Separation (?) Relationship Problems

If he is as good as you say try to work it out, i know it is hard because my husband is not a good lisener and does not understand sometimes when i am stressed out but their is no perfect relationship their is always a way if their is a will.hope it works out,from a friend.

I can totally understand your situation. My hubby and I have gone through some hard times as well. I was at the point of wanting to leave him and move on with my life. He is a great father, has a great heart and loves me more than I could ever have imagined. The problem was that we communicate on two totally different levels. I am really sensitive and touchy, and he is very hard and aggressive.

What really helped our marriage was reading books together. There is nothing more insulting to a man than to say you want to go to counseling or read books on marriage. I had to time it perfectly to get him to read the books with me. He said something totally insensitive and I told him it was reading a chapter in a book or I wouldn't forgive him for it.

Anyway, we found that we both were contributing to our problems and we both brought a lot of baggage into the relationship. We expected each other to meet unmet needs that we had as a child. We had this dream that we would get married to someone who would love us so much that they would fill all the gaps we had growing up. Unfortunately, we were two needy people needing each other to give more than we had to offer.

Now I can honestly say that I love my hubby more deeply than I did on our wedding day and overcoming the problems has made us stronger as a couple. I am so thankful that my children will grow up with two parents who are committed to each other and to them. I know that in some situations it is better to end the relationship, but in ours, it worked. He never cheated, abused me or anything else that meets my personal criteria for divorce, so I was willing to work on it.

I think the hardest challenge to overcome is letting go of your own needs to meet the needs of your spouse. When you are both angry and defending your own territory, you are out for survival and aren't really open to seeing how your spouse is hurting. I found that my hubby's biggest need...for respect...was completely neglected. Once I started showing him respect, he was much more in tune to my emotional needs. And I realized that I was an emotional wreck. Having a baby or being pregnant will do that to you.

Hang in there! I think it sounds like he is worth fighting for. Emotions are so fleeting. One day they will make you feel like the world is caving in around you and the next day you will feel on top of the world.

For me, it was almost an overnight change. Just a few hours of listening to each other and pouring our hearts out to one another healed months and months of hurt. And, over the past year our relationship is completely restored and better than ever!

I hope this helps!
T.

Here's something we all need to remember:

MEN ARE NOT WOMEN.

You say your husband isn't sensitive to you getting emotional and stressed out. I know this hurts, because you want him to empathize. But he truly does not understand. He does not function the way you do. I've had to come to terms with this in my relationship too. It isn't that he doesn't care, it's that he doesn't get it. He wouldn't get emotional or stressed about the things that knock me for a loop, so to him it doesn't make sense that I'm so upset. He probably sees it as kind of stupid. This isn't him being an a**hole, it's just him being a man, with a man's brain.

Try to accept that he won't empathize with you like a woman would, and also accept that there is nothing wrong with your feelings. He just isn't ever going to be like your best girlfriend - and you wouldn't want him to be.

Hi Kristen, there seems to be a communication problem with you and your husband. I have done several studies on Love and Marriage, and I've discover that couples do not communicate! Let me explain. While you are speaking to him, he is not truly understanding/listening to you. And you are doing the same to him. Sometimes frustration gets in the way or just being fatigued. I’ve been married for 34 yrs. I’ve been there, done that, smile! Please do read the book “5 love languages” by Gary Chapman. There is a study with it but I think you need to check on line to see if you can order it. If you go to a church, maybe they can do the study with both of you!!!! You will learn to speak each others love language and learn to get a long! Please, please don’t give up yet! You seem to be a very smart young woman and it sounds he does care, he just doesn’t know how to show! Let me know how it goes!!! Lord willing you both will do fine!

