Self Confidence Issues with My Niece

I have a 7 year old daughter. They are at the age where they are starting to compare themselves to others. Her self esteem may not have anything to do with her parents at all. It may have been something happening at school. Maybe someone at school said something to her to make her see herself as ugly. Maybe there's a girl in her class that others describe as pretty who may be more of a tomboy which is why she now wants to be a tomboy.
I always encourage my daughter and try to build her self-esteem and at times it seems like nothing I can say helps or changes her mind. Have you asked her why she thinks shes ugly or if someone called her ugly? She may not want to talk about it. I would keep trying. Ask her if there is an outfit she feels pretty in.
Unfortunately kids now are exposed to the medias standards of pretty which aren't realistic or even true in some cases with all the photoshop tools we have now. Just be there for her, get her to talk and engage her in activities she's good at to help boost her self esteem.

Dear L.,

Ummm, this is a h*** o*e, and bless you for wanting to help your niece. I would say that if you pay a goodly amount of attention to her and show her how much you admire her and love her, that would be good. But, the important thing is that it seems like deep inside of her she is insecure, and afraid. Why, noone knows, but it may come out if you spend quiet time with her over and over and do things with her that she likes to do. Not wanting to wear pink things may also be a sign that she doesn't like to be competetive.

I never have liked competing, and just do my own thing, sometimes a lot differently than most people. It is not an easy road to chose in life, but it is the only one that I feel comfortable with. Soooo. You've got a deep thinking girl there. Stand beside her and love her.
C. N.

I am not an expert - I only remember feeling the very same way at her age - on the surface it appeared that my family was supportive, but in reality they were a small part of the problem - - - My feeling ugly has effected me my entire life - I have fought depression and got into bad relationships because of a lack of self-esteem... Just please keep reminding her she is beautiful. Sounds simple, but every positive word she hears will effect her. I remember the more I heard that my sisters were pretty - the more the kids at school called me ugly - - - the first time a man called me beautiful - I couldn't even look at him.

Now as a mother of 4 - with number 5 on the way I am sad - my 3rd child is exactlly the same - she too is 7 - wont pull her hair back - calls herself ugly says she hates herself - - - she has been this way for a long time - but I don't let a day go by without a compliment or too about her looks, personality - anything I can think of.... As each of my children needs things - this one needs reinforcement to keep her self-esteem up....

It sounds like she has been the recipient of some negative or nasty comments from schoolmates. Normally a child so young is not that self aware of their looks unless someone has commented on them. This usually happens when another child is either jealous, or has a low self esteem themselves. I have a 6-year old nephew who has recently talked to me about a bully in his class. My nephew is a pretty tough little guy, and is upset by the bully's treatment of him, but has not talked to his parents about the bully. I talked to him about why people bully, and he really seemed to understand.
Maybe as an aunt, and not her mom & dad, you could really sit and talk with your niece. And explain why things like this happen.
GOOD LUCK!!

A silly question I have, is.... You say that her parents are not critical of her. But, by any chance, is her mom critical of herself? WE, as parents, do not realize the impact that we have on our kids when we criticize our own looks. If her mom is constantly putting on make up or saying how she's ugly, her daughter could be catching onto that, and thinking that is how she is supposed to feel about herself as well. It may be completely off base in this case, but it's a new route to look at. Good luck.

I agree with the others that gave advice already. My daughter is 7 years old, I am 29. Anyway, my daughter has come home an told me that she is fat. She is a viberant, healthy, active young girl who is not even close to being over weight. I asked her why she would even think such a thing and guess what, so and so at daycare was calling others fat. I explained to my daughter that we don't call people names like ugly and we don't make fun of people who someone my think carries extra weight.

I always try say positive things to my daughter, I say she is a complete, smart little girl who has everything she needs right inside of her to allow her to be anything she wants to be. I tell her I'm happy she's my daugher, my very favorite and I couldn't ask for anyone better then her, I am so lucky.
She cares about how her hair looks now, but I have not heard her say that she is ugly only fat because of that girl in daycare.