Should I Be Bothered or Am I Missing Something Here?

Children are not always on the same level at the same times. I would just tell those people to keep their mouths shut since they don't know what they are talking about. Ignorant people always have something to say even though they are wrong. Its a part of ignorance that makes them think they know. Ha ha ha! I wouldn't worry about it. If the speech therapist says he is on track then I would go with the professional opinion.

Say something like, "are you a licensed mental health professional? Do you have a PhD in child development?" Normally I'm not for being snooty but that's WAY out of line!
My cousin didn't speak at all until he was 3. He's happily married, studying English Lit and has two beautiful daughters and a good job.

Some people.

Let me start by saying that I'm an early childhood special education teacher. I believe you have taken the steps you needed to take so far. As for others you can simply tell them that all children learn, just not on the same day or in the same way. Just give it time and he will amaze you.

I am going to suggest something differnet to you, and after skimming the posts, it might not be popular, but here goes. Your husband has a concern. I mean, this is your husband, not a nosey neighblor! If this is your son's father, you should not be ignoring his input, and maybe there is something more that he sees that you are missing.

Here is my suggestion, agree to do some research together about autism on the internet. Agree that if, after you have read through the signs and symptoms of autism and typical development, either one of you still has a concern, that the other will be supportive and that together, you will take your son to see a professional who can evaluate him and put an end to any disagreement.

Autism is too important, and too serious to ignore either parents concerns, Mom or Dad, and it is no place to have a spousal disagreement. In the very small chance that you are really missing something, you should open your mind to what he sees, and get to the bottom of it as a couple.

M.

What's the big deal about taking him to a few professionals to have him properly diagnosed? So far one says no (although she's is not licensed), so put your mind at ease & your husbands & have 2 more professionals do some testing.

I personally would not be offended in fact I asked all my close friends if they thought there was any signs of delay with my 4 kids just because sometimes people see something I may not, I didn't think anything was wrong but I asked anyway. Better to be safe than sorry.

Is it just because he isn't speaking as well as his cousin is speaking? That alone could be a concern for a possible speech delay but you already consulted with a speech therapist and she ruled that out. And a speech therapist, although she is not able to diagnose, usually if they have the right kind of experience, have worked with enough children who are different ages and at different points on the autism spectrum, she should be able to tell you if you have cause for concern.

Just so that you and everyone else knows, in my experience autism is actually not an easy diagnosis to get. One of the symptoms is definitely communication delay but then you also need to have at least 11 other symptoms accompanying it in order for a child to be diagnosed. But a 3-year old who is not talking as well as another 3-year, is not a big cause for concern. A 3-year old who is not talking, doesn't respond to his name, has no form of non-verbal communication, actively avoids eye contact with even his own parents, doesn't seem to understand what you are saying to him, is obsessively spinning a spoon practically all day and not playing with any of his other toys and, in fact, doesn't know how to play with toys that other 3-year olds play with . . . well, that would be a cause for concern.

I hope this sheds some light on what is going on with your son. It is very possible that your husband and the 3 others know that a language delay is a sign of autism but do not know anything more about the learning disability beyond that one symptom. If only it were that simple . . .

Children learn at different levels. My son (4) has always been very articulate and used sentences. he's normal. I have frineds w/ kids his age who speak less fluently. They're normal. My nephew who is 3 months older than my son is autistic and can read books whereas my son is still working on letter recognition. Autictis kids excel in specific areas while lagging in others. For example: my nephew can spell, read, and add...but he can't run, jump, use motor skills, and has huge issues w/ texture which affects his eating habits severely (chicken nuggets, fries, gold fish crackers - that's about it) There is no reason to think your child is autistic. If he is, it'll exhibit itself later on. he may just be putting more effort into learning other skills an doesn't feel the need to practice his speaking skills right now. I have another nephew who is 6 and has some autistic tendencies. But, keep in mind that some learn to walk later than others - some eat solids sooner than others - some will potty train sooner than others, and some learn to speak at different stages. There are even kids old enough to walk and talk who still suck on a binkie!

When kids do something not "typical" for their age people love to put a label on it. Go to a park see a kid run around non stop, it's ADD, little girl can't concintrate in school, ADHD. Shy child not looking into your eyes when you speak to them, AUTISTIC, kid repeating the same thing a million times, OCD. It goes on and on. Kids do develope differently and at different stages. If it bothers your husband so much I would get it checked out for his comfort and for you to put it all to rest. But to answer your question, no you are not missing something everybody has a little info on autism/aspergers and they feel they can without a liscense diagnose your child. I also say I am sure they are trying to be helpful but you do what you and your husband want to do about it.

