Should I Let My Kids Be There When We Put Our Dog to Sleep?

I think you should allow the children to decide individually. I would not ask them as a group... but one at a time, talk with them privately and ask if they want to be there or not, and if they have any questions about it or about how they are feeling.

Some may want to be there, some may not. There may be guilt with either choice, and that is what you want to help them with... if YOU and husband make the decision, it removes the guilt from them, but they may be angry with you later, if it wasn't what they ultimately wanted.

The 4 year old is the one that would be hardest though... that isn't really old enough to understand much, no matter whether they stay or don't. But if the older kids stay, I'd lean towards letting the 4 year old stay also...

My kids were 12 and 10 and we didn't. They were able to say their goodbyes to her but they weren't there to watch. It was hard enough for us, I can't imagine them going through that trauma.

No way. I made my husband go in to have my cat put down and he didn't even have any attachment to the thing (we were just dating at the time) and he bawled like a baby. He said it was the worst thing to watch ever. Be strong and good luck. Hugs to you.

Yes, let them be there. It's hard - it's supposed to be hard to say goodbye to something/someone you love.
But death is a part of life, and tears and grief are a perfectly normal response to it. Let them say goodbye, let them cry and mourn for their friend.
They will thank you when they are older.

The ages you posted, I think you could ask them individually and privately if they want to go.

The 4 year old, I would ask alone and explain that you all do not want to upset the puppy, so this child will need to be brave in front of the dog. I highly suggest you not exclude asking the 4 year old and have everyone else go and try to keep it secret everyone else went, without the younger child at least be given the option.

I always asked our daughter what she would like to do. I also was prepared in case of the last minute change of heart. If you get to the Vets office and the 4 year old changes their mind, how would that work?

It gave her control and also let her know she had a choice and a voice and either way we would honor that.

They may not want to go and let them know that is fine, let them know if they get there and just want to wait in the waiting room, that is also ok.

Our son (nearly seven at the time) was present a couple months ago when we had our cat euthanized. A vet came to our home for the procedure (sorry to make it sound clinical, it wasn't) and we let him know he could be with us when Gus died or he could go to his room and one of us would be with him. We felt it was important to let him choose. He did decide to be present, got to give Gus a few more kisses and pets when he was sedated and again after he passed.

Kiddo seemed to do well with it. We had a LOT of conversations over the next week; I stayed very emotionally available and present for him (including those late conversations when he was almost asleep and needed to talk). I was committed to helping him process this-- and I think this would have happened whether or not Kiddo had been present. Understanding death (our family is secular humanist, so we don't really believe in an afterlife) and giving it context in the bigger picture of life is a long journey for children. At this point, about seven or eight weeks out, he's really moved past it.

This is what worked for us and our family. Only you know your kids and how they might respond to this experience. We have had other deaths in our community so this wasn't the first conversation about it. I think it was also very, very good for Kiddo to see how much we loved Gus, how his daddy cried (because he never sees Daddy cry) and that even as we have these strong emotions, we do go on, we do laugh again and enjoy life again.

ETA: I should say, our cat was ancient, and we were very transparent with our son about the fact that we were helping Gus's body to die because it wasn't working right any more and he would likely have died in a few days. We explained that since it was his time to die, we wanted it to be painless. Living with this ancient cat gave Kiddo a chance to understand how limited his body had become. As I said before, I think it really depends on the child. The fact that Kiddo decided that he wanted to be present and had options was what helped me feel we made the right choice for us. Not necessarily the right choice for other families.

oh, i'm sorry. and i'm SO happy for you that you have such an accommodating vet. we had to take our old man in, and i hated to do it as he so hated going there. at least the vet came out to the car so we didn't have to take him inside.
it sounds as if you have prepared your kids well. what do they want to do? i think dealing with death is something that we should help our kids with when they encounter it in their lives, and not shelter them, so i wouldn't forbid them to be present. nor would i insist upon it. i'd tell them what to expect, and help them deal with their emotions whichever choice they make. i don't think either way is right or wrong so long as you help them process, as you seem well prepared to do.
my heart is with you.
khairete
S.

Give them the choice.

My kids are 10 and 7. In early March we had to euthanize one of our cats. He was NOT recovering from a bladder infection. We'd had him for 5 years, my 7 year old grew up with him in the house.

