Sibling Spacing

Hi,
My children are 5 years and 9 months apart. They are great together. I was worried about the age gap, but they still play together. I think if they were closer they would fight more. My son, the older one, is really helpful with my younger daughter. He can watch her while I clean or do other chores. I also got to really give them full attention in their younger years, which I would not have been able to do if they were closer in age. Hope this helps.
T.

My oldest 2 sons are 4 and a half years apart and they have a great relationship. They could still play together but I think there was less fighting/ rivalry as there is with children closer in age.

Hi! My husband is going back to school this year too and I'v sorta been wondering the same thing. I always thought I'd have a couple of kids closer together and then wait awhile before having another. That way, they have someone to play with and be close to as they're growing up. Those are just my thoughts. Good luck!

It is hard to give advice on this topic because every family situation is different and every child is different. In our family, we struggled with infertility between child #1 and #2. We wanted them very close and they ended up being 4 years apart. I was very worried about the age difference between the two of them. They are both girls and it worked out SO much better than I could have ever dreamed. I have to give a lot of credit to both of them, but my eldest daughter is so patient, easy going and motherly that it has helped tremendously.They play together, help eachother and get along GREAT! I also have 2 more children after them and that situation is different. I had 3 babies in 3.5 years! (No one would ever guess the infertility issues we have struggled with!) With those 3 being so close, it has made life way more busier and noisier (and fun too), but they play so well together and keep each other entertained too. I really think it all depends on your children and their temperment and that is hard to predict.

If you are a praying person, pray about it.

I would also consider waiting till hubby is out of school to lower the stress load in the household. My hubby is in school and working full time too and I know that it takes a lot of time away from the family. If you are young, the wait may be healthy for every one and you can give more one-on-one time with your daughter, which you will cherish later on. If you are a bit older, consider that there may be some extra stress right now with another baby and your husband in school, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Maybe you can afford to stay home with the kids to keep everything running smoothly when your husband is still in school and a new baby (if you decide that route)?

Hopefully I haven't confused you more. It is a big decision. Hat's off to you for looking for advice. Best wishes in this exciting time of your life!

Having children is such a personal decision and I think it all depends on what you think you guys can handle. I have 7 children and they are all 2 years apart. I really like that because they play so well with each other. They each have someone that is their playmate (they do fight a lot too!!) I have neices and nephews that are 4 years apart and they really don't play with each other because of the age difference and especially if they are of different gender. I have a neice and nephew that are 2 years apart and they are best of friends because they are so close in age. It is hard having them so close but I like it that they have each other. If you guys got pregnant now it will be a year of your husband's school behind you and you will only have 1 year left. My husband had 1 1/2 year left of school when we had our 2nd and I finished 5 months before he was born. I say go for it as long as you think you can handle it but don't let any of us tell you what "YOU" should do because some will say don't and some will say go ahead but I feel that I knew each time we were supposed to have another one and if I had listened to most people I wouldn't have my last 4. Good luck with your decision!!!

I love the 4 year gap! I thought I wanted to have my kids 2 years apart and so tried for 2 years for the second one. Boy am I glad I didn't get him when I wanted to! My older boy is so much help and I don't have 2 in diapers (which we would've for a year because he didn't potty train until he was 3.) He knows how to be gentle with his little brother and it's great! Of course, everyone is different so you have to do what's best for you! Good luck! And happy babymaking!

I have children that are 6 yrs apart and then I also have children that are 2 yrs, 14 months, 18 months, and 20 months. I feel that I have 2 seperate families at times, my oldest and then the rest of the family. It is hard to find activities that my oldest likes to do and then the rest of the family too (currently they are 12.5, 7, 5, 3.5, 2.5, and 9 months). We were also in the same boat when we were looking at having more kids after the first except I was the one in school and decided it was better to wait. There is nothing wrong with having kids far apart. Good luck with your decision.
J.

hello I only have one child so I don't know from a parents point of view but my younger sister and I are 5 yrs apart and that worked very well for our family and I want to do the same. That way you can spen quality time alone with the first and then when the second is born the first one will be in school so you can have quality time alone with the second one=) and now my sister and I are best friends. I also think when they are really close togeather you are always watching the older one like a hawk so they dont hurt the younger one. By 4-5 yrs of age they have a little better understanding how to be gentle with the baby. My niece is only a year older than my daughter and they need to be watched togeather at all times and it gets a little tireing after a while.