It seems that "autistic" is the latest amateur diagnosis going around, only slightly beating out ADHD :-) In reality, all of these diagnoses are challenging to accurately assess, even for professionals. You might want to come up with an unemotional response in case this continues...or a smart-alecky one, depending on...

My daughter who just turned 2 is speaking as well as my sister's son who just turned 3 and no one would ever call him autistic--my daughter is the one who is really verbally advanced--and this doesn't mean that my nephew is behind!

It sounds like you are already well aware of the fact that there is MUCH more to autism than speech delay and it doesn't always show up as a delay per se--as the way that speech is used incorrectly. I nannied for a little boy who at age two could recite whole books from memory yet was not using words to communicate--not saying Mama, Dada, bye bye etc. So while he was saying hundreds and hundreds of words, he was not using them communicate with people. He would also repeat things--for instance-if you asked him "Do you want some juice?" He would echo "Want some juice?" in a sing-songy little voice but never nod, say yes or actually answer the question. So again, he could repeat anything he heard but was not using even the simplest words like Yes and No to communicate. Big difference. I told the parents after working for them for 2 weeks that I thought he needed to be evaluated for autism. And 6 mos. later he WAS diagnosed with autism--but speech was only one of MANY red flags he had--including toe walking, lining up toys, hand flapping and poor eye contact, spinning things, etc.

Anyway, I would be bothered too. I know it's hard but despite the fact is annoying they probably mean well. Hang in there. :)

A.,
It sounds like there is nothing to worry about--except people who want to compare children!
Victoria
One mom said none of us are professionals. Actually I am an early childhood interventionist.
It's possible your husband is concerned because he feels it reflects poorly on him if his son is not doing as well as someone elses. So I would not mimimize his feelings.

Dear A.:
Maybe they are thinking that since you have a cousin that is autistic maybe is in your family and your son may have it. IGNORE THEM!!! Opinions that are not constructive and from people that have no experience or knowledge is best ignored! If you have any concerns, take him to the pediatrician and see what his/her opinion is. If he needs and evaluation then, so be it. You take him to a specialist and have him evaluated. Just the fact that someone in your family has it, doesn't mean he has it. And YES all children are different. They all develop and grow at their own pace! As a mother, you know your child better than anyone! don't let their opinions bother you.
If you see any "other" signs of autism maybe you can take him to the pediatrician quicker, if not; just wait 'till your next visit.
Enjoy him, he is himself and doesn't need to compete with anyone :)
Blessings

hello

i would not be concerned some kids just talk a little later my kid now 7 start speaking around 3 1/2 years if your kid has older brother or sister it helps a lot if not it takes more time

don't worry about it

I agree with Martha below, except I'd suggest not doing the research on the internet--it's basically possible to diagnose yourself with every problem known to mankind just by looking on the internet. But since it's your husband and you guys are raising your son together, even if you're convinced he's not autistic, it might help to say, "Honey, since you seem to be concerned about it, let's go together and see what the pediatrician has to say." I don't know a whole lot about autism, but I think that, if your relationship with your son is fine, and your son isn't showing signs of behavior problems, he's probably doing just fine and isn't expressing any major disorders. If your interactions with your son are constantly stressful, or he seems frustrated much of the time, then you might have something to ask the doctor about. For now, I would do it only if your husband is that worried about it, and if he doesn't want to go, you're off the hook. :.)

Have a speech therapist evalute him at your house. Its is usually free and covered by the state.
You are your childs advocate. He may have autism he may not. Don't start thinking of the worse case scenario its going to do any good.
I have three kids. My oldest spoke early and wonderfully clear. My middle child spoke clear but later and less words. My youngest her speech was very hard to understand. She had tubes put into her ears and her andeiods removed ( sp wr) Her speech greatly improved after her surgery.
Find out what the situation is and go from there. Good luck.

Any chance your nephew has older siblings? This subject came up last week at church. A family has a little girl 3 months older than mine. She knows her colors, shapes and stuff. Mine can speak very well, and is bilingual so is doing great but not colors and shapes. The other little girl has 2 older brothers so she is exposed to that kind of stuff on a daily basis. Mine has 3 older siblings but they are 9 years apart rather than just a couple. Everyone is different and picks things up atdifferent times. I remeber when my son was little, I worried a bit that he did not talk much at 2 yrs. he is in a gifted class at school so I was right not to push too much.

BTW, I have a nephew that is ADHD (extremely so) and when one of my girls was younger I would get comments that I needed to have her checked because she "displayed the characteristics". She is challenging but I did have her evaluated 2 times with both being no.