Kristen,

Unfortunately, I to feel some of your pain. I am 40 yrs old & just had my second baby almost a year ago. My son is 10 months old & I have a daughter threw a previous relationship, she is 9. I am with my husband for over 4 yrs, married just a little over a yr. We own a business here locally in the Sarasota area. Fortunately, but unfortunately, I stay home with my son, full-time. I have always worked & enjoyed it, so this is a drastic change for me. I love my son & really enjoy our time together, however, its a big change for me. My husband & I have gone threw alot of difficult times where we just cannot understand each other, which makes it real difficult to communicate. We are both very stressed with all that is on our plate. Prior to us getting married & having the baby, communication was great & we always understood each other. I think we tend to get away from each other with our everyday "busy" lifestyle & never take the time out to remember how we first met & what attracted us to them. As hard as it is, we need to try & hang out to the same things we had prior to our "hectic lives". I think that it always helps to be put in the other persons shoe for a little while. I hope this helps & if you just need someone to talk or I am trying to form a moms/babies group locally here in the Bradenton/Sarasota area, let me know. I to am originally from up north (moved to Florida 12 yrs ago) & still all of my family is up north. We have alot of business contacts, but are looking to make friends outside of work. Hang in there. Good luck.

A.

Hi Kristen, Were you able to check out the 'Dating without Drama?' I HAVE experienced insensitivity as you are and LEARNED that as long as I was trying to improve myself, my behavior etc. he was never satisfied and it was never good enough. The POINT is not what he thinks of you. It is what YOU FEEL. You need to re-evaluate your emotions without thoughts of 'what he thinks of you' it is not the point. The point is your happiness and the welfare of your child. If he is unhappy with you HE needs to look at that. If that is the bottom line you both need the strength to deal with the truth because your happiness depends on the welfare of your child (not the other way around) The essence of the matter is how happy you are with yourself. You say you feel you need to improve, do this ONLY for YOU!! When a man LOVES you and ADORES you he will be tolerant of faults (we all have them)It sounds like he has the power in this relationship and is giving you nothing while you are punishing yourself for not being 'more' or 'better' This is not right. FOCUS on you NOT HIM. Put yourself first, your feelings first. Maybe he will wake up and realize how lucky he is to have you. Guaranteed if you put yourself FIRST, consider your needs, (do something different, take yourself out on a date, learn to love yourself)you will see a different dynamic unfold. Get involved in something that you love.
When we 'need' appoval we will never get it.
When we do not need approval men can not do enough for us! I speak from experience. I made this shift in my life and there is no going back to that pathetic groveling that now seems so rediculous. I wish you the very best

Hi Kristen
Well I feel you hit it on the head, I feel that way too with my husband. but it seams I am the one that thinks about leaving. He is ready to jump down my throat all the time I dont do this right or that is wrong, we have good times but lately more bad.. I have always said to my friends search for the good things so thats what I am doing. we have a 5 1/2 month old. I think it has alot to do with jealousy of the baby but he admits to it but i think it bothers him more than he lets on, I tell him it is not about him anymore and more kids will make it worst. so get use to it NOT BEING about you. We yell and scream at least 3 or 4 times a week. things are better I have asked him to stop yelling. It scares me. he agred to try, My husband is a talker I am not I bottle things up till I explode and get advise from my friend I don;t know what to tell you but my son needs a father, and I choose this man to be him & I love him we have to learn to grow together with a baby and it is very hard we are not the same people before the baby. and trying to get to know eachother is hard with a baby, when are views seem to be so differnt now,. My Husband and I also go to Church 2-3 times a week now it helps us to have this in common & grow with God together & it gives us time without baby, cause he goes to the nursey. I hope i helped alittle it is hard for me to put things on paper. Good luck Shell

Success can come, but from work on both sides... I would absolutely recommend counseling, whether from your church or a private psychologist. Your husband can't be "made" to see his issues, but I can guarantee that he has them and you are not 90% responsible for your problems. It takes two to tango, so get him to the dance floor. As for working on yourself and being a better person and MOm... congratulations to you, however that should be for YOU, because YOU want to do it, not because someone else makes it a condition of your relationship.

Please just get some professional help if you want to make this work, for the sake of your babe and keeping his family together if possible. We all need help sometimes...

Good luck, keep praying and God will show you the way!
K.

