Seeking Help And/or Advice on Parenting a Child with ADHD

I have a third grader that has ADHD also with her home work we set a timer she works for 15 min and then gets a 15 min break sometimes it takes a long time for her to get done but she gets it done. She is also on the ADHD patch and it seens to work better tan the pills do. Good Luck.

Hi V.,

My son has ADHD also and is now 28. I didn't leave him on his meds and wish I had of, but everyday around three he would crash and start crying. So we took him off of them in the second grade. He struggled through middle school and high school. He failed the 9th grade, but was a grade ahead so they put him in the 10th grade anyway. Then he failed the 12th and repeated it. He still graduated at 18 years old. I didn't tell you this to upset you. Only to let you know what I did. I really wish I would have kept him on the Ritalin, but after he was grown, we found out that he was also bipolar. He is very unique and smart and thinks like no one I have ever known.

When he was in kindergarten, the teacher said he had a hard time focusing and would forget where he was on his work, because he would look out the window at a bird, etc and go back to the page and forget what he was doing. She wanted me to take him to a psycologist that tudored kids. I did take him for the summer and she had him reading at second grade level before he ever started the first grade. He was having problems understanding how to read and then he "got it" and he soared. He was tested in the second grade and he was reading at 7th grade level and then in 5th grade he was like 11th grade level. He is really smart and can do some of the dumbest things I have ever seen and he is now 28. Don't give up on him. He is worth all of the anguish that you sometimes feel.

Have you ever considered home schooling? I see you are a stay at home mom and this may be a possibility. Each child learns differently and I have 3 that each learn differently. My middle son is in the 4th grade and is 9 and he learns so much differently from his sister who is 11 and in the 6th grade. my son is more the hands on learner. He can verbally recite his spelling words, but ask him to write them down, can't do it! Same with math, can verbally recite the answers, but just doesn't want to write them down. I know you have 5 kids, but that can't stop you from taking the time and trying this, especially if your son is behind. The school system doesn't really care what grade level your children are on as long as they get numbers -- number of graduates, high numbers on test scores, high numbers of kids in each class, etc. Public school isn't going to recommend this because for each student that is in public school, the system gets $10,000 per student from the state/government. Home schooling is not as hard as you think and we are done with school by noon each day and start at 9 or 9:30. the curriculum I use is very self explanatory and even my daughter self teachers herself on most subjects. Your son may need just that one on one time to learn. If you would like more information, please let me know. R.

Hi there! I feel your pain... just click on my name and you can read some of the ADHD advice I've given. Homework has been a nightmare in the past. Medication has made a HUGE difference, but we went that route after exhausting everything else. Concerta is what worked for us... as I understand it, it's Ritalin that's time released so your child will still feel the effects after school! Still, get your son on a quality diet with low food additives and high protein. When helping with homework, everytime your son goes off track (mine would start conversations about anything but homework) I would cut him off and say "That's great and we can discuss that later, but we are not talking about that now. Now we are talking about (math)." Help them stay on track without judgement. When we loose our patience (and God knows I have at times) they do start to loose self esteem and "give up" if they are attacked (like saying "You are driving me crazy!" or "Would you get your act together?") That's not to say there aren't consequences, but attack the PROBLEM and not the child. "Boy, you've got a lot on your mind, but we have to get back to (math) now!"
Rewards can be a great idea, but not for my son. He'd get discouraged when a treat he really wanted was, in his mind, out of his grasp. Upon mentioning a reward and a reasonable way to get it, he'd cry and say he'd never be able to do it. High praise for small victories was a better route. He'd feel accomplished and not defeated before he started (and we'll give him a reward every once in a while when we catch him "being good.")
There are several good books, but look up the author, Daniel Amen. He explores the medical reasons for ADHD (a pre-frontal cortex brain issue and NOT a behavioral problem that you can get them to just change upon will.) Good luck!

