Sex While Breastfeeding? Help!

S....I sympathize, but like everyone else said, it is totally normal!! I think it is primarily the hormones. I am almost fully weaned my 7 month old twins and have noticed that my sex drive is almost back to normal (yeah!) My breasts are still mostly off-limits, but that will eventually be okay again too. Good luck and tell hubby to hang in there...life will be normal again :)

Wear a hot sexy bra (with nursing pads underneath) so the girls still look good, which serves a purpose, but they are still off limits enough to where any rubbing or touch is ok but not full on.

S.,
I remember feeling the same way. Waaaaay too much new stuff going on and totally exhausted all the time. But, you feel bad for your husband, too. We actually had to come up with a "plan" for a while. We had to pick certain days and make it work. And for the duration of nursing, there was a "no-go" zone in the chest area. :-) Any stimulation would have caused my milk to let down, anyway. Totally unattractive to everyone in that situation! Good luck - it will get better with time.

S.,
It is normal to feel like this. I breastfed both kids, exclusively for 6 months then with their baby food added in. I think it started becoming easier after my period came back around 8 months. As the other poster said...probably becasue i was ovulating again. Your hormones are out of whack. I agree with scheduling a date with your hubby. It will seem like 'work' the first few times but you'll eventually start enjoying it again. At least you notice that it is bothering him and you're concerned about his needs too. If you don't want him touching your breasts tell him that before anything gets started so you don't get upset and he is wondering why. Wearing a shirt or bra might be the best choice. Plus the first few times for me we ended up soaking the bed! Hahaha! Oh well. Definately try different positions to find one that is comfortable for you and you have to invest in KY or some other good lub. With the hormone flucuations you just absolutlely have to!!! It seems to be a must even though it's been over 2 years since i was breastfeeding. Your body just changes after you're 30:) Now go mark your calendars...in pen...and go to the store to buy some lub! you'll get back into a good groove with hubby. It'll just take a little time:)
L.

I think that most of us can appreciate not being in the mood. You could study up on post partum "not being in the mood", I'm sure there is plenty of lit out there, but it doesn't matter and you don't have to justify your feelings or apoligize for them. Hormones going back to normal, motherly instinct about your breasts= very understandable. If it were me, I would tell my feelings to my husband as you have done. Then I would as always still want to be held and adored, so I would move a television into the bedroom if there isn't already one, buy some extra pillows and spend time in bed eating special treats and watching a good movie, or buy candles and massage oil. In other words: do some alternative things. He's got to respect and not take personally that your drive isn't back to where it used to be, just let him know that this is temporary. Hope this helps. He must respect you on this.

Hi S.
I felt the same way you did about my breast when I was breast feeding so me and my husband had a agreement that he would not touch them and we found some new ways to have sex so he did not touch them. I agree with the other poster you do need to have sex even if you don't feel like it. so you can get back into it. It will help your husband not feel so abandoned by you when the baby came. :)

there is nothing wrong with limiting touch of your breasts while you are still nursing. you do whatever makes you the most comfortable. however, they do not "belong" to your daughter, and there is nothing wrong with them also being used for personal purposes if you are comfortable with it.

as far as the sex drive stuff goes, sometimes you might actually have to "force" yourself to just do it. sometimes thats all it takes to get back into wanting to do it. especially for women, the more you do it the more you want it, for men its always the same, they want it and the less they get of it the more they want it... and you cant keep saying no forever otherwise you will start to make him feel bad and rejected... so even if you are tired, even if you are "touched out" do it anyway, for the sake of your relationship

keep talking about it too, with your husband. while he is driving in the car is a good time to talk - it works like a charm for my husband to talk while he is driving LOL. just let him know you need patience, and time, and lots of love and romance and stuff. its hard for guys to take the time to do that, but if he knows that its the only way to make both of you happy... im sure hes willing to put in the effort.

good luck and with time you will feel fine about it.