As the parent of an 18 year old son who was first diagnosed as ADHD, and then later diagnosed on the autism spectrum when he was 16, I encourage you to do more research, ask lots of questions and really pay attention to how your son plays with toys and interacts with others...including older children, his peers and adults. Also, if you husband is expressing concern, follow up with your pediatrician and the ECI in your area. They see plenty of children and can relieve your husbands worry. ECI is also free and they should be able to come to your home to see your son. There are tons of info out there on the web and in bookstores and there are plenty of professionals out there too. Autism is a broad spectrum diagnosis for a reason...there are many different areas that are affected and different degrees of it as well; but the major indicator is the child's social skill development. My son still struggles with his peer group, but he does well with kids that are much younger than him and with adults, too. Amazing things can be done to help a young child overcome autism and the sooner the help is received, the better.
Blessings to you and yours,
K.

Why don't you just get this off your mind and ask your pediatrician to determine if a serious autism screening is warranted? Especially because the child's father is one of those voicing concerns. If it were "well meaning friends", well, that I might be more tempted to take w/a grain of salt.

The thing is a spectrum disorder for a reason -- You can't take just one hallmark (delayed or limited language acquisition) and start screaming "autism". Autism has a broad and not well defined spectrum of criteria that can lead a professional to give a child a diagnosis somewhere on that spectrum. But honestly, the earlier the diagnosis in mild cases, the more often the child will shift around and sometimes right back out of the spectrum.

I know you got a lot of answers and someone else may have already said this, I didn't read them all. But I would suggest having his hearing checked. If his speech is the only sign he is showing then that is what I would lean toward. Typically by age 3 there are a lot more signs if it were autism. Good Luck!!!!!!

You are absolutely right!!

The two "others" who are mentioning it I wouldn't worry about, but if your husband is truly concerned then I think it's worth going through the evaluation if for no other reason than to put his mind at ease.

Let me tell you, I was in denial about my son's autism while my husband was saying "I just don't think this is normal for a 3 year old". From the sounds of things, you're not in denial, you're being realistic but I'm living with the knowledge that I delayed getting my son diagnosed and treated for about a year while my husband wanted to get him diagnosed. My husband is not really an "I told you so" type, but it has come up on more than one occasion since the diagnosis 4 years ago. If it were me, I'd get an evaluation to set his mind at ease and to know that IF something is going on you caught it early and you won't have these same 3 people being able to say I told you so, later.

Good luck,
K.

I agree with you. This definitely doesn't sound like autism. If he is able to communicate with you, and you understand him, he should be right on track. Even if he wasn't communicating well, you still can't assume it's autism because many kids have speech delays and it's not related to autism. I personally know about 4 different people who's children had speech delays and they are right on target now. Go with your gut; don't let them panic you. Lastly, when he turns 3, you will most likely see his speech take off. Your nephew is most likely advanced in speech and your son will have his own strengths.

A neighbor asked if my daughter was autistic bc she wasn't speaking early and it was absurd bc my daughter exhibited no other factors. (And 2 years later she absolutely isn't but her speech still isn't as clear as some kids her age) I'd ignore these people. Anyone outside your family or a teacher/daycare provider who has mentioned it is just being rude.

You have a lot of responses, but here is my 2 cents.

THe great thing about autism awareness is that people are more cognizant of the signs and symptoms (of which delayed speech is one) and the bad thing about awareness is that people are more cognizant of the signs and symptoms. If the speech is his only sign, I would not worry about it.

They are only trying to be helpful. It is the daycare person's job to point out deficiencies they see in the kids. But just because your son is seeing a speech therapist does not mean he is autistic.

You are correct. Kids do develop at different rates. There are many signs of autism, speech is just one. There are some autistic kids that are incredibly verbal, while others will never say a word. Does he look people in the eye? Does he organize his toys in a specific way, does he throw fits when his schedule is off?

Trust you gut and if you have any questions, have him evaluated. But he is most likely fine!

"Am I wrong in thinking that children learn and do things at different ages and levels?"

Absolutely not! I guarantee you that you can talk to any Pediatrician, go to any website (I can name at least four right now) regarding child development and every single one will tell you that all children do not develop at the same rate even at the same age and that does NOT mean something is wrong with your little one. It is so easy for people in our society to expect a child to be like every other child and, when they are not, they assume “something” must be wrong. No ma’am! Do not let those people influence you or make you question yourself. You are the mom and you know your child. If it gets to a point where you are concerned and you want to double check so you know how to move forward and know how to properly care for your child should he be autistic, then that is a decision for you to make based on what is in your heart not on the pressures and questions that other people put on you and in your mind.

