Should We Start Daycare?

How about a co-op daycare where Dad would have to be involved with other parents? That way Dad and son could be doing something together in the company of others. It might help Dad's depression and they would both gain a lot from the socialization. Also, if Dad is depressed, it would be a good thing for him to see his doctor and a counselor to help him. Staying home with a toddler and not having adult interaction can worsen some situations, so seeing his doctor would be a good thing for all of you.

But, by all means, do not begin the conversation listing all the negatives of having Dad care for his son. Do not pick on his 'mole' existance, his TV time, etc. Talk about the field trips, the other kids, etc.

Best of luck!!!

--what a great question, R.-- and you really have thought this through from your little boys' persepective-- great job. I think he will LOVE day-care -- it will be an all day play-date - with TONS of things to do -- perfect timing for him. I worked for 40 years in school settings- the last 20 in special ed, preschol. Many of my little guys were exactly like yours - bright, able- busy - and came in as ''new'' 3 year olds to school ( which was very like a really excellent day-care) and LOVED it--- even the really quiet ones warmed up and had fun. He will - and sounds like will be good for your dh, too--

Blessings,
Old Mom --aka- J.

You didn't mention it...There's the middle ground, as well. Half day daycare/preschool. From say, 9-1. That would give your hubby time to do breakfast/morning routine, several hours off to recharge/get things done (and your son several hours of active play), and both of them time together in the afternoon. You could even start off with just 3 days (in a row is usually best), and if the two of them are thriving, bump it up to 4 or 5 days after several months.

We did something similar, and it was spectacular for both of us. It's the rare parent who's not a BETTER parent with a couple of hours a day "to themselves", to pursue their own life/interests (or even just be able to have conversations with complete sentences on a regular basis).

Also...just a note: Your hubby may not actually be watching as much TV as you think. (of course, he may, i certainly don't know him;) For years, our "downtime" unfortunately coincided with the times that my husband came home from work. Not matter how run ragged we were by the day, my hubby never quite believed that we hadn't spent all day doing exactly whatever we were doing when he walked in the door. In a book my grandmother gave me (printed in 1906) "Tips for Young Housewives", one of the things that gets mentioned is just that...to "appear" busy when your husband comes home, because whatever they see is what they'll believe you've been doing all day. I didn't put any stock in that until after I went back to work and my husband asked if it was nice to be busy again, and I remember looking at him feeling rather shocked. Busy? All I had to do was manage 4 docs, 9 counselors/social workers, patient liaising, the phone, and paperwork. It was out and out relaxing. To this day I don't think he understands a 15hour shift taking care of a child & a house...and that it in nearly no way resembled our weekends home with him.

<Grinning> I'm not trying to say you're the same way, and I think it's FANTASTIC that you're looking for ways to give your wee one and hubby a break! :)

Good Luck!!

I have always grown up knowing that I would stay home with my children verses putting them into child care. I did end up putting my oldest in to daycare. Between that and what I learned while getting my Early Childhood degree, I decided that sometimes some structure is better than staying home with the child. If you don't need child care you can also decide to put your son into preschool. This would offer him stimulation and structure without having to be in child care all day long. I have my own preschool and child care and find that children adjust quite easily after about the first week.

Signing him up for daycare would probably be a big slap in your husband's face. Like telling him he is not doing his job well enough.

I think it would be a good idea to sign him up instead for preschool 3 mornings a week. Having it in the morning means that hubby is forced to get up and moving early and to be out of the house at least twice a day. Being similar in personality to your husband, I can tell you that being forced to get out of the house in the morning really sets the rest of the day in a better light and gives you more energy. This will give your son plenty of social time as well as allowing him to maintain his home life with Daddy.

You should start him in a part-time preschool. We had a full time nanny since our son was 6 months old- but when he got to 3 years we noticed that they did less and less exciting things for him.

We started him in a 2 day a week/ 4 hours a day program and it was amazing for him. He learned structure, made lots of friends and got used to being away from his usual routine.

After the holidays we decided to take the next step and put him in a full time preschool/ daycare in lower Queen Anne (Seattle.) It has been such a good experience for him. He learns so much academically along wtih art, dance, Spanish, etc. He takes his naps there, eats lunch- everything.

School starts at 9AM and ends at 3PM and then it is all play until I pick him up between 4:30-5:30. Sometimes he doesn't want to leave beacuse they are into a story or playing hard with his buddies!

If I were home with my son each day, I probably wouldn't do half the fun things he does with his class. And I feel like he will be much better prepared when he starts kindergarden in a year.