Well honey, I hate to say it but this is very normal. With all the demands of a nursing baby and being a new mother this happens all the time.
I do have a couple of suggestion for you though.I am a Consultant for a company called Passion Parties. (sell Adult items) I have a few suggestions that may work for him and some that may help you. I don't want to get to personal with this being a public response, so if you want to email me personally or call me feel free! I have helped many couples in this situation. My name is J. and you can email me at ____@____.com or call me at ###-###-####

Good luck and remember it is very normal and fairly easy to work around!

J.

Check out www.eaglebrookchurch.com and listen or watch the message "There's an elephant in the bedroom"

I had a similar experience after having both of my children (now 3 years and 18 months). I had issues for most of the time I nursed (11 months and 14 months) both of them. I've just now gotten close to my pre-children drive. My husband and I just tried to be open about it so he understood that I did desire him and that it was just that my body wasn't fully cooperating. I found that sometimes we just had to do it and that helped me get in the mood. This required lots of patience from my husband because it would take sometime to get warmed up. We also used lots of lubricant to help in this process. You didn't mention if you were taking any birth control but I noticed that when I took the "mini-pill" while nursing my son this made me have an even lower drive. We switched to just condoms while I nursed my daughter and this helped. Just be patient, flexible and honest with your husband and know that it will return.

With your baby being so young and still breastfeeding, your hormones are still out of whack. It may take up to a year for your hormones to get back the way they were (mine did). I would just try your darndest to throw your hubby a bone every once in a while to keep the spark there. The sexual feelings will come back in time =)

ha! that happen to me too! and to this day my boobs aren't his, nor are they mine anymore! they belong to the children (even though they don't breastfeed anymore)- i told my husband the only way he could get his boobs back is to buy me new ones! :) lol!

S.,

I think that is a normal (although a total bummer) when breastfeeding. You could talk to your doctor or midwife, after I had my first son I experienced the same thing, and my midwife prescribed a cream that kind of helped (it was to lubricate and stimulate). Mostly it just took time, more sleep, and really making an effort to get "in the mood". A glass of wine really helped. Unfortunately it really was not until the boys were 9 or 10 months that I felt like my body was back and my libido was up again.

It wasn't as bad the second time around.

Good luck to you,
J.
SAHM to Charlie (3), Joey (21 months) and #3 due Nov.

Oh, I totally went through that!
You just have to mentally find a way to get yourself in the mood. It is very important right now that you don't neglect your husband's needs. I know it is hard, but it is well worth it down the road.
It is very h*** o* their egos to have to beg their wives.

If you start planning and making yourself think about it during the day, send him some sexy emails or phone messages, etc, you will find it easier. The more you do that, the easier it will get. You just have to mentally shift your mind back into the wife roll and balance yourself with the mother roll.
It is perfectly acceptable to tell him the milk machine is off limits for touching for awhile. Be upfront before hand so there is nothing during sex to turn you off. (oh, how fast that changes things!)
Maybe for fun you could get that KY jelly for him and her. I highly recommend it, and so does my husband.

Your post made me laugh because you could put my name at the top instead of yours. This lack of sex-drive has been challenging. I do give in at least once a week. Usually when hubby seems depressed about the lack of special attention.

As far as the nipple stimulation. My rule is he can touch the breasts all he wants but not any of the pink parts (nipple and ariola). He does ok with this rule but often needs reminding.

If you can get him to give you a full body naked massage, that helps relax you and your already naked so it's easy to be frisky.

I went through this same thing with both of my children. At first, it was a mix of hormones and the nipples belonging to the baby. Then, things improved at about 7 months or so, I believe just because of the hormones getting closer to normal. Once I got my period back that helped a bunch! Finally, the nipples belonged to baby all through which made sex less enjoyable for me, but my desire had returned hormonally which made all the difference!

Hang in there. It gets better and when you think about a life time with your husband, the better sex can happen when the year or so is done with baby for many more years to come. I know it seems like that is going to take forever right now and I sympathize with that. The good news is that it does get better! It really does.

Hi S.,
I hear you. I am still breastfeeding my twin girls and they are now 9 months old. I felt exactly the way you did especially when the girls were 4 months old. It is just now that I am feeling like being more romantic with my husband. I think it is natures way of birth control. Don't worry everything will get back to normal in time, especially when you start nursing less. Good luck.
J.

