Shy or Insecure Toddler?

I was like that and I have a daughter who was like that too. My parents pushed me to be more assertive, signed me up for activities and tried to get me to socialize. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and made me feel more insecure. So when my daughter was little, I let her be shy if she wanted to. She'd go to birthday parties and hang on to my leg rather than joining the other kids. She was so quiet, I was happy when her teacher sent a note home that she was misbehaving in class! Finally she was loosening up. That was in 5th grade. Now she's 22 and on the go. She's independent, busy and sociable. I think she's gotten over her shyness!

it's a common phase with this age, it doesn't have much to do with their future personality. i have an extremely outgoing social kid, and he has gone through periods like this. and - it's compounded by the fact that she's never been anywhere but with family. once she is in daycare (although i would recommend full time, 2 days a week is practically nothing and it will take her 10x longer to get used to it) she will get better. don't push her, but insist she be a big girl. my son went through it. it is fine to acknowledge they are uncomfortable and insecure, just beware of encouraging it. let her know she can sit quietly with you if she wants to, but "wallering" (as i call it lol) all over mom and being disruptive is not okay. especially if you're trying to have a conversation with the adults.

My Daughter was just like that.
No biggie.
She is not, an insecure child at all.
BUT... among other people/groups, she was shy.
Even in Preschool.
So what.
Because... my daughter from young age, KNEW who she was. She is also not a follower. She is also very wise, about people and vibes and social situations. She... did not engage right away among people. She OBSERVED. Then, SHE would, by choice, engage or not or play with a child or not. SHE chose that. She used her own senses. She is very confident and outgoing, and at home. Just not so much outside.
But now at 8 years old, she is very much more social and less shy. Naturally.

We always just raised her, to be herself. And to know, herself. Which she does. Much more so that other kids her own age. I am proud of her.
She is not a follower and is very wise. Socially. And very mature for her age.
We never raised her to think that something was wrong with her.
She is herself.
She is perfectly fine.
NOT all kids, have to be outgoing or gregarious.
It is a mistake, to think that 'shyness' is the same as being 'timid' or insecure. It is NOT.
It is 2 different things.

Being shy or 'cautious' is not a bad thing.
It is a positive thing.
My daughter, is as I said, VERY wise for her age and she can easily distinguish between nice and not nice, people. And she consciously CHOOSES her friends... not just getting sucked up into the other kids antics or noxious behavior. She knows herself. And can and will speak up, when need be. She is NO shrinking-violet. Even if shy. But less so as she has gotten older.
Which is a very, good thing.

I suggest that it's common for 3 yo to be shy. After all she doesn't know these people. Some of us are outgoing and some of us aren't. Takes both kinds. I urge you to continue to be supportive of her by allowing her to be shy. She will probably eventually outgrow at least some of the shyness as she gains more experience with you allowing her to take her own time in getting involved.

We gain security by having the support of someone we trust. She trusts you and will continue to do so while you're there for her. If you push her into being social when she doesn't feel comfortable being social she will trust you less and be insecure.

Sounds like she just takes awhile to warm up to people she doesn't know too well (which is a good thing-we don't want her walking off w/a stranger)

Maybe at birthday parties you could walk her over to the other kids & play too, just until she's okay playing w/her new friends then kind of back away- not too far, just in case the other kids are too rough or she tries to climb on something..

She'll be okay.

Don't worry, she's not even 3 yet... I would call it shyness, I don't think she's insecure. My youngest is 4 1/2 and still shy for the most part. I also call him anti-social but I'm okay with him being this way. I never have to worry about him running off with strangers because he's attached to my leg. He did start preschool this year for 3 hours a day, which I thought he was just going to be miserable, he wasn't. I guess away from me he comes out of his shell a little bit. He has a couple of friends at school he plays really good with his teacher says. My son use to growl at people, he still puts his head down but no more growling, that was embarrassing a bit. I was very shy growing up... you probably couldn't tell now, I love talking...
I don't think you have anything to be concerned about. If you want to expose her to more people that is fine, but I think if you didn't would be just as fine. I tell people, I went to the same school from 4th grade until I graduated (with 50 of the same kids) and my face turned bright red every time they called my name in school. I knew these kids, I was just a very shy kid... Please don't believe me when I say I was very shy... She'll out grow it when she's ready, until then don't worry...

My first-born son was just the same. We were told he's a "slow-to-warm-up" child. Some kids are just "wired" that way ... and I think its actually good that he took his time to decide whether someone was "friendly" or not! He is 18 years old now and has friends and a girlfriend. He even took part in his High School Musicals! Don't worry about your little girl, she'll be fine. I started sending my son to daycare when he was 2 years old. It was the best thing I could have done for him! Enjoy your precious child. Best wishes to you all.

Hi L.,

My daughter was always quiet and reserved around those she was not familiar with. The one thing I did was that I didn't tell people, "She's just shy" when she clammed up. I didn't want her to hear that and think that's just how she was and use it as a crutch later. She eventually came out of her shell, but she is still somewhat reserved around people she doesn't know, which I am fine with. I don't really want her overly friendly with everyone. I have a friend who said he has no doubt his child would go with someone to "find their lost puppy" because she's so outgoing.

Hang tough, it'll get better!

Take care,
L.
P.S. My daughter continued to be cautious and "shy" around others until this year (she's eight).