Seeking Positive Thoughts About Siblings 18 Monthes Apart

Hi,
I have children 24 mo. apart, so a little more of an age diff. in between. However, there was no jealousy, no adjustment, I believe because they were so close in age. They are 2 and 4 now and the interaction between them from the start has been wonderful!!! Sooo much fun. You will love it! K.

Hi S., dont worry what people say. I did day care and had 3 children, babies 3-4-and 5 weeks old. Yes a lot of work but not a big deal. You were wise to have them close in age. You wont have to deal with the jealousey part. That alone is a handful. As i said its no big deal. You will be just fine. Good luck D.

I am in my late-30's and have two toddler boys who are only 15 months apart. I can relate. We were greeted with similar horror stories.
Here is the brighter side, and the things we love about it... They are like best friends, while they often fight and wrestle, they sill don't like being apart. They always have each other to relate to because their ages are so close. They love the same videos, TV shows and age-appropriate toys. Once the baby gets a little bigger, it is almost as if they are twins.
While there is slightly more work due to having two in diapers and so forth, I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I strongly feel that if they were 3 or more years apart, they may not be so close to one another.
You'll enjoy it as they grow together.
Good luck!
raelynn
www.kidzcomfort.com

COngratulations! I know exactly what you are experiencing though...I am expecting my 2nd in Nov and have a 13 mos old boy now, they will be about 16 mos apart. I am thrilled to be having them close together and am very aware that there will be challenging times. I know many people who have had children close together though and they say it is the greatest especially as they get older and become great friends/playmates!

My response to the MANY who have told me I am crazy is that I feel very blessed and am looking forward to having another little one around. Letting them know I am looking forward to it usually shuts them up!

Good Luck to you & your friend, do your best to ignore the negative comments. Keep in mind that your possitive attitude is what determines the outcome...not theirs!

Again, CONGRATS!

My kids are 16 months apart(3 and 2now) and I wouldn't have it any other way. It is tough and my 2nd one was not an easy baby, but you get through it and they become best friends. I just kept thinking of how my mom did it with twins. The truth is it will be hard and you will have your hands full, but it's the toughest job you'll ever love.

I know that you already have a million responses, but, as the type of person that would say "oh, that will be hard" I guess I just wouldn't mean it as discouraging, but more sympathetic. I feel the same way when people say to me that going back to work with two kids is hard. I don't find it any more difficult than staying home would be, I just take it to mean that the commenter couldn't see doing it herself. (Just like I would be really overwhelmed having kids that close in age). I can't remember who said it, but I loved the comment that suggested you say "oh, then I can count on you for lots of help then!" Since the comments from others probably will never stop, it might be helpful for you to reframe how you "hear" them. Instead of thinking of them as discouraging, try recognizing that the person in all likelihood has good intentions, and is open to helping you when the big day arrives, being a sympathetic ear for fears and concerns, and has already given you lots of leeway for not being a perfect mother (because who could be!?), even if the comment itself is kind of cloddish. Good luck!

HI S., I don't have any great advice, I just wanted to say that I completely sympathize with your situation! I am a 24 year old mother to a 13 month boy, and my husband and I decided early on that we wanted our kids close in age, both for our sake and thiers. Our daughter is due Dec 4th so they will be about 17 months apart! I am definatley nervous and expect things to be crazy for a while, but I am really excited too! I do hear all the time that people think we are nuts for doing this, and I'm sure it wont be easy, but hey its our choice not thiers, right? I always tell my friends I want all my baby stages done at once! All the nights up, diapers, formula, baby food, hauling bags of things all over done at once. I don't want to wait five years when we are back to being comfortable and start all over again! I have also found that anyone I talk to who already has kids under two years apart are happy that they did it. THose moms tell me it was hectic, but they would have done the same thing over again because in the long run it was exactly what worked for them and the kids are always close. The people who think I'm crazy just havent done it! Well anyways, good luck to you both, ignore those naysayers and enjoy your family, they are what counts anyways!

Hi S., congratulations! I don't know if anyone has told you this yet,but the best present you can give your son is a sibling and because they will be so close in age they will be the best of friends. I am speaking from experience,i have 3 children the first two are 17 months apart and the next two are 16 1/2 months apart. They are 4,3 and 22months and yes i have my hands full but it really is alot of fun. The best advice i can give is first to enjoy it because time really does fly,next i would make your son your little helper,and before i had my second i made a "busy box" for my 17 month old,it was a box filled with fun stuff for her to do,stickers,crayons whatever she liked,and we took it out when i had to feed the baby,i was nursing so it took a while but even if you don't nurse it gives them something to do that is special for them and she would sit next to me each time so we could all be together. Good luck and congratulations! A.

Hi S.,
my kids are 19 months apart(now 4 and 6). It was a challenge, but when people ask if i would do it that way again i tell them absolutely! I dont think having them close together is really all that more difficult then having 2 kids with a bigger age gap....you still have your hands full anyway you look at it. I love that they have each other to play with, they share similar interests because they are close in age and when they get older i'm hoping that they will continue to have a close relationship and can count on each other. When my youngest was born my oldest was down to one nap and luckily it coincided with one of her naps....getting a good routine down is key! best wishes for your growing family!

S., I just read some of the advice and encouragement that has been posted and there really isn't much I can add that hasn't already been said. I just want you to know that your desire for positive thoughts is already a winning attitude. Keep it up and the rest will come naturally. God bless you.
C. B.

Everyone always still says that to me. I have three and there is 3 1/2 years to the day between my first and my third. So they are all a little close. My fist two 12 months and 3 days apart. I love it that way. They are so close they sleep in the same bed almost every night regardless of having two perfectly nice beds. I actually think it made it easier. They always have someone to play with so they never get bored and always have been more independent because of it. They actually act kind of like twins. There was a bigger are difference with my third 3.5 and 2.5 years but they included him immediately. They had him dressed up like a pirate playing with them before he could roll over. Just let your older child help whenever possible and I found it really helpful to stagger the naps so when my oldest 2 where napping my baby got that one on one time he needed and then he would nap some while they were up and they would get there time. a sibling to grow up with is in my opinion the best gift you can ever give your children.

Hi S.,
Listen, My Boys are exactly 18 months apart and were both born in England. We had no family around, and it was just my husband and I( besides a few friends who were also Pregnant).
Don't be worried about what other people say or comment about! This is your life, and you know what you can handle. If you felt ready to have this second baby, then you are ready. Even if you were unsure, you'll be fine! I think to many people like to always put their negativity on others because you know what they say..."Misery Loves Company!"
I won't lie to you, you will have days were they will act like the best of friends and then they are killing aechother over a toy! But then theres the time when they both wrap around you with a hug at the same time, and thats when you know how lucky and happy you are to have them both. They will learn off eachother and they will play together. They will stand up for eachother, and they will always find a way to make you laugh together!
I'm telling you, my boys are 3 and 4, and people always comment to me when I'm at the store with the " you have your hands full" line, and my reply is always yes but in a good way, and they are every bit worth it! That ususally shuts them up.
I wouldn't change my decision one bit. My boys are my buddies when my husband is deployed, and they always find the right moments to make me laugh. I call them my Irish Twins!
You will do fine! Good Luck! Take Care!

