Seeking Help with 6 Month Old Self Soothing

I know my daughter feel asleep on her own better if she knew or at least thought we were right there. My husband and I would have conversations w/o looking at her or I would sit and read a book to myself or even pick up stuff around her room the who time not making eye contact with her and usually within about 10-15 min she was asleep. Another thing we did was to not go to her room right away when she woke up. We would let her play or just explore and get used to being on her own. I hope this is helpful. Erika S.

I wonder how many people in the 'six months is too young to self-soothe' camp are the ones that are struggling with sleep issues when their children are two and three years old. I think six months is plenty old enough for them to learn how to do it - they are MUCH more capable than we oftentimes give them credit for. Don't get me wrong, I still love to rock my baby to sleep some nights or before naps, but she also knows how to get herself back to sleep in the night when she wakes up, which is lovely as well. Laying him down while he's still awake is a big part of him learning how to do it on his own. He probably won't like it much but you'll appreciate the long-term results. Be consistent with bedtimes as well and he'll go down easier.

My son is 9 months old now and he just started sleeping through the night like a month ago. He had a nighttime bottle addiction lol.
I had to use the cry-it-out method and I thought it would break my heart to hear him cry, and it did to an extent, but it also felt soo good to know that he's be asleep soon. My boyfriend thought I was being really mean letting him cry..not like he went in there and did anything about it..but it worked finally.
Maybe you could try feeding your baby not long before bed time. Keep your baby as happy as possible throughout the feeding then give him a bath and keep him smiling. Do all the lotioning and stuff while keeping him smiling. But you also gotta keep a soothing tone just lots of smiles. After all that excitement he should be starting to get cranky and really tired and that's when you could probably give him the pacifier and lay him down. Turn on the music say goodnight and walk out. If he cries it probably won't be for long..especially if you use the nighttime lotion! Make a habit of that and before you know it he may be going to sleep more on his own!

It might not work but that's what worked for my son.

Good luck!! It's probably the hardest thing to accomplish EVER!! ;-)

Personally, I think 6months is too young to expect him to soothe himself. He needs the comfort and security of knowing you'll be there for him when he wakes up. I doubt he's learned that in 6months.

We still soother our 15month old to sleep, and she's the happiest baby on the block.

Not many people like the cry it out method. But it worked with my (now 2 year old) son. My daughter always soothed herself when going to sleep (she's 6 months). But good luck!

Although it may be an unpopular opinion I say keep rocking. They say to put them to bed sleepy and they should be able to put themselves to sleep from there. I say enjoy the moments. They grow so fast. I rocked (not in a chair but standing) all three of mine. I would be rocking and singing my almost two year old while I was almost 9 months pregnant and had a four year old on the bed falling asleep to my (awful) singing! I am convinced that is why they love to fall asleep together now at ages 9, 7 and 5. I wouldn't spend hours rocking him - make sure he is sleepy etc. but just use that time to speak wonderful things over him. Plant some seeds for the future - tell him he is going to be an amazing man and a great father, that he will have amazing friends and change the world, etc. I know it sounds silly but again they do grow so fast. Be blessed . .

put him down and let him go..... Give him his pacifier and put on his little music and let him cry or just drift himself to sleep. Good luck Love abby

Hi there,

6 months is very young to be expecting this. All children are different but I have found in raising 3 very independant children that 'over' soothing and let them push you away when they are ready.
My best advise for bedtime is get a set routine that either you or your husband does (so when you are working it will still work). Almost immediately after dinner, bathe him and bring him into your bed pick out a couple of books and wrap him up in your arms and read to him. At this age he will probably fall asleep, then take him to his bed, and do a little 'night night' routine with him say goodnight to all of his stuffed animals and tuck them in with him. Turn out the light, and then say a prayer over him, with soothing things in your prayer, asking for God to watch over him especially, and that he have sweet dreams (that kind of stuff), then kiss him and say good night and walk out of the room.
The more cuddling and attention you give them when they are young the less they will need when they are older, and they will be confident self assured children and adults.
I know it gets old but I promise you it won't last long enough when he is older you will be amazed how fast the time went and you will want it all back and more.
Try to initiate cuddle times instead of him always being the one who does so, this is another way to let him know that you need it too.
Allow your husband to understand this as well, because usually men are not raised this way.
Additionally, let him keep the pacifier basically as long as he needs it. I promise they won't walk down the aisle at their wedding with it! But, if you take it away to early, they will develop other worse social unacceptable habits, some like nail biting, or self rocking, or worse, all stem from lack of soothing when infants.
If he likes it for a long time, just yank it out of his mouth when he is talking, and then keep it just for naps and bedtime, or often when they get hurt they want it to calm down. It's ok, my oldest kept his till almost 3. But my second child liked her fingers better and we paid for four years of braces. You can ditch a pacifier, but not a thumb.

