"Seeking Moms All Over

Updated on December 27, 2008
A.V. asks from Baltimore, MD
31 answers

For those of you who are stay at home moms how do you handle being a stay at home mom? To me it gets alot frustrating maybe and I feel I have no Social Life.

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Y.L.

answers from Richmond on

Yes, I have no social life and it's all about the little guy and soon to be another little guy. It is so lonely and frustrating sometimes. And sometimes I am so bored playing with him. Have you looked for mommy groups where you live? I never had much luck with those but it might work for you

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I have made a few friends through keeping my daughter active. She is in taekwondo, soccer, swimming and Odyssey of the Mind. I do not know what I would do without the other moms I have met through these organizations.

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,

I totally understand how you feel. I am a stay at home with my 7 month son and I am only 23. I am not ready for my life to be boring. I know it is important and the best to be home with my son but I needed to find things for myself. I go to the local MOPS group but I decided that I needed something apart from being a mom too. I became a Mary Kay consultant. It is really fun because I get to be with other women and have social interaction. I can make some extra money to do some of the things to make the house nice or get clothes that I otherwise wouldn't get. I also get an excuse to dress nicely and look good. It makes a huge difference when I have a reason to put myself together in the morning and look good leaving the house. After all I am an advertisement for my business. I feel so much younger and happier with my life being able to do something for me but still having all the flexibility needed to take care of my son. There are no quotas and no territories and Mary Kay is actually under represented in the northern virginia area. I would love to tell you more or hang out and let you try the products to see if its something you might enjoy. You can email me at [email protected]____.com or visit my website www.marykay.com/sarahcmartin

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D.K.

answers from Washington DC on

I get myself and the kids out of the house on a regular basis. I home school my oldest so we don't even have interactions through the school. I compensate for this by getting us involved in sports and activities. We go to story time at the library once a week where I am friendly with some of the other moms, we go to home school gym once a week too where again, the moms are friendly and we can talk while kids play. My oldest is in wrestling which is three times a week and cub scouts which is once a week so we're getting out and being around several different groups of people every week. It really helps. It makes me feel a little more connected to the community and not so much like a shut-in. I also make a point of asking one of my neighbor moms to go to the day time activities with me (story time and gym). We're friends already, but this is a good way to get together without needing babysitters etc... You just need to find some other SAHM's to network with. When you've got kids, you have a lot less in common with your old (and single) friends than you used to, so it's time to go hunting for a new batch of friends that you have more in common with. Get in contact with your local parks and rec department. They can inform you of any weekly play groups for toddlers or anything like that where moms can bring the kids and get together. You'll find that most people that go to these things are very friendly.

BTW, where are you located?

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A.B.

answers from Norfolk on

I completely understand how you feel. When my stepson lived with us I used to say that they misnamed stay at home moms because we were never there! Now that he's no longer living with us and it's just me and my girls, we still go out a lot to different places, just not as much since most of our outings were medical related. We go to the mall and the library for story hour. We go to the zoo and the children's museum. We also go volunteer at least once a month. There really is no need to spend your money on a mom's club. I couldn't see spending money on a potluck and playdate group. I am thinking on joining the YMCA as they do have scholarship programs available and it would be good motivation to exercise. It's hard to make friends when you have kids and maybe don't have the cash for park or museum admission or club dues. Meetup and yahoo groups as well as club mom and mothering.com's discussion forums are good free places to start.

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L.F.

answers from Norfolk on

A.,
I was a SAHM at your age...and had 2 more children very quickly....3 kids in 4 years to be exact. I ended up working part time when my husband was at home to give myself a break. It was only 3-4 hours a few times a week but we could use the money and I needed ME time to refuel and recharge my patience level. I am currently a Mary Kay consultant and this would have worked great....as would any work from home type job( pampered chef/ premiere jewelry, etc)if you don't want to miss time with your husband to work part time.
Church was a tremendous help...the nursery kept the kids while I talked to real live adults! That gave me sanity ...as well as working on my faith and parenting values;)
Hang in there...get involved and don't just stay at home bored! You'll see that it is so worth it! My children are now all teenagers and I can look back on their younger years and know that I was there when they took their first step, spoke their first words and when they were sick and needed me.
God bless,
L.