Kristin

I am also pregnant and when this one is born, my daughter will be 2. I hear a lot of the same comments, but I keep thinking to the future. I think it's easier for children who are closer in age to get along. My sister and I were 5 years apart and it was very trying at times. We're very close now, but when we were younger, it seemed like we were so different because of our ages. So for that reason, I knew I wanted to have my children closer together.
Yeah, I'm sure it will be a little more difficult in the beginning to have children 18 mos or 2 yrs apart than it would to have them 3 or 4 years apart, but that won't last forever. Your children will have (what i think is) a greater opportunity to be best friends.
The only thing you should really concern yourself with is trying to make sure your son has some time with babies now so he knows how to react when the knew baby comes.
Everything will be fine. You have a huge support system here so don't worry. There will always be someone who has gone through the same thing.

Congratulations!
I was in a very similair situation to yours. My babies are 16 months apart and my Best friend's are 15 months apart. Of course we didn't plan it that way. It took along time to get pregnant with my son and so I just figured it would take forever the second time around too (I was wrong ;o) I was scared at first too. But now I would not change a thing. Of course it is busy, but anyone that has 2 kids are busy. My babies used to fall asleep in thier carseats holding hands. My daughter will be 2 this week and my son is 3. It is awesome (still busy) but wonderful. They are so close and love to play together. My Best friends family and my family went camping this weekend, in tents no less. It was awesome. They all play together. I have someone to vent too or someone to lend a hand when I need it. I REALLY would not change a thing. Count your blessings.
PS em me anytime if you need to talk!

I know exactly how you feel! My children are 15 months apart and I still get comments on how hard, but honestly it hasn't been that bad. My daughter was just a baby herself when my son was born, but she is doing beautifully as a big sister. My son is now 7 weeks old and I've survived so far. It really isn't that hard, although I think I change about 30 diapers a day!!

You'll be fine! When people would comment (and still do!), I just say, "Oh, I know. We're crazy, but we love our daughter so much we couldn't wait to have another." and smile. How can you argue with that?! Even though our baby is only 7 weeks old, my husband is already ready for another, so it can't be that bad! :)

Don't you worry a bit. Unfortunately, people are going to say what they are going to say. I just had my 4th, my oldest is 5... if I hear one more time, "You have your hands full.." Not, "you are so blessed," or "what a beautiful family." UGGG. But, back to you S.--my 1st 2 were also 19 mos. apart, and I am so happy about that. Now that they are 4 and 5, it is like they are one child. They are always together, they have the same interests and we have a built in playdate everyday! It couldn't have worked out better. Don't get me wrong, we have our share of fighting as well, but all in all it just worked out perfectly. You are extremely lucky and fortunate. Congratulations! As far as the comments, they will always be there. I always say it is an investment in my future. Perhaps a bit more work in the beginning, but I hopefully will always reap the benefits of a close family for the rest of my life.

I am a mommy of three remarkable little boys. My oldest will be 4 the end of the month and I also have a 2 year old and a now 4 month old. My 2 oldest are 18 months apart and the second 2 are 24 months apart. I wouldn't have it any other way. It is busy but there are so many positives about having your children close. They have more fun together and are best buddies. They fight sometimes (usually over toys) but for the most part they get a long great! They enjoy doing the same things and are into the same toys. My 4 month old can't wait to be able to play with them also. He gets so excited when he watches them play! Enjoy them and Congratulations! G.

My first was 18 months old when my second child was born. It is alot of work and you'll be busy that you can even imagine, but it is fine and you'll get through it. It is so fun watching them together and knowing they will be close. I remember friends who had gone through it saying "the first few months are the hardest" and always thinking to myself "how do they define a few months?!". It is crazy but full of love. Don't expect showers everyday and your house will get messier, but you'll survive both those things. My 2nd and 3rd are only 22 months apart, so still pretty close. It is all good. I still don't think i have left the house without hearing "You sure have our hands full!", but I think it is just people trying to be supportive. I have heard a few rude comments, which I ignore. I am in my 30's, I can chose when to have my kids! I will say I did get 3 VERY active kids though. Keeps me young and thin!!

It is all good. I always just figured that people with less than us have have done it just fine, and so will we. Have fun and good luck!

T.
mom of 4.5 yr old boy, 3 yr old girl, and 15 month old boy.

My children are close in age also. The people are right, it is tough, but what about parenting isn't? In the begining just be sure to have some one on-hand to help with the new baby so you can spend time w/your 17 mo. old boy. and then vise-versa. i found that to be the most difficult. Fitting time in for both of my boy's (who were colic, by the way). I in no way want to sound as negative as the others who have told you it is "tough". Just be prepared. Set a routine and stick with it. Get yourself a back-up for the first few weeks and everything will fall into place. Your new baby has to learn and meet you and the baby has to learn and meet your son. Working together, in time, will pay off.
I am very happy to advise that my boy's are BEST friends. Let's see how long this lasts......lol
chin up, don't listen to the nay-sayers and best wishes!

I have girls that are 18 months apart and I thought it would be hard. People said the same things to me. At first it might be a bit tricky until there is a sleeping and feeding schedule but then u will find it will be fun! When the new baby sleeps u have plenty of time for the older one. And he will love helping u take care of the new baby. The best part is u have a friend with kids the same age and doing the same thing! A support system is fantastic! Don't listen to the negative comments. And most important...enjoy your kids! :)

i S.! My youngest two are 16 months apart, and it does have its own set of challenges to have them so close together, but there are also blessings in the age difference. Don't be discouraged, having children of any age is challenging at times. My almost two year old LOVES her baby sister so much, and is so affectionate, towards her. Some of the harder things are double the diaper changes, keeping an extra close eye on them when the baby is in her bouncy seat or swing-because although the older one is very loving, she sometimes loves a little too rough-So while you are going to be challenged, you are also very blessed, you will find your own groove in no time, keeping both of your babies content and cared for. I have four children, and with each of them I think the most challenging thing for me was the thought of taking them out of the house in the car together in the first 0-10 weeks. It seems like that is all in the timing, and you of course have to add more time to your "getting ready" routine for each child. Another thing I found to be challenging is not having the first baby luxury of napping when your baby is napping. So to be helpful, breastfeed so you don't have to wake up too much in the night, have a cosleeper so you and baby can fall asleep together after night feedings, this way you won't be too terribly sleep deprived, as long as your little one doesn't want to be wide awake in the wee hours. Don't be discouraged, people tell you you will have your hands full because you will, but it will be wonderful fullness! Your hands will be full caring for your babies, and your life full of love! Follow your instincts and you will do fine. I hope I have helped.
-T.

Hi S., Iread through some of the other posts which all pretty much say what I was going to so I won't repeat, but I did want to add a little. My three youngest boys are all very close together #2 and #3 are 16.5 months apart and #3 and #4 are 22 months apart. First let me say I wouldn't change it for the world, if anything I would have had #4 sooner! What I wanted to add though was that the comments are not going to stop once you have the baby. Every time I go anywhere with the boys I get at least one "you've got your hands full". Sometimes it's as many as five or six in one outing!! I don't think they say it as a negative comment, well I'm sure there is a little "better you than me" going through their minds, I like to believe that most people are just amazed that we have the energy to do it! I also get a lot of "god bless you" so in balances out, LOL. When I watch my boys play together, I couldn't imagine one with out the other, I wouldn't trade our crazy house for anything!!!

