Seeking Help with Unruly Twins. Twin Moms Please Help!

Our twin boys are about the same age, so I hear you on the antics. Having said that, we don't see the extremes that you're mentioning unless we are completely out of routine (the holidays were crazy, so say the least). I think that the uphill battle that you're fighting here is quick response - if the daycare and grandparents don't reign them in immediately, you will really struggle to make it meaningful after the fact. Kids figure out VERY quickly what they can get away with - they know that you're strict, but it sounds like the others are only faciliatating their behavior. I'm a full-time mom (hate the SAHM term since we're never at home) so I can't speak from experience on the daycare issue, but I'm surprised that they're letting this occur. It would not be allowed to happen at our preschool. As for the granparents, do the kids like spending time there? If so, they need to know that they can only be there if they behave. Then you have to have a conversation with your folks - the first time that the twins act out, they need to call you to come pick them up (yes, immediately). I know it sounds harsh, but the only other option is for your folks to man up and discipline them while they're there. Same thing at the gym - they need to page you or however they reach you to yank the kids out of there immediately. Trust me, one or two times of removing them from something they enjoy (painful for the rest of the family if we miss something fun, but we need to follow through on what we say) and they'll realize that you don't tolerate that behavior anywhere...

Btw, I'm with you on the separation thing - the ONLY way that time out works in our house is in different rooms ;)

Hi, T.:
Today, the discipline of children is so much different than yesteryear.
Rewarding children for being good does not work.
Teaching children to be good because it is the right thing to do
works.
Punishment does not work either.
Taking away a child's comfort toy at night isn't kind.

Maybe the fact that you show up all the time confuses the children.
They may not listen to the teacher because they think you are going to set boundaries on them instead of the teachers.

Evidently, they are not being disciplined by you at home where you mean business.
There are support groups for moms of twins. See if there are any in your area.
Good luck.
D.

Mom of twins here...... I second 1-2-3 Magic. It's worked wonders w/ our girls (high energy!). The key is consistency with this program.... so IMO you're going to have to read the book, write up a synopsis of it and TRAIN everyone who works with your kids on the system so they are getting the SAME message/discipline throughout the day.

It's a REALLY easy system so it won't be hard for them to grasp or to execute. You mentioned the school psych. - get him or her on board w/ this and get him/her to tell the teachers to follow thru with this. You will be amazed at how quickly their behavior will turn around. Get any family members on board too! Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Mom of twins here too
Twins feed off of each other. They encourage each other to act out. This behavior should die down by the time they enter kindergarten. 1-2-3 magic didn't work for me. They'd count with me and laugh. Behavior chart worked some but not a lot. It was just me 12 hrs a day dealing with them so I know I was inconsistent. Their behavior was pretty bad and I thought I was raising spoiled children. Come kindergarten they matured. Now first grade, a whole different ballgame. I also suggest splitting them once they enter kindergarten. I didn't, so it took them a while to understand things are not allowed in school. I split them for first grade and they matured much better. So I say hang in there. This seems to be a twin trend. Maybe not but I survived it considering I kept them home with me until kindergarten. It was either that or insanity. I chose to 'wait it out.'

You are not a bad parent. You, school and day care need to have the same punishment , as well as your parents. Consistency everywhere they turn, will get the message across. Let school and daycare know what the punishment will be if they miss behave like taking their animals for bed time.. a few nights of follow through, should do the trick. But it also sounds like daycare needs to get a handle on them, You are not a bad parent as you said it yourself.. they are pretty good for you and your husband.. They are just pushing their limits.

Good luck

you need to get the book 1,2,3 magic. read it implement it and stick to it. They are getting away with this behavior because they can. You just have to figure out the rules (they should be short and to the point ex: no running in the house) and then figure out the consequence. ex: you wrote on the wall you will clean the wall and have a time out. once they realize you mean business they will straighten out. and if they are mimicing bad behavior from school you might want to put them in a different school.

Sounds like you could be firmer. My 5 year old wouldn't give a hoot about a removed stuffed animal (but she would also not do any of these things and she and her brother are quite the crazy team when they're allowed to be). Time outs are not strict either and lots of kids laugh at them. I don't know what your other consequences are, but I've never seen children with strict parents act this way at school. Ever. I'm strict, and my daughter is in class with kids who act like this, and their parents are not strict, I know them. Holy cow, especially if I was right there and could hear what they were doing?! NO WAY would my kids try it! Not trying to sound negative, but be encouraged, I think if you firm it up, you will see improvement.

Of course you are a loving mom who gives attention, and of course we could all give more attention in our hectic lives, but attention does not prevent bad behavior, and if consequences are firm enough, kids don't seek them.

Also, I totally disagree that the whole world should discipline your kids the same way. Mandy pandy things like distraction and time outs are for schools who arent' allowed to discipline (nor should they have to). Home is where you should be firm. If you are firm at home, no one else, especially at school, will have to discipline your kids.
You're saying 'We', so make sure dad is on board big time too.
Check out this site and if it's line with your style, get the great book.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com.