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T.H.

answers from Norfolk on

find a playgroup in your area. this will give you adult conversation and hopefully friends in your area and your kids get to go on playdates with new friends. i found my groups at yahoogroups.com. go there and then enter your city and maybe the word moms or playgroup ect. and hit search, hope you find one!

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C.B.

answers from Washington DC on

A. join a mom's group in your area. It will help tremendously and you will gain somewhat of a social life for yourself. I don't know what area you are in but chesapeakemomsclub.org is for the eastern shore, MD. Groups are everywhere. You deserve it!

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T.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Join a book club - this will get you out of the house at least once a month with friends. Join the YMCA in your area. Most have programs that will allow you to leave your little ones with a sitter for up to 3 hours while you work out, take a class or swim. When they get older, they even have a home schooled program once a week where you can take your kids for activities while you spend time with other moms. There are lots of things out there, just keep an open mind and go looking. I typed from home while my children slept and I started a home business. You can do it! They only stay little for a short time. Enjoy them!!!!

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C.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I found my local Moms Club to be a life saver. You can check on line for your town's group. Along with being an opportunity for my 2 year old to socialize with other toddlers his age, it is a wonderful "mom" networking opportunity for me. We meet monthly and also do other activities such as playgroups for the kids, field trips to local kid friendly attractions, and other kid related outings.

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Talk to your husband. Try to get through to him that you need some social time outside of the home. Find an activity you would enjoy, and join. My passion is theater. Actually performing in plays. Unfortunately, my husband said I didn't have time for that while we were married. I greatly resented it. Now that we're separated, I have been having a ball. Join a choir, join a gym. But do something so you can interact with other adults.

B.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi A., I have been a stay at home mom for 17 years!!!
I had some of my best times when my kids were younger. I joined groups like La Leche League, MOPS, Womens bible studies. We always had something to do and it was a good way to meet people. You could start with one activity a week and have something to look forward to. Then you could add in storytime at the library on the days that you have to run errands. Don't do too much, you want to have cozy days at home with your kids. Have fun and enjoy these years!

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M.T.

answers from Norfolk on

A.,
I think that is the million dollar question. I have been a home for just about a year. At first it was nice because I had a new baby. But now it has made me lazy and my days fly by. I did finally try to get on a schedule with laundry and only do it on Monday and tha helps some.
Otherwise I try to plan my errand running time during my son's awake hours so that he isn't cranky.
As far as a social life, I never really had one here to begin with. I moved to Chesapeake last December and have been tied up with children and home. I guess if running to Wal-Mart is a social life, I have figured out how to do that. I also take my daughter to the library on occassion and that gives us time out.
I am 10 years older than you and I still get frustrated. Going to work outside the house would be a break for me.

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M.F.

answers from Washington DC on

A., rest assured you are not alone! I was there, in a new state and without any family. Somedays, I thought the walls were closing in and I was losing it. If you are able to sign your daughters up for some Mommy and Me-like classes or storytime at the library (which is free). That's a great way to meet other mothers (probably going through the same thing you are) on a weekly basis. This is one time that its "ok to talk to strangers :-). Once you start talking you might find that you have something in common with someone ---besides drool and stretchmarks :-). Once you've connected with someone you can meet outside of the classes (that worked for me). Meet up with the kids at the park/mall and have coffee and adult conversation while the kids are playing and eventually, it could lead to "girls night out". You can also try joining a church or volunteer if you are able to. You are not going to meet anyone if you stay at home all day get out and see what's available in your neighborhood. We all love our kids, but sometimes we just need to be "girls" and not mommy. Hope this helps.

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D.B.

answers from Dover on

Hi A.,
There are a lot of great ideas here! Check out mothersandmore.org and see if there is one in your area. This is a group that offers playgroups and other activities that include children BUT there are MOMS ONLY activities, too!! That's because Mothers & More recognizes that we must focus on ourselves, too, in order to be the kind of PERSON we want to be, not just the mother we want to be. It's not a one or the other situation--as moms, we're women, too. It's a great blend!!

D.

