Shared Bank Account

Okay M., I also have been married for Several years seven to be exact and we still have separate accounts. Yes I also have been good with my money, I just look at it now, like this. What if something was to happen to him...I have my own money until the life ins. comes through. Also I take this as an opportunity to trump HIM. I know this sounds mischievous but I am making money too. So I invest my money that he doesn't want me to share. One day it will come and he will need help and I will say to him WELL I have so and so saved....he will say how did you save that money and I will be able to say well YOU didn't want to share an account so I decided to invest. He may have his reasons but don't worry about it use it to help better your future. It is a PROVEN FACT that men have a shorter life span than women and when women that don't plan are left alone they don't know what to do because they didn't plan. I heard that from Suze Orman, financial National Advisor. Good luck and just hang in there. A. www.busymomsworkathome.com

I agree with the others, I'd have a serious problem with it too. If you divorced or God forbid, something happened to him you'd be in a fix. It just seems to point to some serious underlying issues of trust and control... and maybe it has more to do with his upbringing than your marriage, but either way I'd try to make him take this seriously since it affects you in such a real way. I don't know how to go about doing that except sitting him down and laying it out. Counseling is a great idea if he'd agree to it. Maybe you could get some objective information from a 3rd party (accountant or something) that can show him what a bad fix you'd be in if something happened to him. If joint accounts/holdings won't work out I'd definitely try to get some stuff in your own name without him so at least you'd have ready access to cash and your own credit. You own your own business, so why not? Good luck.

M. - I would have a serious problem with this. What is his reason for refusing to have a joint account? Does he pay all the bills or do you share them - both of you paying an equal percentage toward each bill? Who has the responsbility of budgeting for the family and paying the bills? Did he have the house before you were married and that's why you aren't on the mortgage? How about cars? Maybe he or someone in his family has been in financial trouble before - like IRS trouble - and he wants to protect you somehow? I would think in this instance though he would want family possessions in your name rather than his??? Maybe he thinks your business financials would somehow be intermingled?? Other you possibly having a terrible time with money and/or a terrible credit history where having you on a mortgage loan or car loan would negatively affect you I just can't see any positive reasons for him refusing to do this. I really don't understand anyone who insists on this. I can understand wanting to have a little bit of my 'own' money to do with what I will - no questions asked - but that is what an agreed upon 'allowance' for both spouses is for. This is after you know the bills/savings/investment accounts have been taken care of. Since financial issues seem to be the biggest cause of problems in a marriage I would think people would want to try to be partners in this. Harsh to say, but I don't see you two working as partners in this and I would say the onus is on him to correct that.... If it really bothers you you need to really sit him down and review this again with him - letting him know how this makes you feel and asking him again why he has such a problem with it. Also, and I hate to say this, but I would push to protect yourself and your kids (again, harsh, I know) and make sure you are added to the ownership documents for things such as your home, savings accounts, cars, etc. Best of luck.... C.

M.,

I agree w/ Christie, get the house in your name as well!!!

I personally have been a "victim" of this same situation: my ex wouldn't get a joint account though we were together for 9 years yet he had a joint account w/ his 'mommy'; and the funny thing is I had/have better credit than him and I'm 5 years younger, lol. He also bought the house w/o my name on the deed/mortgage, HUGE mistake that I regret!!!

Well, as I stated ex, our divorce was recently finalized and since my name was not on the house until he FINALLY refinanced after being in the house for 2 years, I was only awarded 1/2 of what I rightfully deserved to receive; I paid ALL utility bills for the house every month for 4-1/2 years, decorated and put SO MUCH time/money into that house (granite counter tops, new carpet & pad, etc) bought EVERYTHING for our daughter (clothes, furniture, supplies, etc) and got squat in return. Sadly when I moved out I did (and some of the things I was forced to)leave behind a lot of our stuff from over the years and stuff for my daughter and had to spend the money to buy everything for her all over again.

(Sorry, went off on a tangent)

One idea that I had w/ my ex was to get a joint account that would serve to pay bills (mortgage AND utilities) only, equally putting in the money each month. I thought maybe this idea would prove to him that we could manage a joint account together. It didn't work for us but maybe you two could give it a try.

Good luck and best of luck.
M.

Honey, consider yourself lucky! ESPECIALLY since you own your own business. If I had to do it all over again, and I was working full time, I would keep separate checking accounts. My parents have done that for over 30 years and they almost never argue over money.

One joint account for household expenses is a must. If you two own a house, then your name should be on the deed. Separate accounts are just fine as long as all the big expenses are joint, including the house, cars, money market accounts, and any other financial transactions done post marriage.

