Seeking Info with Chids Hair

Examine why you feel she MUST have long hair. Does she care if she has the prettiest hair on the block, or do YOU care? A bob can be very cute and she can comb it herself. Perhaps she's ready to comb her own hair, and you doing the combing has become a control issue.

i used to have the exact same problem when i was a little girl. long thick hair used to give me headaches, and i too would fight with my mom everyday to comb it. i suggest you let you get it cut. i would cut it to about shoulder lenghth. that way, both of you win, she has shorter hair, but it's still long enough for you to do and play with. as far as kids conditioner try vive. good luck!

A.

i cut all my little girls hair when she was ready and donated it to locks of love and ended up teaching her a little about charity and giving it was a very rewarding and gratifying experience!! Plus she looked sooooo cute with a new bob.

B.

you didnt say how old your daughter is. I have 3 kids, 2 of them are girls. I like their hair longer but figure, its their hair. To be honest, if its a constant fight, pain for her during brushing and stress for you, if her brother is pulling her hair...and she hates it. Then I hate to say it, but you are being selfish. Hair always grows back, so what is the big deal. It would make things so much easier on both of you if you get it cut..she will be happier. And when she gets older and is able to take care of it herself, and she decides to grow it back, then great...but come on, its just hair.
And trust me, you will have much more important things to deal with as they get older, let this one go and enjoy time with her now.
Pick your battles, and this one is just not worth the effort.

I have a daughter with a long hair and a sensative head. I feel your "pain!" However, we decided not to cut it. Little girls are only little girls once in their life. Short hair means no ponytails, cute bows, or pulling it back. And in the long run when you can't pull it back it is more of a headache. You still have to comb it, but it is just more tangled from being down all day! LOL So here is what I do, and it works great.

I would do the following:

Give it a good trim, just taking off the split ends. The following hair products from Sally's are great, and not expensive. They often run "two for one" sales on them. And the ladies there are great to help you find just the right type product for your hair. The brand I use is ION. We use swimmer's shampoo in the summer, and vitalizing shampoo the rest of the year. (Use what is appropriate for you, of course!) Next, do a good conditioner every other day, light on the top of head to prevent oily hair, heavy on the bottom, to eleminate exessive tangling. On the days you don't use a conditioner, use a "cream rinse detangler." After you do all this, brush it with a "long hair brush." This is also available at Sally's it has a large square head. (You can get it at Walmart, but I recommend Sally's. My daughter complains about the one we had got from Walmart, and it fell apart sooner. They are really about the same price.) When brushing it, spray on the ION leave in conditioner. Do this again in the am when you are fixing your hair for the day. Once a month, I would do a heavy conditioning treatment. It comes in a packet, usually found at the register. Put it in your daughter's hair, put on a disposable plastic cap, and let her play in the tub for about five minutes. You'll be amazed at how soft and managable her hair will become! We call this "our beauty treatment." She thinks she is really doing something big!!!

I know this sounds like a lot of trouble, but it really isn't. It takes five minutes tops to do all of this everyday. And I find when I'm spending this time with my daughter doing her hair, I can talk to her about stuff. "Girl stuff." She has come to like it and so have I. What a better way to bond, huh? And maybe she can keep that little girl hair longer. Let me know if you have any questions about any of the product I mentioned! I would be happy to e-mail you exact names!

Take care! ~Lee, ____@____.com

My mother was the opposite way. I was VERY tenderheaded as a child and would cry EVERY day when she brushed my hair but I wanted it long. She had it cut between my shoulders and chin and told me when I was old enough to do my hair myself, then I could grow it as long as I want.

