Seeking Support and Celebration for Baby #2

Hi L.! Just wanted to let you know that I can relateto how you are feeling. I have a 19 month old son & wonderful husband & we are expecting baby #2 in 3 weeks. I feel like no one is as excited about this baby as the first one, but I hear that's just the way it goes. :-) I'm excited & I know once the baby gets here my husband, family & friends will all be thrilled & super supportive. Good luck & hang in there!

Why do you think you need everyone else to be excited for you in order for you to be as excited as you think you would be if you had them showing more emotions? It sounds like you're dealing with some self esteem issues. I didn't even tell anyone about my second pregnancy until the 4th month because I was planning a wedding and had a 7 month old, so I really couldn't handle many more topics at the time to fill people in on during conversation. One thing I have learned throughout the years is that the best thing you can do for yourself is take control of your own happiness in life. To have other people determine how happy you are is setting yourself up for an unhappy life, and not only that, it's setting yourself up for disappointment for other humans, which is what we all are, only human. When I became a SAHM, I realized after a year or so of depending on my husband as my sole adult contact, that I was literally putting my happiness in his hands, and if he came home in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood because I would get upset that after being with the kids all day, my one chance at an adult conversation was ruined because he was grumpy. Well, once I recognized this, I took back the control of my emotions and well being and just let myself be happy. It didn't matter if he came home grumpy because I was happy with my life and in my own skin, and my kids and husband and where I was in life was enough for me. It's enough for me to just be happy for myself when I accomplish things, I don't need to be validated through other people's reactions and emotions. You need to dig through the surface of these feelings you're having and get past them to the core of your inner self and learn to have your own happiness and contentedness be sufficient for your happiness. Who cares if other people aren't as excited about your baby? I mean, it's not them who's having it, it's you, and the only person's happiness that matters is your own. And don't worry about your husband, guys seem to be really good at focusing on the negatives, and as much as he really wants this baby, he's probably just naturally thinking "oh man, here we go with sleepless nights, less sex, and the regular crying again." So, give him time, once the baby comes, he'll be fine. Be your own support system though! Go to stores and browse through the baby departments, buy some new baby clothes, start planning the nursery. All these things will bring you happiness within yourself.

Do all those neat pregnancy and infant things on your own and plan outings with friends. Make it about you. Even if you're not showing yet, put on a maternity shirt and flaunt that you're pregnant. Complete strangers will ask you questions and and fawn over that you're pregnant. Go window shopping at all the cute little baby stores. Think about how you would decorate the nursury and start thinking about baby names. Throw yourself a baby shower. Who says that someone else has to organize it? Plan time by yourself so you can revel in the thought of being pregnant. Go get a manicure or pedicure. Take a bath instead of rushing through the shower to run after kids and hubby.

How far along are you? The level of excitement from family and friends will likely grow in direct proportion to your belly. (In other words, the closer it gets, the more excited they'll be.)

When I told my parents about my 2nd pregnancy, my mom said, "Was this planned?" So I can relate to what you're saying. But my mom was right there when I delivered her, and she was just as giddy about baby #2 as she was for baby #1. And nearly 7 years later, she loves them both equally.

My advice is to ignore it; laugh it off. It's hard for other people to be excited about what is going on in your body. I can assure you they will be excited when the baby arrives. In the meantime, don't let it upset you.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Might want to find another pregnant mom, if you have to. Might be an opportunity to help a first time mom go thru the experience.

I might TRY and ask your husband to set aside time maybe twice a month (maybe a night out) to talk about the second one. How will it be different than the first? What can you do to make the FIRST child not feel neglected? Names? At LEAST if you cant get him excited about it you can (and NEED) to talk about the upcoming event.

L. just celebrate that beautiful miracle you are nurturing daily!!! I am on #4 and have heard several negative comments- my own mother's was the most disappointing of all responses. I was thrilled to finally get to tell someone after 2 miscarriages- we waited until we were 16 weeks and I was all smiles and full of excitement and her comment was-"with her head down and shaking back and forth-you're not having anymore after this one are you?" Not a smile of congrats at all at 1st! I was devistated!!!! Luckily my children and husband are all excited as I am too! I have 2 that are 20 months apart and then the last 2 will be 22 months apart and my 1 and 3 year old are so much fun right now! Hang in there- they are worth it!!!
S.

If you are happy, don't worry about anyone else, except your husband of course. It is true, the second pregnancy is not as exciting. The baby will be. You didn't get pregnant to get attention, you got pregnant to have another child you can nurture.
I have 3 kids and in my third pregnancy I felt a lot of people were not happy about it. Mostly because THEY wouldn't want 3 kids. Maybe some of these people just see another kid as spending more money, more work, etc.

Congratulations on baby #2!!! It is an exciting time, but what can help you nurture yourself is to focus more on child #1. Expecting your family and friends to react the same way as with your first pregnancy is not only unreasonable, but unhealthy too. Remember to take time for yourself...go get a pregnancy massage or a pedicure, have a positive attitude and focus your attention on the beautiful blessing you have right in front of you!

You are loved,
D.