My brother and I are 6 1/2 years apart. My parents couldn't have any more kids after me, so after 4 years of waiting, they adopted my brother. It was kind of h*** o* us, because my bro always wanted to play with me and my friends, but with the age gap, it never really worked out very well. We were only in school together when I was in 6th grade & he was in Kindergarten. Now, all grown up with kids of our own, it doesn't matter, but while we were young, it would have been more fun to have a sibling that was closer to my own age. I know that my mom said that in some ways it was harder for her to have us spaced so far apart (like adjusting back to all the baby stuff), but in some ways it was easier, because I was pretty independant when my brother came along and I was in Kindergarten so that gave her more time to spend with him. Good luck with your decision.

Hi S.,

We have both, two girls that are 2 and a half years apart, and then a boy 5 years younger than my youngest girl. It is so hard to have a straggler, not only is gender an issue, but the fact that he is so much younger than my girls, and essentially he is alone. He asks why he can't have a baby brother all the time. On the other hand, my brother and his wife have four kids ages 8-3, 2 boys and then 2 girls. Each has someone to play with because they are so close in age. I really don't know a lot of people who can handle so many kids so close together, but it is wonderful how they get along and play together. The other issue is that your first child could be firmly entrenched in being an only child by the time your next child comes along and it could be a more difficult transition. The bottom line is what you can handle. I wish you luck with what ever you choose.

Our two oldest are 4 years apart. Not by choice, but because we had major fertility issues and a couple miscarriages in between. I really liked being able to bring the baby home to our four year old because she was able to understand and help. THEN we were surprised with our youngest so the middle and last child are only barely 18 months apart! There was a part of me that felt guilty because she didn't have the time with us like our oldest did before we brought another baby home....but she has never known anything else in her life than having a baby brother. They are big buddies.....almost like twins. Either way - a sibling and a new baby in the family is the greatest thing in the world. It will be a blessing whenever it happens. We're happy BOTH ways!! ;)

Hi S.-
My kids are almost 4 years apart, 3 years and 10 months to be exact. It is wonderful. My oldest is a huge helper, we can communicate. He is at preschool and that gives me one on one time with the baby. I got to spend lots of time with my oldest and really enjoy his babyhood. I only have one kid in diapers and the other can bathe and dress without much help. I won't have to pay for 2 kids college tuition at the same time. The list goes on and on. Plus, there is no way to insure that your kids will be best friends just because they are born on top of each other. Why not make it easy on yourself? My brother and I are just over 4 years apart and things have always been fine. There was a rough patch in the teenage years, but I think that is just the norm. In the end you'll have to decide what is best for your family, but there is my 2 cents!!

My 2 kids are just under 5 years apart. Big sister loves it, never had any trouble adjusting to baby brother & is so helpful. It has worked out great for us. Anything you decide will work out. There are pros & cons to both so it's a wash! My favorite sister & I are 4 years apart. Do what you feel is best for you & your family. It'll all be ok.

Hi,
My kids are 2 yrs. and 9 days apart. It is too close (terrible twos and a newborn - need I say more :)). If I had to do it all over again they would be farther apart. My bro and I are 4 years apart and I loved it as a kid. What is cool is he remembers me when I was a baby so he has stories to tell. I say 4 years is a great spacing if you get much more then that you end up with two kids that act like only children. But it is what's best for you and your family. Adding another child changes everything- I think more then the first one does.
Good luck!
A.