I would think you have it easy if your child actually wants it shorter. There are many ways you can compromise on the problem. In the end, it's just hair! ;)There are worse things she could want besides short hair! lol

Hi. =)
I can totally relate. My daughter was born with tons of hair and it was curly (she had a pony tail at 6 months old). By age four it was PAST her bum and curly so when it was wet it went almost to her knees. Brushing it was TORTURE! There were days I gave up and just wrapped it bun style and secured it. It was clean, just not brushed. Pick your battles is a big one I live by. Using conditioner alone was the best thing, the 2-1s don't work. I only washed her hair every other day, still only do that. I have found that if you add some conditioner to the no more tangles it really helps. Brushing when wet is the easiest. For awhile I would brush it when it was wet and braid it. On morning two undo the braid and it was very easy to brush then that night wash it and start over. Once she turned 4 we cut it up to her shoulders and donated over 14 inches to Locks Of Love. Her hair grows so fast that it's what we will be doing again. It's been 2 years since we cut it and it's about down to her waist again. I just don't see a reason to waste such beautiful hair so I refuse to cut it till we have the 12 inches needed to donate.
I hope I've been of some help.

When I was a child I had very long thick hair. I hated it then, but mom wouldn't let me cut it. I eventually got ahold of my own hair with a pair of sissors when I was 13.(thinking mom wouldn't notice) It was awful brushing my hair, especially underneath at the base of my neck. It stayed in a ponytail alot as a young girl. But because I grew up with long hair, short hair doesn't suit me. I just braid it every night. I use moisturizing shampoo, and conditioner for dry or damaged hair. It seams to work for me, and I hardly wear my hair up anymore. My daughter has beautiful waist long blonde hair, and she wants it cut because all her friends have short hair. I've told her long hair makes a girl very attractive, but I'd take her to have it cut next year the summer before middle school and donate it to locks of love. I keep saying that, and I really don't want to, but I'd rather do that then wait for her to cut it herself. I've been taking picture of her long hair, because when she grows up, she'll show them pictures off. Hopefully you got an idea out of my experience.
I seen a little girl with very thick long hair, but it was cut in a layer with the hair underneath longer then what was on top. It was really pretty, and a good idea for someone with thick hair

how about going half way with cutting her hair. sometimes it helps with them helping with the things they want most. hair effects in lexington is great. or any salon could give you info on conditioners. i was in the same boat with my youngest daughter, but when we met half way it worked out better. hope this helps,i have 4 children and i have been through alot with them on the same issues T....

J.,
MY DAUGHTER ALSO HAS VERY LONG AND VERY VERY THICK HAIR. aND ITS VERY CURLY. SHE WAS THE SAME WAY WITH GETTING HER HAIR DONE. MY SON ALSO LOVES TO PULL HER HAIR AND TRY TO CUT IT WHATEVER! ANYWAYS, WHAT I DID TO GET HER TO SIT AND LET ME DO HER HAIR IS HAVE HER SIT ON A STEP STOOL AND PLAY WITH HER HAIR THINGS WHILE I COMB AND MAKE HER HAIR PRETTY. I ALSO GIVE HER A HAND HELD MIRROR SO THAT SHE CAN SEE HOW PRETTY SHE IS WITH HER HAIR COMBED AND DONE. IT WORKED OUT VERY WELL AND STILL WORKS. TRY DOING IT IN THE BATHROOM ALSO IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THAT WAY SHE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

J.,

My daughter also has thick "curly" hair and she wanted it long because everyone called her shirly temmple and she also has a very sensitive scalp. We've gone through a lot of conditioners and leave in spray. She always kept it in a pony tail because doesn't like her hair in her face. As she got older (she's 12 now) she started using a iron straitener (we invested in a good one) and it helped in preventing tangles between washings. Because of pulling her hair back she has also pulled back her hair line causing a longer forehead. Not good.

Just before school started she decided to try short again and got it cut shoulder length and everyone including her love it! She is actually wearing it natural. The curls aren't as tight as it was when she was little.

I would go ahead and let her cut it while in elementary. If she decides to want it long again, atleast it can have a chance to grow out before starting middle school. At that time the girls become very sensitive on how their hair looks. Good Luck!

She fights with you because she wants a say so. The way she looks at it, it is her hair and keeping it long is a dreaded torture everyday. Honestly, do you want to fight with your daughter and hurt her everyday for a cosmetic thing like hair.

