Should I Be Concerned If a Daycare Has Teenage Sons at Home All the Time?

If it was a teenage daughter would you be thinking the same thing? Probably not. My oldest is only 9 but he loves little kids. My friend came over with her baby and he was more interested in the baby then playing with the other kids. I don't find it odd especially if she's always done daycare he's probably used o having little kids around and interacting with them. I find it odd that you feel her children should not be around while she has kids their. For all you know the older boy sat down to watch tv and the little boy climbed on the couch next to him. I think it's sad so many people always jump to the worst possible scenarios.

Do you have a gut feeling? Most teenage boys are NOT pedophiles after all, but never ignore a gut feeling.

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As a Mom/Auntie to 6 boys I have to say I am a little saddened by this post...your gut/instinct (what ever) is causing you to question safety simply because of gender, hmmm?

Is she supposed to get rid of her own son during daycare hours?
I have a teenage son and he babysits all the time. Little kids love him. Parents love him even more because he's responsible, plays with the kids and keeps them entertained and obeys all the parents' rules.
I don't see a problem with teenage boys being around little kids. My son is the baby of the family, but many of his friends have younger siblings and are around younger kids all the time.
I don't think you should be alarmed just because a teenage boy was sitting next to a young child in and of itself. Many people who provide in home child care have kids of their own.
If it's something you feel uncomfortable with or got a true creepy feeling about, then you have to consider that, for sure.
I wouldn't just jump to conclusions though.

Just my opinion.

Hmmm...as a mom I always tell other moms to go with their gut instinct, but I have to say I have two sons...my oldest is 15 and although he has done some whopper stupid things in his life I trust him implicitly with his siblings and I would with other peoples kids as well. He is good with kids, better then some adults I know...being cautious is a good thing...being paranoid is another.

I don't see why that would be a problem? What is wrong with teenage boys?

I don't know why you are so concerned about this boy. He lives there, it's HIS home. Teens have been so vilianized by the press lately, but that's all it is; I am sure it's fine.

This daycare provider is probably trying to earn some income from home so she can stay home with her own children. Thats one reason I did daycare for 27 years. I wanted to be home when my kids came home and be with them and raise them myself. They got along great with the day care kids and the kids always had fun with my own kids. Was I suppsed to make my kids move out because I had this job? What if the other daycare kids have older siblings? Should they not be allowed to live at home with the younger kids too? What made you not trust this teenager? Are you going to complain if the husband happens to come home from work early one day, or have a day off, or stay home sick? In Ca. a daycare provider has to list everyone over 18 who will come and go on a regular basis, and live in the home. Those people all need to be fingerprinted and have TB tests and back ground checks. Will you be willing to do that yourself to ensure the safety of all the kids you might be near when dropping off or picking up your child? What about the parents of other kids in the daycare? Are you going to be in a panic if a M. shows up to get her 2 yr old and brings her 8 year old in the house with her instead of leaving him in the car? I think if you saw something dangerous, or inappropriate it would be different, but he was just sitting on his own couch. I see nothing wrong yet, and think its sad that so many people are so scared over everyday activities.

Is there something else you saw that you are not saying? Her son sitting with a child in her care is not unreasonable. When I had my family daycare my girls were always around the daycare children and when my stepson came to visit he would play with the children also. If my husband had a day off of work we would take the kids to the zoo or many times he would bake cookies with the kids. I would be more concerned that you only found the home to be "ok". If you don't feel comfortable for any reason I would look for some where else. You need to be 100% comfortable to leave your child there or it will be hard for you and the provider.

Well, I have a 22 year old son who was a wanted man about 10 years ago. He took the babysitting class and was the most hired sitter in my neighborhood. The mom's and kids loved him. But there were some families who looked at me funny when I said C babysat and didnt' mow lawns.