i dont know how to explain it to ya,but i know just how you feel,i have a 9 year old who has bi polar,adhd,and odd,and ccc..we deal with it day in and day out..its really hard..but they can get them on meds that help the right way..our little boy takes ritalin la..40 mg in the morning..a 0.5 mg risperdal in the morning and a methlyn..10 mg at lunch time..and another risperdal at night with clonidine..he struggled with school as well..he should be in the 4th grade but is only in the 3rd grade..after making the doctors listen to us as the parents he is now on the straight A honor roll..dont get me wrong...he does great in school with his grades now but he still has the other problems as well..he is more of a 1 on 1 child..anytime you wanna talk let me know..i am telling you..i know exactly what ur going thru..and we have 4 other children ourself as well..it can be a nightmare at times..and its really not the childs fault cause sometimes they just dont even realize what they r doing wrong if they r at all even..you can chat with me online as well if ya like..my messenger is ____@____.com take care and best of luck..

IF he is failing in school, it sounds like the school is not supporting him (therefor failing HIM).

http://www.publicschoolreview.com/articles/31

The above link is to an article that discusses getting support from your child's school. There is a reference section at the bottom. I am quite certain that these things can help you at home as well.

Advocate for your son. Get him the help he is entitled to from the source it should be coming from. I'd recommend finding a tutor, as well. If helping your son yourself proves too frustrating, it is not beneficial to either one of you.

Help is out there. You can do it.

When my son was in k-3 we used a rewards system at home for work at school. We started in kindergarten with the teacher giving him a smiley or sticker for every 30 minutes he behaved, he then went to an hour and by third grade he was able to do half a day. Then at home I gave him chocolate milk for good behavior at school.
I also used a timer and set it for 15 minutes and he would try to get his homework finished but honestly that didn't work all that well for us. I've heard with some it does work though. You set the timer for an amount of time, say 15 minutes, and he works on math or whatever then he takes a break and runs around for 10 minutes, then set the timer again and he does something else or completes what he didn't finish.
Let him stand at school near his desk.
At home be consistent at all times. I know this is tough. We kept having babies while mine was struggling but we found that the more rigid we were the better he thrived.
My son was on medication for three years but we found it did not work for us or him. He was always a zombie. The school actually forgot to give him his meds one day and he was such a basket case coming down from them. So I said no more.
Have you been to the doctor and had a complete physical? When my son was diagnosed we found out he couldn't see past his nose to save his life. So glasses helped.
And remember Einstien, Newton, Lincoln, Franklin? THese guys all had ADHD so he is in good company. Einstein actually failed school too.

Everybody has given great advice. I thought I would also mention that you might want to look for some ADHD yahoo groups to join where you can get even more advice from other parents in this situation. You might even consider the reversingautism group because adhd is part of the spectrum just like autism, and anything we do to help our kids would help all kids on the spectrum.

Consider removing all red food coloring from his diet for sure, it makes my son very hyper and I have met other parents that say the same thing. Also consider an all organic diet. Sally Fallon's book Nourishing Traditions is good.

Good luck and remember to praise him when you catch him doing something good, as he must be really getting discouraged with himself also.

Hi V.,
I just want you to know that I, too, have "been there" with my ADHD middle child. He's now 21.
I'm sorry to say that he was never able to do his homework, and I was never able to sit down and help him, unless he was medicated.
You mentioned that you have tried medication. Were your son's medications effective? Or, are his medication levels at effective levels after school when it's time to do homework?
His medications may need adjusting.
Whoever prescribed his medications initially needs to know that he is losing his focus after school and he can't do his homework.
We also had good results from Michael working with a psychologist in grade school.
Good luck with this. I feel for you.

My daughter has ADHD and medication really helped her pay attention and learn at school, the school provided an (IEP)Individual Education Plan which gave her extra help from exceptional children's teachers, and we have a private tutor help her once a week. She has caught up to grade level now after almost two years of medication and this other help. I help her with some of her school work, but she really benefits from professionally trained teachers who have educational strategies I don't have training in, and they don't have the same kind of power struggle that parents and children sometimes have. All kids are different, and you said you've tried medication. Our pediatric neurologist has been very helpful and gave us advice for an overall plan of action. Your doctor, not necessarily a pediatrician but a pediatric neurologist, should be able to help you with a plan for your son, and they would be the one who you should consult as your primary resource since it is a medical condition and they would have examined your son. I know there are always new medications coming out and there are different classes of medications and some of them work better on some kids whereas another will work better on other kids. We were lucky that metadate worked for my daughter, but the doctor said there were many other options to try. ADHD is a neurological condition, and I do think my daughter would be lost without her medication.