My sister and I were four and half years apart. It was fine while we were little but when we were older it was harder. My kids are three years apart and sometimes it's hard to make the younger one go to bed earlier than the older one. I think with more space between them, those lines don't get blurred. Right now, they fight over who's friend is whose. They have one boy right between them. They get jealous if the other won't play. I didn't like having two in diapers at the same time. It was expensive and tiring. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!

My sister's kids are 4 years apart, and it worked well for her. The older one was very helpful when the younger one was born. THe older one was also fairly independant at that age, and didn't need quite as much supervision and attention as a younger toddler might have needed.

Hi S.,
I have 5 children and they are all about 2 yrs apart and I really like that. They play together really well, they fight together really well too LOL! But they are kinda like a team that really sticks together and I love that. I'm not sure what larger spacing would do but sometimes you have to do what you have to do and if you have to wait then that's what you have to do and there's nothing wrong or weird about that. I have some friends who are sisters and they are 3 yrs apart and they said they loved it and their mom says it was great for her. So just talk it over with your husband, decided what you want and go from there. Good Luck.

C.

I prefer mine closer together. They are closer and better friends this way. But on the other hand, I don't feel I get as much one-on-one time with each of them. It is really preference, but I say if you feel baby hungry, time to have one. Just listen to your instincts and don't worry about what "might" be best.
M.

My husband has two years left of school too! I just had my second 3 months ago and they are almost three years apart to the day. I wanted them closer, but it didn't happen. After I had my second I ended up being glad that they are 3 years apart. My oldest can help more, she was potty trained (that was a huge stress reliever) and she is more understanding of what is going on.
Follow your heart and you guys will make the right decision for your family! I've been adjusting to two pretty well. We have family close by and any support helps. Good Luck!

I have two little girls, Kaylee is 6 and Janet who will be 2 in November. Kaylee has been such a big help and always has since Janet was born. I would say things like "I have to change the baby" and she would beat me to the bedroom and get everything ready for me, now if Janets cup is empty she will go and fill it up for me. Kaylee is also very protected of her little sister. Janet will leave a room and Kaylee will go find her to make sure she is ok and not getting into trouble. My girls share a room and in the morning if Janet wakes up early Kaylee will climb into bed with her and they will play. Kaylee will also take Janet out of the crib and bring her to me, she does this without me knowing.

I love having the 4 years difference. I only want one in diapers or pullups, this way is a little cheaper.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

I have a 8 year old boy and two girls one 4 yrs and the baby 2yrs and I can say at first it was harder to have the girls so close together but now it is really nice to see them play together. not like my son and 4 yr old they just can't seem to agree on anything but for me it was easier when she was born I guess he wasn't so needy. But my son loves the baby he takes such good care of her....so I guess it just really depends on what works for you and your husband.

My 2 girls are spaced 4 years apart and I couldn't be happier. This wasn't by design (I had an early miscarriage a year before) but for me it was perfect. The eldest is old enough to understand and follow directions and help out. She adores her sister - we talked a lot about how the baby was "for her" to love and care for and be her playmate. She was also completely potty trained and going to preschool 2 days a week while I was pregnant and that helped a great deal. Now the youngest is in the middle of the terrible 2s (and boy is she terrible) and her sister was in kindergarten and now in 1st grade. Having only one wild child to drag around shopping and in the house is much less stressful. But the choice is yours, and if you are much older than 35 you might want to hurry up a bit. I'm 41 now and have zero interest in having babies now!

Hi S., I have a 6 year old daughter and just had a baby boy in April and I love that they are 6 years apart. She is such a great helper. I am glad I didn't have them so close together. I hope this helps.

i have a good friend whose first two are 4 years apart and she is expecting her third, also 4 years difference. she had thought this was a great plan so that each child would be old enough to understand having a new baby in the home and would be at a helpful age. that part has been true. there are other parts, though, like when the youngest is finally in school, she will have one in high school, one in middle school, and one in kindergarten. she's already overwhelmed with the involvement she feels is necessary in one child's schooling. it will be hard for her when she has to be involved in 3 schools.
finances are another thing to consider when in school. the closer you have your kids, the less time you spend storing baby stuff and won't have to buy so much new. but if having another baby means moving to a larger home, that added expense can be hard with your husband in school. we've had to do that twice now and it was hard because we were in debt for quite a while after each move. but it all works out eventually and when i see how much fun our boys have together i'm glad we had them 2 years apart, even with my husband in school. the times that i wasn't happy with their spacing were things like the oldest acting out when i was trying to nurse the baby in peace. or having one in diapers and another in pullups.
anyway, no matter how you space your children, there will be pros and cons all along the way.

