Should We Just Invite the Other Couple?

Updated on March 02, 2012
J.C. asks from Blacksburg, VA
17 answers

I've become friends with a woman who has a son my daughter's age. Our husbands have met a few times but not much. We decided to all go out to dinner - planned way in advance so we could get babysitters, etc. Now she has asked me if I want to invite another couple that we know - they met them once at a get together at our house. It seemed weird to me. I was thinking that at dinner our husbands could get to know each other better, I would have fun chatting with her, etc. It would be the first time we did anything with them without kids, and I was looking forward to that. The other couple are also our friends so it's not like we wouldn't enjoy their company, but it just seemed weird to me that she seems to want to invite them when they've only met them once? I have never asked another couple to invite their friends to dinner. Does it seem strange to anyone else?

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V.M.

answers from Cleveland on

my kids have been using the phrase "AWKWARD" lol. If you feel it's weird I would support you, but i really don't know what you can do if she came right out and asked you to invite bob and Sue too. if she just hinted ignore it, but if she asked outwrite then i dunno...

THis is just dinner right?? fancy? Casual? hmmmm

It's too complicated, guess that's why we don't have any couple friends. good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Mama:
Ask her why she wanted to invite the other couple along?
Who's paying for all this?
Have a good time.
D.

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

This post made me think of the episode of King and Queens where Kerri and Doug go out with an annoying couple to get the number of another couple they met through the annoying couple

6 moms found this helpful
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L.H.

answers from San Diego on

Less pressure with more couples! It really does add to the flow of conversation and that could very well what they're thinking. Everyone has their own level of anxiety or excitement hanging out and getting to know one another. There have been plenty of times where I felt comfortable and chatty with the women while the men struggled. Sometimes another couple is a good "buffer."

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Are they new to the area and looking to meet more people?

Maybe they have met this other couple in other circumstances and enjoyed their company as well?

If you aren't comfortable with it - or was looking forward to getting to know them better - then tell her.

If you like the other couple - why not? the more the merrier!! that's what I say!! But if you aren't comfortable then tell her so. It's okay to speak your mind!!

3 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

The main issue for you is that you are losing the potential intimacy that you had hoped to create for the 4 of you...so sweetly and nicely tell your friend, not this time. How about another time?

3 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Yes and I would not do it.
I would also take it to mean she is more into them or a group than you.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Personally, I don't think it sounds weird at all. You don't give this detail in your post, but is this friend new to the area? To me, it sounds like she's interested in getting to know people. She likes you. She likes the couple she met at your house. So to her, she's thinking "oh, that would be so fun, I could hang out with these 2 new couples and get to know them both better." Even if she's not new to your area, maybe she's just really trying to put herself out there to make more friends. I highly doubt it has anything to do with you (meaning, she's not that interested in hanging out with you, but wants to hang out with your other friends that she met once at your house). Also, in my opinion, 3 couples is the perfect amount of people at a dinner out. Conversation tends to flow better when there are that many people to come up with topics. But it's not so many that one person will feel left out or can't hear b/c they're at the far end of the table. What WOULD be weird is if you had invited this person to your HOUSE and she asked you to invite another couple. But you're going OUT. Invite the other friends and have a good time!

ETA - If you really were looking forward to a more "intimate" dinner date, then just tell her that! And then have all 3 couples go out another night :)

2 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Maybe they are a bit insecure and would like another couple there to fill in some gaps in conversation. Perhaps they mentioned the dinner to the other couple and they asked if they could join the group.

If you want to say no then say no, if it really isn't a deal breaker then call them yourselves and tell them they are invited.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Doesn't sound weird at all to me. Sounds like she'd just like to get to know the other couple, too. Why not just be direct and say no, that you're looking forward to dinner with just the four of you so you could get better acquainted without your kids interrupting.

I often over think things like this when in reality I just need to pay attention to my own needs/wants and explain myself to the other person.

2 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

yeah, i do think it's a little odd. and like you, i'd be mildly bummed at losing the opportunity you and the other couple to get to know each other more directly and personally. the dynamic is completely different between four and six.
not a huge deal, though. when you know her better you'll have a better feel for her motivation. could be nervousness (more people, less pressure to converse), or cluelessness, or warm inclusiveness, or any number of other things.
but i do think that since they don't know you very well, and barely know the other couple at all, it's just a bit.......odd.
if you're comfortable with it, i'd just say something along the lines of 'i think you'll really like them! maybe we can have a cookout next month and all get together. i was kinda hoping to just hang out with you guys this time, though. what do you think?'
if that feels too overbearing, just go along with it, enjoy the evening, and observe the energy flow. if you and your husband still feel inclined, get an in-house sitter and invite them over to your place (they won't feel free to invite anyone else to that) and see if you want to pursue a friendship. if not, you had a fun evening out!
:) khairete
S.

2 moms found this helpful

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I try to invite another couple to a dinner if I think conversation won't flow smoothly. ie, not enough to talk about and uncomfortable silences. Having a third guy there might take some of the pressure off her husband to keep the conversation going. I wouldn't fight having the other couple join you.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Nah, it just sounds like it will be a fun evening. I wouldn't overthink it.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Maybe she's nervous or a little shy, and thought it might be easier with more people around. Sounds like she enjoyed the other couple, so thought of them as some good people to include as well. You can either honor her request and invite them (they may not be able to make it anyway), or you can be honest and say "Oh - we wanted you guys all to ourselves, so we can get to know you better."

1 mom found this helpful

V.C.

answers from Dallas on

If you invited them rather than it being a joint decision to get together, it would be inappropriate for her to ask to invite someone else. But in this case, I don't see anything weird about it.
However, you can say you would like it to just be the four of you and invite the other couple the next time.

1 mom found this helpful

R.H.

answers from Houston on

AG I loved that episode!!! Yes, its weird and I would be alternately pissed and hurt. Cancel out. Then in a month or so invite the OTHER couple and leave them out. Yes, I am petty...

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Who's paying for dinner? If each couple is paying for their own dinner then invite them. But it could become an uncomfortable evening it the 3rd couple find out that you planned this weeks ago and just invited them. How will you explain that one? Also remember the adage 3s a crowd. 2 men or 2 women talking can be a nice conversation but add a third and you have to work a bit harder to make sure everyone is included in the conversation.

For instance 2 of the men like football and one likes golf--can't stand football. Well the other 2 men start talking football and he will feel left out.
Or 2 women like to knit and the other gardens someone will feel left out.

Maybe just plan to have several topics of conversation other than kids--diapers--binkys--homework--or household chores.

Have fun.

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