Shared Birthday Party or individual...which Is Best?

Updated on July 17, 2008
S.W. asks from Dallas, TX
39 answers

My oldest son will turn 3 a week before my youngest son turns 1. With their birthdays so close, I'm wondering should I give one birthday party for them both until one or both of them are old enough to start requesting their own? If you have children close in age and that have birthdays close, what did you do about the parties, throw two parties or one?

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

My sister who is 4 years younger than me and we always had to share b-day parties and I hated it. We always received the same gifts and that was not cool when I was a teenager and she was younger. I hope this helps.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I don't have children with b'days close together, but my brother and I are 3 years and 1 days apart-Aug. 27 and Aug. 28. My mom always threw seperate parties even when we were little. Usually one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Maybe you could choose a nuetral day in between both their special days and have a party in the am for one and in the pm for the other. Then they each get a party,but you only have to clean up on one day. You can always make their real b'day special by doing something just for them on that day, like a specail dinner or opening family gifts.

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E.S.

answers from Dallas on

My daughters are 12 days shy over two years apart. For their 3 & 1 birthdays, we did a joint party and it worked out great. I got a bounce house for the big kids. We will try to do joint as long as possible!

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K.G.

answers from Dallas on

my kiddos b-days are 3 weeks apart too...We have been doing a big friend party with mutual friends/siblings. Then on their actual b-day we do a small(family-in-laws/parents) special party and they can choose the venue/cake/decorations/activity within reason! Happy planning!

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J.R.

answers from Dallas on

I would look at it from the guest point of view. If you are planning to invite the same people to both parties, then I would have one. It is hard getting everyone to come to parties but to make them do it again in another week would be tougher. If it is just you, hubby and the kids, then individual would be fun. My sister has twins but she does the decor cute. Half the table is decorated in one theme, the other half another theme. Even goody bags are of the girls choice. She does one chocolate cake, one vanilla representing what they are in to. Each girl gets sung to, etc. Either way I'm sure you will have a blast!

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C.S.

answers from St. Louis on

You have a lot of responses, and I did not read them all, but I have a younger sister that has a birthday 2 weeks before mine. We always had joint parties. We each got to invite X amount of friends and then we had all of our family. We wach had our own cake that we got to pick out. It worked well until we were teens and then we just had a couple of friends over and went to a movie or something. On our actual birthdays, we either went out to a restraunt of our choice or had whatever we wanted for dinner. When my aunt's girls were little, they also had joint parties. It makes it easier for all of the friends and family to make it to 1 party rather than 2 so close together, but as they have gotten older, they have seperate birthday cekebrations, just something little with a few friends and immediate family. Their birthdays are 2 days apart. My son and nephew are 2 weeks apart abd when we are together (I live in another state), we have joint birthday parties. My niece and my youngest are 3 weeks apart and we were planning a joint party until a health crisis changed our plans. A joint party can still allow for individuality by having seperate cakes and decorations for each child. It allows the family and friends you invite to xome without having to choose between one or the other or neither if their schedules don't allow for 2 parties so close together. Hope that helps. Good luck!

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L.J.

answers from Dallas on

as young as they are, I don't think it will matter right now. I say, save yourself the expense, along with your valuable time and have one party. They can start having their own parties later, should they choose to do so. Give yourself and your pocket book a break.

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

Well I have 3 kids and two of them have birthday's a month apart for my sons 1st birthday he and his sister had a shared party and it was fun. My daughter who just turned 6 still wants to share her birthday party with her little brother! so i think you should do what is best for you. I also have a friend that has four kids and just due to money she has 2 birthday parties a year one for the earlier birthdays 1st then the other. she still gets 2 cakes and their own decorations but is just saves on the food! Hope this helps!

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

I am a big believer in doing birthday's BIG! I have always thrown big parties for the kids birthdays because it is the one day of the year that is theirs! I want them to feel super special on their day, so if it was me I would do separate parties. I think it is important when they look back to see the pictures and video from "their" birthday party. If I had twins, I would do one party. But for children 2 years apart I would do 2. Have fun and enjoy your kids special days!