It's your perogative. If you feel uncomfortable then move on, like you said you would do. Personally I wouldn't think anything about it. Having had a teenage boy, and another in two years, I would have talked to him and found out what he was into and what kinds of activities he liked. .

What would you have them do with their grown sons? make them hide?, i dont understand. Im sure the boys dont stay there all day.

Having a teenage son home is not a problem unless there is reason for concern...is he sick and still around the daycare kids? is he being in appropriate with the kids? is he just skipping school? does he have a criminal record? is he a bad kid or into drugs or other questionable things? Any of these things would be a problem but in the absence of these things I see nothing to be concerned with.

However, if you are not comfortable that is all that matters because as a parent you have to do what you feel is best for your child regardless of if you have a valid concern or not.

Teens (boys or girls) are not a threat to children by nature. Just like some adults, some teens or even other children can be a threat but it doesn't mean all are.

I have a 19 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. He wasn't keen on having a baby sister when he was 15 but he never would have hurt her or allowed others to. He is better about interacting with her now (I think because she is no longer a fragile baby) and both he and his friends LOVE her and think she is great...nothing inappropriate and no cause for concern.

Geesh, really?
I don't know if you have a little boy or girl.... But how would you feel if your son was sitting on a couch when he was older and a little kid was sitting next to him and some crazy lady thought that he was molesting or doing nasty things to this little kid? Because what? he is older? God ladies. Boys turn into men and turn into husbands. If a dad sat next to a kid on the couch will you automatically think that he is doing something nasty? I just DON"T GET IT!!!
There is NOTHING wrong with a teenage boy sitting on the couch. Unless you can see him doing something gross you should be ashamed for even thinking it.

Whether or not you feel uncomfortable about it is all that matters.

when it comes to child care - go with your gut. ALWAYS.

If someone gives you the ibby-geeby's - FOLLOW YOUR GUT!!!

I guess I just don't understand what your concerns are explicitly. If you could lay out your actual concerns and why you think a daycare provider having her teenage sons in the house would be a problem, then it would be a lot easier to offer advice. Just per your brief, non-detailed description there's nothing to be concerned over by a teenaged boy sitting next to a daycare child on a couch in a common room. Were they reading? Watching TV? Playing video games? Playing dinosaurs? Talking about how icky girls are? Planning to take over the kitchen to steal snacks? Or are you saying you had an icky feeling about the teen boy and you think he was some sort of predator?

Suppose this woman homeschools her children. Suppose you came on a day when school was out or was released early. Suppose you came on a day when school is normally released for the day. And suppose that in three whole weeks, that teenaged boy managed to become friends and calm down a child who may have been nervous during his first days there.

My 18 year old nephew adores children. Both of my brothers adore children and have their entire lives. So has my husband. They're all naturals and very good with children. It's what makes men into good fathers.

But if you can't trust a teenage boy who's just sitting on a couch with a child while he's in his own home, then yeah, you need to find another daycare provider. His mother doesn't need your irrational worry that her son is a predator in her home. I'm usually (read that as always) one to say "trust your instincts, trust your gut, if you feel it then it's for a reason" but in this particular situation this is a young teen boy in his own home.

Very well said Shane!

I do, honestly understand your fear and question. And I agree that if your mommy gut tells you something you should investigate. But I too have a son who was the neighborhood babysitter, and I'd be offended not to mention very angry if someone just assumed he was going to do something just because he was in a room sitting next to a child.

And again, I do believe in mommy intuition and gut feelings, but I think as mommy's it can be wrong and we can find trouble that isn't there. Maybe that's just being a good mom and protecting our kids! ;) I can't tell you how many times, my gut feeling was that something was wrong, but wasn't.

If you have concerns, ask questions! Don't assume.