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K.K.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,
While being a stay at home mom allows me to watch my little girl grow up and love every minute of it...it does make me feel cut off from the grown up world A LOT! I've lived in both Northern VA and now out on the western shore of the Bay. Both places I went on meetup.com and searched for mom's groups. I joined them and try to get out at least once during the week with my daughter, but the groups also plan for Mom's night out too. At least for me, because I really don't know anyone in the area...it has been really nice to be able to get out of the house for a little more adult interaction! Hope this helps!

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K.F.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes, you are not alone! Even though my kids are older, I just became a full-time mom when I got married to my husband and his two kids. I freaked out - haha...no honeymoon period, no free time, no random vacations or nights on the town - it's even harder when the husband is in the military away from your family - I'm right there with you! I think even a couple hours a few times a week will help out a lot - and at least give you something to look forward to. We were very involved in church in his last station and that kept us busy - at least 2 times a week...we would make a family outing to McD's as a treat and then go to Wed night service - it gave me a break from cooking dinner...and it allowed the kids to socialize and meet other kids, and my husband and I got a break and interacted with ADULTS! And then we moved here and I found a great gym that has a nursery area as well as classes for older kids. My daughter stays with the 6-8 year olds and my son is in the 9-12 year old classes....they play in the pool, play sports, etc and all with other kids and it teaches them to take care of themselves and be physically fit, while I can relax with other ladies and do a yoga class, cardio, etc....and then I could even sit in the sauna for a while if I felt like it - knowing the kids would be taken care of, but were close. Also - it's 24 hours, so I can take a break whenever I need to. Exercising is also a great way to improve mood and help lose that baby weight...:)

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R.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi, A. - I joined a local mom's group (www.baltimoremommies.com), and that's where I find most of my social outlets. I still don't get out much because I don't have a car, but this way I can talk to other local moms and occasionally make a playdate.

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L.L.

answers from Washington DC on

It can be hard at the beginning to meet people but I strongly suggest that you join an MOMS Club....that is what I did when I first moved here and I have made some wonderful friends and actually usually end up with way too much on my plate socially. If you look up the link, MOMS Club International, you can find a local moms club chapter in your area. The fees to join are about $20 a year and you can join playgroups that have moms with kids your age, go to moms night outs, and attend a host of monthly activities that are offered for you to do with your kids. I strongly recommend it! The MOMS Club stands for "Moms Offering Moms Support" and it is a really great organization...they do service projects in the community as well and you can take part in those if you want. Anyway, good luck and I hope this helped!

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S.W.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi A.,

I know exactly what you mean, I am also a sahm and it can get frustrating and be isolating as well. I don't know where you live but check out www.meetup.com and www.yahoogroups.com to find like minded moms. For instance, in our area on meetup there is a group called 2006 Mommies, and we all have a child who was born in 2006. They have several gatherings a week and you can pick and choose which ones fit your schedule. Keep trying it make take a bit to find a group you 'click' with but there are other moms out there to hang out with!!

Take care, Suzannne

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E.S.

answers from Richmond on

A.,
I am right there with you. I am a stay at home mom of 5, 2 in school all day and 3 home all day and I have days I go completely nuts and I have days that are fine. I do attend a moms group at my church 2 days a month and this helps break up the days and seems to help with my stress level, though I would love for the group to take place pften. I also take my older 3 to karate one night a week and we take all of the kids to church on wednesday nights which I love and my kids look forwrd to each week. I have been at home with the kids for the last 4 and a half years and I am getting to the point of being very ready to go back to work, not only for financial reasons but also for myself. I do feel like I have no social life just as you do, I would love to have girlfriends to go with and go shopping, out for drinks or whatever but I almost never leave my house without kids and my husband, it is getting old. It does not help that I am new to the area and have not made many friends. Not sure where you are located but I am near Richmond and if you would like and are close email me and maybe we can set up play dates. Good luck and enjoy the holidays.

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S.M.

answers from Norfolk on

The words "frustrating" and "no social life" sum up SAHMs everywhere! Go to Meetup.com and find a good playgroup. Go to several and find a comfortable fit for both you and your daughters. You can also try mommiesnetwork.com. Both of those are nationwide organizations that offer local searches for your area.