I have shared your frustration as well! My son is in 3rd grade in a public Montessori program. Since he was in 1st grade, he has had focusing issues, etc. We were asked to have him evaluated and it was determined that he had a mild cognitive disorder: NOS, mild anxiety, that affects his sequencing, and processing. He had tendencies of ADD and Autism but not diagnosed with it.
The GOOD NEWS!! He is doing so much better! They are calling him a success! He is on grade level in reading/ writing and above grade level in math. He met the score for the pre-EOG and they expect that he will pass the post-EOG in the spring. He has socially become more well rounded and coming out of his passivness and becoming confident.
All of the above has been with the help of Occupational Therapy for children with KIDSABILITIES (____@____.com),workshops for organization, Omega-3, Multi-B, vitamin called ATTEND by Vita, aromatherapy by Kaliana, his school intervention team/ teachers, providing him the tools to be successful: individual sport (swimming, track, etc), a watch with multiple alarms to set as a reminder/ trigger to get back on track/ recall, Colored pocket folders for each subject one side is work to be done while the other is work completed to be turned in. The teacher has the same system in a larger notebook at school too. We are also in constant communication with the teachers, school social worker/ pscycologist, occupational therapist tweaking our approaches. His room has been decorated with colors that he likes and that we actually like too. One wall is a chalkboard, magnetic boarder all done with paint. We use it to write lists that he can check off. He also does this now for things he does not want to forget. His desk only has the essentials with everything else put way/ organized.

Now for you, you are a great parent! Do not beat yourself up. The first step was realization the second was asking for help. He will be successfull because of YOU!

Dear V. S.,

I am a mother with 3 children who all have ADHD. My middle child, a 7 year old girl, is also bipolar.

I understand your frusteration. Although my children have somewhat different symptoms, the best advice I could give you is to find all the outside help you can get. Check with colleges that offer an adolescent psychiatric degree. When we lived in PA, we were able to participate in a genetic study of ADHD. It offerred a thorough diagnosis that helped us find out all we were dealing with. I'm sure you know about all the other things that can pop up with ADHD. For instance, my children deal with Oppositional Defiance Disorder as well as depression and anxiety.

When we moved to NC, I was so worried I would not be able to find good psychiatric care. Call your local hospital and get a reccomendation. Then also get a good counselor, not only for your son, but for your family. I've had wonderful success!

It seems that the school should be doing more to help your son with a plan/extra help. I sympathize as I know how hard it is to be a child advocate. They should be helping with additional services, especially if your child is having such a hard time.

My mom tutors children for their AP's in foreign languages. She has tutored several ADHD students and told me that her approach to help them must be totally different. For instance, they must be allowed to constantly move. I know one year for my oldest, that's what the teacher did to help him.

I don't think I would be getting such positive results if I hadn't had such wonderful psychiatric care for my children. Mine have to take meds. We tried my oldest without for one grading period and he went down a whole letter grade and also experienced problems with authority. For my daughter, she needs a specialized cocktail. I met with her psychiatrist today to change her ADHD med today, because her behavior is beginning to affect her academic performance. One thing I've noticed that may also help with you is that she will now take Concerta which will last 12 hours instead of 8 to make her afternoons and evenings more focused (help with homework!)

I hope I haven't been too long winded and have been able to help. You are doing the right thing! Reward charts didn't work for my kids either! Just keep supporting your child the way you have been. Continue to keep things structured. The schools my children have attended provides them with a day planner which is great.

