Sex in Teen Age Boys

When they are married and adult enough to handle the responsibility. 14? WAY TOO YOUNG. You may want to point out to him that sex can end in pregnancy. Does he want to be a dad at 14? I know he will miss her but having sex with her is not going to change her leaving and it's not appropriate for either of them.

Kids think they're ready for sex...but we know they're not. If you feel he is thinking about this---you need to talk to him. Explain the consequences (disease and pregnancy) and explain that he should wait until he's old enough. It seems the "normal" age for sex now-a-days is frighteningly younger than when I was a teen (it seems more in the 13 yr old range than the 16 yr old range...both TOO young but 13 is REALLY young!).

It's better to talk with him about it ASAP! Good luck! I know he's probably going to do what he wants...as many teenagers do...but at least do everything you can to deter it, educate him, and protect him the best way you can.

I taught 6th, 7th, and 8th grade for almost ten years and not a single year went by that at least one little girl ended up pregnant. They are having sex at earlier and earlier ages these days...so it wouldn't surprise me at all if he was thinking about having sex with his girlfriend. You need to talk to him now before it's too late. My personal opinion, I know most people will say that kids will do what they will do and you just have to educate them....but I think that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. A long talk on sex, some literature on the fact there is no such thing as safe sex, the morals of having sex before your married, the emotional trauma caused by having sexual relationships with girls you have no intentions of marrying because you're just too young....those are just some of the topics I would cover.

Your son is definitely interested in having sex, and you might already be too late. I was pressured by my boyfriend when I was 13 and that was over 15 years ago. Thank God that I was taught by my parents that abstinence was the only guilt-free, disease-free, pregnancy-free route. (My parents also told me "no dating until you are 16" but I found a way around that.)
You need to be very concerned. There are a few basic things that you can talk about to help him understand. Sex is the highest expression of love you can give to a person. Help him understand the probability of him staying with this girl for a lifetime is not high. Help him understand that he will love another girl more and he will be sad that he gave away his precious gift of love to someone who he didn't love as much. Try to make him understand that marriage is the correct place for the expression of these feelings because two people who enter into marriage plan to love each other for life. And that marriage is the best place for children to be born which is the result of the highest expression of love. Try to explain that creating a human being is a gift through sexual intercourse. Until he is out of high school and contemplating marriage, it shouldn't be the motivator for being in a relationship. Of course this is the side of sexual education they don't learn in school and therefore it is your responsibility as a parent. You can and should also remind him that there are horrible diseases that are becoming almost epidemic. A person who starts having sex at 14 is going to have multiple sex partners and highly increase the likeliness of contracting and passing on an STD. Also, a 14-year-old is not ready to be a parent... and a person who isn't ready to be a parent isn't ready to have sex. Because parenthood is the consequence of sex.
Then you have to set rules with him because even those with the intentions of waiting until marriage have the temptations and "points of no return." There are ways to avoid being tempted. Teach him to respect women and womens' bodies instead of seeing them as sex objects. Tell him what things are appropriate for expressing his feelings right now- holding hands, hugging, small kisses (preferably not make-out sessions, and especially not horizontal making out.) Tell him what women like- talking, getting to know him, being treated like a lady, romantic things.
Remember that you are raising him to be a gentleman and he has to learn it from you and his father or he won't learn it at all.
Best of luck.

Hi T.,

Sit him down now. Sex is for married people. We as adults know that! It is not normal for 14 year old boys to have sex. It is simply accepted now and ignored. That's why we're the parent and they are the children. We have to protect them from themselves. And we need to protect those they can hurt as well. What if you were the mom of his girlfriend? How many girls do you know that enjoyed their first sexual experience outside of marriage? I have asked girls and I have yet to find one. It's because it is not normal.

Don't be fearful. Sit him down now and tell him what he should and shouldn't do. I'm sure there is a 14 year old little girl that would appreciate it.

Well, different time and place, BUT even 20 years back most of my friends lost their virginity between the ages of 14 to 16 with same age boys.
You can try to instill your values in them (if waiting to have sex is one of them) but you will NOT be able to PREVENT it.
They will find a way/place to do it, if they are determined.

Your best is to have a lot of frank conversations, don't stop at one! Show him how to properly use condoms and drill into him that he is to use one each and every time! Boys get HIV too and his life too, will take a turn if he impregnates his girlfriend. Make sure he has access to condoms without hurdles.
Good luck!

When my son was around that age, we talked openly about sex. I told him that I could give him a females' perspective on how teen girls feel at that age. I asked him to please think about the girls feelings, and reputation - not just the consequences if something were to happen. I told him to think about what he has heard about other girls that have had sex already, and does he want his girlfriend being talked about that way. It will always be "cool" for a boy to have sex, but a girl goes through so much more. We talked about protection as well. I did tell him that I would like him to wait as long as possible. To make sure he cared for the person he was with, and have respect for himself and others. He was 16 when he told me that he and his (then) longtime girlfriend had done it. (he felt he had to tell me because his girlfriends parents found out, and were very upset). I am thankful that I have fairly open dialogue with my son. I was once his age, I remember what it was like.