No I can't honestly say that about any of my babies. You are also dealing with hormonal changes. keep your chin up and stay focused. If you need to, find another mom to be in your area to spend time with , or you could keep a journal. Treat your self well, This is probably gonna be your last child so really enjoy yourself, being pregnant is a wonderful exciting time. Take it easy on yourself.

CONGRATS!!!!!

It is always exciting, no matter what number the baby is!!
Shame on your family for not being more excited that your son will now have a sibling!!!
Pamper yourself when possible, have a pedicure or manicure or both, write your new baby notes to let him/her know that she/he is loved and wanted. Spend time with your son preparing him and let him scibble pictures for the new baby, you can surely get him to be excited and the two of you can be joyous about the new addition to your family.

You have my support

Hi L., Congrats on baby # 2. That is very exciting news. Secondly, I would recommend you talk to some of your friends who have 2 or more kids and get their input. I'm sure they had a similar reaction. I just have one for now but am not expecting the same hoopla as the first time around (baby showers, constant phone calls from people etc). I'll just be happy if everyone still wants to stop by the house after the birth and bring food by :>) Good luck to you!

L.--
Congrats on baby #2! I'm also pregnant with my second, and I totally understand where you're coming from. I had a m/c in between my 1st and this one, so people were vary wary when I told them about #2. In fact, my mom was less than supportive at first. She's coming around, but it still kind of stinks! When I was pregnant with my 1st, people monitored my dr's appts and would call and check on me. This time, nothing! I guess they figure that I know what to do and if something's wrong, I'll tell them. I'm trying to just be happy for me..It doesn't really matter to me if others are excited. I do kind of miss the attention though ;) Just focus on your own happiness and excitement. That's really all you need. I'm betting, if your husband is like mine, he'll get more excited AFTER the baby's born than during the actual pregnancy. And remember, you are creating a little miracle right inside of your body. How cool is that!?!

Everyone has been through this except your son. Try to get him excited about the new baby. When he gets excited you'd be surprised how supportive others will be to him. Read his stories about being a big brother, teach him how to touch a baby, point out other babies in stores. When you talk with him about the baby call him "our new baby." First babies are very exciting, second ones are old hat. It's going to be that way from here on out. Congratulations and have fun.

~Join a group of pregnant women. I LOVED prenatal yoga.
~Go get a massage/chiro adjustment/foot massage once a month.
~Get your husband to stay with your son so you can go out with friends.
~Ask a friend to host a "Blessing Way".
Here's info:
http://www.google.com/search?q=blessing+way&ie=utf-8&...

Several questions first off. Had you waited a while before having your first baby? Had there been a miscarriage prior to the first baby? What were the other family stress points for all family members etc., during your first pregnancy?
All of these considerations need to be taken into account.
For a lot of people the economy is a big concern right now. Am I keeping my job, am I taking a cut in pay, the prices are going up and my salary isn't, I may be out of a job soon and can't find another one, etc. While it seems selfish these matters do take precidence over someone else having a baby.
Husbands are really friends as well as partners. The first time they go through a pregnancy they are very in tune to your every change. The second time they see the changes, hear you voice your needs but remember they have a job, you, and another person (your first child) to support and care for. The first time thrill isn't there for them either and the see the begining of a bigger lack of sex life, quiet time with just you, and having to divide their own time at home in even more directions. Men are by general nature raised to be the breadwinners and defenders, not the nurturing, babysitting, keep the home fires burning, and child raising part of the family. While he loves you and will love and help care for the child he still needs and wants a little more of your undivided attention for himself.
And yes, you were spoiled the first time around. My friends were happy for me of course, and my partents(even though they lived 157 miles away and my brother was at West Point) were very excited for me. My sister-in-laws not so much because they all ready had several children of their own and my friends all had children by then as well. No one monitored my every change and I was glad, really.
Second children are just as loved it is just that your attitude is a little different and so is life by then for all of the people involved. The fact they aren't fawning over you doesn't mean they don't care and aren't happy for you.

Hi L.....Congrats on baby #2. It is different with the second baby. With the first there is the joy that this couple is now becoming a family. The woman is experiencing everything for the first time. And there is the planning and throwing of the baby shower. All that makes the mom feel pampered and the center of attention. My best friend is pregnant with her second, and I agree that people are not as excited as they were the first time around. I try to ask her how she is feeling and what the doctor said this month etc., but there is not the excitement of a baby shower, and she has been pregnant before, so there is a slight lack of all the hoopla of a first pregnancy. But this time around I can not do as much for her....I now have a baby of my own to consume my time (the first time she was pregnant I had not kids yet) so I had more time to call her and go see her and make a big deal out of it.

It is just a fact that the second time around people are not going to make a huge deal out of it, but that does not mean that they don't care or they are not looking forward to meeting the new baby. Don't let other peoples reaction upset you or diminish your joy. Trust me, the closer you get to your due date the excitement will grow! People will still flock to the hospital to see the new baby, and people will still flock to your house after to greet the baby at home. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Also, most men I know had trouble getting super excited until the end and the baby was close to being born. Good luck!