I did the sexy bra thing... and no you are not alone ... you are exhausted and your breast are a machine right now. I didn't like the nipple contact at all... I got a little freaky about the germs that the baby could get.
Congratulations and good luck. This is a tough period and big adjustment for you both. (())

You are singing my song! Totally! It took a long time to get used to nipple stim again, I can finally let him touch them sometimes..and I mean sometimes. Parker is 6 months old. I also have very very low sex drive after having him. But I have heard that breastfeeding can lower your sex drive because our hormones are not completley right yet! I typically find if I give in sometimes that I actually end up enjoying it whithin a few minutes of getting started. Sometimes when you have to pretend your mindset changes and you actually do like it!
angie

You are lucky you are able to have sex already! It was closer t o6 months or more while I was BF my daughter. It hurt too much....However, I felt the same way.

It will not last. When your milk supply decreases a bit after 6 months, I believe you will begin to feel a bit better about your breasts.

Good luck!

I had the same issue- my breasts belonged to my son while I was breastfeeding. In my case, I let my husband touch them- but not nearly as much as before- and I just didn't really feel stimulated by it.

I breastfed for one and a half years, and another year has gone by and I am starting to enjoy having my nipples stimulated during sex again.

As for getting over it, I'd say just declare that region off limits for the time being. I wore a bra when I didn't want my husband to touch them and he knew that was the single to stay away from them.

I also did not feel like having sex much at all. I think it was because I was all "touched out" from having a very clingy breastfed baby attached to me all day long (and most of the night too). It sounds awful, but the more time you can spend NOT in physical contact with your baby, the more physical contact you will crave from other sources (husband). I found that on those rare days when someone else watched the baby for a few hours, i much much more willing to have sex.

That's the best I can do for you. Nothing is the same after baby! We just learn to adjust the best we can and go from there.
Jen

I know everyone else has said that it is totally normal and it IS. This is my third baby and it has happened every time while nursing. One thing that I have found helps is the mental preparation for it when you know that he wants it, which he will probably make pretty obvious. Also, if you know this and then you initiate it, sometimes can help the mood, because you are in a little more control of WHEN it happens and then you don't feel like you are "giving in" and resent that. Also it makes your husband feel REALLY good if you initiate it. This doesn't mean you wouldn't rather be doing something else, like sleeping :). Buying a lubricant is also a big help. I found out after my first child was several months old that this is a physiological thing with nursing, although you may not need it with the next one. Good luck.

I didn't read all your responses, but I'd like to add that it's also OK just to skip sex for as long as you feel like it. He'll survive and so will your marriage if he's in it for the long haul.

I only breastfed my daughter for 3 months (due to milk allergies) and I felt the same way about my breast/nipples as you do. My breast were just to sensaitve to the touch and it hurt if he laid on them or even brushed them (which turned my off). Just recently (daughter is 2 y/o now) I finally could let go that my breast where more then a feeding station. I also would like to add that I struggled with depression the first 1 1/2 y/o of my daughters life so I really was never in the mood for sex until recently.

Now I have been trying to get into a good pattern of sex because seriously my poor hubby only got sex ever 6 months. I fell out of love with sex (did not want to have it at all, part of that is the hormones adjusting) now I am getting more into and hubby and I have sex every other week but that took 2 years and I had to reprogram my mind. Having sex even if you don;t feel like it will help you get back into enjoy sex (it took my 2 years to figure that out).

Hi S.,

I nursed for about 19 months. I totally understand the issue with your breasts. They just don't feel the same as before. In fact it took a few months after I quit BF to feel like they did before I was nursing. What I did was explained that to my husband. There were different times when I did tell him that they were off limits. He was fine with it. As long as they understand what is going on with our bodies, and get sex :), they are good with it. At least that's the way I'd like to think. Think of it this way, you can explore different things to get you into the mood. Let him know also, if this is an issue, that it might take longer for you to 'get in the mood'. Nursing does odd things to our bodies. They definately feel more like it belongs to the baby instead of us. But it can be worked through. Good luck and enjoy!

