Should I Tell the Teacher?

Oh my gosh! I've been going through the exact same thing for the last 2 days! My younger daughter just started 3rd grade and already wants to go back to 2nd! She thinks her teacher doesn't like her and she talks too fast! She thinks the other kids don't like her and that she's the youngest in her "whole grade" (she's a June bday, but not the youngest in the whole grade). She totally had a meltdown last night.

One mom who saw my daughter going through this suggested that she's may be very tired. Starting a new schedule, and having demands all day can ware out an 8 year old.

I'm going to hold off talking to the teacher, and hope that things work themselves out. We'll also be scheduling playdates with her new classmates (none of her best friends are in her new class, which makes it even tougher).

Good luck!

Hi J.,
It sounds like you have a very sweet, sensitive girl. A new situation can be overwhelming and may feel hostile (from personal experience).
My mom is a great woman and helped me handle those situations as a child by teaching me how to handle new situations and not to automatically think everyone "hated" me. Maybe you can roll-play with her and go over some actions that will help her feel more comfortable. For example, maybe finding a girl or two that are by themselves and not in a big group of girls. Or talking to the teacher after class or writing her a little note that says she is glad to be in her class, etc...
It's all about the fact that you can attract more "flies" with honey than you can with vinegar. And/or, "to have a friend, be a friend".
I know this may sound corny, but it really did help me as a child to understand that I can control MY actions and if someone doesn't like me, that is not my problem. I just have to be who I am. :)
Good luck,
R.

I would give it a little time. It may have been something big or either your daughter or the teacher was having a stressful day. Even well adjusted kids need a little time to get used to a new classroom/teacher.

Remember, if you jump the gun without waiting to see if she adjusts it may give the teacher the wrong idea about your daughter or you.

Hope her 2nd day is better!

You poor thing, I'm sure you have been worrying all day. I think I'd see how tonight goes and if she's still in tears, I'd send the teacher an email just letting her be aware of the situation. If it goes on for over a week, then ask to have a meeting with the teacher. I really don't know of a teacher not liking a student, especially on the first day. Is your daughter shy a bit, scared to make new friends? I'd keep talking with her, is there anyone from last year in her class?
hang in there mamma, things will get better,

I learned the hard way that nothing takes the place of developing a relationship with the teacher so that when issues come up, you have a sense of what the teacher is like and you have a relationship where she might trust you too.

So, get right in there and start out by asking her how she thinks things are going for Kalyn so far. Give her a chance to tell you what she's noticed and thinks. Keep it light and friendly. Then you can introduce the subject by saying that she is uncharacteristically sad and fearful that she might not be fitting in. (Don't put it in a way that would make the teacher feel defensive.) Hopefully that will give you the information you need and/or give the teacher an opportunity to try to help. Then keep up those visits (maybe reviews 4 times a year) and then you'll feel more comfortable calling or visiting if a real issue comes up between times. The importance of this relationship is worth its weight in gold.

(And if you work and have an employer that doesn't appreciate your taking off for those parent/teacher meetings, call it a dentist appointment.)

I love Cathy H's response.

If your daughter's sadness about school continues, I'd suggest you let her teacher know. As an educator, I always value parents’ concerns.

I wouldn't talk to the teacher yet. School has just started it and I would wait a couple of weeks. You might want to try talking to the school counselor. The school counselor can meet with your child during the day. This is would be a positive start to helping your child cope with what is going on at school.

If it continues for more than a month, I would definitely ask the teachers input on what is going on in the classroom and with your daughter. It may be more other kids being cliquey and the teacher being extra busy,etc... You might want to voice your concerns then after you hear the teachers side of the story. They may be several teachers involved, she may be feeling overwhelmed with large classrooms and feeling accepted by the teacher and friends.

There is also play therapy if it continues more than a month and if no progress is happening with the school counselor.

I wouldn't contact the teacher just yet. Your daughter is in the age group where some drama mama stuff begins. The slightest thing could have bothered her and she blew it out of proportion. I don't think teachers dislike students from day 1. Granted....closer to the end of the year...there are some you can't wait to pass on up the chain, LOL

I'm saying that because I have a 14 yr old and I recall many days of "the teacher hates me", "no one likes me", etc. In reality, it was never that way.

Instead of asking my daughter specifically about "her" day, I would ask about children I knew were her friends to get her to communicate more with me. If you don't already know, when you ask "how was your day?", many times the answer is "fine", with no follow up. I would ask simple things not necessarily related to academics...such as, "Does your teacher write on the board a lot?", "which teacher had lunch duty today?", "what classmates sat at your table?", etc...

The sobbing could partly be to get more attention from you because she is growing up and just needs some extra mom TLC.

If it continues this way, then I would regroup and consider emailing the teacher.

Best wishes. I know it is tough...I've been there. My baby started high school yesterday...YIKES.

You have gotten some great advice. I'm just going to add one little thing. Find some little girls in her class you can invite over or meet at the park. This way you can meet other mom's and it just might help your daughter feel more comfortable in class.