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A.B.

answers from Washington DC on

You did not mention the ages of your daughters, but there are several organizations (all have area chapters) that might interest you: 1) Mocha Moms, http://www.mochamoms.org/
2) MOPS International, http://www.mops.org/
3) Moms Clubs, http://somd.com/orgs/women/mothers/index.php
4) GHEM, Godly Home Educating Mothers
If you do not want to join a group, you should look for activities where you can take your daughters and you all will meet other parents. All local libraries have storytime sessions; Nature Centers offer special workshops for children; bookstores like Barnes & Noble and Borders offer special storytimes; and local museums. When the weather breaks, take them to the park and you'll find plenty of parents out with their preschoolers. During this time, your social life will pretty much include your children. It's just that season of motherhood until they are older. So, find those activities you enjoy that embrace children. Some art supply shops, like AC Moore, offer Saturday clinics, and some new art studios offer classes for very young children and mom. There are yoga studios and gymnastics programs through park and planning, and even Kindermusik offers a Mommy and Me playtime. It just requires a shift in the me-time mindset. You do not lose who you are because you will share that side of yourself with your children. For example, I love museums, reading, restaurants and travel. I drag my children to all of these activities, trying to find things that also offer educational opportunities for them. My husband loves music and technology and takes them to those events. And, our children LOVE rides and games so we take them to places like Chuck E Cheese, state fairs, Six Flags, etc. Some places like My Gym and the Little Gym offer Parents Survival Nights Out so you can get some time to yourself. You do not have to be a martyr. And, once you make good friends (over time), maybe you and another mom can take turns watching each other's children so you can have some quiet time. If you have relatives in the area, they might also be helpful so you can get a day to yourself, at least once per month, and/or talk to husband about taking one Saturday a month when he can spend time alone with the girls. That way, you'll get two to 3 days per month just to yourself. Also, learn to wake up before your children, or stay up one hour after putting them down to bed, and that gives you some more time to yourself! You can be a SAHM without losing yourself and be totally fulfilled, and you should have good, I mean good, friendships, which take time. Do not invite women over as soon as you meet them. Time is a person's best friend. It might be a year or two before you start inviting someone into your home or allowing them to watch your children and reciprocating. But, you need time to get to know people. Never make relationships out of desperation. And, in time, you will have a lifestyle that is fun, gives you time with your family and a new appreciation for time. Always try to continue to learn something new, a new recipe, new hobby, new language, and be sure to teach that to your girls. There is no such thing as a perfect wife or mother, so just do your best. Try to ignore foolish conversations like "why are you home? and When are you going to get a job?" Do not try to fit into a bizarre "Stepford" wife for your husband, meaning you are perfectly dressed and house is perfect, etc. Just be yourself, but be willing to let go of some of the freedom that comes with being single without children. It's only for a short period, believe me. I've been home five years now, and it seems like a blur. Also, do not neglect your spirit nor your physical health. Make time to meditate (as a Christian, I pray), and exercise your body, either by takign your girls on walks or riding bikes (in the winter, walk indoors at museums or malls, a mommy & me gym, etc.) This is an exciting time in your life. Embrace it and enjoy it. There are few times in life when we actually get to stop and live in the moment.

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N.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.- Have you joined your local MOMS Club? It is a great way to meet other stay at home moms and to get out for playdates and other weekly activities. It is a great support group full of women just like yourself.
Every area has it's own chapter. You can go to www.momsclub.org to find the one near you.

N.

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R.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't think you are feeling any different than any other stay at home mom. When you are a mom, that is a 100% full time job, with no breaks. No going to the bathroom by yourself, no listening/watching adult music or tv shows, no cooking by yourself, no easy quick trips to the store, etc...but these are the things you will miss one day - or so I'm told :). I stayed home until my oldest was three and my next was one. I then found out I was pregnant again, and was unable to quit work at that point. While I do go crazy if I have to stay home and can't do anything by myself, I would give anything to have it back. Being able to stay home is a great gift - and while it does get frusterating, I would try to get out more and join groups with the girls. The library was always a go-to spot for me becaues kids love it and it is FREE. Luckily, my parents live close by and we almost daily would go out to lunch and shopping - if for nothing more than adult time for me!! Good luck!