My two are 21 months apart, and I would have been happy to have them closer because I heard that if you have two closer in age they play really well together. The first month was sometimes difficult, but now they are 8 and 29 months old and they play together most of the day. They do fight sometimes, but most of the time they are just really cute together. I love seeing my two little ones be such good friends; I hope it lasts through the years!

My first two (I have four) kids are 15 mos appart and yes it was exhausting in the beggining but when ever I hear anyone say they are have kids close together I say that is great. By the time my second was 9 mos old the kids were really interacting and it was wonderful that they ad eachother. i would not do it any different. In the begining I would sit on the flour when I nursed so I could play with my son too and we had no jealousy issues.It is wonderful for the kids to be close.

Hey S.

i felt inspired to write to you after reading your blog this am....what i want to share is that my brother and i are 15 months apart* yes im sure it was a bit "hard" for my parents but really when u think about it, your kids will be going through many of the stages together.
my brother and i were and still are very close and i feel that the age factor had alot to do with it. i think in the long run it is a very smart choice to have babies close in age. I hope to do the same...we have an 8+month old little girl and im already thinking about the next one. Siblings close in age will bring closeness throughout life.
stay strong and dont let those other comments bum you out.
be well
blessings
K~

I have a 3 month old daughter and 18 month old son. It was tough for the first month or so, but we are in the swing of it now and it is great. My son loves his sister and it is so cute to see him hug her, try to give her his toys, etc. She really watches and smiles at him, it is wonderful. My husband and I both work (I am home 1 day a week), so it is definitely busy, but I agree with the many responses you have, Congratulations! Ignore the naysayers, it is wonderful and it goes by too fast... Enjoy it!

There are a few ways to go with that, including fresh answers like, should have called you before I had that second glass of wine a few months ago, huh? ;) But, with 16 months between mine, I say, we were so lucky it happened right away for us, lots of people have to try for a long time.
We wanted ours close in age, my closest sister is 11.5 months from me, hubby has a brother 14 months apart. It makes for a close bond for life, who could put an insensitive remark ahead of that? It was a little hard for the first few months, but still a joyous time. Exhausted is exhausted, and the infant naps a lot, so you do what you can. But what new mother isn't exhausted?
I was over diapers and sleepless nights sooner than other mothers who waited, they always have an age appropriate playdate with each other, and each other's friends. They hand down clothes easily. And the younger emulates the older in evreything, so learns really young, potty training, walking, letters, writing, etc.
Bottom line, who cares what others say. Do they come and take care of the kid in the middle of the night? No, you do. Do they really matter? Nope. Kiss you kid, smile sweetly, and choose a sweet, or fresh answer, depending on you!

You know what? My grandmother had 5 in 9 years, and then was war widowed when my dad was just 2. No washer, no dryer, no dishwasher, no disposable diapers. We aren't doing anything that wasn't done for thousands of years, and we are doing it with modern conveniences.

Good luck, and enjoy your family~
D.

Well, the negative comments aren't going to stop. I think you just need to smile at them and say thanks I think it will be an adventure or something. I don't think they are saying it to be negative. It is going to be hard. You know what it's hard no matter what the age difference is. Parenting is hard. I have 3 children and the older two are three years apart and the younger two are 5 years apart. I liked the 3 year age difference because my 3 year old was almost potty trained so less diapers and the oldest was able to help out more. But you know the 5/8 year difference has been really great too because they are both so doting over their little brother. But I'm sure if I had them 18 months apart I'd probably feel this is great because they have a playmate so close in age to them. You're lucky to be going through all of this with a friend though because you'll be able to have each other to lean on. My friend's youngest two are 15 months apart. I remember when her daughter was born. It was hard for her and it still is, but I don't really see it as being any harder than it ever is having a newborn in the house. Now her youngest is off to pre-k and the older one to Kindergarten and she gets a few hours in the afternoon all to herself. She's really looking forward to that. But you know what, when my middle child started school and I had time to myself in the afternoon I really looked forward to it too and then I got pregnant ;). So I guess what I'm trying to say it is what you make of it and people aren't going to stop making those comments. You don't have to look at them as being negative though.

M.

wellpoint #1 you can't change it now ...#2 my younger sister and i are 15 months apart and we get along great. #3 whose business is it anyways? Yours. #4seeing you in the grocery store i would know you are one busy Momma. #5 THEY WILL ALWAYS BE BEST FRIENDS...well of course after a period of adjustment. I reccomd you mount ALL shelves to the walls because as a pair they will get into everthing and i mean everything My two are almost 3 years apart and play the let's distract Mom and you get into... So when people comment say to them "yes they are close in age i planned it that way so thye can grow up together"

S.-
Hi. My kids are 10.5 months apart and they are the best of friends. I would not have changed a thing. Having any number of kids is hard, but totally worth it. I would suggest making special time with each child a week, maybe an hour at the park or something to give them each their own mommy time, but just love them both and it will be fun. And do not change your routine with the older one- going to bed, reading, ect. Also, do not let the older child give up their nap. That will be your saniety.. Good luck and have fun.

Hi S. -

My daughter is 18 months old and I am expecting a little boy anyday now. I really think that having children 18 months apart will be great. Here are some positives...Your first child will probably not be as jealous of the new baby because he/she has not had 3 or 4 years of mom and dad exclusively. I think that children who are 3 and 4 have much more difficulty accepting a new baby in the house. Also, you will not be in "Baby World" for the next 10 years. You will be able to do away with diapers, baby proofing, and bottles quickly. I think that children that are closer in age are more likely to be friends growing up then if there is 3 or 4 years between them. They are more likely to be encountering the same things socially and in school. These are some of things that I considered when spacing my kids.

People keep telling me how tough it is going to be having children 18 months apart - but is having two kids ever going to be easy? I doubt it!! I think that this spacing provides a lot of benefits :)

It is true that at first a new baby can seem overwhelming, given all the care that is required -- in those early weeks! People have strange views of children in our society -- that children are a burden. But children are a blessing. I have never regretted having any one of the children we have. Each is unique and brings us joys and challenges in his or her own way. I can't imagine our family without each member. You won't regret your new child and will be as happy to have him or her as part of your family as you are with your first. Two of my kids are 15 months apart, and I thought it was a great age difference -- I hadn't gotten out of diaper-mode yet, so it was easy to add my new daughter to the fold. Sometimes it's harder when you've left diapering behind!

Hi S.. My first 2 children were 15 months apart and I got all of those comments too. It was hard for the first few months. Such as trying to breastfeed my newborn at the same time as spoon feeding my 15 month old. and trying to share myself between the 2 children. Now my son just turned 6 and my daughter is 4.5. They are best friends and constantly are playing with each other. When my son isn't around, my daughter doesn't know what to do with herself. I made a big deal out of it for my son to be the big brother and that helped a lot. He would try to feed her when she was only a few months old. It's really only difficult the first few months while you;re getting used to things. Then I think it's easier to have the 2nd child so close to entertain the first. Good luck and congrats on your new little one coming

I see you have a lot of advice already, so I'll keep it short, but my kids are 22 months apart. Although everywhere I go people say "Wow, you've got your hands full" (especially if I happen to have the dog with us, too, and especially because my youngest looks older than he is), I don't feel overwhelmed, and I am definitely looking forward to the time when the boys can play together. I've heard from other moms with kids close in age that this is the best part -- suddenly mom doesn't have to be the one and only playmate. I know my brother and I had great fun growing up, as did my husband and his brother. We were 22 months and 18 months older than our brothers, respectively.

