturopathic doctors do not view it (like the western culture) that you are "giving in to your child." Instead, they view it as meeting the needs of your child. 18 months is still a baby ( I know you see a toddler/big boy), but really, he is still a baby. So try to relax and enjoy this bonding time a little longer. He will be ready to go to his own bed eventually, so why rush him and create misery for everyone?

http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bsleep/0,,429t,00.html

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2003/0...

The book is called "Three in a Bed."

I hope this helps

T. Hall Parker, Holistic Health Counselor
My Food Therapy
www.myfoodtherapy.com
Momma Don't Eat It
www.mommadonteatit.com

I never had my babies co-sleep (for my own sake, I'm and insomniac and a restless sleeper and I need all the sleep I can get). We put the crib in our room, next to the bed, instead and it was worked really well for us. Maybe a crib or toddler bed in your room would work as an intermediate step before moving him to a separate room. My son is a really active child and we needed to keep him in a crib until 2.5 but he transitioned pretty well to a bed in a separate room at that age. Wishing you all a good night's sleep.

A friend of mine had her son do a sleep study at Childrens' Hospital of Philadelphia and she felt it really helped. I don't know if that is what your doctor is referring to or if the sleep hygienist is the first step before trying an overnight study.

If acid reflux is part of the problem, have you tried elevating the head end of his mattress a little. This won't help him fall asleep, but maybe it will help keep him from waking as much.

I have a good sleeper and a really crappy sleeper. My good sleeper is 2.5 and we did a very successful cry-it-out (9 months) and he easily transitioned to a big boy bed at 2 years old (his choice). He napped TERRIBLY until we went to 1 nap a day, and he's a celiac, so before we took all gluten out of his diet, he was an early waker (3:30 - 4:30 a.m., for the day). So, there could possibly be a diet issue. A food allergy, tummy aches, etc.

My daughter is 16 months. She has always been terrible with going to sleep or staying asleep. Once asleep, she's OUT. But man, getting her to bed is crazy. We are faithful believers in the Weissbluth book "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" and it worked wonderfully for our son. But our daughter, we can't figure her out! Tonight after struggling for 2 hours, we finally put her in a toddler bed and she was instantly asleep.

OK, so don't give up on your son yet with transitioning and letting him cry (scream) it out. I would recommend doing 5 nights before you decide it doesn't work. And while it works for many kids, it doesn't work for every kid (my daughter a perfect example). You can also try the nanny 911 routine for keeping him in bed during the night. (i'm sure you can look it up online). When we first put our son in a toddler bed, it ended up being too much for him and we had to put him back in the crib for 4 more months. Good luck!