I read that relationships are 50/50. That's not true. Each person has to put in 100%. There are things you compromise on, things you disagree on, things you love and things you hate. Take a little time to write down everything you love about your husband on a piece of paper. Then take another piece and write down all the things you can't stand. You'll get a better visual about how you really feel instead of talking yourself into wanting to stay with someone who doesn't want to stay with you.
You cannot make him see anything from your viewpoint. The only thing you can control is yourself. And there are things that can be uncontrollable. Especially after having a baby and going through a stressful marriage. Please see your doctor. It sounds as if you may be falling into a depression.
You will accept the behavior he gives you until you decide that you won't put up with his sh*t anymore. You have to decide that you are worthy of a man who actually does appreciate you and your emotional self! They do exist.
All marriages have problems here and there and you can stick it out and work through it. But when the cost is your own self worth it's better to give up the marriage.
My favorite reference is something like this... picture a marriage as a garden. You take the time to plant your garden and get it off to a great start. You put all your favorite things in it. Then you go off and do your own thing for a while and no one is tending the garden. 6 months later you can't even find the garden. You have to be consistant with working on it. You have to weed out the problems early. You have to put love into it daily or you will lose sight of the whole thing.

hey Kristen,

May I suggest a couple of books for the both of you to read that you might find helpful?

The Covenant Marrige by Gary Chapman
The Five Love Languages also by Gary Chapman

These books help break down a relationship between a man and woman and explain to one how the other might view things differently. Understanding your partner's love language will help in the way you communicate with each other and help understand why one may stress while the other remains calm. As long as both of you are willing to read the books, you will find the information very helpful. Marriage is a partnership and it does take two to work together.

It sounds to me like you are still in love. There is no reason to throw that away. Marriage should not be disposable. My husband and I have had our rough times, both have threatened to leave. In our 6 years together, we have begun a relationship with God and having that key aspect in our lives, has brought us closer. We communicate better and are much better for it. I wish you the best. Let me know if there are any other questions I can help you with.

K.
www.workingforfamily.com

OK, hope I can help in some as another woman responding who has gone through a lot with my husband AND worked for attorneys for 15 years. They are trained to be critical and see the details in a person, but you're right, they are always right and pigheaded/stubborn too (my husband is too). He has to LISTEN to you instead of pointing the finger or defending himself/attacking you and thinking of his next line as you talk. And to blame you for the baby's acid reflux (which my daughter has too) is just asinine!! OK, tell him that I asked the doctor about that because my husband made a comment one day because I took Tylenol during pregnancy (I have a hx of chronic headaches/migraines) and that was all I could take. The doctor assured me that acid reflux in a baby has NOTHING to do with a mother. Tell him to ask your pedi if he doesn't believe you!! He needs to understand that women are emotional and that no one is perfect. Tell him you probably have low self esteem b/c you're always feeling like you're not good enough for him and that if he could help you by not having such high expectations or always pointing the finger at you, you wouldn't have so much pressure on yourself. How can he expect you to not be stressed out when you're having big problems with your relationship - tell him you wouldn't be stressed if you didn't love him, but you do!! It's very easy for others to point the finger instead of taking themselves back to why they loved you in the first place and accepting some faults that we all do have. What makes him so high & mighty and perfect? I'm sure just because he's not an alcoholic, abusive "bad" person that he's not perfect. I mean he's insensitive and a bad listener and ready to just jump ship and not work hard!! So point that out to him and ask him (for your son's sake) to please try to open his mind and LISTEN to YOUR FEELINGS and put some effort into it - that it's worth it (for you son AT LEAST). Ask him to care about how you feel and to help out too. What's wrong with acknowledgment for your efforts of change and complimenting you. I'm sure he did at first, right? Tell him that you're not high maintenance, but it's helpful for you to keep it up if you feel he notices or appreciates your efforts. I mean what's the point if he doesn't care? I always tell people it's so easy to sometimes focus on someone new (not that he is) instead of trying to get back to basics on why you love the person you're with and working on it. From my experience with my husband or just men in general is to never try to make them feel like they're "wrong" but just that you're explaining how you feel and if they love you, that they'll listen, try to understand or even if they don't understand, try to help you be happy. Life is short and we should all try to just make the best of things and appreciate the good in people and stick together as families and treat each other with respect and love each other. But if your son is in a negative, argumentative environment and things don't change, or if you feel you're getting nowhere and that he doesn't love you enough to be patient and understanding, then you may just be relieved to separate, but don't live together and co-parent. Give it more time after trying to communicate some more. It took me years (I've been with my hubby now for 6 years) to get him to listen/communicate better - I say better because he's still not great at it, but it's WAY better. Mine blows up, which is horrible, especially with a baby AND has a drinking issue, but he's WAY better since 2005 and tries really, really hard. I had issues that I had to work on too and for the longest time he didn't see my efforts or anything and I had the worst self-esteem and trust issues. We pointed fingers at each other constantly. We finally had to break the vicious cycle by trying not to point fingers and work on ourselves and appreciate the efforts. Again, neither one of us are perfect still, but it helps to see the effort and know that it's there because of love. I hope your husband will open his mind/heart and work this out for your family's sake. I hate to see people give up a good thing because they're too lazy to work on it. Best, best wishes. Let us know how it's going. Take care of you & your son at least. Sounds like he's in good hands.

