Should I Listen to My Conscience or Husband?

Updated on January 27, 2008
B.G. asks from North Las Vegas, NV
16 answers

I just found out that my babysitter who is no longer our babysitter use to leave my 8 year old boy at home alone, instead of watching him. She said that she would stay out in her car because her legs would hurt instead of walking him to the door and staying with him. I want to call Child Protective Services on her, but my husband does not want to go through the hassle and put our children through an investigation concerning her. Should I just leave this alone or go through reporting her?

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K.V.

answers from Albuquerque on

If she is a "provider" for others, you almost have a moral obligation. If it was more of a private arrangement and she isn't licensed... I would drop it.

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D.R.

answers from Tucson on

B.,
I'm sure you're angry, as well you should be. However, be cautious when making a CPS report (no, I'm not anti-government), it could come back on you for leaving your children with an inappropriate caregiver (of course you had not idea, I'm not suggesting you did). Is the woman DES certified? If so, a better option would be to make a complaint through them in order to prevent her form neglecting other children. Hope this was helpful and ggod luck to you.

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K.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Call CPS. It's really that simple.

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K.L.

answers from Denver on

Call protective services.
Protect other mothers from her.

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J.J.

answers from Phoenix on

unlike the other mothers, i disagree. i think that not reporting her to somebody is putting other children at risk. what if she did that before yor son and because no ne said anything, she kept on doing it. thankfully nothing happened to your son that you know of. and it may not be the only thing she was doing or not doing. i think you should report it to cps and let them decide if it is worth their while. i think they are a usless organization anyway but at least yor concience will be clear. also talk to the dpet of econimic security just in case she is going through them. you also need to let her know that you are not happy and that you have reported it so that she will refrain from doing it aga in the future and hopefully if cps or anybody else investigates she will be on guard.

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J.M.

answers from Phoenix on

CPS is a roller coaster. I would definitely report it to the employer of this person if you went through a service. I am glad to hear that you son is ok! In regards to her though, if she is watching other children and you are aware of this, I would report it because just because nothing happened to your child, who knows if it could happen to another. It is our responsibilty as a parent to ensure the safety of our kids and you seem to be doing that. As a mother, I love my children and to know if this person would be watching someone elses child-it would make me sick to my tummy not stopping it prior.
I can see where your husband is coming from too. It can be h*** o* a little one to get bombarded by people intarigating them. I would at least report it to the employer. Good luck.

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D.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi-
I would visit this website in deciding if it's worth reporting and, even more importantly, if CPS feels that it's worth reporting. Because she no longer cares for your child, I don't know that you need to call CPS, but if you know she cares for other children, you owe it to the parents of those other children to inform them of what you know, and to give them the opportunity to decide to fire and/or report her.

http://www.azdes.gov/dcyf/cps/criteria.asp

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K.R.

answers from Denver on

I guess first I would need a little more info on what happened. Did she leave the property, or just sit in the car? Is she a licensed provider or a 16 year old girl? While nothing I am asking for makes it right, it does determine whether it is criminal neglect or poor judgement.

If she is a young girl babysitter, I recommend talking to her and her parents about what happened and why you are no longer using her as most parents would probably forbid their children from babysitting in such a situation.

If she is a licensed provider, make a report to the department of human services. I am a licensed provider, and they can walk you through what you need to do after that once they have the details.

If she is an adult babysitter who is unlicensed, determine if what she did was criminal (leaving the premisis) or just ill advised (sitting in the car and not supervising the child) and go from there. You can speak with CPS to determine if you need to report or not. Either way, firing her was a very good move on your part.

As a childcare provider, I can also tell you that word of mouth in a small town spreads quickly. Let people know what happened. Hope this helps!

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N.Y.

answers from Phoenix on

Im not sure what you should do but I would consider this a great teaching lesson. Talk to your soon and praise him. Im assuming thats how you found out. Also talk to him about good and bad ways to handle situations. Thank God everything turned out alright. Life is full of these so called oppurtunities. You both sound like great parents. Follow your instincts.

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V.S.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I think you should listen to your husband and let it be. You already fired her and it could fire back on you for not doing better background check on your babysitter. We all have too much trust in people but this will be a good lesson to make sure you double check on who you leave your children with.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

I would just make sure you got the word out of her poor babysitting skills, let her know you are aware of what she did (or didn't do) and that you will make sure if anyone asks you will be happy to share how bad she was a care giver. I wouldn't call CPS, there is little they will do since THANK GOD nothing happened and you would have to have a lot of evidence against her. Be thankful to God nothing happened and that she is no longer your babysitter. I know you are angry, rightfully so, but don't let that anger make it a bigger issue then should be for your family or put your kids at risk of being grilled by CPS! That can be traumatic.

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M.M.

answers from Reno on

I would report her if I knew that she was still being hired to watch other people's children. If she is no longer babysitting, there isn't much point in reporting her.

But I sure as heck would not want to be paying someone to watch my daughter that was going to leave her - as I'm sure any other parent would say as well.

She was irresponsible and darn lucky something didn't happen to the child why she was not watching them.

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C.D.

answers from Denver on

Leaving an "8 year old" child alone is one thing, but sitting out in front of the house (and the child is aware that shes is there is another.) 8 year olds are usually pre-occupied these days by Xbox, t.v. or texting on their cell phones.
If the child was younger than 6 I would be "more" concerned. Most 8 year olds I know, would "tell" their parents right away if someone was amiss.

Yes, I agree with the fact that for the time spent in her car, she should not have been paid. If she is a licensed care giver, then by all means bring it to the attention of her employer.

It puzzles me your statement "She said that she would stay out in her car because her legs would hurt instead of walking him to the door and staying with him" Is he handicapped? Was it her home? Is she handicapped? Just wondering...

Blessings,

C.

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J.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

I'm not sure I understand - she would sit in the car the enitre time until she was done babysitting? That sounds like it would be worse for her legs ...
as far as calling CPS, depending on how long ago this was occuring, I think I would leave it as it is, and call her to let her know how disappointing her actions were. not to mention dangerous & irresponsible.
BUT
If she is still babysitting other children, then I would call CPS, I'd let the other parents know immediately and go from there.
I'm glad your son wasn't hurt during her care!

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C.S.

answers from Phoenix on

You should report her. You take the risk of other children getting hurt. Plus, this will teach your son that when someone does bad things that not to be afraid to tell someone. Our society has taught us to keep quiet not to ruffle feathers. Your son is old enough he will totally bounce back okay. My girlftriend is kinda going through the same thing and her 3 boys are doing just fine. She only had to meet with an investigator twice and they did it so that the children don't feel hassled or that they did anything wrong.
Good Luck.

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K.B.

answers from Denver on

Go with your gut instinct.

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