Should I Be Upset? - Lebanon,OR

Yes I would have been upset.
But I also would have let it go, SO not worth holding on to.
And yes I have been an aide in first grade so I'm well aware of what it's like to work with a group of young children after a sugar rush. It's not ideal but you get through it.
Let it go. And be happy that you have someone willing to step in when you can't!

I understand what you're saying, but it's a Valentine's Day Party. The kids don't want veggies, they want sugar. It's one day a year (ok 3 or 4, if you include other holidays). Let them have their sugar. This isn't a day any teacher plans on getting much accomplished.

It's a PARTY!! You aren't supposed to be "teaching" during a party.

Chill. Really. You're hyperventilating over a small thing. Really. It's ONE day, not a whole week. It's a PARTY not a teaching session.

Please. Let this go.

I'd be upset for about 5 seconds and then realize I'm done with the group. My kids don't want to participate and I'm taking things wwwwaaaaaayyyyyy too seriously.

It's a party. Kids are supposed to have fun. Eat "bad" and then go home. If you want a veggie party. Have one. But you're making a mountain out of a mole hill here, in my opinion.

You "lost" control of a group. Someone usurped you. Now you don't like the list for a PARTY. Come one. It's a PARTY. Let the kids eat bad things and have fun.

Yes. You are out of line. BOTH of you are. But it's NOT worth getting this upset over. It's REALLY NOT!!

No. I understand you have your way and she has hers. However, does the list vary that much that it will drastically change the party? If not? Do NOT worry about it.

STOP trying to control it. Just let it ride.

Stop participating in this group. You're not having fun and neither are your kids.

I'm always baffled when people ask what emotion they should feel. Emotions pretty well just happen. There are no shoulds or shouldn'ts in emotions. They just are.

What emotion are you feeling? If this situation has left you feeling upset, then perhaps the question isn't what you "should" feel, but rather, why do you feel that way? Is it because someone else stepped in and took over what you see as your job and did it in a way that isn't how you would do it? You were out at a time something needed to be done. An experienced person stepped in and did the job for you. Say thank you. If you don't like it, redo it. But I would really take a step back and examine why this relatively minor problem has left you "upset." If your toes felt stepped on, maybe you need tougher shoes...

let it go. why waste your time being upset with something you can't control.

This W. still needs to feel validated and part of something.

Is her list that bad that people are going to die? Is it because it's NOT YOUR list? What exactly is the problem here? She stepped up when you were sick. She didn't do it YOUR way. Get over it.

If your kids aren't enjoying the group anymore? Step down yourself and relieve yourself of the misery. Volunteering is supposed to be fun and rewarding, not burdensome.

You have the right to be upset if she knew your plans. Are you sure it was her that did not like your plan or was it the other volunteer helpers? They may not have liked it and may not have passed the instructions along.

From what you wrote here - it sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. That's just the perception I'm getting - because you say she made her own list and that has set you off and you list a whole lot of other unrelated issues (kind of like a rant).

That's ok. We all do this from time to time.

Why is this bugging you so much though? Ask yourself that. A 'reasonable' response might be some frustration (as to someone not following orders) but this seems out of line.

So either:

- You're not enjoying this and it's the straw that broke the camel's back (sounds like it to me)
- You're a Type A and need to be in charge and it really irks you when someone doesn't do things your way and you can't move past it (I.e. rather inflexible). That's ok - my sister is like this. Then it's on you next time to leave an example or be extremely specific. Either way, you just accept it wasn't done your way and move on. Not worth stepping down over.

Hope that helps.

If you're still sick and just fed up, you maybe just needed a good vent. Sounds though if your kids don't enjoy it, may not be a good fit for you guys - and that's ok. It will free you up to find something you all enjoy more :)

I get your frustration. But it's done, so I'd let it go. Design the rest of your day for fun activities.

