Sex Drive During Pregnancy

Updated on May 03, 2010
H.A. asks from Colbert, WA
20 answers

This is a personal question, so I apologize ahead of time. I'm 7 months pregnant with my first baby and I have no sex drive--nothing, no desires, no thoughts, nothing. This has worried me a bit so my husbandand I attempted to give it a go the other night and, well, my "lower regions" didn't want anything to do with it. Has anyone else had this experience?

Additionally, I've noticed that things are a bit swollen down there and sometimes a bit sore. My midwife says this is "normal" but I really wanted to know if anyone else had swollen and sore "parts" down there?

Thanks in advance. H.

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone for the support and help. Sometimes it's just nice to know that you aren't the only one with a problem. It's very reassuring to know that sex drive varies throughout pregnancy and my "lack" of drive isn't abnormal. Though one thing I didn't note is that my husband is perfectly fine with not having sex (other things are done to keep him satisfied), which it's really nice not to have him content with us going without.

Thanks again to everyone, you've really made me feel more comfortable with this time in our lives!


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answers from Memphis on

I wouldn't worry about it. For some women that's how the hormones work, for others it increases their sex drive. I have absolutely no sex drive when I am pregnant. Being on the pill also suppressed my sex drive. As for being swollen, there is an increase of blood flow to that area in pregnancy that could make it feel swollen.

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answers from Casper on

H., all is normal, one thing that help me was to have sex at night, that way I didn't have to walk around all day feeling REALLY swollen. I would have the night to go back down to normal swelling. Also I scheduled 2 days a week that we would be intimate, that way I had all day to prepare and think about it and be ready. (I didn't tell him though:) )
Good luck

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answers from Honolulu on

Your'e normal.
I was like that too.
But in the last trimester, I got sex drive overdrive.
But it would make me get contractions... so I stopped.

If anything, you can do other things for your husband.. without intercourse. That can be a happy medium... :)

As for the swelling.. I don't know. But I know that when pregnant, the blood circulation changes and the amount of blood circulating increases....
try asking your Ob/GYN.
That is what I would do... just to rule out any medical concerns.
That a midwife may not know about.

All the best,

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answers from Provo on

During pregnancy our hormones are totally confused and sometimes we can't get enough sex and other times we have no desire. It is normal by all means. I would not worry about it because everything can change in a split second. Everyone get swollen parts. I can remember hurting and then calling the doctor and saying, "I know something is falling out!" LOL LOL

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answers from San Francisco on

I was like that. In fact, it hurt, a lot. We didn't do it for several months. Of course I helped to satisfy my husband.



answers from Boise on

Totally normal. When you say that your lower regions didn't want anything to do with it, do you mean moisture wise, or pain-wise. If it is moisture, try some K-Y. I think about sex all day, but just don't have the energy to initiate at night. Talk about frustrating!



answers from Washington DC on

It is normal to have no sex drive during pregnancy , you are so uncomfortable it is the last thing you feel like doing. Also the discomfort you have mentioned is due to the baby bearing down and the weight , at this stage baby is probably head down and may even be partially engaged.


answers from Nashville on

Hey... I did that through my pregnancy but it has been worse since having my son 2 yrs ago. I have talked to my dr but she hasn't gave me much input. I did have a tubal before they closed me up from the c-section. I just don't know why I don't have no sex drive anymore. Any other mothers have this problem?



answers from Provo on

I have an 18 mo old and a 3 mo old, so I've been pregnant a lot recently and I can tell you that having a swollen "girl" during pregnancy is totally normal.... you have a WHOLE lot more blood flow to that region than you normally do when not pregnant. I actually found intimacy to be more pleasurable because of this, and i kinda miss it now that I'm not pregnant again (though not enough to make me want to rush back into another pregnancy! LOL)

As far as the soreness goes... well, you don't give much detail as to what type of soreness. Is it a stinging sore, or an aching sore? If its a stinging sore, you just might have a yeast infection. I had an on/off yeast infection for like 3 months during my last pregnancy... It would flare up and then just before I woudl ask my midwife for something for it, it would go away, and then flare up and go away, and FINALLY I just asked for the over the counter pill for it (I'm not a fan of using that weird capsule stuff for it, I'd rather just pop a little pill and be done with it) But anyways, When I took it, it wiped it completely out and I wondered why I hadn't just taken it 3 months earlier since I felt better overall than I had in forever! I didn't have any real huge symptoms of it even at it's worst, just the burning/tender feeling on the skin and sometimes a slight itch, nothing like what they usually describe yeast infections to feel like. So, thats something to look into.