As for your husband being one of the people hinting around….I would really suggest sitting down and talking with him and maybe ask why he feels or believes that your child may be autistic. Tell him how you are feeling about the “hints”. Maybe you can do some research as well and share with him that medical research shows children do development at different stages. And, maybe show him some research that details signs to look for in determining if you should get your child checked for autism.

In the end, autistic or taking his personal time to development at his own rate, the most important thing is to show your child you love him no matter what. Again, you are the mom and you know your child.

One of my grandson's talked early and very clearly like an adult and then my other grandson was 3 and talked but not clearly and you still couldn't understand him. Then about 6 months ago everything changed and he is now talking fine and clear as a bell. We thought the same thing and even though he might have a hearing issue but he did not. Every child is different and develop on their own plus sometimes we don't allow them to talk as we are talking for them, talking baby talk to them or doing things for them because we know what they want instead of making them ask for it correctly. I would definitely talk to your doctor and if need be have him tested just to make sure but I am sure he is fine and is developing on his own level. Today we all jump up and down if children aren't talking by 2, smart a whips at that age etc. and we need to be patient with their own growth. Good Luck to you

I have three boys. It has been worrisome, for me, to learn the two oldest have Aspergers Syndrome and the third is autistic (though high functioning). It has also been a blessing that I have had help through the ECI program and then at the public school for the speech therapy my boys needed/need.

I remember hiding my tears when I saw my nephews (my sister-in-law has three boys all near the same age as mine!) speaking full sentences. Even if the pronunciation wasn't fully developed, they were talking and mine weren't. I could only console myself that every child is different.

Please ask these folks telling you their opinion that you thank them for their opinion and ask them to mind their attitude when they are around your toddler because you don't want him treated any differently (because of their opinion). These people are quite focused on comparing children. Be cautious that praise for a child's achievements doesn't imply they are better then another child.

If people continue to be nosy, say that you find their opinion inaccurate (they don't have the training, right?) and that you have your son's best interests at heart and are doing all you can to see that he can be the best he can be.

If I were in your shoes, I would seek the (free) assessment of a certified person in the ECI program. You may find the phone number for your local ECI office in the phone book or do a search on-line. Regardless of the recommendations of the assessment, you can gain some self-assurance for yourself and for being assertive towards those people who keep saying that your toddler might be autistic.

From your description, I bet that your son is growing at his own pace (the beat of his own drum) and is just fine. It would be better to compare his own progress over the months and years instead of looking for the contrast between him and other children.

Best wishes,
D.

I had the very same problem with my youngest son. He did not really start speaking until he was 3 1/2. He was just sitting back watching everything going on around him. He is almost seven, his speech is above level and he is super smart. He is a people watcher. Since someone that is trained and certified to recognize certain symptons in children has said that he is ok. And as long as you feel in your gut she is right (I did.), then let the naysayers think what they want. DO NOT let them talk about this in front of him. He will come into his own soon enough. cb

Hi A.,

Parent Coach J. B here. You and your husband are the first line of "defense" when it comes to your son. This might be the first time you've differed on what might be going on, but it won't be the last. As a couple, you can consider your options, some of which are: 1) do nothing, 2) visit with your pediatrician 3) see a specialist, 4) observe your son and do something if he seems to lag most kids his age in three or four months.

I know you both want the best for your son. Research it if you'd like, talk about it as a couple, weigh your options and make a choice. You'll notice in a lot of my posts I mention that a good Pediatrician is an excellent first stop for many times when a parent is concerned for her or his child. Often a visit to the Pedi can allay concerns OR catch conditions that need attention. That is what they are trained to do.

Good luck,
Parent Coach J. B

I don't think your missing anything. However, I really think you need to have a talk with hubby about this and discuss his concerns.

A., one out of every 150 girls is diagnosed with Autism. One of every 95 boys has Autism. I believe it is nothing short of epidemic in our country. It used to be extremely rare, but now it's so common that people suspect it very frequently. Try not to be offended by the comments of these people. They mean well, and are just trying to help. If your son were Autistic, it would be in his best interest for you to know as early as possible. That's all these folks are thinking. If you believe their comments may have merit, it would be a good idea to get a second opinion by a qualified diagnostician. Otherwise, just know that they care, even if they are misguided.

B.

I am on a team that assesses children suspected of having autism. While I am not the speech path, (I am the OT) I have a lot of knowledge of what constitutes an autism diagnosis. More than looking at his speech output, you need to look at his communication and his socialization. Does he point to show you things or just to get things? Will he imitate games such a peek a boo? Does he smile at you? Does he let you into his play and follow your lead for play? or does he get upset if you change what he wants to play? Does he seem to enjoy the social aspect of interacting? or does he use people to meet his needs? It is a bit unsettling that 3 people have hinted at autism. You may want to ask them what exactly he does or doesn't do that makes them question autism. You did the right thing by taking him to a speech pathologist. Keep an eye on him. You are entitled to an eval by your local school system free of charge under childfind. Contact someone in the special education dept. or childfind. Once he turns 3, the school needs to at least screen him if you are worried.