And I do want to mention that I appreciate the list you made. When teaching preschool I had lots of children who preferred veggies and fruit to candy. What I did so that we offered sweets, but no overload, was have a large sugar cookie for each child and let them decorate it. They often spread lots of frosting and made designs with candy hearts, etc. Some fun fine-motor work. Then it often happened that they ate a few bites with their milk, and found the dessert too sweet to eat! Never seemed disappoint them, they were just full.

Thanks for volunteering!

If you had a list already prepared, and that list was communicated to the sub who then ignored it, then I'd say the sub overstepped. If there's any possibility that she didn't get that list or didn't realize it was from you, then she probably came up with a "traditional" party list of sugar this and sugar that. I'd say that's more a throwback to years past and not a personal slight. She did you a favor stepping in on short notice, something people often don't appreciate in a sub. She hasn't been involved for a year, and maybe she either misses it or really wanted to "earn her keep" by using her expertise, however antiquated you find it.

What I wouldn't do it spend a ton of time being upset. I'd either email a list to the parents and say that you'd like to offer options including cheese, crackers, fruit, whatever. Ask if even half the people would switch from what they signed up for and go for something new. You also can't be sure that some of the parents didn't "help" with the new list, wanting more treats and less healthy stuff. So be gentle to that they don't get the same feeling that you got in the sense of the preferred list being ignored. Nobody likes getting pushed around even if it's not intended. You don't like it - they might not either.

Instead of having people manually sign up on a list, have you considered something like SignUp Genius? A lot of classrooms and clubs around us use that. The coordinator (in this case, you), makes a list of things needed: cheese, crackers, veggies/hummus, etc. You can list them individually, or by category. When I do our neighborhood block party, I do Appetizer 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and then side dish 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, then desserts, then equipment/supplies (paper goods, tables, utensils, etc.). People who sign up can list what they’re bringing within that category. You can put a heading on it with the date/time of the party, number of servings, and so on, and the website then will send members a reminder of what they signed up for (at whatever frequency you set up). If someone changes what they are bringing, you get notified – you’ll always have an up-to-date list, and you get a notice whenever there’s a change or a new sign-up. It’s a lot easier, you can do it from home (ahead of the club or even when you are sick), and it gets to people who miss the club one week. And you don’t have to chase people to remind them of what they agreed to. It would help a lot of the administration and it would have helped you avoid the problem you encountered with the sub.

Updated

If you had a list already prepared, and that list was communicated to the sub who then ignored it, then I'd say the sub overstepped. If there's any possibility that she didn't get that list or didn't realize it was from you, then she probably came up with a "traditional" party list of sugar this and sugar that. I'd say that's more a throwback to years past and not a personal slight. She did you a favor stepping in on short notice, something people often don't appreciate in a sub. She hasn't been involved for a year, and maybe she either misses it or really wanted to "earn her keep" by using her expertise, however antiquated you find it.

What I wouldn't do it spend a ton of time being upset. I'd either email a list to the parents and say that you'd like to offer options including cheese, crackers, fruit, whatever. Ask if even half the people would switch from what they signed up for and go for something new. You also can't be sure that some of the parents didn't "help" with the new list, wanting more treats and less healthy stuff. So be gentle to that they don't get the same feeling that you got in the sense of the preferred list being ignored. Nobody likes getting pushed around even if it's not intended. You don't like it - they might not either.

Instead of having people manually sign up on a list, have you considered something like SignUp Genius? A lot of classrooms and clubs around us use that. The coordinator (in this case, you), makes a list of things needed: cheese, crackers, veggies/hummus, etc. You can list them individually, or by category. When I do our neighborhood block party, I do Appetizer 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and then side dish 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, then desserts, then equipment/supplies (paper goods, tables, utensils, etc.). People who sign up can list what they’re bringing within that category. You can put a heading on it with the date/time of the party, number of servings, and so on, and the website then will send members a reminder of what they signed up for (at whatever frequency you set up). If someone changes what they are bringing, you get notified – you’ll always have an up-to-date list, and you get a notice whenever there’s a change or a new sign-up. It’s a lot easier, you can do it from home (ahead of the club or even when you are sick), and it gets to people who miss the club one week. And you don’t have to chase people to remind them of what they agreed to. It would help a lot of the administration and it would have helped you avoid the problem you encountered with the sub.