Bottom line from me - get help from everyone and get a good psychiatrist. The first visit with the psychiatrist should last at least 1 hour and followups at least 30 minutes. If they push you off with a 15 minute med check, beware.

If you have any other specific questions for me, feel free to email me.

J.

Hi,

My son is 7 and has ADHD. We have tried 3 different medications with him until this past August. We got a new family doctor who prescribed him Staterra. He is also homeschooled by an online public school the money they get is from our local district. The online school sent him a computer just for schoolwork, a printer with a scanner, copier. They reimburse us with a monthly check for internet access and have the option of having a tutor. It has taken us 3 years to get him help he needs. Finally at the end of the school year last year, his teacher recommended that he be tested for learning disabilities. The school sent someone to our town where we met her in the local library, it took 2 1/2 hours to complete the testing. The school paid for it. Let me tell you it was well worth the time. We now know part of his problems is with the academics and the fits he gave us. He has an Individualized Education Plan and a teacher that works directly with him one on one. I am very happy with his teacher who has done wonders with him just by working with him on the phone and by computer. She calls it reteaching his brain. He has some dyslexia, and in just a few short lessons he has started reading her short sentences. We also had his eyes checked and he needs to wear glasses. In combination with the medication, the IEP, his new teacher and glasses we have made great strides. Trust me, I can understand the frustration you feel. It has been a struggle for us too. Your son may need one on one with a teacher. We tried Ritalin and Adderall. The Adderall made him extremely nasty. The Ritalin just made him be in a stupor or be even more hyper. The Staterra has put him on an even keel. Now he is coloring and staying within the lines.

I don't have 1st hand experience with ADHD, but I have a friend that has a child that was diagnosed and low and behold she found a Dr. near her in Tulsa OK that determined it to be a EYE problem, not ADHD. Apparently when her daughter was reading her eye had trouble moving from the end of the sentence to the beginning of the next sentence, frustration set in with the daughter, she started acting out in school, grades were suffering, she starting getting restless etc... all the symptoms of ADHD, but yet it was a eye problem... Might be worth looking into. Her daughter was 11 years old when they diagnosised her and she had no syptoms prior to this. Hope this helps

Hi V.,
Sometimes individuals with ADD need more stimulation not less so they get a hyperfocus. Also, rhythm (intrumental) while working on academics may be helpful.

Check out our Website www.learningrx.com/Charlotte we are a brain training facility that works on attention, memory, logic/reasoning, auditory and visual processing, processing speed, and building reading skills. About 40% of the studentts we see have ADD/ADHD.

I hope the two suggestions on top will be helpful

V. Parker, Ph.D
Learning Rx
7221 Pineville-Matthews Rd. Ste 100
Charlotte, NC 28226
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www.learningrx.com/charlotte

Hey, Good Morning!!! My daughter is ADHD...and the way that I help her to concentrate is to give her a piece of gum to chew. Her doctor suggested it to me...because as long as her mouth is busy chewing her piece of gum, her brain can concentrate on her school work. It also helps with chores. I also put on some music for her to hum too...it seems that ADHD children can multi task pretty good....singing and doing homework...keeps up with them, so they can sit still. I have even sent a note to school and a pack of SUGAR FREE (please make sure it is sugar free!) gum and they let her have two pieces a day and it seems to help overall. Also, look into food coloring in foods....food coloring red and blue causes problems with ADHD children....you might want to research it. Good luck and I hope that this might work for your child a s well!!!

S.

HIRE A TUTOR!!!!
Scrape together any money you can and cut back where ever you can to afford it!! I am a Mom who FREELY admits ( as many won't) it is DIFFICULT to be a tutor to your own child!! My daughter has had tutors since the 3rd grade and now she is in 7th..gets all a's and b's and I STILL have a tutor once a week! It is worth giving up a pedicure, haircut or night @ the movies to give her the help she needs. He may also need medication for ADD or ADHD, but he needent be on it forever..my daughter stopped taking it around 11 and is fine.
good luck..I feel your pain, but got through it..so will you!