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

Although there are 6 years between my two kiddos, their birthdays are 2 days apart (May 19 and May 21). Last year, when they turned 8 and 2, I had a shared party at the park for them. We did a bouncy house and cooked out burgers and dogs. Since not too many 2 year olds came, it worked out well. This year, though, my oldest asked for his own party. Since he has so many friends that would be attending, it made more sense to have separate parties. I think at the young age your kids are, having a shared party should be just fine. When they are that young, you don't have large groups of kids that come to the parties, so having a shared one is easier to handle. If you do have a shared party, make sure to state on the invitation that the guests should only bring a gift for the kid they are friends with. You don't want them thinking they need to bring two gifts if they aren't friends with both children.

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C.

answers from Dallas on

My brother and I have birthdays close together (July 16th and 31st). My parents decided we would alternate years for "big" parties. So, if it was my year to have the big party, my brother might have a friend over to help him celebrate (but it was mostly just a family thing. Then the next year I knew it was his turn to have the big party. It worked for us.

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

My boys are 4 (almost) and 2 with birthdays 1 month apart. Last year we did a family party for both right in between their birthdays, and no friend party. It was fabulous! If I were you, I would combine them this year, because it will probably be your only chance. My oldest has been invited to a few birthday parties this year, so he has already been planning his guest list (which gets longer by the day!). We just had a party with our immediate family for my 2 year old, and next month we'll have a friend party for my soon-to-be 4 year old. Take advantage while you can!

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

They won't know any different at this age. The time will come when they want their own special parties. Until then, save some money, time and a few headaches and have one big party.
Have fun!

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A.

answers from Dallas on

For sure you could share the parties until the oldest one start expressing discontent. That probably wont happen until he is in kindergarten. It is especially easy since you have two boys. I have 2 girls and until the oldest one cared, this is how we did it. And now (because we have 3 birthdays in 2 months around here) we take turns different years having bigger parties. I dont get caught up in having to spend hundrends of dollars to throw a party either, but one year the kids get a party at home with friends, the other years maybe it is a family party and a fun date. Just a thought for down the road. ~A.~

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J.A.

answers from Amarillo on

Hi Stacy, my kids birthdays are 3 days apart (with 5 yrs between them). I also had the same question, especially with the huge age difference. We have tried both... we always had combined parties until the year my daughter turned 13. She wanted her own party so we decided to let her have one for that special year. It turned out to be the saddest most upsetting day ever. We had several family members who were able to come to my sons party but didn't get to come to my daughters the next weekend. It caused a lot of hurt feelings between all of us. She had less family, fewer friends, and less presents (not that we really care about that but it was a BIG difference)! That was the first and last time we did that. I think when she has a sweet 16 we will try it again, by then she will be more concerned about friends than family. So my suggestion is this... one big party with a cute cake, plates, napkins on a separate table for each kid. With our older kids we like the skating rink because it's fun for all ages and great entertainment. On my children's actual bday I let them have the dinner of their choice and open one present from us, this helps to make their day extra special.

I hope this helps, sorry for the rambling.

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R.G.

answers from Dallas on

A friend of mine has a very similar situation. She always had shared parties until they were old enough to want individual parties. What she has done, is to have 2 parties at one location. This last birthday, her daughter had a bowling party, while the son had a laser tag party. It was a bit hectic but one of the dads (she's a single mom) helped with the boys and she stayed with the girls. It was a little crazy, but she said it's easier for her to get it all into one day, especially since their birthdays are in December. It's hard to carve out two days in that month that other kids can attend.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

Luckily my kids are not close enough to have a shared birthday party. However we just went to a birthday party that was for a 3 year old and twin 8 year olds. For me it was stressful, this may be extreme ages but a birthday party is special and I wouldn't want to share it. Maybe plan them both the same day a few hour apart, do the 1 year olds first and then the 3 year olds. Especially since mostly who you are inviting to the 1 year olds will be family, do a cook out around 11:00 then have the 3 year olds friends show up around 1 or 2. The 1 year old will probably be napping and you can clean up a bit. A party at 1 or 2 does not require feeding the kids so they can do their thing and the parties will still be kinda separate.

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K.B.

answers from Dallas on

My brother and sister are 2 days short of a year apart, their b-days are 7/7 and 7/5, they always had their parties together, because they shared a lot of the same friends too, once they turned about 10 or so they started having separate little parties, I think its a good idea to do them together until they are able to decide what they want to do, them may end up always having parties together.

