Seeking Mom's of Pre-teen to Teen Girls

Michelle, I understand my 10 year old started shaving her legs a few months ago. She was really hairy and she just started shaving her under arms. Very scare for us first time moms,lol My hubby keeps telling me its time to have that birds and the bees talk.

My mom gave me a shaver that was made so you couldn't cut yourself when I started getting hair under my arms and made me wait till I had my first cycle to start on my legs.I was about 12 when it all started.Hopes this helps

Hi I am goin through the same thing and everyone has great advice I have an 12 and 10 year old girls, my oldest started shaving her armpits last year she has not shaved her legs yet I feel she should bc the hair is pretty visible and of course I want to protect her from rude kids but until she is ready it is her choice, my daughter is not one to talk much to me she embarasses easily so a way I approached it was with a great book it is by American Girl and called All about me, this book covers pretty much everything but not to far just enough for them to be comfortable and at this age the schools have covered some of it. Also for the preperiod thing both my girls have a little coin purse in their bookbag that has a clean pair of underwear and pads plus they have a pair of thin pants in their bag just in case, I feel it would be less embarassing for them to change than to have an accident, especially since both my girls have male teachers. I hope this helps and good luck.

K.

Hello M. I have a 14 year old duaghter that will be 15 in Nov. I let my duaghter start shaving when she was 11 do to the same thing your daughter is going through. My daughter came to me and said mom I do not like this my I start shaving. I was shocked and did not want my baby to grow up, but I guess we have no controll over that. I did how every stay for the first few times she shaved to make sure she did not cut herself.

You may not like my point of view ;) but here it is... I let my daughter shave her legs at 8. The hair was long and it bothered her and I've never been one to care about Dr. So-and-so's schedule for children. I do what feels right to me. She doesn't have hair under her arms yet but if she did, I would let her shave it. My daughter said the hair on her legs was "blowing in the wind" and other girls were making remarks. Actually, she doesn't shave much, only when the hair gets long again. I would do what you feel is right. Talk to her, see how she feels about it. I personally don't think there IS a "right" age to do things... who made all those "rules" to begin with?

This is all interesting! I have been talking to my hubby a lot about this lately. My step daughter is 9 and I noticed recently that she's goign to have to start wearing deoderant soon which means everythign else is soon to follow. Her mom did send her to our house in a "training bra" a few weeks ago which kind of freaked my husband out! He's not ready to let her grow up yet, but I know that I was wearing a bra by the time I was in 4th grade. I also needed to shave and wear deoderant then, but I was really shy about asking my mom about it. One of my friends mom's actually ended up bringing it up to my mom after we had been to the pool and little boys were making fun of my underarm hair!

My daughter turned 11 in July and has started asking me the same questions I think that I was in 6-7 grade before I started shaving if i remember correctly. She has started asking me the same thing too. Her Dr. said that she would probably be starting her cycle soon, lovely, was my thought if I thought she was moody and rude now imagin what PMS is going to cause :)
Does your daughter have the I am 16 attitude already also? Mine does, I was not expecting this so early. I would love to chat with you more about this as I have been at my wits end lately with her!!
Get back with me, S.

My daughter is 10 1/2 and I can sympathize. If the hair under her arms are long, I'd let her shave them just for her own comfort. As for the legs, I told my daughter she'd have to wait at least another year just due to her age (and she's not that hairy, either). There is not reason to start that. Peer pressure is huge at this age and for some things, I'll give in but not on others! I know that anywhere from 1-2 years after pubic hairs develop will be when the cycle starts. Beyond that, it's a guess. It's hard for us moms! We don't want them to grow up fast but we can see things changing. Good luck and hey, if you need to commiserate some more, feel free to email me!

M.,
Sounds real close to home here. I have an 11 yr old that will be 12 in March. She had come to me about shaving her legs a week or so ago. So I did shave her legs for the first time to show how it is done. She said that it was emberassing for her in PE. They now have to change clothes for gym in front of the other girls. She is showing the mood swings for starting her period but just hasnt started yet. As for the arm pits she now has to wear deorderant but no hair yet. I would talk with her and see how she feels. I know I wasnt ready to have my little girl(eventhough she is my oldest)shaving but when it came down to it I thought she was ready and responsable to shave. I hope this helps.
K.

Pardon me for enjoying this discussion. I remember these issues well. Although I raised two daughters, what mostly tickles me is memories of my own adolescence. I was a very tiny and a late bloomer, and at eleven years old I really, really wanted a bra - but had absolutely NOTHING to hold one up! My poor parents could barely keep a straight face... And unfortunately, although I can laugh about it now, what I mostly remember was that my parents LAUGHED at me... SO, my first bit of advice is - this is serious business to our daughters... try hard to respect that!

Here's something I tried with my oldest daughter, who had the baby-finest strawberry blond hair on her legs. Although she could "see" this hair, it was the same baby hair she'd always had and really did not warrant shaving. I told her that we would try shaving a small section of her leg, so that she could see how it felt when it grew back in. Then if she still really WANTED to shave it, I would let her (again, a matter of taking her seriously). So, you know, it grew back in and felt (of course) coarse and yucky. But you know what? She still wanted to shave it, so I taught her how to use the razor, supervised her, bit my tongue, etc. After a couple of weeks of this, she had enough of it and gave it up! Mission accomplished until she got "real" grown-up hair.

I don't think there's a right or wrong. I've heard some mothers say that if they let their kids do all the "grown up stuff" now, that when they do grow up, there won't be any exciting "rights of passage" and they will have to find "other stuff" to do, stuff that we parents probably wouldn't like. I think there's probably something to that. I guess each situation and each girl is unique. I'd probably have to weigh out her actual discomfort, my actual discomfort, and your personal values about "growing up too fast."

