Should We Find Out If We're Having a Boy or a Girl?

Updated on May 03, 2010
N.F. asks from North Richland Hills, TX
20 answers

With our first pregnancy my husband and I were going to have it be a surprise, but my husband knew in his gut it was a boy and just HAD to find out. The day of the ultrasound they announced that sure enough we're having a boy. I'll never forget that day because his face was just absolutely priceless... daddy teary eyed, couldn't blink, staring at his baby boy on the monitor, with the biggest smile on his face and the biggest twinkle in his eyes. So, this time around, my husband is convinced that we're having a girl and feels no need to find out what we're having at our next ultrasound in a few weeks. Well now I'm just undecided!!! A part of me wants to go through and wait to find out boy or girl when baby arrives, but another part of me wants to find out if we're having our girl. I'm very happy either way, but what if my husband's gut is wrong this time... he will be sooooo crushed. I just don't know. What do you mama's think???

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all of your responses! I told my husband how I felt, and then I said that I was totally leaving the decision up to him because I would be happy either way. Turns out now he wants to know if he's right :) So, it has been decided... we will find out. This will not be our last baby, so, the next one or two we won't find out until delivery.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

We waited both times. It was so exciting to hear the doctor announce the sex of the baby after I delivered.

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J.C.

answers from Chicago on

I vote for waiting! I did it both ways and liked not finding out better. I have a girl & a boy and both their rooms are painted the exact same soothing color green because I liked it so much. (Picked it out the first time because we didn't know what we were having, and painted my son's room the same color even tho we knew he was a boy.) I don't think we're having a 3rd, but if we do, I'm definitely waiting until he/she arrives to find out the sex!

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J.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Its up to you, but I waited until the delivery room for both of my kids. It absolutely drove everyone else around me crazy though! They were so irritated with me! Ha ha. I just figured that there are so few true surprises left in the world, this is one of them and I'm going to take advantage of it. Although with my first, the baby was out and we were just sooo happy to have a child and hugging and crying, etc. that like 30 seconds went by until my husband finally realized and said, "oh! what is it?!" and the doctor said, "you tell me..." so it was actually my husband who told me it was a boy. (also with that twinkle in his eyes that he had a son). Either way is wonderful I'm sure, every child is a miracle and precious gift. Congrats!

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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

I am pregnant with my fourth child. We waited with #1, found out with #2, waited with #3, and now with #4 our curiosity about whether or not we'd finally get a boy drove us to ask the gender. It looked like a girl to both me and the ultrasound tech. I was quite disappointed for that day, but friends and family gave me a lot of comments about why it's nice to have all the same sex, and when I woke up the next morning I was fine.

I feel that if we had waited this time, and after going through labor, if a little baby girl had been put into my arms the wish for a boy would have just been a fleeting thought amid the joy of holding my newborn. Perhaps if you wait, and your husband is wrong about it being a girl, he too will be so emotional about the birth of his child that there won't be any regrets . . .

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

prenatal ultrasound is not without risk to your baby! search words like "prenatal ultrasound risk" and you will find info. there is no reason for routine prenatal ultrasound, and the possible risks are very significant.

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C.F.

answers from New York on

DON'T find out!! The birth of my two sons were the two BEST days of my life!!! The moment they were born and my husband got to tell me what we just had, was so wonderful!! There is nothing like that feeling!!!! Go for the surprise; it's the best!! congrats!!

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E.W.

answers from Portland on

In my opinion if you child is a girl it would be better to be crushed now than the moment the child is born. It will give him time to get use to the idea. He will also start noticing how cute little girls are and will be happy when his finally arrives. And rest assured, no matter how estatic he was about his son, there is nothing like "Daddy's little girl".

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i'm always a little surprised at how many....really everyone i talk to any more.....people find out in advance. i think the killer anticipation is what helped me to survive labor<G>. our kids' rooms were kids' rooms, not especially geared toward boy or girl (and i think they should be, children should be raised with less gender bias). infant clothes are mostly unisex and it's not like they need a lot of formal clothes at that age.
that being said, it's totally a matter of personal preference. there's no right or wrong to it.
your husband might be a little put out if his guess is wrong, but i PROMISE you he won't be crushed when holds that baby in his arms.
congratulations!
:) khairete
S.

D.J.

answers from Seattle on

Reading between the lines tells me that you want to find out. I did that, too. I just like to be prepared and I don't like green, yellow and white colors, so I wanted the room either in pink or blue. In our case, I was a little bit disappointed that we are having a boy, I wanted a girl. Knowing in advance helped me getting use to the fact, picking the name, shopping for him and the most important "talking" to him as I was able to "address" him by his name. Well, now I'm really glad that he is a boy, I can't even imagine otherwise... Good luck whatever you go for!

