Six Year Old Keeps Having "Accidents"...

hey J.,

I just want to let you know that when my daughter was 5-6 y/o, she would be playing and all of a sudden, she just went tee without stopping her play!! Gross! I find out it was laziness on her part. To lazy to go to the bathroom.. She would even pee the bed! One day she snapped out of it, I think it was because I told her, next time she pees her pants and or bed, she was going to clean it up! Lets just say, that did the trick, for her anyway!

I hope you find the answers you are looking for in all the advice you get! =}.

Seems to me that you are doing everything that you can to help her. My son used to have poopy accidents in his pants and he just recently stopped doing that and he is also six. With him though, it mainly happened at school because his school only allows certain times for the children to go to the bathroom. I ended up getting a doctors note for him so he could use the bathroom when he needed which helped greatly. Ridiculous, I know. But sometimes schools can be relentless!
Anyways, as for your daughter, just keep doing what you are doing, and have her go to the bathroom before you leave to go anywhere. Even if it is at the store before you are done with the shopping. Have her go and try just to be on the safe side. When she goes without wetting herself for a day, do something special or give her a special prize. When she does wet herself, have her clean up the mess. I know it sounds disgusting, but that is what I did for my son and it worked. Have her clean the underwear in the sink and mop up the mess. She won't like it and it may help her think things through. If she begins to blame her accident on other people, remind her that it is her body and nobody else's, so it is her responsibility to go to the bathroom or let someone know that she needs to go because no one can read her mind. Also let her know that baby's pee and poo in their diaper, not big girls. Children hate it when you tell them that, and it gets them thinking too. Even if you just mention that you are going to buy some diapers, or look at diapers in the store and tell her that she needs diapers again because she pees her pants like a baby. I know it sounds mean, but it works! I did the same thing for my son, and now he proudly announces that he does not need diapers because he goes poop in the toilet like a big boy, and that he is soooo proud of himself.
It may be tuff for a few weeks, but stick to it.

M. *~

For years we dealt with the same thing. The hardest part for us what that at a certain point, it seemed she didn't even care if she was wet or smelled like urine. Took her to urologist, where they did an awful test where they catheterized her, filled her up with fluid then took mri pics while her bladder drained to see if she had kidney reflux. she didn't. fought for out of company referral to uc davis pediatric uro specialist. Went in to that appointment and he simply asked if she ever sat on the ground with her heel pressed into her privates. (yes, when she was younger). Long story short, it's called voiding dysfunction syndrome. google it and you'll find out a lot, but basically some bladder relaxants can help, but the best is frequent timings, make sure teachers know she can't wait (sometimes teachers will assume she is just trying to get out of work by going so much, they don't understand) and it will just take time. We also got a watch with a beep at every hour so she at least knows to go that much. (it's hard as a busy parent to remember yourself! : D )

Children usually 'regress' when something traumatic is happening or something they can't handle. It's their way of 'controlling' their environment. Remember...she is just a child... she needs love, not to be embarassed or 'punished' for her peeing. "Embarrassing" a child will not work. It's not helping, it's making them feel worse, and likely to give them a complex, in a negative way. You don't want this. A child with a complex is worse off. It's not easy... but try to be a soft place for her to fall, when she needs nurturing or unconditional love or even just to talk story with you. She needs to know that someone will 'understand' her without reprimands, and be there for her. Help her to TRULY understand what her life will be like with a new baby... and how she will STILL be special to you and the rest of the family. Children this age can not always express their feelings... even though we think they can. Poor child, I'm sure she feels weird about it all, too. I feel for her. You don't want to give her a complex about the baby now... it will just manifest itself in different ways later. Since biological and physical factors have been ruled out by her Doctor... then this may be an emotional issue. Remember, children can have 'stress' too... with anything in their lives. I know a child who used to 'vent' to me about all her problems she had with her parents and sibling...and she was just 7 years old. BUT, she never told her parents all this. But she was a very stressed and unhappy child. It's truly sad. Sure, put pull-ups on her, and use a waterproof bed pad at night, or on the car seat or wherever she is sitting or hanging out. When a child is having a problem... sometimes they want to be a 'baby' again. A child can't always handle being 'responsible' for everything or themselves. Maybe have her talk with someone, where she can feel safe and accepted. It's a hard thing to deal with.. but nothing lasts forever... storms will subside. Good luck.

Wow....this is a tough one. I'd say you've done your best to work w/this....spending more time w/her, rewards etc. I'd also guess since the dr. gave her a clean bill of health, that this is emotional. The one thing kids have total control over is peeing & pooping & this is probably her way of expressing her cocnern & stress over having a new sibling after being the only one for so long. I have to disagree w/the other moms about putting her back in pull-ups -except for at night. She's probably already embarressed that she's had the accident & the pull-ups would make her feel even more ashamed. I'd also suggest that you make her clean it up & get herself clean clothes etc. Don't get angry w/her about it (easier said than done!) but explain to her she's too old for this sort of behavior. Validate her concerns over having a new baby in the house. Have you thought about therapy for her? My son ( 6 also) has anger issues & it's made a world of differecne for him to talk to an objective outsider & the same could be true for your daughter. Good luck!

