Should a 2Nd Shift DAD Mean a 2Nd SHIFT FAMILY?

As a piano teacher for many homeschool families, I see the second shift family working well all the time. Absolutely, try it and see if you like it. If you don't, you can always change back.

J.

I was going to ask if you planned to homeschool because it would affect them alot if they have to start going to school at 7-8 a.m. that'd be a hard transition for a little one. I think the family being on the same shift is a very good idea. 2 hours can create a lot of unnecessary tension in a family. If you do try it, remember to give it 2-3 weeks to see if everyone gets adjusted. Kudos to you for homeschooling! Remember not to do it all on your own! Find other homeschooling mom's to help in your weak areas.

you need to do what works for you and your family. You have a great advantage that your kids are still young enough to be able to put them to bed later (hopefully they will sleep later in the morning too!).

you need to give yourself permission to set limits and take care of yourself and your needs. and if you need to go to bed before he gets home in order to get decent sleep then there really needs to be a discussion about respect. Maybe it means you stay up, then he takes care of the kids while you get a nap. Then the kids get some good daddy time and mommy gets a break!

We have this issue at our house too, my husband works rotating shifts, so it is a constant change- I just try to keep things as normal as possible

I think when your oldest starts school this would be a problem. When my kids started school, my husband went back on days--I was sooo happy.

GL:)

My thinking is that the kids need as much time with both parents as possible and you certainly need more sleep! Also, it'd be nice if you & hubby could have a bit of time to talk and wind down together when he gets home.

My youngest benefitted greatly from staying up till 11 with me and sleeping in, letting her sleep in my bed in the morning after nursing her whenever she first woke up, keeping my room pretty dark and quiet at that time. My kids were able to walk to school back then so I quietly got them ready and out the door. Then either got things done, had some quiet time to myself, or went back to bed with my baby if I was tired.

Homeschooling will allow you to alter your schedule. It's the kids being in school so early that makes it so impossible in most families. You may have to turn off the ringer on the phone and let the machine/voice mail get it if you're not up yet, but that's not a big deal.

Pray about this and I know that God will give you His creative ideas. In fact, it sounds like He already has!

G. B.

Lori,
I'm a nurse and worked 2nd shift like your husband. I HATED it because I missed my 4 kids and my husband horribly! My 2 yr. old daughter was the main person I interacted with outside of work, as my boys were in school and my husband was at work all day. Be a team. My husband often went to bed when my kids went to bed and occasionally surprized me by waiting up for me(till midnight!). If possible take turns sleeping in. Fortunately my husband was able to go in late sometimes. I needed "unwind time" when I got home so that meant I only got about 5hrs. sleep if I wanted to see my 3 boys in the morning before school. I tried to get as much done around the house as I could before 2:30pm when I had to go to work again. I understand how both of you are feeling. Share the chores and pray for a shift change. I felt like I was missing out on too much of my kids lives and had to switch to a 12hr. 3rd shift position. That's not fun either! Now I feel like a zombie, but thank God I just got a first shift position. Homeschooling allows for more flexibility so that's a bonus, plus then your husband can see you and the kids. I'd try the 2nd shift family thing and see how it works for everyone. I understand the importance of a good night sleep! Good luck! I hope to hear how it's working out.
Gretchen

Hi, I feel for you. But my advise is to not change your pattern. I did that for years while my son was young and by the time school came it was a horrible transition. For me and my son. I couldn't get up, he couldn't get up. School is very important and I feel that it would not be the best thing. Your husband is going to have to give up some time with you and your kids. He will have to have his quality time with you and the kids during the day before he goes to work. It is a hard situation and I wish you the best.

I don't have any experience with this, BUT, I think you should do what works for your family. You are going to homeschool your children, so your schedule is much more flexible than if you sent them to public school. As far as their health goes, if they are getting enough sleep, that is what counts! I strongly believe that happy parents=happy kids!:)

The whole time that I was reading your question all I could think of is when your children start school that will cause a problem. Thank you for thinking ahead of time and stating that you plan on home schooling. I feel there is nothing wrong with a child to stay up till 10 or 11pm if that is the parents schedule. As long as they get the recommended amout of sleep and sunlight the time of day (or night) doesn't matter. You will get several dirty looks from people that will judge you but after a while comming up with jokes towards then can be fun. My youngest was kept on a 2nd shilt schedule for about 2 years and that worked best for us at the time....

