Severe Separation Anxiety - Portland,OR

Leave a package for her of comfort items: A picture of you and daddy, a favorite toy, her favorite stuffed animal (or friend).

My son is going thru this again in Kindergarten. I have sent him to school with a picture of Hubby and I in his backpack, he selects a special toy every day, I put one of my perfume balms from Lush (this is an all natural item, so it does not harm him in any way -and it smells like candy, so he really likes it!)...and sometimes on the harder mornings, I use the dusting power from Lush as it has some glitter in it on his arms under his shirt (it smells like the balm I put on him, too.). I tell him it is 'my magic powder and it will keep him safe, happy and remind him of me until I pick him up in a little while'.

You just need to find the 'tools' that work for you and your little one. Be patient and don't let your frustration come thru as this only feeds her anxiety more.

And keep in mind... Change for some kids is hard. No matter how long you think the time has been ~ it will take time for her to adjust. She's a bit stressed at this right now.

EDIT: I don't agree with the lipstick trick as there are some cosmetics that can cause a rash due to the ingredients. This is why I prefer natural items in my home and on my body. :)
Lanolin is almost always in lip products and if you have allergies to wool, you will have an issue with this as it is derived from the sheeps sweat glands.

I work in child care and I see this problem quite a bit. There aren't any miracle answers that will cure her separation issues but there are some tips we have found that work with our parents. One is to keep your drop off consistent. If it's possible keep your drop off to the same time each morning and try to keep it short, acknowledge she is upset but don't linger. If you stay while she is upset she learns that when she cries you come back & when you don't it is more upsetting. Another is to make sure she knows you are comfortable with who is caring for her. Let her see you talking and smiling with her teacher at pick up time so she can see this is someone she can trust as well. And lastly if she has a toy or some object she likes make it her daycare take along. Let her know this is her toy she takes to school to have when she feels sad. Some daycares have rules against toys from home but most will make exceptions in cases like these. I know from both sides how frustrating separation can be. My son is reaching the stage when he knows I'm leaving and I am also a teacher in a toddler room. These are some things that have worked for me and our parents.

The most difficult situation for a childcare worker is when a child is having this issue. So may times the parents make it harder by trying to comfort their children. I have had parents stay and stay and stay. The children quickly learn that they get lots of attention by crying and this makes the bonding between the teacher and the child much more difficult and it prolongs the seperation anxiety issue.

I had one parent ask me if I was comfortable with her just leaving after giving her son a kiss and then saying goodbye, she said he would cry and be upset and would I be able to handle that. I have many years experience so I was able and when she left he usually stoped crying in a few minutes. His seperation anxiety lasted a few days.

My granddaughter was in the baby room at the child care center I owned and every time I walked by talking she would hear my voice and start crying and crying until she would puke then cry herself to sleep. She was about 10 months old when this started and she continued for about a month. I didn't make a big deal out of it, I trusted my teacher to handle it or talk to me about it. She did and she asked me if I could please be quiet when I walked by her room. I really tried hard and the issue ended within a day or two.

It seems to me that your daughter is in a safe environment and that you trust the teachers. Every child is different and she may just have a harder time. I know a young lady in her teens that goes home after just spending the first night a girls camp (held in a local lake campind area in our town) because she can't be away from her mom for more than a few hours. She's a teen ager. I just can't imagine.

I think routine is important for children. If possible keep her as close to the same routine as the other kids. My grandson goes to a local Mothers-Day-Out program. It is from 10am until 3pm several days a week. I always take him and have him stay for the entire time. Even if my errands only take an hour or so I always let him stay so he can have the same routine. Play time, activity time, lunch, story time, rest time, clean up time, snack time, play time,get ready to go home time.

my daughter was the same way, up until about a month ago - she is 22 months and had severe seperation anxiety since she was about 12 months, she ould cry the whole time i left her anywhere and it was really hard - someone gave me good advice, never sneak off and leave your child, always look them in the eye and say good bye, mama will be back, say it every time, and soon they will get used to it - they may not like it still, but at least they will be ok.

just keep trying

One trick to add: put on lots of bright lipstick just before dropping her off. Kiss the backs of her hands or on her arm where she can see your lipstick kiss when she misses you.

I feel for you. My now 14 yr old daughter used to be like this when she was 2 and 3. I was a stay-at-home mom and she cried non-stop when I left her with my mom or sister. (She saw them probably 5x/week and was very comfortable with both of them.) She would cry so hard that she would throw up.

I remember buying her a pair of "Dorothy shoes." They were at Target...the red, sparkly shoes. We made those her special shoes that she could ONLY wear when she went to her aunt's or grandma's. Also, she had a little purse with a chapstick that she LOVED and this was reserved for those times. Things didn't change immediately, but having something reserved as special for just those times really helped.

As I said, she is now a happy 14 year old and is involved in many activities. She just returned from a week-long school trip and is very happy and confident when she is away.

As long as you KNOW she is in a safe place, just keep trying. It's hard to know exactly what will work, but if you are consistent, it will get better.

Hang in there!

Does she have to go to daycare? It sounds like she's just not ready and really needs your still. If it's not a necessity I would pull her out and try again next year when she's a little older.

I completely understand your dilemma! My daughter (2 yrs and 10 months)was always the most happy, energetic and fun child around. She was (thank heavens) rarely sick and although she has some issues being a picky eater, she was a very happy child who enjoyed doing new things. However, in one month she had 6 doctor's appointments due to an allergic reaction and receiving an MMR vaccine (which she developed a fever a week later which lasted a day and a half). She then started 3 day, 3 hr nursery school (she always loved being around other children). This was a complete disaster. Separation anxiety set in (I took her out after she cried practically the entire time after 3 sessions), and the joy she used to have has not come back yet (we took her out last week. Thankfully, her health has returned (after barely eating for one week while she was in this program, as well as being completely exhausted). I have spoken with several "experts" who thankfully have guaranteed me the old personality will return with lots of TLC and reassurance. Please keep in touch and let me know if you have any ideas.