You know what? It will be hard! But so would having kids 13 months apart, 3 years apart, 5 years apart, 13 years apart! Adding a secong child definitely seems like more than 2x the work (especially in the beginning). There are pros and cons to any age-spacing with kids-- someone said to me once, you can either rip the band-aid off fast, or rip the band-aid off slow... I can't imagine getting a first child to 5 years old, then going back to a newborn. My kids (boy then girl) are 19 month apart-- yes, there are hard days: when you're changing more diapers than ever imaginable, when they bicker/fight constantly, when they spend 10 months on totally opposite nap schedules. But then there are the other times... My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 and are really playing together: laughing, telling stories, etc... it's totally priceless and worth every last moment of aggravation! We're actually starting to think about #3 now, and I'm worried the third be too far apart in age and a little left out. Stop worrying about other people and enjoy your growing family!

It may be hard in the very beginning, but think of the future. My sister and I are 17 months apart and we had a blast growing up and still are extremely close today. I only have one child right now so I can't give advise from a mother's point of view but I can tell you that my sister is my best friend and I am very grateful to have her so close in age. Good luck!!

Hello S.. I have two boys who are 19 months apart and are now 5 and 6.5. I would absolutely not do anything different if I had a choice. I won't say that I didn't have "my hands full" because I think if you have more than one child, no matter what the age span, it's not easy. My boys are best friends and the always have been, I love the interaction that they have at this age. I say Congratulations on having your children when YOU wanted to have them verses when everyone else thinks is a good time. I think people all too often give their advice whether you want it or not and there's really no way to stop it. What ever happened to the old say "if you don't have something nice..." right?? Congratulations and best of luck to you. My only advice is to just remember that they are only little once and the years go by SO fast. So even on those really hectic days, enjoy it. My youngest is starting all day kindergarten next week and I just can't think for the life of me where 5 years went. Best wishes!

UG! Why do people feel the need to put in their negative 2 cents?!
I have a 6 month old & (long story) have one shot to give him a sibling coming up in October. If I do get pregnant they will be 17 months apart.
I figure I'll get all of the difficult baby stuff like night feedings, diapers, potty training all done in a few years! And I bet the kids will be great friends!
Good luck - you are going to have a ton of fun!

Hi...don't let people scare you...my 5th and 6th were 18 months apart and it wasn't all that bad...they were really close and still are...it was really a wonderful experience...for me anyways...best of luck to you...

People will always have comments about your upcoming baby and the age-span between your children. If you have children far apart, you get the "had a hard time having another one 'eh?" or "wow...they'll have nothing in common..." All I can say is that only YOU will determine how "full" your hands are, and as someone that has worked with families with children spanning 18 years apart to as close as yours, what you do and how your perceive the situation will guarantee your success. Be super-positive to these Debbie-Downers when they tell you how hard it will be...they don't know what they are missing! 2 kids close together in age always have someone to play with, you save money buying in bulk (diapers/food etc.), clothes can be shared, potty training is great as once one is getting over it, they then become the best assistant teacher for the 2nd child, family trips are great as their attention level will be the same (nothing worse than being the older sibling having to "be patient" all the time because the little bro or sis is having a tantrum or needs a nap). You get to go through the tough stages all in one-whack instead of dragging in out for years, and the kids are closer and more connected to each other. Yes, they will fight, yes there will be times you'll want to pull your hair out, but that happens whether they are close together or far apart in age. Make sure they have their own identities, their own toys or doubles of things, and take good care of yourself. Have fun with it all, keep your sense of humor and enjoy! Congratulations!!

Hi S..

Well, my children are 23 months apart and although it can be a bit of a what I like to call "a balancing act", I can assure you that all of the "amazing" outways the "challenging" by a mile. The relationship that they have is amazing. They are now 3 and 1 and enjoying playing together and truly care about each other. So, while everything may take a bit more time - preparing to leave the home, getting ready for events and simply feeding meals, it is all worth it and you kind of get used to the "child excitement and noise" that fills the house. My best survival tip I can give you is to look forward to each challenge with a smile and deep breath and certainly tell all of those "negative comment people" all of the great things that are happening with both of your boys! Enjoy the early years, as they say it goes too fast and I am learning that!

Take care and best wishes on your upcoming new family member!
Kim

Eighteen months is a great span. They will have so much fun together and you will have so much fun with them! Mine are 16.5 months apart. Yes, it is hard sometimes (I can't imagine there is a parent with kids of any age or span that doesn't find parenting hard sometimes!). It is also so wonderful to have them so close that the older doesn't remember a time when the younger wasn't there. He took his brother's birth in stride - life is a constantly changing thing for them when they are so young and the new baby is just one more change. He wasn't old enough to feel entitled to anything different or put out by the change. They wear the same size diapers now, share clothes in a pinch, and don't really have a sense of toys belonging to one or the other of them (they are all just theirs).
The newborn months of your new baby will go by incredibly quickly and be a bit of a blur so be sure to take lots of pictures and video!
Good luck!

Congrats! I think its great. My sister in law's boys are about 18 months apart i wish mine were that close together. She says sometimes it wears her down one is approaching terrible 2s and the other is starting a new stage where he likes to argue but most of the time its great they play with same type of toys and generally play together. They are 3 and 1.5 now. She said the only thing is with both of them walking now she doesn't like to go to certain places unless she has another person with her beacause of course they both like to go different ways. Im sure you will have a blast! and Congrats again.

My closest cousin (more like a little sister) had her two 16 months apart and they are having a ball! The two kids play together great now (the youngest is 1.5yrs now) and while their lives are a bit hectic, they are doing just fine. The biggest challenge they find is traveling with them, but I think it wouldn't matter how far apart they are, this is always a challenge with toddlers. She keeps telling me how cool it will be to be done with diapers that much faster. They came her from NY to visit this summer and we just had a great time. They don't hesitate to ask family for a hand if they need it and we are more than happy to oblige! Don't listen to anyone else. If this is what's right for you... you'll be just fine! Enjoy your little ones, they grow up WAY too fast.

Don't worry about a thing! You've got a lot of great advice from other moms...I am due with my first child in January, so I can't speak from personal experience - but my sister has 3 boys, 4 years old, 22 months, and a 1 month old. She loves it! You will never get more than you can handle, so stay positive and don't take negative comments close to heart. Of course it is not easy, but so rewarding! You will never regret it. We only had two children in my family, and my only sister is 6 years older. I was very lonely in my childhood without other siblings, it was great to have many cousins, but I always wished I had an older brother or another sister, it is just more fun that way. My aunt had five children - and well, I think they are much less selfish than I am :)

C'm what is there not to celebrate? You have a wonderful little boy and your second baby will be wonderful too.

My mother had 10 kids and so did my mother inlaw. Certainly that was in days gone by but it isn't about the ages of the kids or how many (exception with sextuplets etc) but the love a parents gives to the child.

