Seeking Single Mom's Group in Laurel Area.

Updated on February 26, 2008
L.M. asks from Laurel, MD
5 answers

My 3.5 year old daughter will not sleep in her room at all, she never has, she has always slept in my bed because her dad felt she was too little to sleep by herself and it is driving me crazy because I want my bed to myself. She has her own room right next to mines.

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C.C.

answers from Washington DC on

As you know there are several schools of thought abou thaving kids sleep inyour bed, and books on the market abou tthe benefits of the family bed, and books saying that is not a great idea. I too have been a single mom -for 12 years. My daughter was 3 when her dad and I divorced. My daughter also preferred to sleep in my room-and a wise,older, single mom-psychoanalyst advised me that providing the security to my child-as she was develping and in the aftermath of divorce, was far more important than my personal preference.She said the child,my daughter, woudl self regulate. So I allowed her to stayin my bed-and every few weeks I woudl gently suggest we read the bedtime story in her room and often we would play in her room and often I would invite her to sleep in her room. She would-when her cousin slept over. But for a long time-she seeemed to feel more secure in my bed. Eventurally I tried making a "pallet" on the floor calling it a cozy nest and told her that after awhile in her own bed she could come and sleep there-if she neeeded to.
She did self regulate nad chose to move into her own room and bed-after kindergarten -probably due to peer pressure.
Anyway just a thought....

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S.S.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter sleeps with me too. She is 16 months old, and I dont' mind it. However, we have another baby on the way and I'm sure there will be some adjusting in the near future. So I have begun to read all kinds of books to determine which is the best way to begin preparing baby for a move to her own bed. Some of the suggestions I have seen include the following:
1. Get a toddler bed, or her bed, and put it in your room if it will fit, next to your bed, or at the foot of your bed, and explain to her that you are still together, but that is her special bed for being a good girl...or whatever....talk it up. Then as she wants to migrate between that toddler bed and yours in the middle of the night, allow some time for her to get "used" to the bed. Eventually she will be accustomed to sleeping in her bed. Gradually move the toddler bed farther and farther away from your bed until she can understand it is it's own separate place. And finally, the toddler bed will be in her room. (This is a summary, of course, but you can read more about this on Dr. Sears website, or in his book, available at all libraries, entitled "The Baby Book."
2. Take her to go shopping for some girly bedding that she get's to pick out all by herself and get her excited about the toddler bed as a place all of her own, that she had a hand in creating. It doesn't have to be expensive stuff, just stuff that she finds appealing and gets to pick out. The more "excited" she gets about her own bed, the more interested she will be to spend time there.

3. Also, try just starting out with doing "nap" times in her bed

If you are raising her alone, it may be that the sleeping with you is a HUGE source of security, and removing that could undermine her feeling of safety. She sees you as the "constant" in her life. That said, there's no benefit to her sleeping with you if it conjures up resentment from you and you end up missing out on sleep yourself. You know? So, good lucky, and definitely, take a loook at Dr. Sears' website and/or book on the issue of "co-sleeping" and weaning a child from "co-sleeping." Look here: http://www.askdrsears.com/search.asp
The above is a link to the Dr. Sears page on sleep frequently asked questions FAQs. The second item down on the page lists an option to click on: "transitioning to own bed".....Try this page as a resource. And GOOD LUCK!!!! All the best! S.

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L.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Hello!

The only way is to wean. It will be difficult because she is used to sleeping with you and will not happen overnight. You may have to stay in there with her till she falls asleep at first or maybe read her a story and cut on a night light and assure her you are next door. Does she have any cousins, friends or playmates that have their own rooms and sleep in them? She may want to be a big girl too.
I don't know.

Good luck!

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S.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You should never have let her sleep there the first night you stuck now

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T.O.

answers from Washington DC on

In April the College Park chapter of Mocha Moms is teaming up with the Laurel Moms Club to bring nationally renowned speaker Kim West author of “GOOD NIGHT, SLEEP TIGHT: The Sleep Lady’s Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy” with co-author Joanne Kenen . Published by CDS Books in January 2005
West has spoken to numerous parenting groups across the country about the importance of children’s sleep and how to gently teach your child to go to sleep and sleep through the night.
Kim West received her master’s degree in Clinical Social Work from Simmons College in Boston, Massachusetts. She lives with her family in Annapolis, Maryland .Visit her website at www.sleeplady.com
This event will take place on April 10, 2008 at 7pm at Our Savior Lutheran Church, 13611 Laurel Bowie Rd. (Rte 197), Laurel, MD 20707. The ticket price is $10.00 in advance and $15.00 at the door. For more information about this event please email [email protected]____.com

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