Talk to him about it.

What wise and wonderful mamas we have here, huh? I agree that 13-15 is about the time that teens start experimenting with sex. I also agree that if they're determined they'll find a way. Educate. I tell my 11 year old, "Alcohol, drugs and girls are going to be the items that will keep you from achieving your goals." I would talk to your son and ask him if he thinks he is ready. I read a study just a couple days ago from Seventeen magazine. I thought it was really insightful. Maybe it could be a stepping off point for the discussion about his readiness? He may actually be feeling pressure from the girl, who may be looking for a sign of "commitment" since she is changing schools. (I am such a drama queen, all I can think of is Officer & a Gentleman--where the girl says she's pregnant to 'trap' the guy and it goes down hill from there.) You could also sit down and watch 16 & Pregnant (MTV). That's a real heart stopper, but conversation generator.
Wishing you the very best!
S.

Here is the link to the Seventeen article
http://www.seventeen.com/dating/special/teen-boys-and-sex...

I think a lot of kids are having sex pretty early these days, though not all. But it's a good time to talk to him anyway. Don't freak out on him, just be open and honest. Make sure he knows all the basics about sexually transmitted diseases and such, but I would really stress how sex can lead to heartbreak, stress, and all kinds of other bad emotions. Express to him that sex is not a way to fix or hold on to a relationship. I'm dreading going through this with mine when they get to that age, but it's got to be done!

Probably high time to set him down and be upfront with him about your concerns. Don't accuse, just voice your concerns. He may not be honest with you out of being too late already or embarassment of discussing this with mom, or because kids that age seem to often think they are so up to date and know what they're doing and parents are pathetically brain dead.

If you've had a close relationship with your son, then it should go smoothly. Bring up your concerns and offer that he doesn't need to tell you one way or another, but he needs to be hygienically careful and also that you have confidence that he'll take precautions if he plans to do it. Suggest that you don't consider it a good idea (if that's how you feel), because of the girl moving. And why get into an adult action when they aren't adults.

Handle it delicately. You love him and you don't want to see two futures potentially go up in smoke over one single incident.
It's happening earlier and earlier on just about a yearly basis, anymore, T.. And it concerns me now with my nearly 20 year old, because taking that step creates a bond that is often constituted as committment. And the teens are sure as heck not a time to be making lifetime committments, but educational committments to themselves and investing in themselves.
Often too, starting way too early to be sexually active can distort what's important in a relationship and what they look for in an individual for a potential mate. It shouldn't be whether they're active or not.
Good luck.

I think that some teens start experimenting at about this age. You need to have a very frank and open talk with him. Let him know that sex is not a game. It has so many consequences and lots of them involve really strong feelings.

Let him know his feelings are very normal. That you are sure he really does care about his girl friend and the "love" that he feels for her IS strong, but explain that believe it or not, when you REALLY find the right person, that love is going to feel a 100 times stronger than it does right now.

Let him know that if he has sex with every girl that he has such strong feelings for, it could end up being a lot of people and it makes sex not as important or special as it should be.

Also let him know there can be lots of regrets for both of them later, because feelings can change. He does not want her to have regrets and you are sure she will not want him to have regrets.

Also have him tell you the possible consequences of having sex, so that you can make sure he really understands them.

I have known my husband since we were 13. We were not sexually active because we just did not think about it.. I do remember when we were at the end of our freshman year in high school. His father gave him a CASE of condoms! We were so puzzled. We laughed and said, well boy are they on the wrong track.. At my house my mom talked about the consequences and examples of people we knew that had babies at very young ages and other the consequences so much and was so open with me and my friends.. It was just not something we were interested in.. It sounded like a minefield.

If he is set on having sex, you may not be able to stop him, however, fourteen is pretty young for sex. The best thing you can do for your son is teach him how to make sex safer! Natalie is right, the only safe sex is no sex, however, there is such a thing as safer sex. He's at the age where girls and sex will probably be on his mind a lot as his body is still changing due to puberty. I agree with the other mothers to talk to your son many times about the consequences of having sex without being prepared. Scaring him away from sex is a little over the top as the sexual drive is just another part of the way the human body and brain are programmed. Sex isn't bad, and sex before marriage, while it can be wrong for some people, is not always a bad thing. The more someone understands what sex is and means and what can happen, the more likely that person will be to make the right decision.

Good luck!