S. B.

my husbands works second shift, but his hours are a little different, they are 4:30 pm -till 3 am: so there is no way I have ever tried to stay up that late or keep the kids up: but until my kids started school they did stay up later, about 11pm and then they would sleep in till about 10-11 am, it worked for us, it really did not take them to long to adjust when they started school-and we would have a big lunch (around 2pm) with daddy before he went to work---he had more time to sleep that way and got to spend more quality time with them before he left for work
Still when he has to work Saturdays he gets out at midnight I let my kids stay up till he gets home and it is their special time with daddy
whatever works for your family

I can relate to your problem, my husband also works nights. We have six children soon to be seven and we homeschool three out of the 5 school age kids. I think homeschooling is a great option for 2nd shifters. Because of the constant cycling sched, and odd hours it makes it tough for the shift working parent to interact normally in the family. I am glad shifting your family sched has worked for you! I am always looking for sched plans that could work for our family.

as long as you are going to homeschool, it shoudln't be a problem. My sister did that when her kids where born, and she regrets it somewhat. she has had a hard time getting her daughte to switch to a 9-9 sleep time. she was used to sleeping 1a-11a. but she has managed it and enjoys that the kids could see their dad.

every family is different, and if that works for your family, then do it

I work 3 days a week 6pm-6:30am and have 2 boys, 3yrs and 10 mos. My 3 yr old goes to bed around 10:30 and the baby around 9. That way I get 2-3 hours of sleep since they are not up when I am walking in the door in the morning! I think having the kids on similar schedules is a good idea. Especially since you are homeschooling. When my kids get to school age then I will slowly transition them into a little earlier bed times. People may criticize you when they know your kids are still up at 10 or 11, but as long as they are getting enough sleep is what's important!
Good luck!!

Lori,
Adjustments are never easy. But it sounds like maybe you should consider a few power naps during the day so you're more alert.
I would also consider making sure that weekends you get to catch up on rest and dad uses the time to spend with the kids. You won't be much good if you collapse or don't have the energy to home school.

We did just that for quite a few years a long time ago. He worked 2nd or 3rd. I let the kids stay up a little later and they slept a little later. The only problem came with doing anything else that has a "normal" schedule. Then they were usually tired. If I knew ahead of time (for instance, Church on Sunday morning) I would just make sure they were in bed early enough to get up earlier. He also had Tues. and Wed. off (his "weekend"), so we were glad we home schooled. If we hadn't the kids would have never seen their dad, literally. To my, the relationships within our family were more important than living up to someone else's imposed schedule. We survived and the kids are fine.

I see no reason why you shouldn't do what works for you. Life is too hard arbitrarily be stuck on the idea that life begins at 8 a.m. I worked swing shift for years with a lot of moms whose husbands worked days, then they switched the child care, and I think MOST of them slept until 10 with their kids. If you children will adjust, I think you should do it. When your oldest hits kindergarten, maybe she can do afternoon to buy you one more year, then you will have to adjust to accomodate school schedules.

My husband worked second shift for quite a while, but my daughter and I stayed on first shift time.

I wanted my daughter to have a lot of interaction with other children through play groups and classes. Those play groups and class times don't always work with a second shift schedule. Also, once the sun is up, she is up, so she is not one to sleep late, even when put to bed later.

It was an adjustment, and my husband and I did sacrifice some of OUR time together...we made sure to have a 'date' night every weekend...even if just renting a movie. My husband also got up with her in the mornings to help...he'd get her up at 7 and have a special breakfast if I wanted to sleep in on occasion.

It is hard having 'split shifts'.
Good Luck.

Hoorah for your decision to homeschool!I am of the belief that you should set your schedule to work best with your hubby's routine as this will benefit all as a unit.I applaud you for being flexible,Too!

I would not do it. When they start school it would be a big problem. My husband is a chef and works alot of nights. I can be hard because I am in bed before he gets home a lot of times. He understands and never gets mad but it can be hard. We don't get enough "us" time but on his days off we try and have family and date nights and make the best of it. My 4 year old is in preschool and if he stayed up until 11 he wouldn't be ready for school in the morning. My husband loves his job and I have always supported him but our kids are on a regular schedule. Ok, so after all of that typing I realized that you said you were going to homeschool. I guess if getting up for school isn't a problem then go for it. I personally am a morning person and so are my kids. I think they would be up early even if I put them to bed late. If you think it would work for you then go for it. You may have a few problems with scheduling play dates and things like that but you could work around it. Good luck.
Chris

Lori - My husband worked 2nd shift for 15 years (I work 1st shift). We have a daughter who is now 5 years old. When she was first born, it worked out well since we really did not need a babysitter except during the overlap of when he went to work and I came home. I understand how you feel. Its as close to being a single parent as you can get. Although, the biggest benefit was that our daughter got to spend the day with daddy and they developed a great relationship. But the chaos in the evening when I got home from work was overwhelming. I still wanted to keep her on a 1st shift schedule, however, before she started school, I would keep her up a little later so that she would sleep in and that way my husband could sleep in too. Keep in mind that the later you put them to bed, the later you also have to go to bed. I very rarely ever waited up for my husband to come home - I was too exhausted. Since your husband is home in the mornings and early afternoons, he should take advantage of that time and spend it with the girls. This would allow you some time to relax and/or get other things accomplished. Parenting is a team effort. Just because he is on a second shift schedule does not mean everyone else should be. But if you are a stay at home mom and plan to home school your girls, then try the 2nd shift schedule for a while and see if it improves your situation. Unfortunately, 2nd shift work schedules tend to create some obstacles in family life.