Your little boy will look so big once the baby is born and you will be shocked. he will most likely be the big protector but he is still a baby. Just be careful that he isn't alone with the baby because he could harm the baby without knowing etc.

Think of how cute they will be and that they will probably have many friends in common and share the same likes etc.

They are individuals but you will love both equally. It cannot be explained how wonderful it will be.

The first month or two the knew infant will sleep a lot and that will be special time foryou and your son. You might want to get him dolly or stuffed animals to nurture when you care for the newborn.

best luck love grows so don't worry.

hi,i only have one 5 year old,but my mum had 4 babies a year after each other.im sure it was hard work when we were growing up but she wouldnt have changed it for anything.i am so grateful because my siblings and i are very close.parenting can be hard no matter what kind of age differences there are.if i was able to i would have had my kids very close in age.i think its great.dont leave others comments stress you out.it will be fine,enjoy.

I know you've gotten tons of responses already....but from a mother who currently has a 22 month old and a 9 1/2 month old (yes they are Irish Twins - 11 months apart)...I'm not going to lie. It will be hard. But there are things to definitely remember that will make it easier. You are only one person! If both are crying at the same time...just remember that! Also, engage the toddler in all that you do with the new baby. I've found this to be one of the best things I did when my little Bella arrived and (right now) they love each other. They love being around each other and playing and hug and kiss each other. It's the best feeling knowing that my son loves his sister and isn't resentful towards her. I would definitely say it's hard but if you've definitely enjoyed motherhood...it only gets better! It will be nice because they will be playmates as they grow....can't wait for more to come with my little ones...good luck with yours!

Hi S.!

Okay, after reading your request, I completely see your point of view on the subject. However, until I read this, I must admit, I'm sure that I have made those same/similar comments to others in your position--without there being any negativity in mind. I may not have said "that will be hard" specifically, but something more to the effect of, "I don't think that I could have done that. If you're up to the challenge, good for you." (And meant it.) However, only you know the inflection in their voices when speaking to you. And I certainly wouldn't have said anything at all to someone I didn't know well.

So enough of that. If this is the right timing for you and your family, then GREAT!!! Embrace it. Enjoy it. Have fun. Relish every minute. And how cool is it that you and your friend have children the same age and are expecting children the same age?!? What a wonderful bonding experience for you both. Older kids can get together to play while the two moms visit and take care of the newborns. Think of it--with children about 18 months apart, diaper duty will not last (seemingly) indefinitely. Being so close in age, they can be good friends to each other as they grow. Oh, and the adorable pictures from kids that little at the same time! My cousin and I are a year apart and our parents have some of the cutest pictures of us together when we were tiny.

Good luck. Don't let anyone get you down during this precious and wonderful time for you and your family. A baby is a miracle, a gift--no matter what. One bit of advice though: try to really enjoy this time with your son before the baby comes; before you know it, there will be 2, and you can't go back! :-) (Of course, you won't want to, either.)

Well I have 3 children all within 18 months apart. It was hard at first, but I wouldn't change it for the world. My two oldest are boys they are best friends. My younger son and my daughter are also best friends. They are 6, 5, and 3. They always have a playmate. My sister and I are 6 years apart, it took years before we appreciated eachother.

I hope this helps you.

Sam - Mom of 3
Devin 6, Donovan 5, and Mya 3

Hi S.:

I have 2 kids and although they are not 18 months apart I do have another perspective that might make you feel better:)

I (foolishly) thought that because my children would be 21/2 yrs apart I would excape all the tough "problems". boy was I wrong:) I have found that every age spread comes with its own set of issues (uless the oldest is old enough to babysit!) Small children are a lot of work no matter what their age difference. There will be perks to the closer age spread keep that in mind as everyone tries to expound the worst case scenarios on you:)

it will be hard at first but whenever another child is added it changes things until you develop a new routine
my kids are 3 years apart and it's hard at times but other times it isn't that bad
the most important thing is to be organized and set up things for your older child to do while you take care of the baby especially is you're breastfeeding
the good thing about having the kids so close in age is that they'll be good playmates for one another and be able to share toys
i find that right now it's hard because my son has toys with small parts and my daughter puts everyting in her mouth but it really isn't that bad
good luck and the next time someones says something negative just tell them you're up to the challenge or ask them for advice and see what they say
some people are just idiots the same people who say you'll have your hands full are the ones who say to get you're sleep while pregnant(like it can be stored) and have never had kids

Congrats on your upcoming addition to your family. What a wonderful and exciting time. I have two girls 16 months apart to the day, now almost 7 & 8. It is trying for sure, but having any child can be trying at times. My girls are competative but loving. They teach each other many things, the play everyday together. Enjoy your children! Dont' give in to the negative thoughts. The second time around was easier for me. Plus I was able to share that special time with my oldest daughter who was my big helper, getting diapers, toys and playing with her little sister. Enjoy this time - as you know it goes by so quickly.

You will have your hands full but it's the best. I have 3 boys and they are all 23 months apart. I think it's great because they are into the same things almost at the same time. The play together very well. I wouldn't change a thing. There's always a challenge. If you had an older son it would be tough getting him to his sports with a newborn. No matter what ages there's something that makes it tough. You will have a blast. Don't listen to the negative nellies.

I am in the same boat! My son will be 18-19 months old when my second child is born and everyone shares their opinions! At first I always said something back, but now I just smile and say "we're so lucky!" :) Good luck to you!!!

Too bad not everyone can see what a blessing it is to have siblings close together!! My boys are 2.5 and 15 months. There is 17 months between them. My oldest felt like the baby was a gift especially for him! They are so close! They play together and the "big brother", even though he's young, takes his responsibility of teaching and protecting his little brother very seriously.

I love that they are close in age. Am I tired? You bet. But with two children, that's the deal. No matter how far apart they are, there are always two to deal with. It's just more work...but so much more fun, too! They'll teach each other, too! And probably be a little more independent, since they'll have each other to explore with.

Good luck with your delivery! And DO look forward to introducing your little love to the little person who will look up to him for the rest of his life. Enjoy! I do!

Good Luck with the birth in October. Don't listen to what anyone tells you, it may take some getting used to but having two close together is very rewarding. I have four children my oldest two are now 10 and 12 both girls. They play together and I think they are very close. Now don't get me wrong they have different personalities so clash pretty good at times. One thinks she's perfect and the other is little ms know it all!! LOL I also have two boys currently ages 3 and 2 the 3 year old will be 4 in September. They play super together, but you have to watch the older one. He uses the younger one as a scape goat you can catch him red handed and he points to his younger brother and says "Timmy did it" LOL It's quite fun to watch. I am sure they will start their fighting when they get older, but they promise to be close. My youngest looks up to his big brother and just trys to emulate him which can be good and bad!! Personally, my first two were planned and yes they fight a lot. My third was planned we wanted a boy, but the fourth was quite the surprise! After three years of trying and 1 miscarraige to get pregnant with #3 to get pregnant again and so quickly was quite a surprise. But now I wouldn't change a thing I LOVE having my kids close in age. I am the youngest of 4 girls and my oldest sister is 51, the second sister is 49, the third sister is 43, I am 35. I always thought of my two oldest sisters as more of an Aunt figure than a sister. They were both out of the house by the time I was 3. So if someone were to ask me what I recommend I would say to have them close.