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

Stacy my two youngest children are only a year and 4 days apart. They are now 4 and 3. We have their party together. So far we have not had any problems. Because they are so close in age they do everything together. Now I have a boy and a girl so we can separete it some. I would suggest you try to do something special for each one. Collin's favorite color is green and Emma's of coarse is pink so we did a party at Nickelroma and did half the table in green and the other half in pink. We did a bar b que one year with little swimming pools for each one. And this way it really is less expensive. I know I spend just as much on my other two boyes party then I do on my little ones. I hope everything works out for you good luck.

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S.G.

answers from Dallas on

Go with the shared party for as long as you can. They are little and it's much easier for everyone, esp you! Once they get older you can do individual birthday's because I am sure they will start having different interests and want to do different things for their birthdays. There are things you can do to individualize the party by having seperate cakes, etc. On their actual bday you can make that special with a cake, family, decorations (some streamers and balloons)and a gift. I've done it with my girls who are 13 months apart and their bdays are almost a month apart.
Have fun and don't stress!

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C.A.

answers from Dallas on

I have two brothers born Aug 1st and Aug 8th. When they were young sharing a party was no big deal but as they got older they got a little resentful that they had to "share" their day and their age/preference differences made planning really hard. One wanted to have a pool party the other wanted to see a movie at the Imax, etc. Eventually, my mom started giving them separate parties. She would do the first one a weekend or two early and the second a weekend or two late so they were a little more spread out. That seemed to work best for everyone.

Good Luck!

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K.C.

answers from Dallas on

We do a boy & girl party together. They both get a party & both get gifts from family. I put A LOT of work into the party since I just do one party for both.

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P.B.

answers from Tyler on

My brother and I are only 2 years and 2 days apart. I did not mind sharing a party because we were so close (as friends).

Since this is your baby's FIRST birthday, I would make it special for that reason and make your decision next year.

If you do plan to "share" the party, be sure your guests understand that they should not feel obligated to buy presents for both if they are only friends with one or the other.

Just remember: there WILL come a day that the kids WILL disapprove.

Blessings,

P. <><

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S.A.

answers from Dallas on

I don't see a problem having shared b-day until they start requesting them. The 1 year old isn't going to understand for a while. I have a 3.5 and a 2 year old but they are 1 boy and 1 girl - so I don't get to save the money with just one set of decorations - my son will not have pink and my daughter will have nothing but. One thing I would suggest is to get them separate cakes (or cupcakes) that they pick so taht there is some induviduality in the party...

have fun

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S.G.

answers from Abilene on

I have three children and my oldest and youngest have birthdays 6 days apart. It has caused some stress, but I have always given them separate birthdays. Depending on how the days fall, I try to do one the weekend before and one the weekend after. That way there are two weeks in between so they are not back to back. Granted, mine are 4 years apart and my oldest is a girl while my youngest is a boy. I had always wanted to keep them separate because I did not think it was fair for them to not get their own special day for themselves. My cousin is a twin and she told me that she has always hated the fact that she never got a party of her own.

I hope this helps.

S.

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E.W.

answers from Dallas on

I have 4 children all 2 years apart and some of their best parties have been when they shared the party. When they are as young as yours, they pretty much have the same friends and if you have family around you many of them will especially want to celebrate the birthday of the 1 year old.

Last year, my daughters ages 9 and 7 both wanted similiar parties, so I rented a room for 5 hours, had one party, cleaned up the tables, then had another party. That was so much fun for them both and the friends that they shared stayed for both parties.

When I was expecting my fourth child, I had a party for my 2,4 and 6 year old together at the FW Museum. Again, they all had a blast and I had not one complaint.

Have their parties together now before they are too old and really do want to do things seperately.

Most of all, don't stress yourself.

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D.F.

answers from Dallas on

Hi, I think since they are still young you can get away with the shared party. But for me growing up I always had to share a b-day party with my sister. My sister's b-day is 5-12 and my b-day is 5-22. We are a year apart. The only good thing is that we had the same friends. But sharing a b-day to me was always something I hated because it was never just YOUR DAY. And now I have to share my b-day AGAIN with my youngest daughter. I was suppose to be due June 2nd and I ended up having her ON MY B-DAY. She is 5 now and understands we have the same b-day. My husband buys me a cake for my b-day to take to her b-day parties. It's ok now, but I still feel ripped off. So please, if you can in the future let them have there own party.