Maybe it was like the game of telephone, you're actual message was not relayed and she did what she felt was appropriate. I don't think she did anything maliciously. Just because it was different doesn't make it wrong.

If it's not fun for you or your family any more, I would step down and spend your time doing some fun family stuff. It's not worth the stress and struggle with the other parents for a voluntary position.

I think you're upset because her list has junk foods, and you're highly opposed to kids being given those foods, even for a holiday party.

If the parents in the group are signing up to share the responsibility to bring the food, why not let them sign up to bring whatever they want? You're going to have some parents go the healthy route and others go the sugar route.

I think you should let go of trying to control the party food. It's just one party. If you have a former teacher kind enough to sub when you are ill, consider that a blessing and go with the flow.

Yes she was out of line. If you have a way to contact the parents I'd let them know that there was some sort of miscommunication on what was needed for the party and send out your list for them to choose what they will supply.If you are unable to do that I'd probably take most of the stuff and bag it up to go home before the party starts (like treat bags for each child to share with their family) and bring in an assortment of fruits and veggies myself. Or cheese and crackers, pretzel and humus.

I wouldn't say anything to the former teacher or the parents other than there was some miscommunication. Yes you have every right to be upset. She overstepped and took over the event in your absence.

edited to add I would do all activities first and then leave the party until the last half hour so those sugar high kids will go home with their parents.

it was probably out of line, and the old sweets versus healthy food kids' parties will never be resolved to everyone's satisfaction.

but yes, you're kicking up the drama ridiculously.

if you really get apoplectic from a fill-in not adhering faithfully to your rules and lists, then don't call in sick.

i think it's great that the old teacher rose to the occasion. i'd thank her and let the list go. you can always bring your healthy food to the party (and take it back home again afterwards because the kids will go for the cupcakes. as would i.)
khairete
S.

You have every right to be upset, she had no right to change your list. A child party should have a good balance of "real" food and treats, if only because some kids, like many with adhd, can not indulge in sugary treats without consequences in their behavior. But at this point what can you do? Is it possible to call some of the parents and ask if they could switch from their treat to one of the healthy options?

yes you can be upset. and yes you can make do with what was on her list, you can send out a revision of that list and hope that you get enough to make the party successful. but i wouldn't say anything to her, and i would think twice about having someone like her sub again.
if you AND the head of the program made the list you could casually talk to her about the subs list and see what went wrong in the communications of the list you and the head made

I understand you want to have food there but I think parties like that are so bad. The kids get stuff like this a couple of times per year. I think it's sad to take away so much.

I see kids take the plates you guys fix for them and eat the sweets and throw the rest away. Have the party at the end of the day.

Call a few moms and ask them if they'll swap out and bring a food item.

Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. What I'm not clear on is what was done with that list. Was it sent out? If not, send out your own list and say nothing. If it's too late, then I'm sorry. Just grit your teeth about it. If you are going to be out, you need a substitute. OR you and the classroom teacher decide together not to call a sub and let the kids have "reading time" instead. Otherwise, if you need to have a sub regardless, you'll lose the old head teacher if you fuss at her for making the list. Better to just hope you aren't out again...

Updated

Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. What I'm not clear on is what was done with that list. Was it sent out? If not, send out your own list and say nothing. If it's too late, then I'm sorry. Just grit your teeth about it. If you are going to be out, you need a substitute. OR you and the classroom teacher decide together not to call a sub and let the kids have "reading time" instead. Otherwise, if you need to have a sub regardless, you'll lose the old head teacher if you fuss at her for making the list. Better to just hope you aren't out again...