The Five Love Languages book is a great book! You & your husband should both read it. It really helped w/my relationship.....probally saved it!

I will keep you in my prayers. I have not experienced what you are going through. Do either of you attend a church, have you talked to anyone a pastor or counselor, or would your spouse be willing to do so. I commend you for trying to work it out, to many people now days just give up and walk away. Please keep your head up. I will keep praying for you.

Hi Kristen,
I would definitely seek marital counseling again. Also read "Lies at the Altar" by Robin L. Smith together, they have some exercises in the book that you and your partner can do. I checked it out at the local library, so I would suggest you do the same!

Also my personal relationship has gone through its ups and down. For the first and early part of our relationship a lot of the issues were due to my partner's ambivalence he didn't know what he wanted. There was a lot of selfishness in our relationship from both sides I would have to admit.

What worked with me, was my husband telling me, "Yes you are always right, you are never wrong and you never make mistakes!" This always got to me to second guess myself, and to correct my behavior. Sometimes I can be that "stubborn" person you said your husband is. Have you told him directly how stubborn he is? Have him REALLY listen when you say it too. Alot of times when people are told of their faults they go in defensive mode and don't truly "listen" they just wait for their turn while in their mind they are trying to think of what to say next to validate their behavior or to chastise you! Maybe when you tell him he is "this" way, he may snap back and say that you are "that" way. This and that...it goes nowhere.

I think what has helped my relationship hugely, is communication and seriously having to be an ACTIVE listener. Ask your husband to listen.

In the book, "Lie at the Altar" Robin describes one of her counseling sessions in the book that dealt with a couple that had communication issues. The wife told her husband how she felt. Then Dr. Robin told to husband to repeat what his wife had just said. It was completely skewed! Dr. Robin said OK you did not hear what she said, let me have her repeat herself. Then the wife said what she wanted to say a second time. The husband repeated it back to her correctly, and he stopped and realized the issue at hand, he listened. It was a breakthru!

Sometimes we all need to just stop and listen. Assure him that you are listening to him when he gripes, but its a two way street.

HTHs!

Kristen, I can say from personal experience and from being a counselor that is a *very* common problem at this stage in marriage and with a new baby. One problem is that not many people talk about it - we all want everyone to think that everything is just fine in our relationships. I found that a marriage counselor was very helpful in helping us both understand each other and communicate better. Just by my husband going I was able to see that he really did care and was willing to make an effort in our relationship (and like your husband, the issues were more in communicating and mutual respect. This is a tough time as you adapt to the changes a baby brings. I also found that the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book recommended by our counselor - though a little outdated - did contain some very helpful information. Also the book A Lasting Promise is great on communication! Hope that helps - even though counseling can be expensive (though *much* cheaper than a divorce) - it often can be found at low or no cost through employee assistance at work or through different community services or churches. Good luck to you!

Go on strike! Men do not realize how much we do, until we don't do it. Let him take the baby for one whole day, and have to figure out laundry, meals, and showers. He will appreciate you more, and it may eliminate some of the selfishness.

Kristen,
If it is not you. It is him. Look deeper into his daily activites and life choices. I don't know how to convince you to check further into what it is that he is doing. He is part of the problem I'm sure. I know that you don't know me from Eve, but I am an intelligent, educated, wordly woman that was so in love, I was blind. Please be smart and check his phone, bank and credit card statements. You are not acting out of paranoia, but CYA. God does not want you to be stupid.