Hi J.,
I have 4 children and 3 Grandchildren. Maybe she has a bladder infection or some thing and needs to go to the doctor. If not maybe she is jealous of you having a baby. When I was in school to learn about children I found out that children regrease to being younger for attention. Try putting on those pull up pamties and that would save the cars and furniture until she stops doing it. Then the other thing is negative behavior needs to be ignored as long as it is not hurt there self or some one else. Then when she does not go in her panties prase her really over board so she gets reinforced for positive behaviour and not negative.
God Bless and Good Luck.
L. Baldwin

both my kids went thru the same thing. i know it's sooo maddening, but it will pass. my son was going to school up until 2nd grade and doing it. i tried the punishment, etc. it really doesn't work. it will just stop one day trust me. what i would do is send and extra pair of pants/shorts, underwear in a ziploc in their backpacks. i'm not really sure of the answer on how to deal with it because like you i tried everything. my kids' excuse was that they had to go during class and the teachers would get mad at them.....i told them to go at recess. i preached that over and over, but like i said before, it will just one day stop. hang in there and keep lots of laundry detergent on hand!

I have the same problem. Around this age they tend to outgrow their bladders or kidneys I have heard. So perhaps you could help improve her self esteem by letting her wear pads or panty liners in her panties. Also, get a plastic mattress cover for her bed, and cut off drinks 3 hours before nap time.

It may also be kidney issues. I was riddled with kidney infections from birth to around 10. I had a ton of accidents around your daughter's age too. It turned out to be the tap water causing my kidney infections as a child. I was raised in Merced/Fresno county.

Give her cranberry juice daily. Only allow her to drink filtered water, and don't allow her to bath in tap water. Have her shower instead.

I also have issues with #2 accidents. I think it may be related to her digestive issues.

Good Luck!

Dear J.,
This may be a problem stemming from her low back pinching the nerves that go to the bladder and sphincter muscles. I am a chiropractor and I see this a lot in children. Take her to a chiropractor and have her checked out for this low back condition. Children respond very quickly to chiro care. Give it a try. Dr. Demaray

Well first, I'd say get a new doctor!!!!!!!!!! There is a multitude of physical problems that could be causing her to release. It could be a urinary problem. When my sister was young she had all kinds of problems with bed wetting. Turned out she had to have something fixed down there, stretched or something, I honeslty don't remember, but it wasn't her fault. She had no control over it, and maybe your daughter doesn't either! She is certainly old enough to not let it happen in waking hours, please have her checked more thoroughly.
K. F.
Wellness Consultant/Mentor
http://kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

J.,

First of all, put her back in pull ups and let them stay on for a while even after her accident. If she reminds you that she has gone, ask her why didn't she go to the bathroom or the potty and pull her pants down and do her business. If she tries to blame you then tell her that you go to the bathroom when you have to go and don't have "accidents". Trust me, the new baby is part of the problem and your job. If you have to keep cleaning her behind and cleaning up her mess then you are giving her the time she thinks that she deserves and she will take however she can get it. It seems that I have run of space so I'll continue on next reply. R

I'm not sure what your other responses are... however, she might be wetting herself, because you are pregnant. She might feel like you care for this unborn child more than her, so she is wetting to get attention.

I don't know if it will help or not... try getting her really involved with the pregnancy, so when the baby comes, she'll know she is just as important.

My son kind of did the same thing.... I ended up taking him to mommy and me classes about the upcoming baby.. He learned to dress, diaper and feed the baby through these classes. We let him listen to the heart beat. After he stopped his wetting, we rewarded him with something he wanted... then the baby came and he kind of started it up again and then I did story time with both of them and when the baby was sleeping.. I made sure he had time with just me....

Doctors say they drink too much -- but that isn't always true. Most of the time, they are way to busy to be bothered to go potty.... It takes time and A LOT Of patience. I have 3 children and I just got my son (almost 4) completely potty trained. Now I have a 2 year old daughter who thinks she is a big girl and is trying to potty train herself.

Good luck.

Dear J.,

Did the doctor take a urine sample? Maybe she has a low bladder infection. Also, maybe you could teach her how to strengthen her muscles down there, it is called a Kegle Exercise, I think. It seems to me that it would be hard to explain to a child, but go on the internet with her sitting on your lap, and get the instructions. She will feel involved in solving the problem and important.

At this point, I think that the more the two of you work together, and call it that to her. I know that you have tried a lot of together time, now work on this problem together, using those words, because you do not want her to be embarrassed at school. Use those words too. sing "The more we work together together together the happier we will be.? You know that old song.

You have done all the right things with the new baby coming, and I don't feel that has anything to do with this. Maybe she just does get busy and doesn't want to stop and go to the bathroom. Maybe rewards for not peeing in her pants would help. Not big ones, but maybe stickers, don't kids love stickers? For a whole afternoon, or morning not peeing in her pants? And no stickers when she does pee in her panties. Do you have a small stool so that she can get on the potty easily by herself? Are her clothes easy to get up and down? We forget how hard it is to be a little kid and have to learn all of this stuff.

Good Luck, I do know how frustrated you must be. My gr grand daughter did that too, for a long time after she was potty trained. I think that she just got busy in addition to being hard headed - she is still strong minded. She says that she can now swim and ride her 'bicycle' and when she is 5 years old she will learn to drive a car - with mother in the back ground yelling 'not a real car!'.

Peace, C. N.

Hi J.:

Although I haven't experienced this situation with my children, a friend of mine has. Her son went through something similar. Her pediatrician told her that it is a medical condition, and that sometimes the bladder doesn't grow as quickly as it should, which was why her son was wetting the bed. (He was doing it at night only). Anyway, she told me that the doctor gave her a prescription for a medication that would help him out. But it was not something that could be taken on a regular basis. I don't know the name, but I thought you might be able to bring it up to your daughter's pediatrician. Maybe it would help while she's at camp. Good luck, sorry I couldn't be of more help.