Best of luck and enjoy every minute of the time you have, this time invested will bring you a happier healthier, and more loving and kind child.

S.

This is really the right time to teach your child to fall asleep by himself. If you don't do it soon you may be in for months of sleep problems which will be harder to break as your child becomes older. First a good thing to do would be to encourage a "lovely", an age appropriate stuffed animal or blanket. Place the lovely near you so it picks up your smell when not in use by your baby. If you are breastfeeding place the lovely near the baby (same with bottle feeding)with feedings. The baby will associate the lovely with comfort and will have it in the crib instead of mom. Probably the quickest method would be the "cry it out method" such as the ferber method. If you don't feel comfortable with that method the sleep lady shuffle (google it, it has a book but i can't remember the name) is a similar method but not as strict. Remember, whichever method you choose you must be consistant. These little guys are really smart. Good luck!

Hi K.

I actually started having my son "self-soothe" at 4 months and it worked great! He's now 18 months and he knows at 8 its bed time and he sleeps in his own bed. I just let him cry it out and as much as it hurt me to do that I don't regret it becuase of the fact that it worked. He's a confident, independant little boy and I can't complain. I plan on doing the same with my newborn when he reaches 4-6 months.

Sweetheart,

What's the rush? WHY do you and your husband think it is time for your baby to soothe himself to sleep? You only have one child and you are a stay at home Mom. Are you saying that spending 10 or 15 minutes once or twice a day rocking your baby to sleep is just too time consuming? Do you have something more important to do? What is it you love about being a Mom if you think that rocking your baby is a waste of your time? Honey, he is just a baby, and will be until the age of two when he becomes a toddler. Believe me, they grow up all too fast. You should be looking forward to those times when you can just hold him and rock him. It's a special time FOR BOTH OF YOU. You get to rest and enjoy your precious baby and he gets to feel how much he is loved. What is the problem with that? That is valuable bonding time and there is NOTHING that is more important than that. Wait till he turns 14 and doesn't want to spend any time with you. You'll be wishing he was a baby again. Why do you young parents think that a child is supposed to be "on his own" by six months? Relax. Enjoy that baby. And rock him EVERY chance you get. Be grateful to God for every minute you can just hold him and rock him. Why should he soothe himself at six months? That's what he has a mother for. Parents today want to give up that responsibility as fast as possible and then they blame society when the kids go wrong. It wouldn't hurt your husband to spend some time rocking him either. Please, please, don't rush it. Let him be a baby and rock him as long as he'll let you. Abuela

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I'm the mother of four great kids.. also a stay at home mom (hardest job EVER!). All four of them had different ways and time schedules for self soothing to sleep. Part of that was me.. I loved the rocking and sometimes falling to sleep next to them. BUT, the best thing I can tell you is start a routine. With all of ours (the two youngest are 3 years old and 19 months old) we read a story or I sing (only to them because I can't sing, ha ha). Then I put them down. The youngest, Emily has trouble at nite. She cries for about 3 or 4 minutes but then falls asleep. GOOD LUCK!

Hi K.,

6 months is a little young to self sooth. Most likely your baby can't talk yet, crawl,stand up, self feed, or much of anything else. So it is hard for him to understand how to self sooth. I would recomend putting him down awake and sleepy. I do not recomend crying it out alone. If you do feel that he needs to figure it out stay in the room with him while he cries. It is painful but he will learn to fall asleep and then he won't feel left alone and stranded. But really 6 months with 15 minute rocking is normal. My son is 12 months and we are just letting him cry with us in the room and it is working well. I read a lot about crying out alone and with a parent. I would recomend the same thing. There is lot of great article on the internet. Good Luck

Hey Sister Consultant!!

My daughter is 6 months old as well (or will be on Sunday). I would just say to slowly decrease the rocking to sleep. Sometimes i just lay my daughter in the bed, and she'll lay there and play with her toes and then sometimes she'll just roll over on her side and goes to sleep. Sometimes we'll rock to sleep if she's really fussy because of the teething or not feeling well. He'll eventually get into a pattern where he doesn't need too much help to go to sleep.

Best
D.