Kristen, You really should be going for some personnel counceling. It will really help. Marriage is 50/50 and you are not responsible 90% of what is going wrong in your marriage. You should really work on what is good in you. Our husbands are supposed to love us as much as they love themselves. Take care of us as much as they care for themselves. I don't know if you belong to a church or not but my saving grace over the last 10yrs and been a group of women I saw once a week for 7 yrs. Sometimes the group changed a little but they kept me going. It is great to have girlfriends that will build you up when you husband won't. You need to seek out people who will help build you up. I know you said that your husband is't that bad but emotionally he is taring you down. Women are all about emotion. You cannot control what your husband does. Find yourself a church family since you extended family is not close. In July we moved from Pennsylvania(where all my friends and family are)to Florida because of a promotion for my husband. I have met people but the friends that I have made are at church. It is hard to step out and do for yourself but you can't be strong for your son if your are not building yourself up. For this to become a successful marriage your husband has to see his own imperfections. Start doing things for yourself and your son and maybe your husband will come around.

Are you familiar with Joel Osteen? He has a show on Sunday mornings on Fox at 8:30 and he wrote a book called "Your Best Life Now". He is a preacher, but even if you are not religious at all, I urge you to watch his show because his messages are for EVERYONE. If you watch him on a regular basis, you will see that his message is basically to not let anyone steal your joy. You need to decide for yourself to make your life happy. I was at a point in my marriage where I couldn't stand my husband-- I loved him dearly but was so frustrated with him that I couldn't see spending the rest of my life with him. As I speak with more people, I find more and more people with a healthy long term relationship secretly went through that same stage, so you are not alone. What helped me is I decided that I had a few choices... I could get out of the relationship (which meant a financial struggle for me, not to mention starting over as a single mom and the impact it would have on our kids to be away from their dad)... or I could stay in the relationship and be miserable... OR I could stay in the relationship and CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. I did not try to change my husband, but I did decide that the idiot ways he was acting would just not bother me anymore. I smiled more because instead of letting my blood boil over stupid things he would say, I would laugh. I didn't laugh in his face to piss him off, but I would laugh inside instead of get upset. Also, my husband isn't a lawyer like yours, but he is good at saying just the right things to make it look like he is making sense when I know I am at least partially right... so I figured out (finally, after several frustrating years) that no matter what I said if I opened my mouth during an arguement that it would NOT help the situation. So you know what I did? I just looked at him. Everything I wanted to say, I would stare right into his eyes and say it in my head. I would just stay quiet and look into his eyes. (I actually tried to keep a straight face so he had NO IDEA what I was thinking, though!!)If I was mad, I would YELL in my head all the things I knew would be unproductive if I said them out loud. Eventually, I got to a point where I could look at him with love instead of loothing. I was able to remove myself from the reason he was upset and figure out what was really fueling his arguement-- he was stressed at work, for example, so coming home to an empty fridge was upsetting. Apologizing and making excuses why I hadn't been to the store would not be helpful because the fact remained that there was nothing to eat (or in reality, there was food but nothing that he wanted to eat at the moment.) So I would just look at him and apologize with my eyes because I really was sorry he was upset. Not sorry I hadn't been grocery shopping that day and magically knew just what he would want to see when he opened the fridge, but truly sorry that he was having a bad day and was upset. I removed myself from the equation and was able to just love him, even (and sometimes especially) when he was upset. We now have a healthy and happy marriage. Yes, we still have arguements, but they are more productive. I still do that silent stare sometimes and scream at him inside my head, but we have been married 10 1/2 years and I think we have a very, very strong relationship.