There were 15 months between my first two, not quite 13 months between number two and three, 21 between three and four. 6 and half years between number four and five, 23 months between number five and six, and 28 months between number six and number seven child.
I found , in retrospect, the easiest ones were the first three who were so close in age.
For one thing, you are already into the diaper thingy, and small baby thingy. Secondly there is a minimum of sibling rivalry and the children were very close emotionally. Still are as adults.
The six year difference was the most difficult for me as it was sorta like starting all over again and getting into the routine all over again.
The one negative ( maybe) thing was that as soon as you got one through a difficult time you had another coming right up on it. On the other hand, by then you were an old pro at whatever it was and did not have to try to strain your memory as to how to handle it.
The last three with around two years between was the worst for the sibling rivalry thing.
Another aspect of it was that instead of simply going on for a bit with diapers and small baby routine, one was on the verge of getting out of it and had to start in again.
Yes you will be busy, of course you will. And tired. Of course you will.
As you would with any addition to the family.
The closer in age the children were, the closer in friendship they were and there was a lot of fun involved.
I nursed all my children so that made the situation much easier too. No formulas, no bottles, small crib beside my bed, just grab up baby, latch them on and snooze. Baby usually ended up sleeping with me rest of the night as long as they woke in the night for a feeding.
Incidently, none of them seem particularly "scarred" from the experience, and obviously it did not put any dampers on hubby and I lol.
Honey, dont pay so much attention to "what people say" You have the start of a wonderful lovely family , and with a girlfriend having her children right along with you, best friends for all the children. Mine had cousins same ages.
Dont read too many books either. Motherhood can be better enjoyed if you enjoy your children and motherhood without the intrusion of thoughts that you are not doing this or that just the way you should.
After all, women have been raising children for what, twenty thousand years without books and doing pretty good job of it.
In fact, we have seen the imergence of increasing problems with clinical type behavior issues, starting , oh, say, with Dr. Spock and all the how-to books, yes?
Mostly before books mums had aunts, grams, mothers right there with advice.
With Mamosource you pretty much have a darned good substitute for that extended family, yes?
When people say you will have your hands full, look them in the eye and say, "I sure will and I am looking forward to it too". Two laughing playing babies, well four with your close friend's children are a blessing from God and will delight your heart with lightness and joy.
Good luck sweetie
Grandmother Lowell

I'm sorry people have been negative. I have 2 boys 20 months apart. I'm having fun! It can be draining at times, but quite managable. Try to get them both on the same nap schedule. It gives you a break. Don't sweat the small stuff. A slow cooker will help with meals. If friends and family offer help, take it! When they get older, they will entertain each other. My favorite thing is putting both boys in a stroller and going for a walk every day. It will help with stress and your post baby weight. Enjoy! You'll be fine.

S., Congratulations on your second child!! How exciting. I am sorry to hear that you have been getting so many negative comments. My oldest two are 14 months apart (totally planned) and I absolutely LOVE it!!! There was never any sense of jealousy, they play beautifully together and I would not want it any other way. But...you do need to be realistic and see that it will be some work. But aren't all kids a bit of work? I had c-sections with all three of my boys and so the first month was extremely taxing...luckily with all three of them I had some help (family flown/drove in for a bit). At the beginning try and get all the help that you can get so that you have time to bond with the new baby. As the saying goes some hours feel like days, but the years fly by. So...enjoy every moment with your precious kids!!! FYI---my saving grace was also to return to the gym as quickly as I could, they can take them as young as 6 weeks old and you can get a break while doing something for yourself which is soo very important!!

Good luck, H. (SAHM 5, 3 3/4, and 14 months old boys)

S.,

My children are 11 months apart. I adopted one and a few short months later found out another was on its way! It is exciting. It doesn't come without the hard days but they're only as hard as you let them be most of the time. A bonus is that your oldest child can help you teach the younger one and still learn more things as they do. When the new baby comes home there will be lots of sleepless times until the baby gets situated into a good sleep schedule. Just remember to get a nap in when you can! Be positive and optimistic and know that it won't stay this way forever. Yes, you will have your hands full but as I always say, patience and understanding win out in the end. Just take it in stride one day at a time! Having a friend who is going through the same thing at the same time is also amazing, that is something I didn't have so I am jealous. LOL. You guys can give each other a pep talk now and then and help each other to remain positive when stuff gets hard. Don't listen to the negatives, children are special and being a mother is a beautiful thing, you should feel wonderful. Remember we are all here.

Good Luck,
S.

Hi!
This reminds me of a friend of mine who adopted 2 boys...about 18m apart...the other day she said to some of her friends...it used to be the boys fought and then play broke out...now they play and fighting breaks out...basically these boys are absolutely each others' best friends and it is great to see...enjoy!!!!

Well, I wish I would have timed it so my daughter was 18 mo older than my twins. As fate would have it, they are only 11 months apart. I think that 18 months is really a great age. I say that because now at 20 mo my daughter is more independent and has started to be helpful with her sisters. I, myself, am 18 months older than one of my sisters and we are the closest of 4 girls. We spent the most time with each other, had mostly the same friends and looked out for each other. The only thing you may have to watch for is a little jealousy in the beginning. Just make sure that you set aside time for just you and your son, even if it's just reading a book. Believe me, I know how hard it is to divide your time between a new baby (babies in my case) and a toddler, but, despite what people say, it's possible. Hopefully this is encouraging.

My girls are 24 months apart and it is a handful. When people are saying that, they do not necessarily mean it as a bad thing. Like I said, it is a handful and I would not change it for the world. My girls are 2 and 4 now and are absolute best friends. They play incredibly well together (and they fight really well too...LOL) and LOVE each other so much. So try not to be insulted by those comments...they might be coming from people who had multiple children.

I went through this some years ago, and as I reflect on all of the negative comments, I realized that the comments bothered me because I was fearful that my daughter would miss out on her toddler time or because of some fault of my own, I was depriving her of something, because a new baby was on the way. What I learned was that, I had plenty of love for both, plenty of lap space and two arms to hold each child when they both need mommy.

I learned that my excitement started from the time my daughter came to see me at the hospital, I asked dh to put her up in the bed with me for some cuddle time before I picked up the baby. I was excited about having 2 babies not just one, and I expressed my excitement to my 19 month old daughter and she express excitement about the bee bee.

Now, I have 2 beautiful daughters that are now 7 and 5, and guess what they love each other more than words can say, and I am over the moon!!

S. - first of all congrats! Don't worry what others think.

I had a very difficult pregnancy, a colicky baby for 4 months, who then would NOT nap, and I had severe PPD. If I were pregnant again I would lose it. BUT if I had an easy pregnancy and an easy baby, I'd be pregnant again now!
Everyone's temperment is different, and every baby is different.

My own mom said she was glad she had me first and not my sister because she was a VERY hard baby. We are only 17 mos apart - and I'm glad. She is my best friend. I love that we are so close in age, and I am so, SO sad that I simply cannot do the same for my child. I wish I were in your shoes!

Good luck!

