Seeking Some Unbiased Opinions and Advice

I would try to speak with his mother, and see how she feels. Also, maybe give it a try, if not and you have to move atleast you can say you tried. Either way, he will have to pay child support if you move, children should come first. Maybe try to find the mother government assistance, and maybe you can get lots of additional govt. assistance if you are caring for them as well. check all of your resources before you give up. Things tend to work out for the better sometimes with a little patience. When pregnant we want everthing to be so perfect and organized. But you obviously want to live with him. But think of what is best for the children. Does he love them feed them, if so , try these resourses. Hope this is good advise, this is what i would do. I tend to use all my resourses available, before giving up. good luck

YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND THOSE BABIES!!!! If he leaves you it's abandonment! You two are the only one that can decide what is best for you.
There are state funded facilities that could help her and her son. You two could still offer all the help that you can. Don't get yourself into something that is going to cause you too much stress. The baby can sense it now and will after he is born as well. We all know how much stress there is with a fussy baby in the house by it's self. I'll be praying for you and your family if you don't mind.

Hi I.:

This is how abusive relationships begin! Cut your loses and go back to your family. Seriously, get out while you can safely. Be grateful you have a supportive family too. I was a single mom who moved to be near my family but it did not have positive results. I was hospitalized with pneumonia for three days and my parents wouldn't even bring my son to visit me! So if your family didn't encourage you to do things that will hurt you, like drop college last semester of AS in Accounting, surround yourself with them and be glad you didn't get married.

Your happiness and health make the biggest difference in your kids life. Don't disappoint them or yourself.

Good Luck,

D.

I.,
Well, I am no expert by any means, but I can give you my persoanl opinion. First, you need to think about what will be best for the children and for you. If your children are going to suffer emotionally staying here, than you may want to go home to your family for stability, support and assistance with your children. Secondly, you need to stop and think that if the father of your children is giving you and essentially your children an ultimatum to either let his family stay with you or he is going to leave you and them to take care of his family, Why would you stay? If the relationship you have with him is not stable, you need to stop and look at the big picture and what will be best in the end, not what is best for the next few days, or weeks. If you have family that is willing to help you and be your support system than you may want to cut your losses now and move on. In the end only you can decide what is best for you and your children, regardless of what the rest of us have to say!
I wish you all the best and hope all turns out well for you and your family.
K. R.

I hate to hear what you are going through. Sounds like a lot to worry about while you are making a baby. All I can do is give you support and my opinion, which I hope one of them will help you. Because I am going through a lot of uncontrollable issues myself I have seeked the advice of others as well. The best advice I've had is to pray, pray, pray and just hand over your issue and have FAITH!!! I got more peace out of that than with any other advice I've received. When you let it go and let "him" worry about it for you then you will feel less stressed and when the time comes you will know what his answer is for you. Just go with it and he'll take care of whatever needs you have. I know this sounds so RELIGIOUS, because that's what I thought.....but I promise it's the best way. JUST HAVE FAITH AND HAND IT OVER. I hope this helps you in some way and good luck with the new baby.
K.,

I have family going through this type of situation right now, and I lived with my inlaws during my pregnancy due to unavailable housing during Hurricane Katrina. I can only tell you from experiance, that bringing more issues into an already delicate situation (esp. with a new baby) is only going to make matters worse. If I were you, I would go and stay with my family (even if they are far away) until the water is more smooth and the father of your children realizes what his priorities are. Bless his heart for wanting to help out, but often times, a struggling person has to fall first, otherwise they will never learn to be independant and responsible. His idea of helping out perhaps can be compromised. Dr. Phil (I know, don't make fun!) has great advice on his website about troubled "teens" or moochers (what most likely the cousin will be once his in your home, sleeping where your baby should be) Also, if the cousins behavior is too wild, you have to consider the safety of your children. Hope this helps, over time, things will get better!

I.,
I see your dilemma - this man has redeeming qualities of wanting to care for his family (which includes you), but his priorities are a bit skewed. You are right, he should put his child, and step child ahead of older family members. There are programs that could really help pay for his mom's costs if she DOESN'T live with you guys (household income is counted). THe same is true of the cousin. The state helps kids like this one too. If he is a problem to his mother, he may be a problem for you as well (you are a woman in authority), but it may help being in the house with a strong male figure to keep him in line. If his mom does have to be in the household to get onto his insurance, she will have to work when she is able to help cover her expenses - bottom line. If you guys really love each other and you want to make a go of it with the new baby and all, you should attempt a compromise. Make a list of your concerns - trying to exclude emotional reasons. Keep on the list that extra people in the home will put extra stress on your already shaky relationship. Go over this list with your guy, and ask him to address the issues (money is a big one) so that you can see the plan is not going to threaten the support of the baby. You would be in a bad situation if he left, but Houston is not a bad place, you have family there, and he WILL have to pay child support if that scenario occurrs. You might tell him that you will need him to put separate money aside to cover the baby and you until you are back at work first - suggest a figure of 25% of his gross pay (the same thing child support would be). If Mr. helpful is really interested in doing what is right by you and the baby, he will calmly discuss these things with you. You can break it down into several meetings if the first one goes well. I suggest the second one to discuss his (and your) ideas as to ways to prevent the concerns from destroying your relationship and putting the baby's care at risk. I think that the mom will help out with the baby as she can - they are hard to resist - and she may also help with your daughter. After the second meeting, you can even include the mom, and when the decisions are made, you should also invite the young man to come. He should know that his being there is a strain on the family financially, and that he will have chores and responsibilities to YOUR family unit while he is living with you. Laying it all out in advance will be the best possible scenario for all of you, and it will be work, but it might work - at least until the mom gets back on her feet, you get back to work, and the teen gets his attitude in order and wants back in with his mom (don't make it too easy for him at your place). If he is being abused, that is another story, but it sounds like he is just an onery teen. You are right to watch your own concerns, so keep Houston as a plan B. Talk to your family there, ad let them know a plan B is needed. The very best to you - I have been in similar situations, and despite my best efforts, the guy did not step up to the plate. This one has some potential. If it is hard to discuss the financial things, you might get an impartial person to sit down with you at that point. If you can't afford to hire someone, or don't know anyone in a professional capacity (accountant or business person) from church or something, you can call me. I will do it. It would be cool to see a family work together through all these challenges and stay together, and to help just a little too. You are also going through a lot of hormone shifts right now, so emotions are big for you. Keep that in mind.