Kristen, I feel for ya honey! Been there... so many times. I have felt EVERYTHING you have felt for the first 3 maybe 4 YEARS after my husband and I had our son. When he turned 3 I was headed for divorce... for all the same reasons. But by then, my son had grown so close to the concept of "family". He would insist on group hugs (mommy,daddy, baby). My husband and I would cringe privately. But then we saw how much it meant to our son that we were a family. So I stuck it out. I slept in the guest room (still do and love it) next to my sons room and put on the happy face every day. I found "happiness" in going out with my girlfriends and used my "free" time at night to read. I read it all... The Secret, Raising Boys, Lies at the Altar. IT helped get me through. Then, the older my son got, and the more I let go of "trying" and the more I focused on the things that DID make ME happy, the more my husband came around. One of the books I read really hit home with me. I believe that everything/everyone that comes into our lives is for a reason, a lesson. I thought maybe my critical husband was right (about certain things) so I took an objective look - much like you are doing now - and made some changes. But mostly, I just focused on finding my own joy - not looking for my husband to "make" me happy. Plus, I truely believe that the stress (for a man too) of having a newborn/baby is TREMENDOUS and underestimated. It REALLY takes a toll on the relationship. I took 4 years, but I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my marriage. Its unconvential, but it works for us. We sleep in seperate rooms, neither of us wear our rings (most of the time) I still have my same last name and he doesnt accompany me to all of my "events/family functions" and when he does, we take seperate cars. Some of my friends have never even met my husband. But we found this place, a good place and we are making it work, for our son. And its pretty good now. I cant believe that I came to close to calling it quits. Hang in there darlin! It gets better - all of it! PS: Find some help with your baby boy! If you ever need a sitter, Im in Tampa and would be happy to help out (or buy you a glass of wine IF youre not nursing - I nursed for 2 YEARS and let me tell you, I think that was part of the problem - no relaxation for mommy! And no, you are definitly NOT alone! K..

Do you attend a church? Have you though about marrage counseling? You might have already gottn theses as advice. And you are not alone. I have been married for 10 years only about 5 happily. We only talk to each other when we have to. I dont think we could survie this long if he didn't travel a lot and we are sticking together because of the kids. We do attend church and have prayed about it. But it's a hard cross to carry. Counseling usual helps but it takes 2. If he diesnt make an effort to make it work don't blam yourself. Do al you can do and thats all you can do.

Kristen,
There are many that work out these kind of problems. My husband also thought that I am a lot to handle and am not happy. He thought that I was the most miserable person on earth. He thought that I was crazy (too emotional). He would tell me that I am not living in reality and that I was making me and him very unhappy. He would tell me that I push everyone away from me because I was not a nice person.I felt worthless and all alone because of his words that he constantly told me. He wanted to call it quits because he said I was living in a box and he didn't know how to make me happy. Well, we decided to find a church and give our lives to the Lord, and we did! We found an awesome Pastor. He counceled us and helped us get through most of our tough times. He gave both of us scripture on what a husband is and should be and how the husband should love the wife. He gave me scripture on what a wife should be. Of course we had a few sessions with our Pastor and his wife. They do not take sides and work with both of us. It takes two to fight and it takes two to mend!! The world tells us if a marriage gets too tough just leave. That is not always the answer. The grass always looks greener on the other side. It isn't. If you have problems in this marriage. YOU will have problems in the next marriage so why not fix the marriage that you are already in! You both love each other still. If there is love between you two, it can be fixed!! We still have our tough times but I will tell you this, our marriage has become strong since we have given our selves to the Lord! We are man and woman and so there will always be enmity between us! That's okay as long as we try to understand each other and are always willing to work it out! Compassion goes along way. I truly pray that you will work it out! When you do, your lives will be amazing together! Please find a true man of God to help you work it out. The Lord does not like divorce! It may not be an easy road in the beginning but your marriage is well worth saving!
God bless you,
L. Jacobs

Kristen,
I responded to you earlier. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. Just because he says he is ready to leave doesnt mean he would. Some people just have that attitude.
I really dont think you guys should talk about separating if you dont really want to. All arguments will end in that way and you dont get anything solved.
I am not sure what his complaints are about you but I guess you need to figure out if they are something you are trying to change and why.
Good Luck