Hi S.,
Don't let anyone discourage you!!! My first 3 kids were all 17 months apart. Alot of factors can make it harder or easier. Don't underestimate what you are capable of!! If you are great at multitasking (it sounds like you are already!), I think you will do just fine!! It depends on the baby's personality too. Some babies are just easy, and some much more demanding. What made it easier for me was to use a baby sling. It allowed me to nurse and hold the baby, and still have 2 free hands to tend and play with the older one(s). When someone says 'oh, that will be hard'... that is not about YOU, it is about THEM! Some people can't handle as much as others.
If it gets overwhelming at times as it likely will (at least once in a while), get support wherever you can, and team up with your girlfriend! I am sure you will enjoy the support of each other! Good Luck!!

Hi S., I'm sure you received a lot of good advice, I couldn't read them all due to time...but I just have a little advice I wish I had had. My children are 16 months apart, a boy and girl. I did not have my daughter going to bed on her own (laying her down and letting her fall asleep..I rocked her at the time) anyway when the new baby came home and hubby was at work I had 2 crying tired babies and 2 very tired arms...so if you can, get the oldest one on a good sleep routine. Also the oldest can tend to crave your attention as they get older more so than the younger one, I think this is due to not being the "baby" very long. But I love the fact that they are having the same experiences close together and they rarely fight...bicker yes...but nothing that isn't normal tween behavior. They are 10 and 11 now and I wouldn't change the age gap if I could.

my brother and i are 13 months apart, we are best friends!!!! we got along great as small children, not so much from 8yr-14yrs, but again after that best friends and we are now 28 and 29. if i could do things diffrently i would have my children close together. My mom said it was reassuring because we were always at the same social events and she new we would keep an eye on one another. we always made sure each had a ride home, and was never left out. i can not strees enough how fortunate we were!! he now lives in Colorado and i am in Maine but we talk all the time and always say i love you! M.

I have three girls all 19 to 22 months apart. You certainly will have your hands full, no one is wrong about that. But it's not that hard. I found the hardest part in dealing with it was going to the grocery store and trying to get those bags, a baby seat, and a toddler indoors afterward. This age is great to have another baby because they usually still nap. If you're lucky, baby will nap at the same time at least once and you'll get some time to yourself or time to clean up. I personally think it's easier having them closer together. Everything typically is out of the way sooner. My oldest toilet trained last year and now my 2 yr old wants to as well. It's so much easier because she remembers how it went with her big sister. They can play together because they're into similar things still. There's not a giant age gap separating them play wise.

I too am expecting a son in November that will be about19 months younger than his sister. It is amazing that people have the nerve to say some things. I've gotten them all as well, but I look at it this way...I won't have had achance to forget how we handled a certain issue before the other one goes through it. Like weaning the bottle, etc. They will be the best of friends because they are closer (for now anyway). I think every age span would have its ups and downs. Keep your chin up.

My kids are 22 months apart; a little more than 18-19, but still a short enough span apart where I got comments like that CONSTANTLY when I was pregnant with my youngest. Looking back, now that the baby is 14 months old, my oldest really WAS still a baby when I was expecting my second, which is why, I'm sure, I got the stares in public and the comments I did!! It is rude that strangers or people not close to you make these comments, and it is discouraging - I felt the same way, and the more I got, the more scared I got for what it would be like! But there were some people who had gone through it themselves with their own two kids close in age and told me similar things, just in a nicer way, and I have to say, they were right, but only to a certain extent. My experience was that the first year was very tough, since essentially you have an older baby/toddler, and a newborn with different nap, feeding, and play schedules, but needy all the same. That's what tired me out - the fact that one of them always needed something that couldn't wait! It was also hard nursing while trying to read a book to my oldest or play with her. I definitely know she felt the shift once the baby came home, that she was no longer the center of our world and our only concern. Try to give your oldest attention when the baby is sleeping and spend some one-on-one time when possible, it does help. And eventually they will both nap at the same time and hopefully you can, too.

All of this said, after the first 10 months-a year, things got SO much better and a lot easier, and now my girls actually play together, interact, and really enjoy and love each other. They just had to get to know each other, I think, and my oldest did have a jealous streak for a while. All kids are different, however, and you never know how your oldest will be! I have a friend with kids 18 months apart and her oldest never had a bad moment, so you never know. Honestly, even if it's tough, I always told myself it would be tough no matter how far apart they are spaced, since having two kids is hard no matter what (so is having one!!). And now I am so thrilled because I can just enjoy them, and be done with worrying about when the second is going to come, when we should try, how I'm going to juggle it, etc. I am DONE! There is relief there for sure once you have your second, even if you consider a third.

Finally, the one thing I'd say in closing is - just enjoy every minute, even the hard ones, because it goes by SO much faster with the second. I get sad looking at her growing older sometimes and I will always miss those baby days and the anticipation you feel when you are expecting. There is nothing like it in the world! So just keep that in mind when people make comments and good luck in the future!

My friend's kids are 19 months apart. It was hard in the beginning, but you will be fine. In the end...you have kids close in age and close friends. My sister and I are only 11 months apart...we've always been very close. It's nice to grow up with your best friend!!

Congrats!

Hi,

All four of my kids are between 18-21 months apart, and it has been wonderful. The 6,4,and 2 year olds are all close friends (although they certainly do have their arguments, too!) They adore the baby, and I found the spacing to be fine. It's definitely busy, but I wouldn't change it for a second. You'll be fine. Good luck, and enjoy your new baby!

I will say it is VERY hard at the beginning, but you will make it! Make sure your older boy gets attention from you as much as you can, and have help for him if you can get it. If he goes to daycare/babysitter at all, keep that routine. For you, make sure you shower at night and have your husband take care of the baby then (If s/he is awake). It's definitely an all hands on deck situation!

I'd write a book, but just want you to know that I wouldn't have had it any other way. Mine are 20 months apart and i LOVE it.

Hey S.!! Wow you got a lot of responses...so why not one more. I went through and am still going through the same thing. My boys are 17 months apart. My oldest will be 3 next month and my yongest is 18 months!! I do certainly have my hands full as EVERYONE so "nicely" points out! It is wonderful, they are at the age now where they are starting to really play together. They will always have someone to play with and it is easier to do family outings when they are at the same stages and not years apart and don't want to be around each other. I do admit the first 3 months were hard, but it definatley gets easier. I would not change it for the world. Make sure you find a way to make a little me time each week...even if it is going to the store by yourself. It definatley helps me keep a clear head. I always wanted my kids close together and I am so glad it worked out. It is amazing to see the way they interact and understand each other!!!! good luck and do your best to ignore peoples criticism. the most important thing is your to babies!