I had my third child in December and my older two were 61/2 and almost 5. My older one( girl, now age 7) is a HUGE help to me. There was absolutely no jealously and loves her baby brother sooo much. My 5 year old( a VERY active boy)loves his little brother but thinks that he can play rough with him so we are constantly telling him to be careful. I think having the kids farther apart is okay, because they understand what is going on and are more of a help to you than if they were close in age.

My younger brothers are 5 and 11 years younger than I am. My brother that is 5 years younger (Ed) and I were not super close growing up but we did play together. We are fairly good friends now that we are adults, however. My youngest brother (11 years younger, Jon, 6 years younger than Ed)and I were really close growing up. I was like his second mom. Ed and Jon were close growing up, and still are, especially since they are both boys and did lots of boy stuff together (martial arts, rough housing, playing in the mud and looking for salamanders, etc). My husband and I have talked a lot about spacing of our kids. We plan to have them 3 years apart, but at one time we had discussed 5 years apart as ideal, because then each child gets some one-on-one time with the parents (the second while the first is at school, if one parent SAH). Also, the first would be totally potty trained by the time #2 arrives. I hope this is somewhat helpful, and good luck!

My first two are 19 months apart, and then there was a 4 year gap before my 3rd. The 1st 2, it was a blur and initially overwhelming when they were really small. But they have been really close since, even being boy-girl. With the 3rd one, it was a breeze in terms of caring for a baby with my other two as old as they were. It CAN be more challenging with the age difference in terms of activities, etc. But you adjust and make it work for your family... as is true no matter how you space them. Good luck!

I am 6 years older than my twin sisters and now that we are 32 and 26 we are all 3 very, very close. Growing up we obviously had different friends and activities, but I enjoyed being 6 years older. My son is 3 now so he will be 4-5 years older than his sibling since we hope to try again soon. We tried to space ours 3 years but had a miscarriage last year so it is not always in your control as we all know! I am very glad to have at least 4 years between now though for college especially. I think it doesn't matter spacing so much, their personalities and your home life will determine how they get along ultimitely.

Hi S.!
When our little boy turned two I desperately wanted to have another child. Then, my husband lost his job and we couldn't try for obvious reasons! After my husband was comfortably transitioned into his new job, we decided to finally try. But, unfortunately we miscarried that baby. So, now my son is nearly 3 1/2 and we are expecting a new baby boy in december. When the baby is born he will be 4 months shy of 4 years. Although I can't tell you how it will go when the baby gets here- I can tell you that my son is SO excited and ready for his little brother to come! He tells everyone about him and is excitedly helping us prepare the nursery! We've allowed him to be our "big helper" and he thrives on knowing he can help! Also, I have an older brother who is just about 4 years older that I am and we have always been so close! There was never any competition between the two of us. In fact, when we were in high school he was a senior while I was a freshman- he took great care of me, and that was so special to me! That has been my experience! Good luck with your decision!

My daughter is 6 years older than my son. They are far enough apart that they don't fight, and my daughter has always loved helping take care of my son. It is nice having a helper, and for me, not as stressful as having two little ones to chase when going out.
There is never "perfect" time for having a baby, something will always happen, but somehow it comes together whenever the baby is born.

I had mine 6 years apart. It was far enough apart that you forget some things but close enough that they are friends now (at 29 and 35). It was more like raising 2 only children than having 2 small ones at once. They are very different people because the expectations changed, and they weren't being compared to each other at home or at school.