Good Luck!

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M.G.

answers from Dallas on

If you are having friends of your 3 year old invited to the party I would do seperate parties and maybe a shared family party with them having their own cakes if it would be a huge inconvience for family to come to two different parties because they live out of town. I am in the camp that everyone needs their own special day so I would let each of my kids have their own parties.

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S.

answers from Dallas on

I have two sets of twins; all their birthdays are in July. They turn 2 and 5 this month. I have been doing their birthdays together and it helps me to justify a better party and the older girls love it. The 1 yr old is too young to know what's going on so the party at this age is really for you and your family. The older girls are starting to express discontent with sharing the birthdays so it probably will not go on for long. This year they were very happy, though, because we split the cake and had the favorite theme for each of them and they go to the same preschool and have all the same friends, so we had the party at pump it up jr. and all their friends came. The 2 yr old boys attended and family got to see them but they had no idea what was going on. So I think you are safe having the parties together for 2 to 3 years and then you should consider splitting them up. I usually allow friends to bring siblings to the parties so there are kids of all ages there now; but as they get older the 5 yr olds will probably get more picky. hope this helps.

K.M.

answers from Dallas on

My oldest daughter is almost 9 and my twins (boy/girl) are almost 6. Their bdays are 2 weeks apart. We have always had a joint party. Since the majority of the guest are family and very close friends (might as well be family), we did not see a reason to have them come back in 2 weeks.
We have always had seperate cakes for the kids. The first year my oldest had a butterfly, my son had a blue caterpilar and my youngest daugher had a pint caterpillar. We had a jump house in the back yard with friends and family. The next year we had a jungle theme and we had an elephant/giraffe/lion cakes. We are continuing the tradition. We make seperate cakes/ sing seperately and open gifts individually. We try to corodinate the theme, but they each get to pick their cake/party bags/balloon. When my oldest daughter turned 7 we began to take her and 1 friend out to dinner on her actual bday. It made her actual bday a little more special. We will do the same w/ the twins when they turn 7, but until then we will continue w/ 1 party. We ask each year and this is what they want. The next bday celebration will be in Sept.
Also, I have an older brother by 4 years and a twin brother and our bdays are 5 days apart. Until my older brother was in grade school, our parties (family) were together. My mother also thought we were to old to have friend parties after 4th grade, so we started having shared parties again w/ just family. Did I mention my grandmothers bday is the day after mine. It is about celebrating and recognizing their special day. They will expect what you teach them. As long as the kids know they are loved, they will enjoy what ever you decide. I say so 1 big party and have a great time.
Sorry to be so long winded.

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T.G.

answers from Dallas on

yes I think you should go ahead and have both parties together, you could probably get away with it for the next 3 years. It's cheaper and much less stressful to do just one party. Your guest will probably enjoy it more too, they get to enjoy both kids and probably would rather attend one party other than having to come back the next weekend for another party. Good luck. T.

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S.N.

answers from Dallas on

i have 2 girls and they are almost 2 yrs apart (1 in april and the other in may). the only year we did separate bday parties was when the baby turned 1. it was a special bday and we thought it deserved a separate party.
ever since then, though, we have picked a weekend between their bdays and had just 1 party... we have done... mcdonalds, bday at a park and reserved the gazebo w/the city(2 yrs in a row), gymnastics party (texas tumblers-2 yrs in a row.
some of our friends have had parties at "let's jump" or at their homes (grill hots, etc and rent a bounce house).

the girls don't know anything else because we've always done it that way and they don't mind sharing their day.
they have most of the same friends but we also invite the friends they don't have in common.
it's easier for us because it's only 1 party to plan and then it also cuts down on the expense of having a 2nd party.
this is what works for us.
hope this was helpful.
good luck!

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K.T.

answers from Lubbock on

If it's all the same to you, let the older brother choose:) You don't have to make it a giant affair if you do separate parties, and it is important for siblings not to have to share EVERYTHING. I have a feeling if sharing birthdays becomes a trend there might be some resentment down the road. Sharing is important, but I would make sure to individualized it as much as possible and let each help in the planning.