L.

mom to a high functioning child with autism here. go with your gut. there are many issues that go along with autism. my son is 6yo and many people do not realize he has it. best advice, go with your gut instincts. if speech is an issue get speech therapy. if there are sensory issues, get ot. don't wait for therapy. there is play therapy.... so much now out there. you can go and get evaluated. that is what we did and i was the last one to expect to hear the asd diagnosis. i had worked with kids as an ot and never saw autism in my kid. maybe it is denial, still don't agree with that diagnosis but it opens doors when school starts. look at your child and assess where he may be having issues and get help if he needs it. i also think that docs are too quick to label kids. it is a tough call. just look deep into your heart and do the best for your child. you can't compare any two kids-they are all very different. some kids like yours may even have something as simple as a gluten allergy and diet modifcations can help. join an autism yahoo group and get advice and support from folks in your area. they will help you find what you need for your child. good luck on your journey.

ETA, i just noticed you are in austin.... we went to Thoughtful House on Bee Caves Road. There is a resource. I was not impressed with them but there are MANY folks who have made great progress with them. I highly rec'd seeing Jepson not Lukas.

I have lived this myself with my son. My nephew is 11 days older, and it has been a non-stop comparing dilemma. I will say that there were some things that started alarming me with my son though, and we went through the ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) program, then had him tested through the school district. ECI tested him and said that he had a mild delay in fine motor skills, so they worked with him on that. Once he turned 3, they offered us to have him tested through the school, which was free, so we figured why not. At our first eval (which was a disaster), they said there was definitely something wrong and they mentioned autism. We were shocked. His second eval went extremely well, but then the team observed him at his school and ended up diagnosing him with PDD-NOS. I stay at home with my son and for the most part was just like you in that I just didn't see that he was that much different than other kids. Kids DO develop at different rates. There were so many things that my son could do that others couldn't and vice-versa. Socially though, I had noticed some things that alarmed me and that is why I went through with the program. My advice to you is to be open to what everyone is saying and not get defensive. It is hard when it is your husband, because I know with me I just felt that he was being ridiculous with the comparing, and in most ways, he was. Are the others that you mention trained to look for these signs? If you go through the school, it is free and it is a team that is trained to look for these things. They tested for speech and language, social, and cognitive abilities. My son tested average to above average on everything, but when they went to observe him, there were red flags. I would be happy to elaborate on my experience if you think it would help in any way. Please let me know and I could e-mail you my phone #. This age is so hard to figure out what is normal and what is just the age. Whatever happens, don't beat yourself up. Just do what you need to do to be sure that if there is something going on, that you get early intervention. My son has made leaps and bounds since we have gotten him therapy. He is in the school program and in private therapy for speech and occupational therapy. I will add that my pediatrician was never concerned with my son's development, so we have gotten many conflicting opinions. I am still not convinced, but am not so concerned with the diagnosis anymore since my son is doing so well. That is all that matters. Hang in there and good luck to all of you!

what would it hurt to have him tested? for your, your hubbies, & those 2 other people's peace of heart? - - - - at least you would be sure & provide your child with the best care possible.

I would tell you to just treat your child as an individual, and help him be his best.
My son was tested for speech problems at age 3. His vocabulary was great, but he had trouble pronouncing some sounds, and had behavior problems at mothers day out. The people who tested him said nothing was wrong with his behavior, and his motor skills were just slightly behind.
We didn't notice anything too unusual- for our family. For example, he's a kid who likes woodworking and tools, as the 4th generation of a family that does. Same thing with electronics.
But by kindergarten, everyone finally agreed something wasn't quite right. The school did more testing and concluded that he has Aspergers.

Dear A.,
I had the same problem that you are having, even today, I fight with my husbands family, because they say there is nothing wrong with our child, I did have a few concerns other than his speech, and if you look at my son his "differences" are really very mild, my son has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS and ADHD, he goes to therapy, and he is really very happy, I don't think your kid has anything though, but I would recommend talking to your doctor, get a referral to a psychologist and a behavioral specialist they will tell you and explain you exactly what your kid is going through, if it is, it may be something really mild like mine, and if it isn't, well now you are sure!. I agree that a speech therapist can find some indications of an autism spectrum disorder, however, she told you herself she is not the one to give a diagnostic, go with someone who can.
Be sure, good luck.