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E.S.

answers from Richmond on

You don't even have to join and organization to get involved. Talk to other moms you see at the park or walking in the neighborhood at local stores. Ask if they want to start a play group. Meet at each others houses once a week to socialize and let the kids play with each others toys. Everyone brings a lunch so all the host has to do is clean a little. The kids don't have to be exactly the same age. Just start talking to moms you see and eventually you will find some people. Also, you can join a gym (if budge allows) that has a day care so you can take classes and meet some people that way.

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K.T.

answers from Dover on

I would suggest checking out local moms groups in your area. I live in Dover, DE and we have a GREAT Mothers & More Chapter (otehr areas may have Moms Club, or moms on the go groups). We do playgroups and parties for the kids, but just as importantly we do Moms ONLY events, giving us time to spend with other moms and recharge our batteries!!
I was new to the State when I had my first as a stay at home mom, and the friends I met in the group saved my sanity!!
Best of luck, being a stay at home mom can be very challanging (more than people realize), but the rewards are SO great!!
K.

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A.R.

answers from Washington DC on

HI there - I see you have quite a few responses already. I just want to let you know you are not alone out there. I am in the same boat as you, I'm a tad older but for the first time since I have been able to work I am not. I gave up a great career to follow my husband in the military and now am a SAHM, which is wonderful but definately the most difficult job I have EVER had!!! Combined with not knowing anyone out here, what I try to do is just get some alone adult time on weekends, whether it be going to starbucks or the store or whatever, I find that helps to recharge me as much as possible. I know it's not much but it does help me.

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S.J.

answers from Lynchburg on

A.,
First - You have made the best decision! To choose to be at home while your children are growing, to be there to nurture and instill values in them early on is so important to their growth.
You can still have a 'life'. Work it out with your husband or sitter that you trust, to have an evening with some girlfriends or find another SAHM that you can trade 'sitting with each others children' to have a free day to do some shopping or go have a massage.
Get involved in a home based business that allows you to work when you want, as much/or as little as you want. As a SAHM, I became a BeautiControl consultant. I love it, and get to purchase products for my personal use at 30-50% off.
This business gives me 'permission' to get out of the house and be with other women from time to time.
A.....you have made an awesome choice. You are young, yes. This means you will have plenty of time for your personal socialization once your children are grown. Your daughters need you now. To watch them grow, instead of hearing about their 'Firsts' from a babysitter, while you're working, will be more precious than a social life. As a 51 yr old Mom of 11, 7, 5 year old children - I made the conscious decision to leave a good job of 20 years to be home with my kids. I have no regrets!
We, the members of Momsource are here to help you and support you. Take care & know that you've made the right choice!!!!! ;-)

check into a home business like mine at www.beautipage.com/bcsuz it can't hurt to look.

S.

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J.L.

answers from Roanoke on

Hi A.,
I wish I had some advice, but I too am a sahm to my 13 mo old dd with another due in May. I love, love, love her to death, but that's all I do is watch over her. I don't have a social life since we live 4 hours away from NoVA where family and friends live and all there is here are colleges. I grew up in Alexandria and I love that city. I wish we could move back, but it's not possible right now. We did sign up for Diaper Gym classes at the Rec center, I love it since dd gets to interact with other little ones and I get to talk with other moms, but it's only once a week and once we leave the rec center, I don't talk to the other moms until the following week. I did try a MOPS group, but that didn't work out, it just wasn't what I expected and I didn't relate much to the other moms. I used to travel up almost every other weekend, but with my dd not loving the 4 hr car trip, we just go up for holidays for now. Good luck!

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S.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I have been a SAHM for 13yr. I love it. I think the key is to have a social life. I think there are some fun easy ways to make friends and have some mommy time. Check out your local church many have Mom's groups that you could plug into. My favorite group is Mothers of Preschoolers or MOPS you can find them online and they have groups all over the country. They provide a fun class time for your children birth -5yr. and the mom's have a great time together. It is a great way to meet other moms in your area with small children. I have a great friend that works one night a week at a book store because she loves books and it is her mommy recharge time. The possibilities are endless but it is important to find a little down time for you. Another thing I have done is have friends over to my house in the evening once the kids are in bed. By taking a little time out to recharge you will have more to give back to your kids

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