Coming from a home where siblings were spaced far apart, I would say closer is better.
My siblings and I are more like strangers than friends.
We couldn't relate to each other and don't have a close bond in adulthood. We don't dislike each other, but we just don't have that connection we should.
I plan on trying for my second one when my little princess turns one. I don't want her to feel like I did and not know the close bond of a sibling. I have always wanted to feel that, so I want to make sure she has that chance.
Of course it could backfire :)

My sister in law was 4 years old when my husband was born and she did NOT want their parents to bring him home. She was so used to being the only child she didn't like the thought of there being any competition. My husbands parents eventually had to put him in karate classes so he could defend himself from her.

My dad and his siblings are all 2 and 4 years apart and they hate each other and never speak to each other, and have nothing in common. Pretty sad really. I grew up never really playing with any cousins.

On the other hand I am the oldest of 10 kids and baby #10 was born when I was 11 years old. So we are all 12 and 13 months apart (some gaps are bigger) and we are close and it was awesome growing up we could always play together. Sure there was fighting but you're going to get that no matter what.

My first two are 16 months apart and my second and third are 20 months apart and my third and fourth are 22 months apart (we tried for closer but didn't get it), and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes I have 4 kids age 5 and under but every day is a party and they are so cute together. Love it, love it, love it!

I think the only thing you need to worry about in school is money. We were poor in college. We lived on student loans. And we used hand-me-downs and shopped at thrift stores. But really, I don't think two kids are any more expensive than one. Just diapers and doctor's visits. If you have the toys, beds, and other gear already, then I don't see a reason why you should wait.
On the other hand, if you won't be able to work, or if you will have to pay for double day care, that's a totally different story.
If you want another one badly enough, you can make it work.

My sons are 4 1/2 years apart and I love it. I was hoping for 3 1/2 but we can't plan everything. My boys are still very close and they can't get enough of each other. My older child can be very helpful. He helps watch out for the little things that matter like what goes in the baby's mouth or if he's through the gate and headed toward the stairs. He also understood everything that was happening as I grew through pregnancy down to the day of the birth. He was so excited to be a big brother. He was also more independent and that made it easier to care for both of them. Good luck! Every situation has a positive and a negative. In the end you'll just be happy to have the next addition to your family. Bets

I thought I would have my kids close together. But my son turned 4 in June and I am expecting my 2nd in December. So they will be 4 1/2 years apart. During this pregnancy it has been really good because my son really understands what I am going through and he is so excited to have the baby come. I think he will be good big brother and helper. Plus he is all through the baby stages and I don't have to worry about have 2 in diapers etc. I have seen how my sisters kids are so close together that they really don't have time with one on one with mom or dad. And they fight a ton. I believe that kids really need that time to really bond with mom and dad, so they won't feel left out when the new one comes. But it really is all up to you and your husband. Good luck in your decision.

My brother and I are 5 years apart and a good friends. My sons are almost 4 years apart and I love it! I knew that I personally couldn't (or would rather not) deal with two "babies" and a time (vs. my mother-in-law who had 3 in 3 years). I was a little worried about them not being friends but I've known too many examples of kids close in age not friends because of very different personalities and kids far apart that were friends because of similar personalities - there is no guarantee either way.

Also, the bonus of an older kid is that they can walk, buckle their own seatbelt, carry something, obey to stay by the car etc. when you're out.

Like any situation, there are pros and cons. I have three children who are 5-6 years apart, and what I loved most about that situation is the fact that each baby got to be the youngest child for at least five years. My oldest was an only child until I had her sister six years later. Then my second daughter got to be the baby sister until my son showed up 5 years later. By the time a new baby arrived, the older child(ren) were able to get their own breakfast, brush their teeth, get dressed, etc. so I could take care of each baby's needs. Each time, the baby was cared for and coddled by parents and siblings, enjoying the benefits of being the youngest, and I think this was a very good thing for each of them.