If he doesn't want to do this, then demand to know why. It might be wise to demand this or else just to protect your children and yourself from anything "stupid" he might do. If everything is in his name and he leaves, you're in deep trouble.

Money matters aren't romantic, but in this day and age, we women should know better than to allow someone else to be the sole caretaker of OUR money.

Have your own account tell him you want allowance and put your money in your account. And do with your money what you want. If he is paying the bills and otherwise paying for other household expenses then do with your money what you want. If this has been an ongoing issue then it likely will not change. As for the mortgage I wouldnt worry about that too much, as long as you are on the title...its important in case something should happen to him, it wouldnt be an issue as to ownership.

It sounds like hes trying to be controlling and this is the only way he has that ability. Or it just may be the way he grew up. But if you no longer argue about it then he has no control.
From your brief discription I cant tell if there are other "issues" in your marriage. You might want to seek out some marriage counseling if it goes beyond just this issue.

Hi M., I am in the very same situation. Married 5 together 10. We have 2 boys. We sort of still live like roommates. His and her baths and closets. I hate it, but that is the way his dad is and a man is not much different from his dad. I hate it, did I say that already? I have tried to change it and I think the only thing we have left is marriage counciling so he can see how crazy it is to livethis way. I have no other advice for you so if you figure it out please pass it on to me. I did manage to get my name on the deed to the house and loans, but only because I showed up and said it wouldn;t happen otherwise. He did try to buy our new peice of land without me. He thought I just wanted to be there. When I got to the attorney office to sign the paperwork, they actually had to reprint the paperwork with my name on it.

You are not alone. I am trying to meet with a marriage councilor to fix this problem and maybe he will realize that the way his parents have done it for so long does nto work for everyone. Good luck.

I have to be honest, if it were me asking my husband to include me on an account and he refused, then he'd have a big problem.My husband handles all the finacial in our home but always tells me to let him know if I need any money.Me and my husband share everything and I know he'd never deny me on something involving money like me wanting to be on the same account. I have to say that if theres no logical reason he can give for not wanting u to be on an account with him, then I'd be positive there may be something he doesnt want you to know.. that you would find out if u had a joint account with him. Personally I couldnt let that go b/c my husband even calls me while he's out just to check in and tell me he's coming home....we just have alot of respect for one another and we tell each other everything.Me and my husband have no account or credit cards..we do strickly cash so I havent had this problem but ur problem seems to have an underline problem he's not willing to share with u. I say if he wont budge, then u cuss him out and get ur own account.

Hi. I'd like to share with you my experience.

When I married, my husband only wanted joint accounts which was fine with me. He made more money and I felt that he should be able to make the financial decisions because I didn't have a college degree, he was helping me pay for college, pay off college loans, etc. I worked very hard to "earn my keep." In the end, I felt I "owed" him because he "let" me live in a nice lifestyle and I was "just" a stay-at-home mom.

Today I am a divorced, single mom of two young girls. I cannot blame my decisions to allow my ex to handle all the finances on my divorce but it certainly conributed to it. I think a joint account is okay for expenses, handling household financial issues, but I think each spouse needs his/her own money.

In the future, here's how I want my finances to go if/when I decide to remarry.

1. Separate accounts. Maybe one joint account that we both can use, but I will keep separate accounts. This way, each one of us is responsible and has authority too. this is very important to me. In my marriage I had a lot of responsibility financially but none of the power. Not good!

2. Money does not solve money problems. Talk about the issues and come up with a compromise. This will not happen in one day. Research how successful couples handle money. Check out Clarkhoward.com or Suze Ormon's webpage.

3. Get you name on EVERYTHING!!!!!!! Today!!!!!! God forbid anything happens to your husband but you must put your name on any jointly owned property, etc. I did insist on that and he agreed. The only way I got out of the divorce with the assets I did is because I insisted I be a partner on the things I did. Now I know I'll do more of that in my next relationship. there is strength in numbers!

4. Remember that a marraige is a partnership and when it comes to money, it's a good idea to think of a business model. Each partner contributes differently. As a stay-at-home mom, I contributed a lot but not financially. It didn't reduce the value of what I did. Each partner may keep his/her own business separate but make sure each partner has equal authority over shared assets. This may take some time and some creativity to figure out a plan but it is necessary!

It's obvious that you're a financially responsible adult. Talk with your husband and ask what his fears are about sharing the financial responsibility of the household with you is. Most likely it has nothing to do with you!

Good luck.