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

WEll i found out with Tabytha and do not plan on finding out next time. There just seems to be so little surprise or mystery left when it comes to babies. Especially for moms pushing 40 like me.

Getting ready a nursery ready or clothes is not that big a deal for me. Baby will be in the bassinet for the first 4 months anyways.

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K.M.

answers from Boston on

I always thought that I would wait but my husband really wanted to know so we found out. Thank God because I had a very difficult labor and after days of laboring, hours of pushing and finally an emergency C-section ... I missed the actual birth! I woke up hours later wondering where my son was! There are so many surprises most importantly that beautiful little face but hair, weight, etc. that doesn't make the day any less special already knowing if it's a girl or a boy. He's awesome and I'd do it all again in a heart beat.

K.F.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would probably want to know the sex of the baby. Surprise would be okay if I was on my 5th child, but if you did end up having a girl, you wouldnt have anything ready for her.
Now, if you were to buy unisex clothing, then I wouldnt see why the surprise would be a bad thing.
I, personally, would like to be prepared when the baby is born. That way I would have everything set up at home!
I hope my input helps you!

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L.N.

answers from New York on

i wanted to find out because i knew i was having twins and since i needed to have the nursery ready i didn't want to do off colors that would match boys and girls. the day i found out is still one of the best days of my life. i had time then to concentrate on names that would capture my heart, and was afraid that between then and delivery i would get attached to a gender and then possibly be disappointed. at the time i found out i was neither attached to having a boy or girl. i got my girls.

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A.J.

answers from Medford on

I say leave it to be a surprise this time. If you'll truly be delighted either way, why not have a wonderful surprise on baby's birthday? Life leaves us with so few true surprises these days. I know for myself, with my first baby, I had to know. My husband and all of our family were all certain I was having a girl. I wanted a daughter so badly that I couldn't dare hope I would be that lucky, but we were! (I would have been happy if we had had a son as long as the baby was healthy. But, my husband and I each have 2 brothers, so it just seemed like time for a little girl in our family.) If we try again, I don't know if I'll find out. It would certainly be convenient to know if we should trade in all those little girl clothes for little boy things, but I just don't know what I'd do next time around. Best wishes for a happy healthy delivery and baby!

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

I've done it both ways. Finding out what you are having is a wonderful, exciting, surprise whether you open that surprise at the ultrasound or at the birth. While I enjoyed both, for me finding out at the ultrasound allowed for 2 exciting days during the process...the day we found out the sex and then the day we got to meet him/her. The birth of my son (the one we didn't know the gender of) was no more or less exciting and memorable than the birth of my other son or daughter (who we did know the gender of).

By the way my husband "just knew" the gender every time and he was always right!

Best of luck,
K.

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S.S.

answers from Seattle on

Oh, I think a little part of us always hopes for one or the other, but in the end it doesn't really matter what you have as long as the baby is happy and healthy and once daddy lays eyes on his new son or daughter, his heart will never be the same. Personally, I like the element of surprise. A friend of mine with two boys just had a little girl and was sooo convinced all along that it was a boy. She was surprised beyond belief when out came a little girl! What a lovely surprise. Of course, she could have had a boy, but still, the surprise part is so much fun, really. I almost wish I had kept the sexes of my second and third a surprise, but as they were twins, well, I wanted to be ultra-prepared. Anyway, I opt for surprise, but it's really up to you.

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

You could always have the ultrasound tech write it down and then you will always have the option of looking it up........

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

Now matter when you find out, it will be a surprise, so why not wait.

I didn't find out with either of mine and was thrilled each time.

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S.P.

answers from Seattle on

We didn't find out the gender with our first pregnancy. Everyone kept telling us that it's going to be a boy, because I carried so low, etc. Even though our first gut-feeling when we found out we were pregnant was girl, I kind of let people convince me that we would be having a boy. I don't know whether I would have been disappointed had we found out at the ultrasound, but try to be disappointed when you just gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby! At this point I bet your husband couldn't care less if your second is a boy or girl. This would be my argument for not finding out.

However, we did find out the gender when we were pregnant for the second time, and it was just such a different experience to know what to shop for. I just enjoyed browsing the girls' aisles and marvelling at all the cute stuff there :-) That would be my argument for finding out.

From your point of view I would probably go with your husband and not find out, if you can stand the suspicion that long :-)

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I really liked knowing in advance. Made both of my pregnancies feel more "real." My other feeling was that it was a "surprise" at 20 weeks pregnant or a "surprise" at the end, but there were only two choices, right? Good luck with your choice and your pregnancy!

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