Good luck to you, and know that we're all in there with you - wishing our little girls would stay little just a little while longer!

S.

Hi M., I have a 14 year old daughter and we've been through this! Big fun! lol My daughter started shaving at about 11 1/2. It was for about the same reasons...changing in the locker room etc. I shaved for her the first time, too to show her how. Once she started getting underarm hair she wanted to shave that, too. I think that is just as important because I think underarm hair just shouldn't be there!lol She started mood swings and pre pms a few months before she started her 1st period. Be sure she knows about all that fun stuff and keep liners etc ready for her. It went pretty smoothly with me approaching her with all of it. Sometimes they just don't know what to ask. I would notice something and go to her about it and find out that she was wondering about it, but to unsure and shy to ask about it. Just let her know you're there! Good luck!
J. =)

I'm actually pretty sad about all of this. There continues to be peer pressure on these girls to hate and modify their natural bodies earlier and earlier because parents do nothing to stop it. Short jump from here to lifetimes of dieting and surgery. One of the greatest gifts of girl-hood is not being self-conscious about your body - seeing it as a tool for climbing and jumping and shooting baskets, for making art and for dancing, not as a list of imperfections that have to be shaved and plucked and corseted into submission. If every parent says, "Well, we don't want her to feel embarassed," rather than, "There is nothing to be embarassed of!" then you rob them of that gift and give all the power to the lowest common denominator.

While I don't have girls that age yet, I did start shaving around the age of 10 or 11. My mom gave me an electric razor, which I was more comfortable with. I didn't have much of a need to shave at that point (and I also didn't start having menstrual cycles until I was 14), but I was self-concsious enough to want to shave at that point. I'd say let her start shaving when she feels like she needs to.

I let my daughter start shaving at 11. I remember being the only 13 year old in gym class that didn't shave. Also hard when you needed taped up for a basketball game. It was more than embarrassing.

I don't have a preteen daughter, but remember that at age 10 I started using NAIR with my mom's permission (as she was afraid I would shave off my legs with the hair). It works great and is probably even better nowadays. I think 11 is an appropriate age, but what about her friends at school? Are they already shaving?

Hello!
Mu oldest daughter, is almost 9. This past summer she had some areas on her legs that were longer than the others. We found a great product...Veet. It even came with a plastic razor type thing...mock shaving the gunk off. She was feeling very self conscious about these furry places. Now she is happy to remove them when the need arrises. I am happy she can do it safely without cutting up her legs. And with the fake razor thing, she will learn to manuver(sp) a razor for when the time comes.She says the stuff tingles a bit but not uncomfortable.

Hi M.,

My teen started shaving her arm pits as soon as she had enough hair to be seen by others. Her legs came much later, once she started her period. However, I think it's different for each girl.

I'd weigh the reasons she wants to do it with the responsibility for using a razor and being able to keep up with it on a regular basis. Once she starts to shave her legs, her hair growth will increase causing her to have to shave. If she's ready for that, go for it. I wouldn't hurry. :)

Some people are hairier than others. I think it can be important to shave when hair becomes a social problem for the pre-teen/teen.

I know you didn't request a puberty lesson, but there are two things that most likely will happen before she starts her period.

1-She'll experience a growth spurt and grow fine hairs below.

2-There will be more breast growth, and the hair below will become curly, and she may start to experience some clear discharge -- which is normal. Get ready, it's on it's way!

Then, you should get ready for your cycle to be less predictable for a few months. More than likely, your body will follow hers and you'll be having your periods together.

The human body is such an interesting subject.

Enjoy the teen years!

Hello M.
You didn't say if you have already spoken to her about her body changing into a young woman. If not that would be the first place to start. I would suggest getting one of those shaving kits with the razor that has no blades in it at first to teach her the proper way, you can find these at your local wal-mart. The real time to begin would be between the mother and the daughter. Good luck

I have been wondering about the same thing. My daughter is only 8 and this is one of the "Mommy things" I have looked forward to sharing with her. However, I got a surprise last weekend as she came home from spending the night with one of her little friends. She said "Mommy, are you going to be mad at me? I shaved my legs". She knew I would be because I have talked to her about this before. I told her she couldn't shave her legs until she was at least 12. That's my opinion. I have been trying to remember how old I was when I started and I can't remember. There is so much pressure out there for little girls anymore.

Does she seem interested? I think it's a good idea to follow your daughter's lead when it comes to "growing-up milestones". There aren't many 11-year-old girls who are oblivious to the fact that wearing a bra, shaving and wearing make-up are the next things on their list. So if she hasn't mentioned it, she probably feels like she doesn't want to get into all that just yet. If you think she might just be embarassed to ask, you could casually ask her sometime if any of her friends are shaving or wearing bras or whatever and what does she think about that. If she doesn't seem to care about it, then I don't think I would tell her it's time that she started shaving.

I think there's definitely a range of appropriate ages for all the things that go with puberty. If your daughter wants to shave and you think she's old enough, then you should let her. My own memory of being in junior high was that the earliest bloomers started bras & shaving in 6th grade and make-up a year or so later. The latest bloomers were doing it all by the end of 8th grade, so your daughter still might have a little time of being a "little girl" before she wants to start down the path to womanhood in earnest!

Best of luck!
N.

I think you should let your daughter shave because I started shaving when i was 10

I know that I wish I hadn't started shaving as young as I did. I have blonde hair & if I hadn't started shaving I probably would've had very little hair on my legs & it would've been blonde like my arms. Underarms are another story... My 11 yr old shaves her underarms, but has left her legs alone for now. We talked about it, & I let her decide since it is her body, & a task that she will have to perform. We expect her to start her cycles anyday now, & we've already discussed that as well.

Wish you the best , A.