Good luck. I hope you find a schedule that works for you.

If they will sleep in that late, I dont see why its a problem. As long as they are getting the sleep they need, I dont think it matters when they get it. What I wonder is if they will still get up at the crack of dawn no matter what time you put them to bed, and then not be getting enough sleep because of this. Also, I think its very nice of you to try to accomodate your husband in this way. Getting along is all about compromise.

If it works for your family do it.
The only problem I see is with school in the future...who knows things may change by then.

Hi Lori,
As long as you are going to be homeschooling the girls, I don't think it would be a problem. As long as they don't have to get up for school someday, your family should be able to function on whatever schedule works for you guys! You can always schedule doctor,dentist, etc appointments in the afternoons. I say give it a try! Good luck!

Switch. I did when kids were younger dh was on third shift up until three weeks before they started school our awake time was 10pm to noon. It worked well my friends thought we were weird buit we got to see daddy and that was nice. Now at 14 and 12 the love to sleep in til noon. Lol. So its almost loke having a baby again.

You have a 4 year old who will be going to kindergarten soon and will have to be on a "1st Shift" schedule. Explain this to hubby and hopefully he will understand. Maybe you two could develop some ground rules for when he gets home, so he can have time to unwind without waking up the house (namely you). Does he follow this same schedule on the weekends? If not, it is not fair to your girls to have them on one schedule for the weekdays and one for the weekends. Dad needs to be alittle more aware of the needs of the family as a whole.

HI Lori
I just learned the body balances hormones while sleeping. So if you don't get enough sleep your hormones don't balance. Theres a good reason your at the end of your rope. It would be hard to home school feeling like that. (I've been there)
Maybe your husband could change his expectations of you (or change yours), since he's out numbered. I'm just thinking about the summer fun, lots of it is daylight related. How ever you do it, you need about 15 min in the sun for the body to make vit D.
Good luck, A. H

I've done this numerous times as work schedules change. If you children do not have to be kept to a schedule for some other purpose (like public school) then I don't see a problem with it. You will always get those people who say "Oh, those kids should be in bed at a respectable time!" Ignore them. My kids have never had sleep or health issues from doing this and it wasn't THAT difficult to readjust them to a "normal" bedtime when my husband's work schedule changed again. I say you need to do what works for your family and keeps you all happly and healthy. :)

I was on the afternoon shift up until this past January. My daughter is 4 years old and we had her schedule adjusted to mine briefly while she was 3 and trying to go to her first year of preschool. It was really h*** o* her. You have to really think if you want your children exhausted all the time. Even though they sleep in, that schedule is h*** o* adults let alone children. Many times, my husband tried to keep her up and she didn't make it anyway. It would be different if there was more involved then just saying "goodnight" . There isn't going to be quality play time or bonding time with him. Also, your husband will be trying to unwind from work and be more apt to be short-tempered or just tired. I know this first hand. Think carefully if you really want to do this. Also let him know that you need your rest too, especially if he can see you in the mornings.

Your children are young right now, you can put them on whatever 'shift' and sleep schedule you want. However, as they get to the age of socializing, please realize that the rest of the children's world doesn't work on an afternoon shift. When everyone else is having playdates, your children will be in school. When the morning field trips for the home schooled kids, such as with the library, art classes, etc., are in the morning, your children will be sleeping. Plus, you will have to change their sleep schedule if you do decide to go back to a 'day' schedule. Putting your family on an off shift schedule could potentially isolate you from the rest of the world. What would you do if your husband worked midnights? Would you switch your schedule then? Seeing that your children are not in school now, your husband could have his time with them before he goes to work instead of after work. Those are the adjustments that off shift workers need to make. It is a sacrifice, but the preferred shift isn't always available. If it is the shift differential pay that is keeping him on the off shift, then perhaps budget adjustments can be made in other areas at home. For you to be sleep deprived in the long term to accomodate your husband's schedule is bad for everyone involved. This is a big decision for you with ramifications either way you go. Afternoon shift is the worst shift for a famiy life, and in today's economic climate you may not have a choice. If your husband absolutely cannot change his schedule, then while your children are not in school and young may be the best and only time that you will be able to accomodate an off shift schedule for your family. Think if over well, and good luck.