Hi S., I think I'm #47 to respond, but I have scanned the responses and what is missing is useful advice (as you'll see, everyone agrees that "close in age" has some truly blessed benefits in terms of companionship, independence, and being close to their siblings despite the natural bickering that will happen no matter what age). SO... Do not be discouraged by people who say "that will be hard"--try to understand it isn't a criticism, it is a comiseration with you, because they know IT IS TRUE! My two boys are 17.5 months apart, so I'm speaking from experience (and my youngest just turned 2 last month). There is little that is "very easy" during the first year of two kids so close in age. In fact, it is much like having twins (confirmed by my SIL and a friend who both have twins AND an older child). When you get that response, say, "You're probably right. Can I count on you to help me out in the beginning?" I'm betting people who are your friends will say YES. Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with asking for help, and believe me, any mom with two kids that close in age WILL need more help than she thinks, especially in the first six months, and doubly true if she's nursing (because no one else can do that job, LOL!). So line up people who are willing to come over and wash the dishes/laundry, run errands, take the older child for an hour or two so you can have 1:1 with the baby. Your life will be much easier and less stressful if you plan WAY ahead. Sit down with a calendar and figure out what you're going to do during week #3-4-5 after the baby is born, when your husband is back at work and the grandparents aren't around (unless they live close by). Schedule 2 days each week to have a friend or even a post-partum doula come in and help you, either with baby chores or household chores. Get a mother's helper (many towns have a youth & family services program or a job match program for kids of the baby sitting age--mother's helpers are usually a little on the younger side, but you only pay them $4-6 per hour) who will do simple tasks around the house to help you keep up with things.

I knew I was having a boy the second time around so I knew I could take advantage of hand-me-downs...only problem was, they were born in opposite seasons (winter & summer) so I still needed new things for #2. So get your fall/winter clothing concerns figured out now, and take advantage of your local www.freecycle.org Yahoo Group. It's a fabulous way to get (and get rid of!) FREE baby clothes/gear among thousands of other things.

Definitely make a big deal out of the older sibling's new role as "helper" and "big brother". They're a bit young now to understand much, but just wait, it'll sink in once baby arrives. We bought a "big brother" gift from the baby to our older son, so that he would feel special. It was a toy tool set, which we deliberately chose as something they could play with together as baby got older (and they do! Now they are 3.5 and 2.1 y.o.). Anything creative you can do to help your toddler understand the baby is not an intruder or usurper of your time and attention is all for the best.

Create a special backpack or basket full of items that your older son can only have access to whenever it's time to feed the baby. Prepare a sippy cup for your toddler so he has something to drink at the same time as baby. In the basket/backpack, include a dry snack (pack of Goldfish or fruit snacks), a Color Wonders book and markers (ink only works on that special paper), a musical or talking toy of some kind, two wooden puzzles, and a bunch of colored blocks. The idea is to get your son engaged in an activity he can do himself while you are focusing 80-90% on the baby. My son's favorite time to cause trouble (tipping over or pulling leaves off plants, getting into the food cupboards) was when I was sitting down to nurse.

Also, never tell you're older child "we're almost ready to go" unless you 100% mean it. I often had to take him to gym class or daycare, but suddenly realized the baby needed to nurse (I nursed on demand, not by schedule) and so had to drop everything to nurse. This infuriated my toddler, and rightly so, because I was talking without thinking, and not planning properly. So if you need to take DS #1 someplace, be sure to feed & change the baby 30 min. before you need to leave, not as you're heading out the door. That alone will reduce the stress of being a busy new mom!!

If your town has a babysitting coop, join it! It's a great way to get 1:1 time with each child while the other is off on a play date (coops operate on a point system instead of using cash). It also allows you and your husband to get 1:1 time without the kids around (once baby's old enough to be left w/someone else).

Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. SLEEP! Go to bed ON TIME each night! That means by 10PM if at all possible. Do NOT do chores after you put the baby down for the night except to clean up after dinner (your day starts off best wtih a clean kitchen). Everything else can, and should, wait. I learned this the hard way, and I regret all the nights I stayed up doing email, folding laundry, paying bills, etc. A tired mom is a cranky mom, and moreso when she has a toddler and an infant. My toddler gave up his second nap the week before #2 was born. I was in crisis--I'd counted on his nap and it was GONE. To make matters worse, he also stopped sleeping through the night reliably, so for the first 5 months I did not sleep through the night even ONCE. I eventually coped by ensuring I got enough sleep at night and by tiring him out when the baby was awake, so that they would nap together at least once during the day. You know you'll be up for those night feedings for the first 5-6 months, so getting your toddler AND yourself to bed early, AND napping when the kids nap, is CRUCIAL.

Your job is to take care of the kids, not to be SuperWoman. Be sure to get your husband to understand that he also needs to make sacrifices, which may mean no Monday night football because he's the one who has to pick up some of the household chores. Hey, he can fold laundry in front of the tv, right? Enlist his agreement now to help out later, but it'll go best if he gets to choose the manner of helping (maybe he digs cooking & dishes over washing & folding). It takes two to raise a child, it takes two to make a house dirty, and it takes two to clean it up. Establishing good habits ("picking up after yourself") with your husband and son now will go a long way toward keeping from getting behind after the baby is born.

Yes, it IS hard, and I DO have my hands quite full with two boys that are <18 mos apart. Would I do it that way again? No, and it was a fluke that it happened this way. There have been many difficulties along the way, and my 3rd child is planned to arrive in 2 years or so. My 3 younger sibs are between 3.5 and 12 years younger than myself, so even my mom doesn't understand how hard it can be sometimes. BUT I have learned many valuable lessons, and I would NOT CHANGE the way it is. My boys are becoming very good lifelong friends, as #2 really worships #1 and thinks he's the same age, I swear. There are so many wonderful things about two kids so close in age, which most people have already mentioned below. But the comments you hear are not focused on the long run, they're only thinking about what you and your girlfriend face in the coming year. Remember, don't be discouraged by "that's gonna be tough"--instead, use it as an opportunity to ask for support, even if it amounts to someone bringing you a macaroni casserole for the freezer once a week.

Good luck!

S. -

My little ones are 20 months apart and, I think one poster said it best, since when is having children ever EASY? ;-) Ha!

Yes, there will be trials, long nights, lack of sleep..... but we expect that anyway. From my side of the fence, where my beautiful DD's are 3 and 5 years old... life is GREAT! It was hard when they were little. 2 in diapers, pacifiers, feedings, oh mama was it tough some days. However, it's such a short period of time. Babies grow into toddlers and toddlers grow into pre-schoolers and before you know it you're watching them play together on the playground while you drink your coffee and chill out.

And the biggest benefit of all - having siblings who are close in age. My 2 DD's are so loving and the best of playmates.

So, yes, the first years will be hard. But you can do it! You've done it once already. But the reward is "priceless".

GL to you.

Hi. The best advice I can give you is not to stress out about the age difference. You never get what you can't handle. I have 3 kids, the last 2 are 13months apart. They love each other and are each others world. At times it may be difficult, but you are a strong woman and mother. Anything you set your mind to you can accomplish. It's like the first time you gave birth...all the stress and questioning what's going to happen? Can I really handle this? How can I go on caring for a newborn? The baby was up all night and you're so tired.. And there you are. Tired, still somehow managing.(Maybe minus a shower or two, to nap)The point is you've done it. You've already done more than you ever thought you could, just by being a Mom. And adding another to your family couldn't be more rewarding. You'll manage, same as always...well except for the constant running from one baby to the other, more diapers, more messes...But more laughter and smiles too. And when they get bigger more milestones, and I love you's. Try not to stress about it. When the youngest has their first birthday, you will look back and think-where would I be without them, and look at how much love they have for one another. It's an awesome site. Something I missed out on with my oldest. He's 5 years older than his sister, 6 to his brother. And they're not as close. Either way Motherhood is consistantly challenging. Love those babies, don't stress over them and everything will work out great.