I don't understand why more parents aren't teaching their children to wait until they are MARRIED to have sex. I mean, why is waiting until you are married considered abnormal these days?
When your son does get married, he's going to regret having sex before he was married. I know I do. My husband was a virgin when we got together, but I wasn't. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I had stayed a virgin until I was married.
For starters, I have kids that aren't his. I'm to blame for that. I wasn't taught how important it was to wait until I was married. Now, I can see why that's important. And it's awkward for me at times when my husband asks about my past relationships. I regret having sex outside of marriage, and I don't like discussing it with anyone.
If your son has sex now, he's going to regret it when he finally gets married. Trust me on this one. Talk to your son about the importance of WAITING until he's married to have sex. Like some of the other moms pointed out, he could end up becoming a daddy way too young or getting a terrible disease. There is no such thing as safe sex.
I think that we, as parents, should be teaching abstinence more than the proper way to use condoms and birth control. Maybe then we'd have less teen pregnancies, abortions, and diseases. Maybe.
I have three sons, one daughter, and another son on the way. I love all my kids, and I don't want them making the same mistakes I did. (I've heard that argument, too. Where because the parents did it makes it okay for the kids to do it.) No teenager should be having sex. Talk to your son about waiting until he's married.
Go to google.com and look up True Love Waits. I think there's a book or books on the importance of waiting until marriage, and I think there's even promise rings that you can buy for your kids if they want to make the commitment to wait until they're married.
We really need to teach ABSTINENCE to our children. It's the best thing for them. I know it. Good luck with your son!

I think you need to be proactive and talk to him. Even if he does have sex with her (and I think 14 is too young, but my first boyfriend told me that's when he lost his virginity), he needs to know the facts, not just what he heard in the locker room. I think you (and/or you and Dad) need to talk to him about why he might choose to have sex this young, with this girl, etc. Everything is so immediate for kids, but they forget about long term consequences, like disease, pregnancy, and the emotional toll when the relationship ends.

There is no normal age for a teen to be having sex in my opinion. However, we know they will, and they do so my best advice is to talk to him about protecting himself from disease and getting someone pregnant. It is crucial that you have communication with him even if it is uncomfortable. So many parents bury their heads in the sand and do not educate or talk to their children about sex. I think it is good that you are aware of the possibility of this happening and are being proactive. Good luck I wouldn't want to live through those teen years again for a million dollars LOL!!!!

what is normal??? well I bet most 14 year old boys want to be having sex.. and it they have a ready and willing girlfriend.. I bet they would have sex.

yes you should be talking to him.. I would talk about pregnancy.. babies....and try to scare him a bit..

The response to this question will be frightening to every parent of a teen. You son is most definately thinking about sex at his age. It may be in one form or another. We need not define it.

Be sure that you or your husband have spoken with him about diseases and the consequences of unprotected sex. Best case, encourage him to wait.

God be with you!

S.

I don't know of any 14 year old boy ready for sex, and potential parenthood. I would think if you have not already had a talk with him, now is the time to discuss it, and all the responsibilities that go along with it. Particularly, if she is moving to a new school (that is NEVER a good reason). Society bombards teenagers with sexual messages, and I think it is our role as parents to explain that it is something reserved for adulthood.

I do not have boys, but I my oldest daughter is 12. She does not seem interested in having a boyfriend, but at some point she will. Besides talking to her about waiting and the risks of having sex to early, I also plan to start volunteering with an organization that helps teenage moms. I am hoping that if I take my daughters with me they will get that being a teenage mom is not all fun and games.

You have to talkl to him ASAP. My ex-boyfriend's sister found out her 14 year old girl was having sex.(at this age girls are more mature and sometimes much more sexually agressive as well). She was devistated. I told her she needed to talk to her daughter about protection because even though she told her to stop, she probably won't and she needs to protect herself from desease and pregnancy. She said no because that would be a message to her daughter that she approved of her having sex. Cut to the chase her daughter now 16 is the proud momma of a little girl and bonus... her 14 year old sister just found out she was pregnant too. It is heartbreaking. Lots of kids this age feel they are ready, physically but they forget about mentally. It is a huge step and one they can not take back. If you feel your son hasn't had sex talk to him about your concerns and beliefs as well as educating him about the consequences. I have afriend who teaches 8th and 9th graders. She told me horrifying news that the girls are pushing for sexual contact because they are afraid a boy won't like them, or insecure or maybe your son's girlfriend is pursuing it because she doesn't want him getting a new GF once she moves to another school. Let's not put it all on the boys and their hormones it takes two to tango. Best of luck with your talk just be honest, educated and non-judgemental.

To Mimi H.: I quote you here: "How many girls do you know that enjoyed their first sexual experience outside of marriage? I have asked girls and I have yet to find one. It's because it is not normal."

What planet are you from? I have NEVER met a female, of any age, who has NOT had sexual experience outside marriage. The vast majority of the people I know or have talked with on this subject, in fact would consider it "not normal" to NOT have engaged in some sort of sexual experience before they were married. (Or maybe you only asked 6-year-old girls?)

Having said that, of course I consider 14 to be too young to have sex. And, unlike most other family relationships, a parent CAN control their childrens' behavior. If you feel so strongly that your son should not have sex, then ground him until the girlfriend is gone. Don't have the time or energy to enforce a grounding? Well, then you're in a tough spot.

Then again, rereading your question, you say he "might be think of having sex..." That sounds pretty weak. Talk to him for Pete's sake. Broach the subject!

When they are married.