I'm not sure if this was mentioned yet...But, just to add~With licensed home daycares, EVERYONE over 18 MUST be fingerprinted, have a background check, get a physical, tb test, etc. So, whether or not he's not there "all the time" he still has to go thru all of that if he resides there. Just an FYI in case it gives you an ease of mind.
But, my opinion is that it wouldn't matter. Maybe he will grow up to be a teacher, or a pediatrician...That could explain if he has a love for children. Or, maybe he's a good kid and wants to hang out at home with his mom :)

The licensing worker has every person in the home checked out. I wouldn't think it was a big deal. He might grow up to be a pediatrician or something. Just because he's a teenager doesn't mean he's a pedophile or pervert of some sort. Why is he home during the day? That would be my question.

What if it were a teenage girl sitting next to that child?

All you have to do is, ask the Provider, if her Sons, are a part of her Daycare business or not? And to what extent.
Just ask her.

And, all you need to do is, go by your gut instinct. And if you are uncomfortable with that, then it is your choice to not sign up with her.

She just became licensed. So I assume, she does not have any references???
Ask her.
You can ask her for References.

You are the parent, and so that means you can ask the Provider anything that you are concerned about.

If that were me, and if she just got licensed, her Teenagers are always there, and if I had an odd feeling about the place and her... I would not sign up. I go by my instincts.
For me... I would want a Provider that had experience. Not one that "just" became licensed.

But all you have to do is ask questions.

That is the parent's responsibility.
To ask questions about anything you are wondering about.
And to go by your radar gut instinct.

What would be the difference if it was a teenage girl sitting close to a child? Not sure what your feelings are exactly, but if your not comfortable, find someone else to care for your child.

I agree with Patty, never deny a gut feeling. That being said what if he is great with kids and the woman got the liscense due to him being at home? I am sure that there is a way to look up the laws about liscensing a daycare and how many workers she says that she has working for her. If he is considered a worker but doesn't do anything, then I would be concerned.

Thank you Dawn B.! Love your answer. ;)

I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my son there.

It is not that you should be alarmed. You need to put your child where you are most comfortable. If you are not feeling your child is safe and provided for when you are at work, it won't be a good mix. You have to find the right one for you and for your child.

I don't think it's a matter of them being teenage males, I would take issue with anyone not being a professional provider hanging around the kids.
When I choose a daycare I expect that the provider have at least some childcare certification and that they do not allow "strangers" who have not been background checked to be around the kids. You can't get a background check on a teenager (male or female really doesn't matter), so yes, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

I have personally never been too impressed with the home-daycares I have visited, mostly because many providers fail to draw a line between business and personal. I can understand it, it's their home after all, but if I am to pay them a significant amount of money, I expect that they spend their time looking after my child and not do the laundry or have their teenage son or daughter babysit or even just entertain the kids.

All in all, if it bothers you now, it will probably keep bothering you, so I would keep looking. Good luck.

As a mother I completely understand why you would be concerned. If your gut says no, then stick with that. I'm not saying the boy is going to do anything your child but why put your child in a situation that could turn ugly.

I do not allow my child to spend the night if that friend has older brothers. You never know what could happen so why even allow an opportunity.

Don't they go to school? The daycare in my old neighborhood had a teenaged son who was very nice to the children.
Are you afraid of your child being molested? If so don't use that one as you will not relax if you think it could happen.

Updated

Don't they go to school? The daycare in my old neighborhood had a teenaged son who was very nice to the children.
Are you afraid of your child being molested? If so don't use that one as you will not relax if you think it could happen.

I have 4 daughters and 3 of them have been raised in the daycare with the 4th still here. I've always been very grateful they are girls. I would have a problem with the teen boys if I didn't believe those boys are extremely active in before/after sports, jobs, and or church ministries. You really need to spend more time getting to know them, checking references, stopping in unannounced etc.

Please don't let anyone make you feel bad for being careful. As someone else said, it's not that this boy is going to hurt your child. But you can't get a guarantee that he won't either.

Czehmom, Well, I have a 22 year old son who was a wanted man about 10 years ago.<<when I read that I have to admit I was at first alarmed..lol