We sat them down and told them Shade was VERY sick and wasn't getting better. I was going to take him to the Vet, and he wasn't going to come home with me. We told them everything that would happen, and answered every question they asked.

We gave them the option of going with me, or staying home with Dad. They BOTH chose to stay home. We accepted that decision, and I made the long (15 minute) drive to the emergency Vet to have them put our kitty to sleep. The staff was amazingly gentle with me, and so incredibly compassionate. A couple days later I got a call from them that they had done a commemorative paw print for us and it was ready to be picked up.

Let your kids choose. It's a sad time and EVERYONE deals with grief differently. I had thought my 7 year old would have wanted to come. She surprised me by choosing to stay home.

i think you should give each of the kids the option, and if they choose not to be with the dog, allow them to go to their bedrooms or another area of the house, they're gonna be distressed knowing what's happening and I just can't see sending them to someone else's house - they probably want to be at home where they can cry in private. be SURE that your vet first gives the sedation, if not, the dog could sigh/groan/whimper heavily and it would really scare them, not to mention make things difficult for you. and I am SO sorry for your loss, we've been there many times - most recently with our Doberman, abigayle, and our beagle the day after Christmas, which is also my 11yo son's birthday :( again, so sorry.

I'm torn because the youngest is only 4 and may say he/she wants to stay and really shouldn't. I would give the 8 yr old a choice and have someone take the kids out of the house if you don't want them there. Going next door seems like a good compromise. My mom told me to go practice my violin when I was 10 and I knew what was happening, but it was still weird to be IN the house at the time. As an adult, I have never actually been there for the final injection. I just can't. I say good bye, the vet takes them and I get the box. We've used the same vet for 10 years so it's almost like handing them over to a friend.

I do commend you, though, for doing this for your beloved dog. We had a cat a few years ago that was so sick and I will always regret not convincing DH to let him go sooner.

Hugs to all of you.

I think the 6 and 8 year old might be old enough to decide whether they want to be there- depends on their maturity. Some can handle it and some can't. You know them best. I think it would be ok to ask them if they want to be present. The 4 year old won't understand, so maybe you guys can decide what is best there. It's important that they know and understand what is going to happen beforehand, why you are doing it, and know it's a very special, loving time between the family and the pet. Nothing to be scared of.
I had to explain this same thing to my son yesterday (7.5 yo). My mother had to put her 14 year dog to sleep yesterday, and he visits her frequently. He seemed to understand. I explained that animals can't tell us when they are suffering, and as good pet owners, it's our job to know this and make the right the decision for them. That ending their suffering is the most loving thing you can do.
I am so sorry for your loss.

When I had to put our Daisy down my boys were 8 and 4. I gave the 8 y/o the option but didn't the 4 y/o. My oldest chose to stay with Daisy. It was very difficult for him but he is glad he did it. It would have been too much for the 4 y/o and I would worry that he would be confused that Daisy fell asleep and wouldn't wake up vs. dying and then be afraid to go to sleep at night, etc.
I'm very sorry you have to do this. It's a difficult decision no matter the circumstances.

I think they are too young. This will likely be h*** o* you and your husband and I think you should be able to grieve as you see fit without worrying about scaring or worrying your kids. I had to have my dog euthanized when his body was ravaged with cancer and while it was generally peaceful, he did fight a bit having the injection and that was hard for me to watch. I knew it was his time but even so, it was all tough.

I would let them say their goodbyes and head to the neighbors.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I say no for a couple of reasons. First of all I think your children are on the young side to be there. Also because this your first baby it is going to be potentially enormously difficult for both you and your husband which will make it even more difficult for your children to handle. They will be looking to you for support and guidance and your possibly extreme emotional reaction will unsettle them further. The first dog we put down was my baby and it hit me like a ton of bricks during the process. My husband had to leave the room because he couldn’t handle the situation and my reaction. He felt helpless in the face of my grief. Finally we have gone through this recently (three dogs in four years). Sigh. The ending is not always pleasant to witness. As an adult we can understand when the vet tells us the dog may begin gasping or convulsing or other such behaviors as a result of the drugs. However, even with that understanding it makes the whole process that much more difficult to witness. The guilt you feel over the decision (however right it may be) is compounded by watching your beloved dog react to the drugs. Good luck and my sympathies to your family during this time.