The major cons, from my perspective are few, but they're pretty big. The hardest thing over the years was having children who were all into different stages in their lives, so planning activities or vacations for a family that included a 2 year old, a 7 year old and a 13 year old could be challenging. It got even trickier with a 5 year old, 10 year old and 16 year old. And the other challenge is the fact that at this point I've been a parent for 22 years, and my youngest is only 11. This means that by the time my youngest goes out on his own, (if he moves out when he's 18), I will have been parenting for 30 years! I'm 47 now (I had my first baby when I was 26), so I will be 54 before I have an empty nest. The great blessing, however, is that I now have a granddaughter as well as children, so the two children I still have at home (my 11 year old and 16 year old) are actively involved with my baby granddaughter on a daily basis.

That's just my perspective, and the fact is, I'm glad I still have kids at home. They're great kids who bring blessings to my life in many ways, and they definitely keep me young and active! Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

here is how i planned my children. initially i wanted the kids to be 2 years apart so they would be close in what they were into at the time. well we learned that 4 kids later it is not up to us when we will concieve of if it will happen at all. i am a mom of 4, two girls 14&10 and two boys 7&3. our plan worked ....not these kids are 3&4 years apart and well it has been great. with iour first kid we got prego in 1 month and #2 it too almmost 2 years. #3 took 2 weeks and last but not least #4 only took a few months. so if you try now it won't cost too much more because you already have the baby gear and cloths . all the extra you will need is diapers and formula. that could be the theme of your baby shower. diapers.(a diaper party)
he might have two more years of school but the last time i checked he didn't breast feed. who is the sole care taker ?? my husband has always worked hard to provide for us and that made me ceo of everythign else. i say start now and you may have to wait two years to get preggo. if you do chose to wait the benefits are that the older sibling would be more understanding and helpful. either chioce you make is going to be wonderful. good luck and god bless!!

Do you have any siblings and how close are you in spacing and in your relationships? It sounds like you are a pretty busy lady. I think you need to pray and talk to your husband and you will know.
My husband is in school full time and we have 2 girls and one baby on the way. We always knew when the time was right. My girls are 26 months apart and are the best of friends. It is so sweet to watch them play together. Once we made then decision we couldn't be happier.

S.,

As you can tell, there is no one answer for how siblings will relate to each other based on age. My husband and I spent forever debating how far apart to space our kids. I felt like if I could pick the magical distance, adding a second baby would be easy for me and I would be assured that they would get along. I finally realized that there are things that are out of my control. Every pair of kids will have moments that they love each other and moments that they can't stand each other. My husband has 8 siblings, and the ones that he was close to as a child, he isn't necessarily close to as an adult. His favorite brother when he was growing up (they are 15 months apart) is the one that he rarely ever talks to now that they are grown and have some significantly different views about life. There is no way to predict how kids will react to each other based on how far apart they are in age.

My girls are just over 2 years apart, and my oldest was a great help with her sister (and still is). She loved to bring me diapers or burp cloths, or toss the dirty diapers for me. She never acted out while I was nursing our youngest, and she has always been fairly gentle with her sister. When her sister wakes up and cries, my oldest goes into the nursery and sings to, dances for and reads to my youngest while I catch a few more precious moments of sleep! There are alot of stereotypes about kids, and it's important to realize that they aren't necessarily true. Now that my girls are 3 and 1, they have moments when they fight like animals, and it drives me insane. They also have moments when they are "perfect" sisters, and I feel so jealous that I don't have a sister. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed because they both need me SO MUCH, but then I realize that our kids need us so much all the time. Older kids still need their parents, just in different ways, ways that we might find easier to ignore because our kids are not screaming and crying. No matter what, there are incredibly difficult times to parenting, and their are moments that make it all worthwhile. The distance between your children won't change that. As far as each child having quality time, that takes some effort, but yes, it can be done when little ones are fairly close together. Sometimes I will take one child grocery shopping with me while the other one stays home with dad. My oldest loves to go to the scrapyard with her daddy when he drops off junk. You have to seize the moments you have instead of waiting for "perfect" opportunities.