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H.D.

answers from Dallas on

I have 2 boys whose birthdays are 1 day apart. When they were 1 and 4 I had 2 separate parties,but it really felt more like it was 2 parties for the older one. My younger didn't have his own friends yet so we invited our neighbors for his party. This past year I did one gathering for the neighbors and then did cupcakes on their special day. That way I didn't have to make 2 cakes, but we all enjoyed cake on their individual birthdays. In the future I will continue with the one party thing. Do what you feel most comfortable with.

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

THey don't know any better so you might as well save yourself some trouble. We don't have birthday parties anyway, in a traditional sense. At this age it is more for you than them. And they don't know the difference.
We have a family party, invite grandparents, let them pick the place of dinner when we eat out and then we have cake. They do get presents from family, but we rarely have a friends party. We also let them pick a place to visit or a family trip. Like six flags or hurricane harbor and sometimes let them bring ONE friend. We do let them have a friends party once or twice, but that is about it. Our birthday trips are pretty big things though and are now all the rage with their friends. We have taken ours to hurricane harbor, the dallas aquarium, midievil times, six flags, etc. and we spend the time together as a family. We are planning a trip to hollywood for august for my middle sons b-day and then he and his best friend will have a sleep over when we get back. we are already visiting family, but his birthday is right in the middle of the trip and he wants to see hollywood. so there we shall go. We are also planning a trip to sea world for the youngest. and a camping trip for the oldest. but it bonds us more, and I think we get a better investment for the money spent. but I usually give them a choice about a friends party, very small, or a trip/activity. They usually take the trip. But mine are older, 13.5, 11.5, adn 8.5. But we even seldom had anything other than a family party until about 5-6. SO that is how we work it. Yours are pretty small, but they will understand if you only take a friend for the older one and then to lunch and play, have cupcakes and just say this is for your b-day party. Kids are taught to expect to much and they already have so much, we don't need an exscuse to give them things anyway. Much less be anymore the center of attention than most already are anyway. Around here it is like who can have the best, and I am just not into keeping up with the Jones as far as b-day parties go. Which in my opinion most people do for the adults and affluence, prestige etc. not truly for the kids. They just want to eat cake and play. We also don't encourage the gift giving thing outside of family anyway. That just the blessing of having friends to be with, to celebrate with, is enough.
Good luck,
L.

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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

Have a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl. Their birthdays are 3 weeks apart. We have always had their parties together and it has worked well. They have their own friends come and they get their own cakes...., I am sure some year soon we will separate as they get older and show an interest, but if you are inviting a lot of family they typically are a little overwhelmed if you have 2 separate parties. IT is a lot on the social schedule. Hope that helps

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N.H.

answers from Dallas on

I did a shared bday with my 2 daughters when they turned 2 and 4. One was in august teh other in october so i did the party in september. Their names both start with a 'm' so i had an m&m party. It turned out great and since the younger one really doesn't have 'friend friends' yet it made for a very nice group. Plus, most parents i know have more than one child so everyone felt welcome. Now the girls are older and i do seperate parties b/c they are so different. But the shared one was so nice and i was able to go all out since i only had to do the party thing once. Have fun!

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H.L.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Stacy,

Son #3 was born on December 11th and then son #4 was born 6 years later on December 12th. Don't quite know how we managed that but we did! Even though there was an age gap we were often tempted to combine their birthdays for our own convienence (especially since the birthdays fell so close to the holidays and our schedules were crazy already!) However, no matter how easy it would have made it for us to combine the birthdays and "call it a day", we felt that each child deserved his own special day and celebration to call his very own. When trying to decide what to do, I would always put myself in their shoes and tried to imagine if I would have liked to share my birthday with my brother. I can't say I would have liked it. As a child, I enjoyed the day being all about me. Our birthday is a very special celebration. I think each child should be given his own individual celebration. I can also tell you that now that my boys are older (17 and 11) they always tell me how much they appreciate that we would do the birthdays seperately and they were given their own special day. :o)

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F.H.

answers from Dallas on

my brother and i were almost 3 years apout in age, and hated having to share. Younger ones don't understand usually. and at 3 most kids don't either. be sure to have an extra gift for each (as should be the case when gifting any young children withe even younger siblings) to keep both happy. if together, they'lll grouse as they get older cuz mom didn't do for them. they even had to share their special day. it's their day make it special for each one.

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