We had to put down our 14 yr old Cocker on Dec 7 and my 19 yr old chose not to go with us because of how bad it already hurt and she didn't want to see him like that. We were in the midst of an ice storm here in Dallas and of all the times, he had something go wrong in his back and couldn't walk. We knew he was already on borrowed time due to cysts, etc. We couldn't get to the ER clinic and we all stayed with him all night knowing what was going to happen the next morning.

I don't know that I would allow children that young to actually see the process. It is great and I commend you with your communication and being open with your children but even as an adult and I've done this 3 times already, it hurts like crazy and is a very emotional thing to go through while it is happening. I had a hard time leaving my precious pets behind only to wait for them to be return to me in a pretty cedar box.

You know your children better than anyone does. I know how difficult this process is for adults who have to go through it and I would not put my child through it.

Good thoughts will flow your way today because I know how hard this is for you and your family.

Edit - I just realized that you are probably done by now. And that I hadn't said how sorry I am for your loss. Our pets really are a part of our families and even when we know we are doing what is best for them out of love it doesn't always make it easier.

************************************************************************

No. Some dogs vocalize as they "go to sleep". THey are not in pain, but could be really h*** o* the kids to understand that. My son was 6 when we had to put his "best friend" to sleep. We were at a vet's office, but we went in, huggs her lots and lots, then I took him out and my husband stayed with her. We did give our son a piece of her blanket she always slept on (we wrapped her in the rest of it) and he had her collar.

ALso took lots of pictures before hand.

I think it depends on the kids' personalities and also on how you and your husband will be handling it when it actually happens. That's hard to predict. I think I'd consider talking to the 8 year old first and seeing what he/she thinks and wants. Sending them next door when they know what's happening kind of puts the job on the neighbor. "Surprising" them by sending a 4 year old next door and having him/her come back to a crying mommy/daddy and a dead doggie isn't good - it makes them not want to leave. But seeing a vet administer a needle and then the doggie never wakes up can make kids really afraid of shots, which is a bad thing.

It also depends on what your plan is after the dog is euthanized. Will the vet take the dog for cremation? Will you bury the dog together in the back yard or in a pet cemetery? If they're going to confront the dog's body in some way, sending them to the neighbor might be a bit much.

Maybe having the doggie have privacy with the vet is a better way, with everyone in the house together? If the vet has some experience in dealing with young children and would be an asset here, that's a good thing. But if the vet is very clinical in approach or if there's some religious aspect you want to cover with them, that's the parents' job.

I think it's most important that you and your husband find something you can both agree with. It's not going to work well if the kids and parents are upset, and then one parent says, "See, I TOLD you that wasn't the way to handle it."

I know this is SO hard for you - we lost our 14 year old terrier a few years ago and it's still painful. But you have to sort out your own feelings and ways of dealing with grief, and still be a parent. That's hard if you have to cover your own reaction to deal with your children. And while my husband and I both called our dog "the baby" I wouldn't do that in front of the kids lest the little ones especially think that their turn will come!

Peace to you - making the right decision doesn't mean it's easy.

Putting down my dog was one of the hardest, most emotional things I've ever done, and believe me, I've had plenty of sadness in my life!
So I would say no, simply because I couldn't imagine subjecting my kids to something so painful.
But some people handle death better than others.
No matter how "peaceful" it is, it HURTS to watch, more than I ever expected it to, that's all I can say.

I don't even want to be there when a pet is put to sleep! We have only had to put one pet down the rest died of natural causes. Still we take them to the vet, say our goodbyes to a living pet. My kids have always chose to say their goodbyes at home.

If you are having a vet come to your home your husband is correct. Even though it is the humane thing to do you are pretty much asking your child to watch an execution. At their age they generally don't have the understanding to know it isn't an execution because the animal is suffering. It is not an easy thing to see a living being die, I am 46 and still can't handle it. No kid can.

I would say no. Have you ever been thru putting an animal down before? It's pretty traumatic I think. I would send them next door for like an hour to give you some time to grieve and recover a bit. It's hard :( sorry you're having to go thru this.

I would send the 4 and 6yo somewhere and give the 8yo the option to stay.

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with your family. You did the right thing.

Many people are very pragmatic. Death is part of life and by being there it helps them to understand the cycle of life.

Me? no. The kids would be at Cherry Berry or Braums or at McDonald's. Why?
Kids have enough issues to deal with in life and at this young age don't need to deal with mortality issues yet.

