Should My New Boyfriend of 9 Months Meet My Daughter??

If your boyfriend has asked for your hand in marriage or is even hinting at a long-term, permanent commitment, then it would be wise to meet your daughter with you having explained that this is a serious relationship and he might become a permanent fixture. Then, hopefully, you'd plan a decent engagement period to give her time to get used to the new arrangement and new person in her life. If this has been going on for 9 months, but neither or you are sure where it's going, then it's too soon to bring him into the "family" picture. It would only confuse her if later the two of you decide to call it quits, and then not only would you have to grieve the relationship, so would she.

I don't agree either! Are they insane? He'd be her new father for cryin' out loud! They need to get to know each other, just like you and he need to. How old is your daughter?

By all means have some "family" time to see how all three of you meld. Go to amusement parks or have picnics or something. Yike. Ask your friend how she would have liked that if she were the little girl in question. No, don't do that just to satisfy MY curiosity!

[Okay, I've read through the other responses. I assume you've done a background check and know he's not a molester?]

-S. Kav

Hello,

my name is A., i don't think that you should bring a lot of people around your children, but he is your boyfriend and I know that you feel that he is a safe and realiable person. Maybe he should meet your daughter so you can see how they get along. Do what you think is best. Also who say that you and he are going to get married. Good luck

I agree. If you are serious, then they should meet. You want to see how he reacts to your daughter before you marry him. It may not be love at first sight, but he and your daughter should at least be able to get along well enough to live together. I wouldn't pressure either of them to adore each other. Relationships take time, and step relationships are different than other ones. There's baggage and third parties and lack of shared history. Just give it time.

I'd start somewhere neutral. Like go mini golfing or some other family activity where they have something in common to do/talk about/share but aren't forced to make small talk the entire time. Think about your first date or the first time you met BF's friends or parents.

You didn't mention how old she is or what the situation is with her father. Those are things to keep in mind, too. Older kids may need more time. Remember, you're not introducing her to a "new daddy", but your boyfriend. You and her father (if he's still around) should bear the responsibility of parenting her, especially if she's a teenager. That needs to come from you.

Good luck!

T.,I believe this depends on the age of your daughter mostly and how close your relationship has developed with the boyfriend.
Every male that you meet and are getting to know while developing a relationship should not be introduced to your child. There are too many child abusers and molesters in this world today. You don't want too many men coming in and out of your childs life. You don't want that type of attachment when you're not sure of the comittment and where the relationship is going. Your child's well being should always come first and you are the role model for them. Set the example of life. Your new boyfriend should be aware of your priorities when it comes to your child and respect that. If it's about male role models for your child, use well known and trusted male family members that will treat the child the way they should be treated and encourage respect for themselves and so that the child will know what expectations to have of other males who enter their lives. I'm not saying you should never let them meet, for you do need to know what the chemistry is like between them. How they get along, etc. I am the mother of a now 18 year old daughter. Since her birth, very limited individuals has come into her life as mother's boyfriend. Even her father. Since he has not grown with her to have that father daughter relationship, I've preceded with caution.
Bottom line, your child need total protection given by you until they are at the age that you can talk to them with understanding of good touches, bad touches. Until there is a trusting relationship between you and your child. There need to be protection from any emotional, spiritual; or physical harm so they can grow up to be whole individuals. I wish you the best and hopefully this helps!

I agree a lot with what has been said so far. I have two young children, ages 5 and almost 3, and I am going through a divorce right now. I am also in a very serious, committed relationship with someone "new". He and I will be getting married once my divorce is finalized. My children have met my boyfriend, and are really starting to bond with him. My thought is that if you are planning a real future with this person, then your child needs to have the opportunity to get to know, and bond with him. Waiting until you get married is, in my opinion, asking for serious trouble. It doesn't matter how old your daughter is, she needs to get familiar with him before she's thrown into living with him as a family. Yes, you should be careful, but that's a given. If this relationship is serious, then you should give your daughter and your boyfriend the opportunity to be around each other. It may change the dynamic of your relationship, that with your boyfriend and that with your daughter. But I think it's incredibly important to discover that now, before you get married.

I would recommend that they meet if you are serious about getting married. Children get attached, and if things don't work out they will have to deal with the aftermath just as an adult would. I belive that if you are considering engagement, they should meet, and during the enagement period they should be encoraged to really get to know each other. If they don't get along, I suggest couseling before you get married so that all things are dealt with beforehand.

Oh for pete's sake...never meet until you're married? "Hi, sweetie, here's your new dad"??? I agree that kids shouldn't meet Significant Others unless it's clear that the relationship has long-term potential. I was a "step-girlfriend" once to some kids of a guy who had girlfriends running in and out every few months; I was single then, but now that I'm a mom I am appalled (in retrospect) at how careless he was. On the other hand, my husband was the child of divorced parents; he remembers one or two of father's old girlfriends with great fondness, and says they had a positive impact on his life even though things did not work out that they became his stepmother. Just take it slow--kids get attached to people and grieve when they come and go.

Hi there,
My opinion is this....
If you 2 are serious, then sure she should meet him. If you are considering marraige or being together then you will want to know if they are going to be good with each other. It would be a bad thing if you marry this guy and they can't stand each other. Search your soul, you will find the right answer...I think that you are capable of making a good decision because you have been withhim 9 months now and are just now considering him meeting her. Good Luck!

Why does he have to be introduced as your boyfriend? Can't he just be a friend? As long as you aren't making out in front of her, then he can be just like your other friends. If you weren't dating him, would you be worried about him meeting her?

I'm a single mom too. I have lots of friends both male and female (true friends - no romance). Mixed in there is/was the guy I dated for 2 years and she never knew the difference. When he and I broke up this summer she was none the wiser. Mr. F is just mommy's friend just like Mr. Kevin, Ms. Heather, Ms. Jenn, Mr. David, etc.

If you can act like it's no big deal and that he is just your friend and keep the PDA to minimum around her, then no harm. Just my 2 cents.

protect yourself and your daughter at all times. everything that looks good ain't good and 9 months isn't enough time. she's a girl at that, and you have to be very careful w/ the company you bring around her. my cousin moved a man w/ her a few months ago because they got reacquainted from upteen years ago. i told her to take her time because she don't know this man and guess what, he's a bum! a drunk! and now he's here living w/ her and her two girls - no way! don't do it. everything seems cute and nice in the beginning. my pastor say, you wanna know who people really are - tell them no! think about that. as long as you're good to people, they think you're the best thing happening, as soon as you go against their flesh, you'll see who they really are. be careful and take care.