Hi!
Have you tried just getting a decent regular conditioner? My stepdaughter has really thick hair, and spray in conditioners won't work, so she uses my Pantene. It does wonders for preventing the knots!!
There sure is a lot of advice on here about letting her cut it. Sorry about that, but I worked for a therapist for a long time that would say "Don't put the hair ahead of the relationship." Not bad advice, but take it all with a grain of salt. She's yours, not mine. You asked for conditioners, not advice on cutting her hair! :)

Good luck! Some kids have sensory issues, especially with the head. I could pull my stepson's hair (not that I would!!!) but put a pair of scissors to it or try to shampoo it and he will FREAK!! The head is a major sensory issue for a lot of kids, gotta just find your own way to deal with it, that works for both of you.

:)
B.

my daughtor have beauty black hair and her hair get just like your daughtor hair be the ollion thing i do is take a big tooth comb or a bursh to get the notes out and do more.

My daughter's hair was long and thick too. She too had a sensitive head. I tried every kind of brush, comb, and conditioner that people recommended. Nothing worked. I got my daughters hair cut short. She loves the fact that it doesn't hurt her anymore. She loves getting it ready quickly. I don't have to chase her around the house when its time to comb her hair.
If you guys don't like it short, it will grow back in no time.

Hey J., I would say if you have tried all products at a store talk to a Salon.. For awhile i had to use products from there. You can try any salon just call them and see what they say.

When I was young, I also had long thick hair that my mom had to fight with everytime. It always had tangles that she couldn't get out. I couldn't put it up in a ponytail when it got hot, because the hair was so heavy it would pull so tight on my scalp that I would get headaches. My Dad wanted it long because it looked so pretty, but please think about your daughter's feelings! If she is uncomfortable with it, and you fight with it, then why not cut it. It doesn't have to be really short, just shorter. Hope this helps.

Honestly the best thing to do is cut it to just below the shoulders. It will grow back! My 7 1/2 year old has thick, long beautiful hair and everyone loves it, but I let her choose now because she is old enough. In the summer we keep it closer to the shoulders because of the heat and in the winter, if she wants it longer, she has to brush it so she can have it as long or as short as she wants it!
Good Luck!

I say it is not an issue. If she would like for her hair to be shorter let her get it cut, it will always grow back so the change is not permanent. Long hair is hard for children to take care of and she probably wears it up a lot when she is playing so it is out of her way and it might really hurt her head. I know my daughter will not let me put her hair up because she says that it hurts her head, so we keep her hair short, in an inverted v, stacked a little in the back and it is such a cute cut, and I don't have to fight with her. There are good conditioners out there, Snip Its has a great leave in conditioner specifically for children's hair, if you are wanting to keep it long to help with tangles. I know from experience that my mom wanted me to keep longer hair and I hated it because it would tangle and I didn't like to wear it up, and eventually she let me cut it and I loved it. I know personally that was a struggle and one that she finally quit fighting and just let me do. As I go older and was better able to care for my hair myself she let me wear the way I wanted to which I choose to wear it longer. I hope this helps.

this is a good time to start letting your daughther make decision on her own. her hair is HER HAIR. this is something that she can decide and feel like your giving her the opportunity to do so. i was one of the kids that hated when my mom brushed my hair. even though she thought she wasnt doing it hard...IT HURT! believe that! LOL

Cut it. Once she's able to take care of it herself she can grow it out again. Why fight about it.

My daughter has gorgous long blond hair. What I do is after she showers I comb it out and braid it. Usually she will go to school like that. If she doesn't shower the next night I pull it out and re braid it and the n we will take it down the next day. I do use leave in conditioner ocassionaly. My daughter is 1/4 black so the worst part is her hair can get really dry if we don't keep it conditioned and she has tight curls in spots.