Please take a long look at www.Feingold.org. Feingold is a 30yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about petroleum-based artificial ingredients in our food supply. These harmful additives cause ADD, ADHD, OCD and many other behavioral, emotional and physical side effects. Feingold is a leading authority on this subject. They were a Godsend for our family. Best wishes.

You need to run, not walk, to a parents' support group. Look in your yellow pages for CHADD or your local mental health center where you can at least get a name of a group. Have you googled "Parents of ADHD kids" yet? You are not the only parent who ever went close to bonkers dealing with this, and it's too much to try to do alone. Good luck!

Have you talked with the special education teachers at your son's school? I am one, and often work with parents to come up with strategies that are particular to the child. If he is failing in school, have accomodations/modifications been tried with him in class? Does he have a behavior tracking chart or behavior contract? This often helps not only with his immediate behavior, but also helps children learn to self-monitor. He very well may qualify for more help at school through an IEP because he could possibly qualify as a child with an "other health impairment" because of the ADHD. Good luck.

I can understand what you are going through. Although my children do not suffer from this (that I know of yet anyway) I used to be a teacher in Kindergarten and saw firsthand the battles ADD and ADHD children have.

I have some great testimonials of things that may help you. However, I didn't want to post them on here as they are sooooo long. lol

So, if you would like to hear of some awesome Vitamins and Supplements that are all-natural and might help your child....please private message me with your personal email address so I can send it to you. Or I guess I could send it through here. Either way, let me know.

That goes for any other moms on here also.

Good Luck and take care!
R.

Hang in there, V.,

You are catching this, and that is what counts!!

My son, 15, has ADHD (not helped by medication) and I know those afternoons (into the evening) when I say I am "leading him by the nose ring," tugging him through EVERY LITTLE PIECE of his homework and around EVERY LITTLE distraction, all the while holding on to my own sanity by my fingernails.

ADHD qualifies your son for an IEP, and Individualized Education Plan (or its first cousin a 504 Plan) through which you can modify his classroom circumstances (different kids have different learning styles, and it may take and IEP to require that your kid is taught in the way he learns best) and modify his homework. There are many ways to fine-tune his plan to meet his needs.

Because he has learning issues, it is not fair that he spend twice as long on his homework as the next kid (for him OR for you! There is definitely a point of declining returns...) and a talk with his teacher and counselor can get you on a track to help him BOTH by easing up on expectations AND helping him manage his ADHD with specific learning strategies.

Be proud of yourself that you have caught it, and persevere (for BOTH your sakes) to get the help he needs. All the books say you are your kids' best advocate...and you definitely are. I feel like a full time advocate for my 3 kids, all with minor learning issues, but at times you would think I am asking the schools to move mountains!!! Stay diplomatic and persistent until you get what you need.

One more thing, you might consider finding a tutor for him, or a teacher willing to help him with his homework after school. When I finally (when he was 13!!) decided that someone else could do the job better than I (despite the fact that I am a gifted teacher, with OTHER people's kids) we both relaxed: I could just be his mom and not his nagging teacher! It also helps a LOT to have other people see what you see after school during the homework scene.

Hang in there, ---H.

Everyone learns differently. I have three sons. Only one of them can just read it and understand. Even then its not all the time. Most things need to be learned hands on as well as reading or being told. My oldest son is ADD. He struggled with book work also. We set time limits. We had to work on the math, reading etc... for 15-30 minutes. We would set the timer. I also had to make sure there were no distractions, TV,radio other people talking, moving around. Sometimes we had to do the timer for 2-3 sessions to get all the work finished. I would also talk to the teachers about other things to do. I know it is a fustration but this to shall pass. Good Luck

I would get him to a psychologist or someone that could get him the meds that he needs to help him. What I mean by that is someone that will help him find what works for him. THere is no sense in failing if it could be avoided. In the mean I would try getting him exercise. Take him out and run him...run with him... something to really wear him out. Also get on the internet. They have special diets for adhd also. You can find what they are supposed to eat and not supposed to eat. And at the health food store there are herbs that help you focus. I would try any and everything if I were you.