I agree with Laurine and follow that same philosophy with my 7 month old only child (daughter). I figure she is going to grow up and the time will come when she feels too big to cuddle so I am going to soak up every second that I can now. Some people have commented that I hold her too much and it doesn't bother me because I tell them the same thing. "She is going to get too big for me to hold some day and not want to cuddle as much if at all so I am going to soak up as much as I can now while I can."

I think at 6 months he still needs the comfort and reassurance of this nightly ritual. As he gets older it will most likely change on its own as he becomes more mobile. It can later be replaced by a story and prayers perhaps. Enjoy these special moments with him while it lasts, and don't put yourself on a timetable as to when something in his growing years should change. Each child is different. You will find that they change on their own if you let things happen easily and naturally. God Bless!

Hi K.,

My 16 month old still doesn't like to sooth himself to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night. You're doing fine with using the pacifier and the classical music. I'd also try laying him down just before he goes to sleep and just talk to him while rubbing his belly if you put him his back or his back if you put your baby on his belly. I know that most people say put the baby on their back, but mine couldn't sleep that way, they spit up too much. I never had any problems with that. Also, try wrapping him up in his favorite blanket or one that is extra soft. Also try and special toy they cling to. If none of that works, then try letting him cry for about 5-10 minutes, no longer, then go in and calm him. It may take a couple of days, but he'll get used to you laying him down and he'll trying comforting himself. Just make sure he has something to comfort himself with like the blanket or toy. Good luck and remember that it will take a lot of patience and consistency to get your little one to learn to sooth himself. Good Luck.

Take it from a mother of 7, my oldest is 14 and my youngest is 1, they grow up way too fast so ENJOY your baby/mother cuddle/bonding time, plus you said he only needs 10-15 minutes. There will come a day when they won't need to cuddle with you and you'll wish you would have cuddled a little longer. I still cuddle with my 14 month old before nap time and bed. I know he's my last baby and I don't want to miss a second of cuddle time. As they get older the cuddle time gets sparse, not that they don't love you, they just need you in different ways. So savor your time with your baby plus he's only 6 months! You're not talking about a preteen. I try to find time to cuddle with all my kids, because every little second counts. Love, kind words and touches, bonding etc help with self esteem. Just think of what you're teaching him through your tenderness and taking time to give him attention.

It's wonderful to have such a cooperative baby forst. As a first time mom I had a really hard time with getting our first daughter to sleep. I am a pediatric OT adn asked the other ladies I worked with for advice. Several recommended a book to me called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth. I did not read it until our second child. It was fabulous. Not only did it go step by step on the how's, but it explained sleep patterns in depth. It covers children until they are 12 years old and came in handy as the older daughter got older. I have since used the principals with our third daughter. Our second daughter slept through the night from 3 months onward. Our third who is 10 months goes down great at 6 pm but gets up for a bottle at 4am. She is very underweight, so I do give her the extra night feed. I would really recommend the book. Even if you don't do everything it recommends, it has a lot of geat info about the children's sleep habits aand how and why they occur- best of luck!!

My name is J. I have two little of my own girls and have also ran an in home daycare now for 3 years. My thoughts for you are first make sure he is comfortable nothing hurting him. (If he is crying or unusually restless he might not be feeling well.) If he is healthy, this is what i have found to work really well. First, establish a nightly routine that best fits your family. For example, our routine is baths, snacks, read, prayers, brush teeth and potty, climb and daddy and finally rock with mommy while we sing 2 songs. You will figure out what is best for you. Then I put them in their beds, tuck them in and kiss them. The next part is very important especially when getting them to be self soothing, come back while he is crying every 3 min. and then about 2 times after he stops crying. Do exactly the same thing every time you come back, if you want to kiss him and lay him back down, whatever just as long as you do the same thing every 3 min. I know it sounds like hard work but it has definately paid off. It took my youngest about 1 week of crying for 30min- 1 hour and me coming back every 3 min. for her to get herself to sleep in about 6 min. The reason for being consistant is that they know what to expect. The 3 min. rule is for 2 reasons, one is anything longer than 3 min. is too hard for a child to comprehend let along an infant. The second reason for the 3 min. rule is it helps mommy and daddy get through the difficulty of letting baby cry, it gives them purpose and acts as a distraction.

Good luck, J.

K. - You are so smart to take this on at 6 months. I rocked my daughter well beyond that. We found that just laying her in her bed and letting her cry for a while worked the best. Don't get me wrong, it was heart breaking. I had many nights sitting outside her door crying myself. But now she never gets out of bed for anything (she is 7 yrs old), we lay her down say her prayers and turn off her light and we are out of there. Good luck!