I was a hairdresser for 12 years and saw this argument many times. Kids have so little control over what happens in their life and part of it is her just wanting to be able to make a decision for herself. You have to remember that it is JUST HAIR. It will grow long again if she wants it to, but if you are having such a struggle to comb and brush it the best thing to do is find a shorter style. Maybe offer her a compromise, she wants it cut to her ears and you want it down her back - meet her in the middle. Keep it just long enough to put up and make cute, but short enough that it tangles less.

My youngest daughter has very coarse hair and is very hard to manage. I keep it at chin length just to avoid the tangles and the tears. Goody's makes a brush for tagles which works wonders in my house. Also, my hairdresser advised me to use Pantene conditioner. She said a heavy conditioner was what she needed for her hair. She said not to get the 2 in 1; get the conditioner by itself. When I was in highschool my cosmetology class used mayonaise to conditon our manequin's hair which was also very hard to manage. My hair dresser said that it would work on human hair but sometimes the oil in the mayonaise may have an adverse effect on her hair and make it greasy.

Good luck.

J.,

I understand that you hate to cut her hair, but in the great scheme of things this is a very small issue. As a child, I wanted long hair, but my controlling dad insisted that I keep it in a very short bob. Please let the child have a say-so in her hair. You might try about shoulder length, and see how that goes, and if she wants it shorter, let her have it cut. It will grow back! You might try a shampoo comb, to comb conditioner through it when it is wet and then rinsing it out. This will help regardless of the length, because of the thickness. Please let your child make a decision for herself, it is HER hair, and if she has beautiful hair, it will still be beautiful even when shorter. You will have plenty of bigger "battles" to deal with later, don't let her grow up remembering that "mom would not let me cut my hair"! Also, you certainly don't want her to get so frustrated that she decides to cut it herself!

My personal opinion is if she wants it cut then cut it. In the big scheme of things its not that important of an arguement. I am with you my daughter has beautiful blonde curls and the day she says she wants them cut I'll cry. But I try to pick my battles and focus more on really important issues. Help her find a realy cute short cut that still shows off her hair.
I know a ladies that is an artist with hair and has very resonable prices. Send me a private message if you want her info!
Good luck!!

If she wants it cut, I'd go for it. It doesn't have to be anything dramatic. Maybe a few inches to see what she thinks and maybe cut some more off later. That way, it's long, like you like, but shorter, like she likes. A steady compromise. My daughters hair tangles HORRIBLY. I've tried every conditioner possible but I found that Aussie was the best by far, for her type of hair.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out

HI! I know that Walmart used to carry Mary Kate and Ashley conditioner. It would make my girls hair feel like silk...and stay that way. I haven't looked here in SC since I moved here to see if they have it yet but it's good.
Good luck!

My daughter wanted her's cut also and I didn't. We fought over it for the longest time. I gave in and we cut 11 inches off. When we cut it I found out about Locks of Love. It is a place that makes wigs for children that have cancer. We donated her hair and I felt alot better about it. Now when I look at that short bob that she wanted I don't see short hair I see that she gave of herself for another child. She has already said she is going to let it grow until we can donate it again. You might look into this and let her cut it. Remember it is only hair and it will grow back. Good luck.
M.

J.,

I have very thick hair, always have. When I was little, I had long hair & wanted it short. My mom had it cut & it did make things easier. I was the same way your daughter is. I hated my mom brushing my hair because it hurt. My advice, cut it, if you can get yourself to do it. I cut my daughter's hair to just over her shoulders (her hair isn't too thick so it looked good) & it made things so much easier. My husband hates it short, so he was the one I had to fight with. But, usually, shorter hair looks cleaner when it is not necessarily styled. It can hang & look nice. Although, I guess you do need to keep in mind how thick her hair is. If it's really really thick, then it will look funny if it is short. That's why, now, I keep mine long so that I can just put it in a bun, or a sloppy pony tail. Good luck & God bless!

Dear J.,

To be honest, your relationship with your daughter is a million times more important than the most beautiful hair could be.

I'm sure you don't want her memories of childhood to be of daily pain and arguments. It's a terrible foundation for a good adult relationship. Long hair is nice, but how could it be worth sacrificing her feelings of being loved and gently cared for?