Give your son an opportunity to grow and make friends. It will do wonders for your situation! If you live in Seattle and want the name of our school let me know. I know they have part time openings. Good luck!

My husband stayed home with our kids for 2 1/2 years when they were little (he went back to work 1 1/2 years ago.) I just found out a month ago how he really felt during that time and he felt like a failure for not being the one working and providing financially for our family. We had both agreed for him to not work because he was doing an extremely important task of taking care of our kids. He did look for work but couldn't take anything that involved traveling or super long hours due to my job at the time ( I was on sea duty in the Navy) and of the interviews he did, he didn't get hired which did nothing to help his self esteem/mood. He is a TV guy too but he did get the kids to a playground and they were always riding thier bikes outside and swimming in the pool. Anyway my point in all of this is that it is hard to overcome years of conditioning that the man is supposed to be the provider. You have no idea really how he might feel and what comments others make and that might be a part of his depression. A co op daycare is a great idea if money is tight or he wants to be a part of it, he will have to volunteer in the classroom. Kids adjust very quickly to going to daycare but at his age he needs one that will still do nap time if it going for all day. My kids are now 5 and 7, the 7 yo is in school, and they both follow any kids they meet around like a lost puppy, that is just a sign of a social child. I would rather have that then the kids that is so shy they never make friends. Does your husband get to go do things alone after you get home so he can have a break from your son? Do you have any family he can go do adult guy things with or something like that? I wish you good luck.

Some places have preschools or daycares that are half days and then the other half with day it ill help to socialize your child.
Have fun
Paula

Does your son turn 3 before September 1st? If so I would definitely get him into a preschool. Look for structure and educational value. If his dad wants to go to work then I'd use a daycare, otherwise go with a preschool. 3 year olds usually go to preschool just a couple of days a week for a couple of hours. This will give both of them a little time away from each other and give you son some time with his peers.

My husband and I struggled (as I think most parents do) with that decission. We kept coming back to the fact we were the ones who wanted to raise our children. I think there are other alternatives out there to try that might give your husband the break he needs and your son the action he needs.

There are some cooperative preschools in the area that are usually less expensive and require parent involvement of some sort throughout the month (maybe this will get your husband something to do too) Of course there are play groups and such also if you can get the husband to get out.

Bottomline of course it's up to you -- many kids go to daycare (1-5days a week) and are not scarred for life.

HTH
E.

I would choose preschool over daycare.

If not daycare a good preschool program would be great - either that or look for a daycare that has a preschool component. It doesn't have to 40 hours - you can sometimes find things that are shorter in duration.

My son (who is 2 1/2) just transitioned from an at home daycare (where often he was the only child or oldest child) to a day care facility. He attends Knowledge Beginnings in Hillsboro, and it has made the biggest difference. He goes outside on the playground twice a day (my husband refers to that as recess), has a structured curriculum, and the staff is wonderful.

He initially had a hard time adjusting to such a big classroom. However, the director recognized this and moved him to a smaller classroom for a month to help with the transition. He has moved back to the larger classroom and is doing wonderful.

My husband recently lost his job. We are faced with Dad becoming Mr. Mom and staying home with my son. However, I am going to do EVERYTHING I can to keep my son at daycare (we call it "school").

If you want more information on the daycare, let me know. Also, if you decide to start at a Kindercare/Knowledge Beginnings, let me know and if I refer you, you get a $200 credit.

Best wishes,
J.

I would start a part-time preschool (or daycare), if possible. My son goes to a small program that is 3 mornings a week. It is enough for him to socialize and learn without getting burned out. It sounds like your son probably does need some more stimulation and socialization. Again, your husband sounds like mine!!

I think that if you are going to do childcare I would look in to a good in home. I have my 4 year old in one that is wonderful 2 days per week. YOu may also look into getting your husband some help, I have family members that struggle with depression and it only gets worse with time. Good Luck!

Your child does need to have more activity time, but I would look at a part day care. It would be good for socialization too. I would look for a daycare that has regular outside time and has a outdoor play area or is near a park. Make sure they don't have t.v. time.
Your husband could start taking him planned activity times (In Portland they have indoor parks I'm not sure about Seattle) to start.

I have 2 girls age 6 and 3.5 years.. yes 3 is a difficult age.. I am a SAHM.. my first child went to a montessorri preschool all day at 3.. she needed the interaction with kids ect.. and I am not a couch potato.. My 3.5 will start montessori in the fall.. Maybe check out lake forest park montessori.. great place and I read your little about me section and they do discipline without violence ect.. just google them they have a web site and are very highly reviewed :)
Lenc

It sounds like it might be a better environment for your son (if you don't want him to become a grumpy chunky couch potato) and better for your husband as well. I put my daughter in daycare because I had to when she was 2 and a half and she didn't like it much for the first month (whined about going and was a basket case when I picked her up) but after a month of getting used to new routine she LOVES it.

