Seeking Moms Who Are Quick Thinkers/ Seeking Advice About Kids' Friends

ok Brushing is important, BUT there are other ways to promote dental health. Mainly Diet, If you have pop/sports drinks/ koolaid in your house and allow him to drink it, then you are harming his teeth just as much. I'd tell him, either he brushes or it's Water only.
Apples, celery those sorts of things are great for helping to take care of teeth.
I'd be tough, either he brushes or there is nothing sweet and sticky to eat or drink.
Ask your dentist where to get the purple tablets that show were he missed brushing. I think drugstores have them.

The party thing is tough, We don't have a party each year, but if you do know the other kids are having one and just aren't inviting our kids then it does hurt. I guess i would do what i could to help your kids each make one special friend who would invite them in return. focusing on true friends instead of just inviting everyone you know.

Donna, I am a couple of days late into your question. First - You should not be brushing his teeth if he can do it himself!!! At 11, kids are old enough to be held accountable for his action or inaction. If they do not take care of certain basic hygiene issues, chores around the house, etc. then they do not receive the benefits other family members receive. Beyond allowance, this can include t.v.; cell phone, computer time, game time, outside time - basically whatever is important to him that will motivate him to correct the issue.

It does not hurt to scare children by telling them the reality that they only have 1 set of teeth and the consequences of their actions. The dental hygenist can tell them this.

As far as the dental issues, withholding allowance for noncompliance is an option, in my opinion. Add it to his chore list and maybe offer extra incentive if he brushes his teeth everytime he is supposed to. If you haven't done so, maybe have him do some research on the internet regarding what happens when you don't take care of your teeth. He may be surprised to know that poor dental hygiene affects not only your teeth, but can lead to other health issues (such as infections that spread throughout the body). Perhaps his dentist or a dental specialist can talk to him from their point of view. An idea that is a little "out of the box" is to have him volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe a nursing home where there is likely to meet people who didn't or don't have access to appropriate medical/dental care. He may get a glimpse of what lies ahead for him.

Regarding the birthday party issue, what if you start a new tradition in which you do away with the "friend" birthday parties and instead do something special with your family - a dinner out, a movie, mini-golf, or some activity of their choosing. If you think it is appropriate the birthday child can invite one friend. You can explain this change however you want - new household rule, kid parties too expensive, at a certain age the kid parties stop, etc.

Good luck to you.

ahhh Donna ,
2 boys . that answers alot . well; alot of pre teens go through not showering,not combing hair, dirty clothing
just lazy .... that is all .[ both girls and boys]
11 year is a nightmare .
social issues, lazy, girl issues, dances, best buds , church, sports,dirt ..
the last thing this child wants to do is floss and teeth groom'n .. HE IS LISTENING . HE IS NOT DOING .
****** get the plastic brightly colored floss 'stixs' .
instruct him to use 1 a day [ ck the garbage can for a neon green flosser ] if found a used 1***** PRAISE his 'twinkle face' !!! **if none located in trash ...
PUNISH = no wii, tv, cell, party, until you FLOSS [ by HIMSELF] than ck garbage again [ do not let him catch on ]
* answer : PRAISE or PUNISH . HE has to be SELF MOTIVATED
you can not force this on an 11 year old .. too late .
= GIVE HIM PRIVACY !!!!!!! DO NOT WATCH HIM, DO NOT peek,DO NOT NAG ....let HIM do for HIMSELF .[ trust him to care]
tell him he is really cute too !!!!!![ needs to hear that for his GIRL issues]
now; do the same w/ his battery spiderman tooth brush pay the $ for it [ something odd] just for him .
ck after he leaves the bathroom , is brush wet ? or dry ?[ ahhh smart mom again] .... get some kind of paste w/ a color that will leave a residue on his brush [ another trick]
MOM; YOU GAVE HIM ALL THE TOOLS . IT IS UP TO HIM .
that is the answer.[ SELF MOTIVATION CARRIES THROUGH TO HIS ENTIRE LIFE}
last thing you want to do is embrasses him .
concerning the party, not an issue at this point .
kids socialize in sports, school, texting, etc ...he is not worried at all.
I bet he WANTS a CELL phone ...[great reward for a sparkley smile in september ]
a grammy

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. I would try the reverse psychology trick with the teeth brushing. Act like you don't care, he's obviously getting you worked up over it. When he sees he's not getting so much attention over it, hopefully he'll eventually just do it. At 11 I would think he's able to understand why he needs to take care of his teeth.

As for the birthday party question, do you know that the other kids are actually having a birthday party? If you know that they are having a party and not inviting your kid, then I'd probably quit inviting them. Also, they may have so many other people in their family, they simply may not have the money to invite all the friends.

You are probably a great mom, don't worry so much!!!

As for the teeth issue, I like Kay's advice on eliminating sweet stuff until he is taking better care of his teeth. can your dentist talk to him (alone--no you) and explain hygiene combined with some shocking illustrations, etc?
Maybe back off a bit. Seems like the more we harp on stuff, the more resistant the kids get.
Can he work on a reward system? X amount of brushing days = a reward?

As far as the birthday parties go....that's a tough O.. I wouldn't just NOT invite the kids who don't reciprocate--I'd invite who the kid wants to be there. They haven't figured out that they are being slighted so I wouldn't escalate the issue.

My 12 year old is the same way, i am seriously debating showing her a nasty toothed picture on the internet...maybe we have to show them the reality of rotten teeth :)

(this was when my son was a littl younger maybe 8 or 9) i would stand in the bathroom with my son at the sink and watch him brush his teeth, (i still watch him but only because he likes to brush teeth while i brush mine.) i would make him stand there until he brushed appropriately. at first it was hard but now he knows that neither of us are going anywhere until he does it right. i'm calm and patient. he figured out really quickly that i wasn't kidding. it was a long time at the sink the first time.

all kids are different. even now my 11 year old just doesn't want to take the time to do it, there's always something else he can be doing. and it's still a struggle sometimes, i hope someday i won't have to remind him everytime, but for now at least i don't have to fight him...

Good luck...
S.

Hi D.,

Number 1: stop having birthday parties. What have your children done for you or the household to warrant a birthday party?

Number 2: Ask your son, "What is keeping him from brushing and flossing his teeth?"

Let him explain his point of view.

Let him make a poster board about healthy teeth and gums.

How to keep them healthy.

Consequences of not taking care of this teeth.

What have you learned?

Good luck. D.

Some parties are really expensive, so maybe their friends are only inviting a handful? Or maybe they aren't even having parties at all, you know? i don't remember having birthday parties after 6th grade.

if they are showing up to your son's parties, then I wouldn't worry about it. If they were making up silly excuses, AND not inviting him, then maybe there is a problem, know what I mean?