As far as the sex drive goes, I don't really know what to say about that one, since my sex drive is just as high is not higher during pregnancy than it is when I'm not pregnant. the only thing that gets in the way a bit is that I am more tired overall so sometimes feel more like sleeping than making love to my hubby, but I have found that saying "Yes" evenwhen sometimes I feel like saying "No" keeps both my hubby and I satisfied and happy...Its usually only a few minutes before my "No" turns into a genuine "Yes" anyways and all thoughts of sleep are forgotten. :-) And, its always nice when you are feeling fat and pregnant to have your husband show you that he still feels you are incredibley sexy regardless...once in a while we all need that ego boost!

Good luck! Hope my answer wasn't too graphic for you guys!



answers from Salt Lake City on

I had the same thing off and on during my pregnancies. Its totally normal. Have you tried different positions? Some can be more comfortable.



answers from Philadelphia on

If you're abnormal, then so am I. ;) But I'm pretty sure it's a normal thing that a lot of pregnant women go thru. My sex drive left pretty much the day I found out I was pregnant (this time). I have absolutely NO desire to do anything sexual (dressing, playing, fooling, or sex itself). Unfortunately, it took a lot of convincing to my hubby that it really wasn't him, it was me (as cliche as it sounds)...I just have no interest.

With my previous pregnancies, I never remember feeling like this. Even towards the end, when you are at your biggest and things are really engorged, I still wanted sex. But not this time around. =(



answers from Philadelphia on

very very normal. I also had no sex drive. It was very uncomfortable and hurt and i think thats why i didnt have a sex drive. There are creams out there that can help you if your own body doesnt want to produce what is need to lube the area.


answers from Lexington on


Apparently, as many have said, it's a normal thing. I know I'm chiming in late on this. Be grateful that you have a significant other in your life. I can share from experience, it's not fun being pregnant without one. I had a healthy libido before being pregnant. During my pregnancy, I was ready "to go" all the time, but wasn't involved w/ the father any longer. And, he lived an hour a way. For me, it was quite frustrating.

If and when the mood strikes. Take advantage of it. And know it won't be harmful to you of the baby (well, within reason). After baby comes. It's a whole other story. You may wonder, for a long while, if you'll ever get enough sleep and energy to be intimate. Good luck to you both. Congratulations!!!



answers from Denver on

I had the same thing with my sex drive. I did not get swollen, but verry dry and a bit sore as well.



answers from Portland on

I think it's normal. It's your body turning off ALL sex drive hormones because it knows a baby is coming. And once you have the baby (and if you breastfeed) expect your sex drive to STAY non existent because again, your body knows its already taking care of ONE human being and doesn't want another one anytime soon!
Its to make sure you have ample time to nurture and care for your little one. I know its hard from the hubby, but tell him things will brighten up again and you'll be your usually randy self. :)
Good luck, and congratulations!



answers from Duluth on

It came and went for me during pregnancy. At first I felt crummy all the time so I wanted nothing to do with sex. Then in the second tri I felt better and sex was great! Then when I started getting a bit bigger around 6/7 months it got to the point where I wanted nothing to do with it again. It was awkward because of the size of my belly, I was tired, didn't feel sexy etc. The swollen part is totally normal though. Someone suggested grabbing some lube, give it a shot if you do want to try. It will probably help now, and when you decide to get back to it after having the baby.



answers from San Francisco on

I know exactly what you're going through. As soon as I got pregnant with my first child I had no sex drive AT ALL. We tried a couple of times and it physically hurt me "down there" so much I couldn't go through with it. Unfortunately, I've never gotten it back. My husband and I have gone down to having sex maybe 5 times a year. It is a miserable thing, but I don't know how to change it. I've been to therapists, doctors, and three different medications, but none of it seems to help. That is just my situation, you may be just fine after the baby. Please don't let my story scare you, but I have been in your shoes. If your relationship is strong, you guys will work something out and it will get better.


answers from Los Angeles on

I went through that with both my pregnancies. It's totally normal.


answers from Boise on


You are normal. I has no sex drive at all when I was pregnant. None. The idea was aweful. Luckly my hubby was very understanding and gave me my space. Everything is back to normal now, except we have a happy healthy 21 month old. With all the hormone changes you are having as well as being physicaly uncomfortable all the time, it is not surprizing you are not intrested in sex. :)



answers from Denver on

The lack of sex drive and swollen /sore parts are normal! I didn't feel like having sex until about 3 months post-partum.

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