One option that might be ideal (don't know if it's possible) is if you can quit work to stay with boy (it sounds like you have better activities and priorities for your son) and your husband can work

I am a HUGE fan of all children starting preschool as soon as they can at the age of 3. It is wonderful for them to interact with other children their age, learn routine, have a curriculum. Our preschool had field trips, walking trips, visitors, special activities for parents.

He would have the chance to meet new children (also a bonus because you meet parents with children your age). Your husband would have a little time to himself. Your son will be out and about (our kids went outside cloudy or shiny).

The other benefit of preschool is it's a couple of hours a couple of times a week. Daycare, even if you only have him in one or two days a week, could be overwhelming.

Best of luck to you and your little guy!

You should look into a preschool. They usually start at 3 years old, and it's a good part time break for a stay at home parent. Plus it gives your son a good head start on socialization and learning before kindergarten.
I would recommend you look for a program starting in the fall, and hopefully you can find one that still has open registration.
If you don't have a local preschool, then daycare is certainly a good option, but you don't have to put him in all day. You can do half days, two or three times a week, or whatever works for you.
It's well work the expense to get your son out of the house and get him started developing friendships w/ kids his own age!

I have three girls. The first two were in daycare from three months on and the last has never been in daycare. I did my research and chose a daycare that had a great vibe. My two older girls had an amazing experience. They made some great friends, they learned more than I could have ever taught them. They learned not only the basics but learned manners and how to behave with other kids and adults. I had to stop working when I was pregnant with my third girl. She is now three and very attached to me and I love her dearly but I often feel as though she is getting cheated. She does not have a group of friends and has not had the opportunities the other two had. If I could afford to put her in daycare I would...if I could find a decent job. My thoughts are if you can afford it do it. He might have a hard time at first adjusting but I think he will soon realized how much there is to do. If you do try it, stick with it for at least three to six months. Some kids take a little longer to adjust to such a different environment. Oh and don't be surprised if he is exhausted but that goes away too. Good luck.

I agree with Shannon C., Sounds like your little guys is craving more stimulation. I'm a sahm and my son attends a great little preschool twice a week. He gets to socialize, learn and have fun all at once. This gives me a little break too, your husband probably wouldn't mind either!

-S.

Your son sounds like an ideal canidate for preschool. Most are out for the summer, but have summer camps. That might be a good way to discover if you really like a preschool before committing to it in the fall. There are some preschools that are year round. They have different teaching philosphies, and requirements too. Most the the children need to be potty-trained, but not all. Co-op preschools do not require pottytraining, and some Montessori schools. Preschools are a little different from daycare in that they should have certified TEACHERS, although many daycare centers call their staff teachers. There is a fine line.

Anyway,if you want to know about Co-op preschool write me back. I have a single 4 year old who started co-op preschool at 2 and loves it. We have become good friends with many of the other parents as well as the kids.

Good Luck,

~ Elise

YES! But that's my personal opinion. Reading your question was like looking at my own situation. I am the one who worked while my husband stayed home. You and I sound like mirror images!! LOL. (I am 40 and have similiar views on attachment parenting) I highly recommend getting your son into some kind of daycare or classes or something where he is getting interaction with other children. I have a five and a half year old and I can tell you he is suffering from not having been socialized properly. I kick myself every time for not having pushed harder. My son was the same, always wanting friends but my husband is a total introvert and wouldn't take him out. Now I am having to deal with the challenges of my son not knowing how to behave around other kids (even though he craves their friendship), he's behind in his emotional development, he acts younger than he is, he has discipline issues and I am having issues on how I am going to be able to put him in a school system. He actually gets along better with children that are younger or older than he does now, rather than children his own agea. After four years my husband went the same route - became mildly depressed. I finally put my foot down, my son went to classes for four hours a day and my husband has gone back to work. Its done him a world of good. My husband feels so much better about himself. I have also encountered a couple of other moms in similar situations, a couple of them who continued the route of no daycare or socialization and the children are the ones who are suffering with the socialization issues (one is still biting and hitting). Hope this was some help. Again, just my opinion. Feel free to email directly if you have any questions.

I'm not sure you need to do daycare, but he is the perfect age for preschool which would get him out with other kids. Full time daycare would be a big transition for him, but going to preschool a few half days a week would fulfill that social need.

Good luck,
M.