J.

I am a hairstylist, and my firtst advice is to get a wide tooth comb you can find one at Sally's beauty supply or any beauty supply store. Never brush hair while wet use the comb it will make it alot easier. Start from the top never force the knots out.You can find better leave in conditoners to that will help at the beauty supply store or your hairstylist should be able to give you and idea. Her brother most likely is grabbing from the root of the hair and grabbing alot so it will not hurt like brushing that if not done right will hurt. Another idea is let her cut it, she might decide afterwards that she doesn't like it short and want to grow it back out. It will save alot of fighting with her. Good luck and I hope this helped.

J., Aussie sells a leave in conditiner. It is a spray pump and I get mine at Wal-Mart. Ir works pretty good on my daughters hair. If it is tangled in the morning have you tried pulling it up in a loose pony tail during the night? Try the Aussie before you give in.

R.

She doesn't want the long hair so she fights with you...who's head is it? Not to be mean, but she's not a doll for you to play with, but a person. I say this because my mom did the same thing to me and in 11th grade after I got my license the first thing I did (and I really mean 1st) was to drive to the hair dresser and chop it off. My mom and I fought A LOT during my teens years and my hair was always a problem. Don't cause this strain in your relationship, cut her hair, she may then feel like she had her way and grow it long again for you, so she feels she's in control.

How old is the child? If she is older I really think the haircutr should be her decision, it is only hair and will grow back. If she is younger though I wouldnt trust them to understand the permanant-ness of the choice so would go with your decision.

That said have you tried leave in conditioner instead of detangler? My 6 yr old has long hair, it is naturally curly but since it is down to her behind it is more wavy now. Problem with curly hair though is that it dries out easily and that really bothers brushing. First thing we did is switch to a good shampoo and conditioner. Baby and kids shampoos are very drying. We use the more expensive grocery store brands like Pantene, Tresemme, Thermasilk, Aussie, etc or Paul Mitchel. You also need to use a seperate conditioner not just a 2 in 1. Next if dry hair is an issue (and I find that is the biggest issue with combing, my older dd with straight hair has more oily hair and so doesnt get near the issues) try washing the hair less, just washing it is drying. Try every other day or less. For my daughters hair twice a week is about perfect. Then instead of using a kids detangler use a spray in leave in conditioner. Paul Mitchel makes one, Nexus may but we havent looked. We usually use Aussie or Pantene. IMHO the spray in conditioner makes the biggest difference. We werent as picky about hair over the summer so hadnt been brushing as thoroughly so werent using it and her hair got so dry and just messy looking and hard to brush. It got to the point that I even tried first Burts Bees Avocado conditioning treatment and then Pantene Deep Conditioning treatment, both helped but not near enough. But when we went back to using the spray you could see a huge difference after only a day and after a couple it was amazingly easy to do her hair.

Good Luck

Hi there J.. I also have a daughter that has long hair and I don't want to cut it. We have our issues in the mornings when it comes time to brush and style. Within the past few weeks, it has become obvious to me that while I want it long, it would actually be the sensible thing to cut it shorter. Time, effort and energy in chasing her down would become easier. AND it will always grow back! Hope this was helpful to you!

I know what you are feeling. My daughter is 7 and wanted her hair cut short. It was close to her bottom and my husband wanted it to stay long. We compromised and I cut abut 5 in. off of it. It is still shoulder length and looks a lot more healthy. We also had trouble with brushing it. Suave makes a spray on detangler that works great to help with making things brush easier. I know that the long hair is beautiful, but at some point you need to let them start making decisions towards their own styles. I know it hurts your heart, but you have got to let them go. Try to compromise with her and understand her feelings too. I hope this helps, good luck.

I still have thick hair and it can be annoying especially in the summer, but I don't see the problem with your daughter having it cut. If she really wants it cut, why not? It would save her alot of discomfort, and I think she would feel more responsible for herself and proud that she made the decision.