D.

PS I have juggled $ and pulled rent out of thin air back in the day ;)

Hi there I know exactly what you are going through minus the cousin. We used to live in Las Vegas, NV where we both loved living, but I had no family there and he (my fiance now) did. He had his mother who worked and also had many heart problems and a brother. He also wanted me to move in with them when I was pregnant with our first son and there was no way that was happening. Chris (my fiance) took care of her and paid for every thing, though he was making enough money but she was a gambler and no body knew it, but she made him feel bad for wanting me to move in but I would not move in with her there. Anyways that was horrible so me and him fought all the time broke up and I know it is hard but you and your family come first. So I left I moved back to New Mexico where I am from and I have almost all my family. I was hard cause Chris tried to take me to court to take my son before we could leave so I was stuck there fighting with him. But anyways he finally got smart and realized what was important. He even came to NM and then we decided to move here to Keller and now we our pregnant with our second child. My brother lives here in Dallas and so to lots of my friends from back home. Now his mother doesnt even talk to him (which is fine with me) but still isn't right but he would rather be here with his family than any where else.

So my advice is family comes first and I mean yours your kids. I left so I don't want to tell you to leave but I think you need to keep that as a possible. Talk to him about leaving because I know helping family out is good but not when it has bad effects on your own family. The cousin should not move in nor the able working mother. I know how good guys are about making you feel bad for stuff like that but your kids are your life, and if you are miserable than so are your kids and it is not worth it!!! I don't know what else I can tell you but you need to talk so if you have to you can make arrangements to move closer to your family. And then if you had to move he would come around, my Chris did Thank God. I know it is tuff but if you need someone to talk to get back to me and we can talk. let me know if I can help in any way.
Sandi

Not to be harsh but get the hell out and do it before the baby is born if you can. Having your own children is stressful enough and the last thing you need is to take on somebody else's problems when you have issues of your own. It is totally irresponsible to take that on if you are having financial issues of your own. Good luck and stay strong.

Dear I.,

I think your husband is being pretty selfish not putting you and your children first. If I were in your situation, especially if you have been having problems anyway, I would go back to Houston to be with your family. At least you know there you wouldn't wind up on the street.

I wish I could tell you to stick it out, but I have been there and done that. It isn't worth it in the long run.

Hello I.,

It seems as if the father of your kids is not willing to compromise. It only makes sense that you should be financially stable in your family before you take on extended family. In the event that his mother was going to move in and not work she should at least be willing to keep your kids to help supplement your income. If he cannot understand your point of view, the only thing you can do is what's best for you and your kids.

Good luck and God bless.

I guess I can thank God for my husband because he considers my daughters and I his only family. That is the kind of man that you deserve in life. Life is not given to you and neather is your family, so if he cant earn the respect by taking care of you guys by only putting you and your kids first than you need to think about your kids and do what is right. I know you know in your heart what is right thing to do. Life will go on weather he is in it or not. I hate to say men will come and go but you can never replace your kids.

Wow that is alot to deal with on top of having a baby. I am a Mom of 2 1/2 yr old and a 15 mo old. I can only speak from my experience. When my son was 6 mo we moved from were my familiy was to 8 hours away. His family was 6 hours and mine was 8. A few months later his Mother moved in but it didn't help us. We both had to still work. We had a strong marriage and I like my mother n law but living together is different. After 6 mo we were so close to divorse it was goin to be me and the kids
or his mom. She moved out and moved in with family, and now we are a family and my relationship with her is good.

I know taking care of a parent is hard. My Mom has heart problems, and had to take care of her for awhile.
But you cannot do that while your having a baby.
He needs to give you some time. Then you give to his family.
Its hard having a balance between raising your own, and his family and your family. But having a baby is hard and you need time to get better and if you don't you could end up back in the hospital.

I wish the best luck for you.

It seems he has given you an ultimatum and is not listening to your concerns. Your concerns are valid. A man should be the head of his home and take care of his wife and children first. At this time in your lives, you have already had turmoil, to bring other family members into the situation is completely unfair to you and them. It seems as if you have made a decision but need support to go with your instincts. Contact your family and go from there.

I would suggest that you go on 'vacation' to your mother's home for a while. I would not state it as moving out just yet. If you are moving that far away, you will need legal advice because of the children.

I am sorry you are having to go through this at this time in your life. Good luck and best wishes.

Jodi