Since you are going to home school... it doesn't really seem like it would be a problem.

The only thing I would suggest is that if you do this, I would discuss your decision with your husband and see if there is a compromise you can work out as far as taking care of the children before he goes to work... offering you a little 'me' time.

We can try to be super moms...but we aren't superhuman. We weren't designed that way. I honestly believe raising a family is a joint effort. If you are going to alter your day to be able to allow your husband to see the kids and such... then I think it is only right that he step in an help out in the late mornings and allow you some time to recharge. You can't do it all. I know it sounds like the wife in Titus did do it all...but honestly, in those times families had ALOT more help! Families were more communal and many generations helped one another. We don't have that.

Good luck.

If you plan to home school, definitely move to 2nd shift family time. Your daughters need to see their dad ... and you need your sleep or you won't be able to meet anyone's needs. My first child kept a 10am - 10pm schedule and others thought we were nuts, but it worked well for us. Your family is your most important unit right now - everything social can be adjusted to your schedule - so don't even worry about conforming to what you may think "normal" is. Hope this helps and enjoy your time with your family!

AT LEAST until you have any reason to hold your children to someone's schedule outside your home, there is no reason to pretend that one 'shift' (never heard it called that before) is more healthy, more morally-sound (although the early-risers almost always manage to make it appear virtuous) or sensible than another.

My husband is in the navy, and when he was at sea we had the great joy of not having to live to anyone else's schedule, ever. We would slowly progress from something that looked kind of normal to later and later bedtimes and later and later wake times, until we were sleeping 1am -10 or 11am. Dad coming home was so exciting to them that it interfered with their sleep, anyhow, making it possible to seamlessly go back to a more 'daytime' schedule once he returned to work (long deployments are always followed by a week or two off).

He always appreciated that the kids weren't in bed within 45 minutes of him coming home (which was a real issue for lots of the guys he worked with) so they were alert and awake for him to get to know well when he was home.

Not only did nothing bad ever happen, I have adaptable kids (16 & 18)who readily get up at 5:45am when they work jobs that require that, and who can also work evening shifts because they are not convinced there is 'one right way' to live.

We also homeschooled, and now look back with laughter at the people who were absolutely convinced that if a child wasn't made to get up at X hour, they would (and I quote) NEVER be able to get up on time for anything. Ha Ha. Not.

I think a really important factor in this is your sanity. Exhausted moms do not make balanced or sane moms, and everyone is suffering for your lack of sleep. You need to nurture yourself and do what works for you and your family, without reference to what works for anyone else in the world, and particularly not to what someone looking in on your life has declared 'necessary.' Take care of you children's mom -- she's a nice lady and deserves gentle care.

As long as the children are getting enough sleep, I don't see a problem with a later bedtime. You won't have the difficult task of altering the bedtime in a couple years if you plan to homeschool which prevents some people from doing this. Plus it's great to incorporate more family time into your life and allows you to take care of yourself (getting enough sleep) So it seems like everyone in your family wins if you alter your schedule. Why even ask others? It's your schedule and your family life. It's not hurting anyone. Go for it!

I have to agree with Tammy M...it doesn't take long for children to adapt to bedtime schedules. I have 4 daughters that are now aged 15, 15, 16, and 27 and with each of them (when they were very young) bedtimes became an issue due to their dad's work schedule. As HIS schedule change, I modified mine and my girls' schedules. Not to match, but to compliment -- so they had a good amount of time with their dad and ummm so did I lol. To be honest,I had more difficulty adapting to the time schedule changes than the girls did, children are remarkably adaptable. Of course when they started school we had to modify it again, but I didn't find it took any longer for them to adjust than it does for kids going to bed earlier in the fall to go to school after they're used to staying up later during the summer breaks. A few days at the most. As for you not getting enough sleep, remember -- you can nap when they do and if momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy. If you decide to homeschool as you plan, you can always set your schedule for school up around your sleep schedule. No matter when you sleep, there are still 24 hours in a day :-)

Lori, my husband also works 2nd shift, but only four days a week for 10 hours a day. He doesn't get home until midnight, so we are all usually asleep. I have one son 17months and we are trying for #2. I find that our best times together are in the morning! We make the best of it, because we know dad will not be there after our nap. I actually asked my husband about what you were wanting to do. He was telling me that it's been proven chiidren thrive and do the best at everything the more daylight they receive. I think you should stay on your normal schedule. It is great you are going to homeschool so you can have a little flexibility. Maybe you could keep them up on just friday nights to see dad. Good luck and this is my first response to mamsource since I've been reading them!