What it comes down to is that you and your husband have to do what is best for you. Sometimes, you have to take a deep breath and just jump in feet first. Admit that the time will never be "perfect," and if you ever found a time that you thought was perfect, there would be troubles that you handn't anticipated! When you guys think you are ready, than you are. And of course, don't forget that you get nine months to get yourselves and your daughter ready for your new arrival.

Best of luck,
S.

My cousin has 4 all spaced 4 years apart. They are 14,10,6,2 and she is expecting again. She has loved having hers all 4 years apart. They are all great helpers, and she is super organized. She felt that she could not maintain the level of organization she need to maintain if she had them closer--and that was really important to her. She is a little worried about how things will work with this next one that is due anytime.She homeschools, so is not worried about different schools, and at this age the older ones can be more independent and be a lot of help with the little ones.

My sister in law has two, spaced 7 years a part. I think that is a bit too far. They have very little in common, and it is more like two only children that two siblings, if that makes sense. Just my opinion!

Good luck making the decision!

Our sons are four years apart, and we have never regretted the spacing. It was easier to be working parents with an infant and a child who was old enough to communicate well when they were young. As they got older, they were in different schools, so there wasn't a lot of comparing. Today they are close to each other. Another advantage -- we never had two college tuitions at one time! Good luck.

I have a 5 year old daughter and a 2 month old son. My daughter is the best big sister! She loves to help out with the baby and has not yet shown some of the behavior that other parents warned me about prior to the birth of my son. We may be an exception but I don't think so. We made sure to include our daughter in decisions such as the furniture that we got for the nursery and his name. The only problem that we have had so far is that she wants to help too much-she wants to do things that we think should wait until the baby is a bit stronger. But we figure that if that is our problem then it is a good problem to have. I'm sure that many moms have had completely different experiences but this is mine and it has been a great one so far!

I have both spacing out there, close togather and far apart, my kids are 17,16,16,15,7,4,2 years old. And no matter what spacing you have there are good points and bad points. Clos togather means you are already in baby mode, so waking up nights and the routine plus lugging everything around is something you are used to, but when spaced apart, we get used to sleeping and moving around without lugging stuff and getting back into the routines can be hard, but yet your little one is older so some of the "work" can be helped out by the older one.

Really no matter which way you go, is fine, I like them a little close, hence why my 7 year old has 2 siblings closer in his age cause the farther apart they were I could see that the newness of little brother/sister would wear off and become an irritating part of life, 7 years between me and one sister, 19 between the other and 22 between me and my brother. So I have a little idea what that is like.

Good luck there is no right or wrong when it comes to spacing.

my kids are 4 years apart and extremely close. the older one has great memories of his little sister being born. when they got into school, both liked the fact that neither were in school together for middle and high school. this gave them their own sense of self. now, putting two kids through college, i am thankful that one is done just as the other starts. personally, i don't think there is one right spacing choice. my siblings who are 1, 2 and 3 years apart from me are not as close to me as the sibling who is 8 years younger. he and i have always been close. sometimes we get too many choices- so just remember that whatever you decide it will be a good choice.

My children are 5 years apart and I love it! My oldest was more aware of what was going on with us having another baby and he took more of an active role. There wasn't any jealousy when the baby arrived. They are both 10 and 5 years old now and there is not a lot of sibling rivalry. They get along and my oldest is great at helping out his little sister, giving her advice (it's funny to hear him say "when I was your age..."), showing her the ropes of school and chores. My little one looks up to her brother and loves to give him a hard time - but it's all in fun. I am glad we didn't rush to have our second child. I am having the time of my life with these great kids!

I wanted to add that I have two siblings. My brother and I are two years apart and my sister and I are nine years apart. At first I may have been closer to my brother, but then again we also fought the most. I have always had a good relationship with my sister. It didn't take too long for my sister and I to develop a very close relationship. In fact, she and I still talk everyday; while I maybe talk to my brother once every 2-3 months.