If you are not happy and he's not happy then what's the real point. There is that person out there that is your match, that compliments you and you he. Marriage is supposed to be about more than just a commitment to be together. It does take a lot of work on both sides, but eventually it becomes routine and you don't even think about it. You just step into those roles and don't feel slighted either way.
I still have a lot of friends that are single because they haven't found that right one yet and they are sooo specific about what they want and need in a spouse and that's fine. I have others that are happily married like myself and others that are married and just exist in their relationship.
One of my really good friends is an attorney and so is her husband. She actually stays home now with their two kids and her marriage is something I personally wouldn't tolerate. Even though she complains a lot about how he is to her she wouldn't leave him. He doesn't drink or do drugs or hit her, but he literally walks in the door from work and checks the house for damage or things out of place that the kids might have done and then yells at her or tells her she stinks as a mother if anything has happened like a mark on the wall or something. He says where were you and why weren't you watching them and if you were doing your job this would never have happened and on and on. He wants dinner on the table when he gets home so that after he makes his rounds he can sit down and eat. He wants the entire family sitting and waiting at the table for him. It's insane, but she's decided that despite all of his flaws, he's still a good man. And he is but not one that she should be married to in my opinion.
So, I say all of that just to say that you have to decide what you want for you and your son and then do it, whether it's staying with him or ending it. Either way you'll be fine.
Don't follow your heart because it's run solely off of emotion, but follow your head and your God and you'll do what's right.
Good luck and Good life for you both.

All I can say is hang in there! I was 32 when I had my first child and my husband was 38. He definitely does not understand female emotions and three years later, we still struggle with that same issue. I run a business and my husband travels during the week with his job so I'm basically a single parent most of the time during the week. Usually I can manage it but sometimes I need extra emotional affection which my husband doesn't understand. Especially if he's stressed out himself. It's caused a lot of stress at times. The first year of my son's life was extremely difficult for our relationship and I wondered if we were going to make it. As long as you feel that deep down inside you both still want to make things work, try and come up with a plan to take time out for yourselves individually and for yourselves and a couple to focus on your marriage. My motto is "happy parents make happy kids"!

good morning Kristen M:
First and foremost sounds like you do have a good man and really I would not give up so quickly. Remember the only one you can change is yourself. You kept saying that you feel he does not understand you. Well, He doesn't. Just like we women don't understand those men. We are different and that is what makes realtionships so beautiful! It takes a lot of work to "Understand" each other. I should know, I have been married to the same man for 20 years this next August. Believe me, I still don't always understand my man nor does he understand me. Both of you have got to STOP saying separation and divorce. those two words are cop outs for you guys. especially if you are willing to stick it out forever. Remind yourselves why you two are married. COMMUNICATE. You two have just had a bundle of joy enter into the equation. children do have a way of changing things a bit. Yes it probably seems to him that all your time is being taken away from him. You are still adjusting to being a mom and dad. His time with the baby is just around the corner and he does'nt realize it and you need to help him along the way. Of course you feel he is being selfish because more than likely he is saying things like you never have time for us anymore. I'm sure you feel the same. Why? You guys are "adjusting" to a new baby. When baby is sleeping, pull yourself close to your good man and give that TLC you want from him first and see what happens.... he will melt and so will you. You guys don't need separation... you need reconnection.
I don't know that whole situation, but all I can say is I feel like everyone needs to work hard at the relationships they have put themselves into, especially when they have nothing negative to say about the other. I have three teens and believe me, my husband and I have had our share of valleys to get through. One rule, do not go to bed angry. If it means staying up all night, deal with the problem.Talk,talk,talk,talk and....talk some more. Foolish,name-calling and belittleing is out the backdoor when dealing with issues. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. compromise.Never forget to say I Love you, and when you feel you can't say it then you better find out why fast and work on it. Remember your vows. Marriage is sacred and you made a commitment to him.Why did you make those vows. did you make them just to break? that is why I say get those words out of your vocabulary, divorce and separation is not the answer, especially when you have a truly "good" respectful man who has not hurt you in any way.hang on to him, cause there are not many men out there that are worth the fight.Think about that baby boy too.Do you really want to raise him alone? do you really want him not to know his father? It sounds like you don't really want to "Separate, or Divorce" take a deep breath and breathe. this too will pass, but you do have to keep working and communicating. Hang in there. Pray. sometimes you just have to pray. may God Bless you and keep you and I hope that I have helped you in some small way. I truly feel that you have something to fight for and I truly believe that your husband loves you and you love him and you two just need to remind yourselves why you are together.
C. G

My husband and I are legally separated and I believe it save our relationship. I know that sounds funny. We weren't getting along at all i felt as you feel. We talked about divorce but also wanted better for our child. So we decided to do a legal separation. That lessend the prssure in our relationship. That was almost a year ago and we are still legally separated but are doing better than when we were married.