As the other women have answered - you are not alone. Even after I was done breastfeeding, it took another few months for me to really enjoy my husband playing with those parts again. :-) You need to be honest with your husband about what you are feeling with your new body and as someone else indicated - it's an adjustment for both of you. Take care!

hi S.,

I had the same problem...But it different between the two. I thought that I was doing something wrong, but in fact sex was even better. How he handles u and how the baby feeds are so different. You may want to try it and see I found that my drive came back to me. I also found that i could get Preg during my breastfeeding so that was like a BIG Plus. Good luck!!

Hi S.,
I had this same situation. For me, it wasn't until after I finishied breastfeeding that it started to improve. It happened with both of my kids and I breastfed each for a year. It's a long time for the husband, I know. :-)
Good news is, that after a few weeks of stopping breastfeeding (and me getting more sleep as a whole), then things started improving in that area with my husband as well. I just could never "cross over" between the 2 uses of my breasts very well. I'm glad it eventually passed. Encourage your husband to hang in there and try not to feel too guilty yourself, OK?
Tami

S.- This is very common, after just having a baby but even more of an extent while breastfeeding. It is totally normal. I even find myself telling women if the husbands do not know any better, that it is okay and tell them that sex is not allowed for 12 weeks after having a baby instead of the recommended 6 weeks. It has to do with a change in hormones postpartum as well as breastfeeding. When you are breastfeeding, women do not relize the vagina is actually very red and nonlubricated because your body is not trying to reproduce. So a huge change in hormones. Your body temperature changes a lot throughout the day when lactating and this too changes libido. So know that it is not in your head, there is actual a scientific and chemical reason behind what you are feeling. With this chemically body change, you are just not in the mood. I joke with women and say, the night that you are "wanting it" is probably the first night you are ovulating. It is because your body is "READY". Since breastfeeding can defer ovulation, the desire TRULY IS LOW. When you have a newborn baby, the sleep deprevation is much worse than you realize. It takes an adult 2 hours before they can even start to enter REM sleep and only 20 minutes for a baby. So sleeping when the baby sleeps still many times leaves adults very tired. So all TRUE REAL reasons behind the way you feel.

So, there are a couple of things you need to do. First off koodos for recognizing what you feel your husband needs. Just realize that he too is going through some emotional factors he is not exspressing. Men have the "Can I be a provider" feeling, they have the "isolation" feeling, they have the "I need attention too" feeling. So many times it does tend to be more important to men postpartum than it ever does to the women.
~Explain to your husband that you would for sure need to wear a bra during any type of intimate situation. Blame it on the let down that occurs and you not wanting to wash the sheets. (LOL) This would then keep them a bit more off limits.
~I know it is going to sound wierd, but actually "SCHEDULE" sex. Place it on the calendar like a doctors appointment. This gives him the satisfaction of knowing when as well as gives you the opportunity to work yourself up for it.
~Do buy some KY jelly. Just make sure it is "Sugar Free". You can place this yourself or use it as a part of foreplay. ~This day you can shower before hand which will relax you and also get rid of any instant leaking milk.
~Get the baby to sleep at a certain time. *Also two pieces of advice, do not schedule this around a night after the baby is getting shots and do NOT sleep the baby in your room during this time.*
~Know you do not have to enjoy it the same as it was before baby. Just enjoy the adult time.
~Sometimes this is a time where you can exsperiment with different positions. Sometimes "spooning" works great as you do not have to engage in as much intimatcy as well as they get it done a little faster.
So, good luck and know you are in the 97% majority not the minority.

I just say welcome to motherhood! You are always tired & there is always something to get down. You really have to make an effort to get yourself feeling romantic when you are just ready to pass out at the end of the day. I too am a breastfeeding mother, but I do not think that is the total reason why. I think mothers work hard & are exhausted and at the end of the day our husband's needs are just another chore to check off. I too have a problem with this. I think it helps when we spend time alone, I know that can be hard with a young baby. Just let him know it does get better as the kids get older.
Brekka

Maybe you can ask your husband to avoid them for now.