I think that realizing things to go sleep and die is more than their little brain can handle. They will struggle with sleep issues, they will focus on death and when they're going to die, will they die today, will they die when they go to sleep, will dad die, who is going to be their mom and dad when you die, etc....

Also, by euthanizing the pet they may even see it as they murdered the pet. You know the dog is done. They see their pet walking around, eating, sleeping, pooping, and they it will be dead because YOU decided it's life was over, so they may even go there and blame you for murdering their pet.

So, no. I'd avoid 99% of this and keep the kids away. I'd have probably had the vet do it at the office and dispose of the body there too. That way dog goes away wagging tail, wagging tongue, and that's the last image they have of it in this life.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you did it just right. I lost my kitty of 11 years last Mother's Day and I'm still broken hearted about it. Love to you.

So sorry. We're going to be in the same boat soon. If it were me, I would not. If your kids were older (12-14ish), maybe. But, your kiddos are too young.

We didn't with our 6 year old. It was pretty much the hardest thing I've ever done and I was in my 30s. She said goodbye before we went to the vet and didn't have to have that memory of her passing away.

As an option, it might be nice to take pictures the night before and say goodbye. The next day have the kids go to the neighbors and be done with it. No need to traumatize the kids over the dog's death.

I know that the vet gave my doxie a shot and she was gone within a minute. No fighting or anything that fell asleep and was gone. Her remains were cremated and are in a box on a shelf in my sewing room along with my other buddy. When I go, they will go with me kind of thing.

You will always have the pictures of the dog and they can talk to the dog and such. Your older one understands some but not enough to grasp the entire concept.

Sorry for the upcoming loss of the family member.

the other S.

PS If the cat behaves, she'll join the two dogs in the box.

When my parents put our family dog down (we got her when I was 13 and she was put down just before I turned 24) my mom asked me to go with my dad fro support, my brother 19 months younger came as well. I still have horrible memories of the whole process. The vet was great, and I was very pregnant, but it was awful.

My vote would be no...but maybe it's okay to ask the older one. I woudl explain to them what will happen though. The medicine, at least what they used 7 years ago, made our dog get a burst of energy before her heart slowly stopped. Even me knowing it was going to happen, gave me hope. I don't know....I wish you luck and I'm sorry.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I don't know the right answer!! I would think not have them there. I have 2 dogs - a 12 yo dachsund and a 5 yo golden. I have 3 kids - ages 3, 6 and 7. Not sure what I would do in your shoes!

Hugs.....

I've had to put two beloved dogs to sleep, unfortunately neither went peacefully. I was left with some very difficult memories and I'm glad my kids weren't present.

I'm so sorry about your dear little Beagle.

I am sorry for your loss, it's hard, especially when it's a friend that has grown with you for over a decade, been there for you through thick and thin and now he has to leave you behind. As to letting the children be present for the euthanasia, I wouldn't do it. It's just too traumatic. I'm a grown woman and I could not bear to watch. I put my cat to sleep about 4-5 years ago and could not be present. I was bawling my eyes out just looking at him blink at me as I said my final goodbyes. I could not imagine being in there. I had a friend (male) accompany me to the vet's office. He was what people would describe as very unemotional, cold and robotic, but he decided to be there with my cat as he was put down and he came out of there crying as he held the animal's paw and felt it go limp while he slowly closed his eyes and passed away. That was the first and last time I have ever seen this man cry. Even when he was told his grandmother has passed away, he did not cry, so that speaks to the testament of the sad and traumatic experience this would be, especially if it's a pet a child has known since birth.

So sorry for your loss. I'm reading your SWH, and am tearing up remembering my experience doing this. So hard! Hugs today from a far!

Depends on the kids, but I think your kids are too young for it. I agree with your husband based on their ages. We went through this twice in 2010. My younger son was 10 at the time, almost 11, and we gave him his choice. He did NOT want to be in the room; he was in the lobby of the clinic. I think our older son, 14 at the time, would have been fine with it, but he had a conflict. My condolences--my dogs were 15 and 17 and I know it's hard. Buy an age appropriate book for them about losing a pet. I know there are some. Best wishes.

NO. I really mean it. Having had to put down a beloved pet, I will tell you that it will haunt your kids for the rest of their days.